Please Help - Arlington,TX

You've gotten a lot of great advice! I don't envy you and certainly cannot relate, as I have 2 girls, ages 2 & 4. What is concerning is your husband's attitude. The most important thing for this situation to have a positive impact on your son, is that you and your husband agree to the punishment and talk to him together and openly. Without your husband's support and assistance, your son will continue to do this. I think I would talk to your husband quickly about having a "united front" and what needs to be discussed with your son on this delicate topic, and how it needs to be approached. Your husband needs to understand how important it is that he supports your actions, so that your son will take heart. Best of luck to you.

You have had mixed reactions.

I do NOT think you are over-reacting.
However, I do think all the extra chores are extreme.
The consequence should be relevant to the "crime."
So taking the computer away, in my opinion, is very fitting!

When your husband says "boys have sex, big deal."
It is a BIG DEAL.
Who does he think these boys are having sex with?!?!?!?!
Girls!
And as a mother of only girls, I do thank you for caring about what your son does when you're not around.
And you're right!
You said you "don't want him dating anymore. I feel if he's going to disrespect females by watching them disrespect themselves, then theres a greater potential of him trying to reinact what he saw when he is alone with a female."

Teaching your son the appropriate way to treat women is great! And much appreciated (as I said before) by a mother of girls.

The previous post with all the links is great!
Also consider Love and Logic. Their website is www.loveandlogic.com
It's a great parenting tool.

Good Luck!

I totally understand your shock and fear!! I would probably want to do the same thing, but forbidding him from dating is just going to make him want to have sex even more. He is at that age where hormones are running around like crazy, so him being curious is normal. I would openly talk to him about sex, letting him know that what he saw on those websites isn't really how it is.

I would punish him for going to websites that he wasn't supposed to be on, not for being a curious teen because then he might feel ashamed about it and it can cause low self esteem or for him to rebel.

My fear would be that he would end up being a dad at 15! So I would talk about safe sex and Also ask your husband to talk to him about it.

As for dating, I would set rules such as you can only go on dates in public places, like the movies, ice skating, bowling, places like that. Basically just be supervised until he's older.

oh and Also if you have him in some type of sport, it would help him get some of that urge out on the field instead.

Sorry for the longness! Good luck!

True boys will look at it if they get the chance that is normal but for you husband to say what the big deal. How will he react if the no big deal ends up getting a girl knocked up at this age then what will he think and say.Plus what is he dating for at 14 he should be worring about getting good grades. It is obvious that I come from old school. My bother and sister and I werent allowed to date till we were 16 and neither was my daughter. Good Luck

You are over reacting. The crime has to fit the punishment. But your husband should be backing you up. Talking will do more good than the non-verbal chores. Also it was totally uncalled for to say now you can trust him with your daughter - big difference between incest and pornography - that was just way out of line.

wow thats funny yet not at all. umm i'd say that it is normal to have a 14 yr old boy do that but its not right. i would start by just removing his computer from his room, put it somewhere else that isn't private. i don't think i would have taken everything down out of his room. i remember my posters and stuff like that made me feel like i had a place i could come home and relax to and be myself....every kid needs that. if anything maybe just talk to him. be honest and upfront. no yelling b/c he's probably embarrassed that he got caught. let him no that you wont allow that filth in your house. but you need to get your husband on board. come to some agreement. he is being to dismissive about this. good luck. just remember whether you like it or not, it is normal for him to be curious.

Well I just had a friend who went through the same thing. I think that you may be overreacting a little bit, but I can understand your thinking. I think taking the computer away is a good thing, but as far as the rest that is a little much in my opinion. He is a boy and they are curious. He is going through a lot of changes. My friend actually walked in her son's room and he was "taking care of business" if you know what I mean. Her and her husband sat him down and talked to him. They let him know to be respectful of the others in the house and that what he was doing was PRIVATE! They also talked to him about respecting himself and females. I think that you should probably talk with him. Let him know that looking at those things online is not ok. He is a boy and he is getting older and it will only get worse (but he will start to hide it better). Good Luck. I have 2 young boys and I am not looking forward to that day!