Parents Are the Problem

Updated on October 22, 2008
C.J. asks from Clute, TX
12 answers

I would like to know if there are any good books that I can recommend to my children regarding raising toddlers of unmarried and unhappy parents. I won't even go into all the details - but basically I am pulling my hair out with these kids raising kids. The actual children are all fine (for now), but the parents create issues where there are none and are constantly in turmoil. Who should have custody, who is doing what to whom, who is not properly taking care of whom, etc. As you know, it's nearly impossible to get them to listen to reason as long as the reason is coming from grandparents (on both sides) who obviously know nothing about raising children! Eventually, it will begin to affect the babies more and I'd like to see things change before it gets too out of control. Right now the kids are only 2 and adjust fairly well. Counseling has been suggested, but I don't really think they would be honest with a counselor. I've been trying to think of another approach - and I thought maybe if there was a book or two on the subject that I could recommend and that we could all read and discuss, maybe it would help. Something with clearly defined strategies - including what being an "adult" is all about in regards to raising your children.

Additional Request: If anyone knows of any parenting classes in the Brazosport Area, please let me know!

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answers from San Antonio on

If you find a good book please let me are describing my sister, her husband, her baby's daddy, the daddy's new wife, the new wife's best friend who is the ex wife of my sister's is like a really bad high school melodrama with real live children caught in the middle.

I want to scream at them to grow up and be adults and parents to these precious children and stop being children themselves.

But I "sound too much like Mom" and she doesn't want my advice. *sigh*

You are not alone...{{{{hugs}}}}}

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answers from Houston on

I am probably not giving you something you want to hear. However, it seems that if counseling is not going to you really think they are going read a book and take part in a bookstudy? I am not sure what your solution could be. Sorry I am not much help. Good Luck



answers from San Antonio on

Find a way to show how it is affecting and will affect the children. Maybe you could videotape situations. I know Dr. Phil does that and shows the parents the faces of the children when things are happening.

You might also be able to find something in the Divorce sections for videos or books. It would be a similar circumstance, though not exact. At least, you could address the relationship. (The maturity won't happen through a book.)

Bond with those other grandparents so that it is a united front. Maybe things will sink in. Or maybe they will unite against ya'll - ha - but they will unite?

Be a safety net for those little ones. Someplace secure and constant.

Don't nag - speak in a concerned matter. Don't speak like a parent.



answers from Corpus Christi on

my husband is a councilor, there are books out there, you might ask one of the school councilors or check with your Dr. see if he knows where you might find them. Good luck. This is harder job then with your own.



answers from Jacksonville on

I need one for my kids too. Let me know please!



answers from Houston on

Have them read the book "Boundaries". It is highly recommended, and as a child and a parent I, I must confess, was puting my children at risk with my situation and found it to be a must read! If you can get them to read it, it will change their lives, and yours. I would also recommend for you to read it as well so that you are all on the same page. It will be nessassary(Spelling) for you to understand the changes that they will go through upon reading this. Trust me, it will shed light on how they are being treated and how they are treating others. It will also lay out the consequenses.
Best of luck and God be with you,



answers from San Antonio on

San Antonio has a fabulous FREE parenting class called Precious Minds/New Connections. I believe it is part of a nationwide program, so perhaps you can google for it in your area. The program provides free child care and a meal for both the kids and the adults, and you get a free children's book at every class session.

I also got a lot out of the book "Scream-Free Parenting," by Hal Kunkel. It's about how the major task of parenting is for parents to grow up and take control of themselves.

Good luck!



answers from Victoria on

Seek chruch council even for yourself and how to handle these kido's. Good luck and thanks for looking for a solution for your grand babies.



answers from Houston on

Unfortunately if they don't want help they aren't going to get it. If you are close to either one of them I'd suggest a real serious one on one talk about the situation. If they can't go to counseling together then maybe you can start by working on ONE of them. Try not to ever play the "I told you so" or "I know it all" card. They won't want to hear it and they'll resist even more.

They likely KNOW in their hearts what's going on. Be gentle in your approach. Let them know you are there for them if they ever want to talk. You can just listen and provide advice if they ask for it. Unfortunately young ones are just really resistant to any advice from anyone whether it be you or a book. By the time we grow up and realize getting advice and LEARNING about life relationships is actually a worthy investment it's often too late to safe the relationships we've ruined by being stubborn and hard headed.

Best of luck to you! Keep lovin' those Grandkids - the kids will find their way in time!



answers from Houston on

My first husband and I would fight a lot. Being young I was hard headed and didn't really know what to do. I knew what was going on but couldn't stop it myself and didn't know how to deal with it. With my situation I took Parenting Classes, Anger management, and Domestic Violence. Surprisingly the parenting class answered most of my questions. This was regarding a baby under one and showed clearly how the baby would be affected. I thought I didn't need the parenting class because she was so small and I wasn't having issues with bad behavior. But I was and it was me and her father. We tried counseling and it didn't work so I moved out. That didn't work either so I divorced. No need for everybody to suffer. When dealing with emotionial situations now I just have to ask myself what kind of life I want. What kind of memories do I want? WHat have I done for the day? Being mad or crying isn't one of them. More positive things more things to make myself happy and do more things to make my babies happy.I'm only 23 and have spent the last seven years trying to get away from drama and make my kids the priority.



answers from Houston on

You'll likely get a lot of responses with several different suggestions but here's what I do when looking for the "best book". I go to and look at the reader reviews on the books. You can read what people had to say about the books and you can look at what kind of rating it received.

Take the suggestions you get and then you can compare at Amazon. It's taken the guess work out of many choices for me.



answers from Austin on

I think you have done all you can by making suggestions. Its up to them to take or leave the advice. I'm sure that is not what you want to hear.

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