Question for Moms of 3...each Being a Year Apart in Age...

I nanny'd three boys from the birth of the oldest until the youngest's 5th birthday - at that time, they were 5, 6, and 7 (one month from 8).

Once there is more than one - do you ever really feel like you get to spend enough time with them? You're always stretched for time between the play time and the work load that increases with each child.
Same thing with being left out - yeah, generally if you're spending one on one with one, then two are feeling left out. Games between all 3 - especially the same gender - are helpful with this, and it passes with age. The young one is going to demand more time until they're 2 or so, but then they integrate.

As for college - my parenting experience is 3 full time kids and a step, currently 2, 5, 11, and 13. There is a commmunity college close to here where tuition currently runs about a grand a semester, not including grants and scholarships or loans. My husband and I have set as our goal having enough put aside to pay for 3 years at that CC per kid - at 3 grand a year right now, including tuition and books - it is something that we can pay at the time, if our saving falls short. Our children can then save the rest through working in High school and college, or by getting grants, scholarships, and student loans. If they want to go to a bigger school, they will have to get there through grades and hard work - not guilt trips.

I worked my way through school - my parents paid for nothing. I knew going in that if I lost my scholarship, I'd be careering it without an education - and I did not drink or party in college. That was a direct contradiction to the majority of my dorm mates, and sometimes I felt left out - but it is the educational experience I want for my kids. My husband partied through his freshman year on his parent's dollar. He still doesn't have a college degree.

Hi K.,

I have three and the first part of your question, Yes, I do have time for each and everyone of the kids the children are special in there own way you love them all the same but you have a special way with each one theirs your first born you will always have that special bond with that one, the second one will be the middle child(the one left out most times) I found that I give that one little more to do to make him not feel left out I tell him that I couldn’t have done it without him the 1st one is my girl she is very independent but my middle child is stuck on mom he is always asking if there is anything he can do and instead of saying no I give him something to do that wont take but 2 seconds but it makes him feel important that he could help. The 3rd child this child is my baby I spend more of my time with him seeing how he IS the baby he’s 9 month and him and my middle child are very close I let the middle child feed him and change diapers
(When he wants to) very seldom but again it makes him feel like I couldn’t do it without him. I let each one of them help with dinner except the 9 month old.

Now the second question, If a child feels left out its because people make him feel that way maybe you aren’t doing something like let him help or praise him enough kids have to feel needed or they just sit around moaping feeling left out if your child comes up to you and wants you attention right then it only takes a few min to hear a question now depending on what it will take to answer that question is up to you, if it is going to take a few more min that you think set that time aside and do what needs doing. I hope this doesn’t sound bad.

3r question, College is along way off you have plenty of time to save BUT, again as your last reader told you there are student loans to help BUT, make every effort to get your children in actives at school and hope they will do great and if they are great at it they could get a 4 yr scholarship, or a grant to help pay their way there are lots of ways to get things you need done check into government programs like, if your husband is in the military or if one or both of you are American Indian they have programs out there that will help you with school but what me and my husband have done we are putting money in a roff IRA educational account it is tax free when you go to use it they won't tax you if you use it to go towards their education.

I hope this will help you, My husband and I are planning our forth child so I have been where you are and are going I don’t feel like I will not be able to give each child the time they need I spend time with each and everyone of them in their own way it is up to you weather your child feels left out or as the saying goes the middle child syndrome.

God Bless

T.

Hi K.!
I have 3 children who are older now. They are not 1 year apart but I feel like I can answer your questions.

No, there is never enough time in the day. Children adjust. Just love and kindness and discipline. They get used to each other and it's just "family life" at its best.

I don't feel that any of mine got left out in any way. But they each had different experiences. The eldest got my full attention for 2 years....then, his brother came along and he tagged along....but love tagging along, if that makes any sense. I got alone time with him when his brother was off doing something else.

When my daughter came long, she is my 3rd child, she loved being a "big shot" hanging around with her brothers and all their activities. We got a big slot of alone time when her brothers went off to college.

Along the way, there is always time for "alone time" with each one. You are blessed to be concerned about this and sounds like you are a great mother.

As far as college, start saving now and when they are teens and start working, they must contribute a portion of their paycheck to their college savings. That is how we did it. My middle child has one more semester and my daughter will be done in 2 years, so God is so good and great to us! Let me know if I can answer any other qustions. God bless.

I have two boys (one will be 3 next month, and the other is almost 15 months) and a girl (2 months). They will be three years in a row in school. I love it. I think I get enough time with each, although I do sometimes feel that my 1 year old needs more than I'm usually able to give him because he doesn't talk as much as his brother and isn't helpless like his sister...I just have to make more of an effort to make sure I give him a ton of attention. Anyway I love love love their ages because they are really good friends. The boys are even really sweet to the baby. No jealousy issues. I think as they get a little older no one will be left out because we won't have an infant anymore who needs so much more one-on-one. I paid my way through school with scholarships, and am currently paying completely with grants. We'll do what we can to at least provide each with a car or something like that, but I'm not really worried about it. I think people worry too much about college. It'll work out.

Well, I have a 3 year old (JUST turned 3), 18 month old, and 5 month old.
The answer to your questions...

NO. I never feel like I have enough time. I don't spend the amount of time with each that I would if I only had one, however, they have eachother and a daddy to entertain them. I spend one on one time with each nursing boo boos, playing in the playroom or reading before bedtime, but I occasionally feel that my son (the 18month old) gets left out a little. He's not as independant as my 3 year old and not as needy as my 5 month old (whom I'm still nursing) so he often has to wait his turn.
As for college, we have a college saving plan for the kids (about $75 a month) and plan on using my husband's 401K to pay the remainder. We won't allow our kids to work durng school, but are no opposed to them getting student loans to pay in the future.

