Pretending Getting Out of Hand?

I think some emagination is a good thing, but sometimes it can become destracting. It is a good idea to talk to her counselor so that she is aware of what is going on & see if any issues are causing it.

I remember my baby brother having an imaginary friend & my mom had a spot at the table for him to sit at dinner w/ us. She would even put a plate & cup there for his friend. But it was something we worked through w/ him... his friend appeared after we lost our brother (which was 2 yrs older then my baby brother). Both the boys were together when the accident happened & we lost our brother - so my baby brother saw it happen. His friend helped him deal with what happened... so for us it might be a lot different then your daughter's situation.

Follow your heart - as a mom, you do know best for your child. If you do that - everything will be fine.

Glad you're talking to your counselor. My oldest had imaginary friends (actually, a pack of elephants) among other things. In our situation, it was very healthy! The stories she writes now are absolutely incredible--it was just an early peek into an extraordinary, creative mind. Find ways to tap into it!

From what you said -- It sounds like she's using these imaginary friends as an excuse to break the rules. I would have a sit down and say it doesn't matter who "tells" her to do something, or what her friends want - she's still expected to mind the house rules and she will still be disciplined for breaking them. Tell her they need to mind the rules too - you can be supportive and enjoy her imagination, but its not a free ride to be destructive, sneak out of bed and get into things.

I don't think she's a bad child - just testing limits like kids do. I wouldn't worry about the imagination, but it certainly can't hurt to mention to the counselor.

I don't think there's anything wrong with her imaginary friends. However, as someone else mentioned, I wouldn't let her blame them for things she does wrong. But aside from that it's great that she's using her imagination, I think many kids these days seem to be lacking this ability.

It couldn't hurt to mention it to the counselor and see what they think. What you've described doesn't seem out of control, but if your intuition is telling you this isn't right, then it probably isn't.

My 8-year old SD likes to pretend a lot too. She'll make up "tall tales" and tell other people.

She also blames anything bad she does on anyone else that is around. So if she's at Mom's house everything is blamed on the sister. If it's our house she blames the cat!! I think if it occurred to her to do so she'd probably blame imaginary friends too.

I think at age 8 they have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions. If she loses something it's because WE didn't watch it. If something breaks it's because the cat did it. We've curbed this happening by:

1. Not accepting her blaming someone else. We just tell her "blaming someone else for your actions is not acceptable"

2. We make her apologize to that person. If it's the cat we make her apologize to the cat!

3. We try to use "natural consequences" as punishment. So when she forgot her asthma spray she wasn't allowed to participate in gym and she had to sit and watch everyone else.

4. We try to watch how WE place the blame. As adults we set the example for her. Hearing us place blame on others just sets a bad example. We try to show her how we make mistakes, own up, and then fix it.

5. We try not to focus on "who did it" but rather how is it going to get fixed? Sometimes it's not necessary to point fingers.

I think this is probably typical 8-year old behavior. Helping her to take responsibility for her actions will stop the blame game!

Does that help?

Consult the counselor and you might consider more indepth evaluation. It is not the existence of the imaginary friends, it is how she is using them that is troublesome. Being able to use your imagination for enterainment is fine, but when they are an excuse for doing things (or misbehavior) and it is setting her appart from her peers and drawing the attention of adults, it is something that should be dealt with in a theraputic environment.

Good luck,
M.