I assume you are considering having a 3rd soon. Having 3 in diapers is hard, but I know my kids will be close and good friends.

I hope that helps.

i have a 4.5, 2.5 & 1 yr old - all boys. i wouldn't have it any other way! the third pregnancy was so hard with basically having 2 babies to take care of. now that the baby is 1, it is getting better, but i will not lie - it is HARD - especially the first year. I think i had more bad days some weeks than good. lots of tears just b/c of the guilt of not being able to fully provide for any of them at the same time. but it is getting better - it takes a while for everyone to find their place, if that makes sense. I stay at home too and I think you can have quality time with each one, but it has to be intentionally planned... with the help of your husband too. It is definitely a challenge, but for ex, I will go to the grocery in the evening and take just one with me - if it's the oldest, we will go through the carwash on the way. he loves that! i just try to make the best of small periods of time... no tv, music, just try to engage in talking with the oldest, playing eye to eye with the other 2. nap times only coincide about 1-2 times a week, so i try to use that time to pay special attention to the one that is awake. at times, i do feel one is always left out - the middle :( - BUT i must say with them so close together, in a few years, it will be easy to do a common project , outing, etc b/c they will be at similar interest/attention levels. my hope is that they are best friends, but we'll see... ha ha! our plan for college has already started.. we opened up 529 accounts the year each was born and have a direct deposit going into all 3 each month. it is not a ton, since i'm not working, but it is a start. my dad said the given the projected costs, parents should be putting in about $250-$350/month PER CHILD (eek) in order to provide a 4yr education w/ expenses at a state school. once the boys are in elem school, i hope to work so that we can be fully prepared for college expenses. of course, we are planning on paying for it all, but also hope that they can get some kind of scholarships...bonus! good luck, they are a blessing!!

My three are 20, 21, & 22. Not only am I very close to each of them, but they are very close to each other. They have similar interests, and have gone through so many stages together. I feel like I gave them each individual time, and I think they probably didn't think so at the time, but do now. As for college, they attend a community college. They pay for courses and books. If they save receipts and get A's & B's, we reimburse them at the end of the semester. (My oldest got married, and thus declared independence, so she's "off the payroll") It's hard, but we manage. Since two of my three are girls, prom was a big deal! I wouldn't change the number of kids, or their spacing apart if I had it to do over again! What a blessed life!

Hi K.,

You remind me of me about a year ago. :) I was going around and around on having a third child. I decided to go ahead and do it and now have 4 boys - 3 1/2, almost 2, and twin 3 month olds. So, while I can't answer your question regarding having 3 and if one feels left out, I can tell you that I am so glad I decided to do it. I wouldn't have it any other way and everyone I've known who has 3 or more feels the same way. Yes, I feel stretched sometimes, but it all ebbs and flows. Some days you don't have time to sit down one on one for a long time if at all, and others you can make a special time with one child. You do what you can when you can. It's the little things that matter to children - you never know what they're going to think was so special when they are grown up. I remember being tucked in at night, and I know that didn't take too much time or energy from my parents, but it made a difference to me.

About college, we started a 529 for each child. We're not putting too much in, just a little a month, but it's a start. Just be sure you are saving for retirement before you put away for kid's college. You can get loans for college, not for retirement. (A little something I took away from Dave Ramsey.)

Good luck on your decision! It's a tough one to make, but one that when you make it will feel right for you and your family.
C.

I love my 3 kids. They are now 15B,11B and 9G. The last one was not planned by Dad and I, but she has been a blessing. They are all so different. The 15 year old has always been involved in school stuff and is now in the band and works. The 11 year old has always played soccer til last year and we discovered he was doing it to please Dad. The baby is a true soccer player and loves it. Trying to get all 3 to different places is a challange, but we tag team with Nana. That gives me time to spend with each one and Nana and Dad get there time.
It does seem the middle one gets left out a little more. I try to do more with him. He likes to just go grocery shopping with me. We walk around the block together. I play computer games with him. It works! I would not trade it for anything.
The down side is Nana is the only grandparent local. She will take all 3 at once, but perfers not too. So Dad and I haveing date night has gone by the wayside for a while.
As far as college, they all 3 know we will help anyway we can. The grandparents that do not live close, send money for birthdays and holidays. When they were younger, it all went in savings. Now we give them half. I am so proud of my oldest one, he has put 90% of his money from his job in savings. Again, I love being a Mom and I think that helps!

My 3 are 15, 16 and 17.

Three feels like a family to me... two would be so boring... but I just can't imagine having stopped at two.

It is a circus at times, and there's never enough time ever, but all of mine get attention and they would all say the other ones get more.... which I think is typical.

When they were little I spent 15 minutes each night with them individually. Doesn't sound like much but when you have a busy day, 15 minutes is alot and they were the sole focus for that 15 minutes. As they got older we went on an outing 1 time each month, like shopping or to the movies, with just 1 child.

College.... we'll make it, somehow. We have a small savings for them. State colleges are very reasonable. And as someone else said, there's community college too.

No one paid for my college, I paid for it by working my way through, so I was never worried about it for my kids. We'll pay for it somehow. I did not take out student loans either when I was in school, not till my graduate program and that was when I had 3 kids and not a lot of extra money, so I needed the loan.

Good luck, 3 is fun and the closer together the better as far as I'm concerned.