Not Sure What to Do

Updated on May 21, 2008
J.F. asks from Rochester, MN
6 answers

Hi ladies,

I just got an email from my little brother (just turned 16) and he asked if I could burn him a cd. I was fine with it until I saw the songs that he'd chosen. He heard a lot of these bands while playing Rock Band and Guitar Hero and liked the style, so asked me to get more songs from these artists. While I have no problem with him listening to this music, I'm not sure how my parents would feel about it.

Charlie's a smart kid with exceptional grades. He's sweet, respectful, and I know that he can tell the difference between what's being sung in the lyrics and how he should act. (We also discussed that when I told him I was concerned what Mom and Dad might think) I'm not worried my brother's going to turn into a raging psychopath. What I AM worried about is how to handle this. Do I ask my parents' permission and risk getting him in trouble (my parents are VERY over-protective) or do I respect the fact that he is growing up and making his own choices in life?

My parents are very difficult people to talk to when it comes to things outside of their "norm". They threw a fit when I was a teenager cause I was listening to punk music. Apparently they thought I was going to start flag-burning ceremonies in retaliation of the government... (Which is stupid. Just cause I like punk music doesn't mean I'm an anarchist) While I understand that kids are impressionable and we need to guard what they're exposed to, I feel that my brother is the same as I was at that age, and this is just a music style he enjoys, regardless of the lyrics.

Sorry this is so long. I guess what I'm asking is, do I respect my parents and err to their judgment; or do I support my brother as a young man making his own decisions and choices in life. I feel blessed that he trusted me and came to me about this and not to his friends (who could have just as easily made him a mixed cd). I fear that by telling my parents I am betraying his trust and that he won't come to me in the future when it could be something far more important than just a new CD for the car. Any insight/wisdom is greatly appreciated, whether positive or negative.

Thanks in advance,
J.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I emailed Charlie and apologized for my initial reaction and said I'd make him the CD. I told him I was leery of the content, but that I trust his judgment and I respect the fact that he's growing up. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction ladies. :)

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

It's music. If you think it's okay then I'd do it. You have a good sense of your brother.
What your parents will need to come to terms with is that their children aren't always going to do things that fall into their "norm" category. Besides, what is normal? :)
It's hard. I have a 17 year old brother and 20 year old sister. I'm 33 and they both feel very comfortable coming to me with things. I've always been very cautious of betraying their trust for the exact reasons you do. They've told me things or I've heard about things they've done and while I may or may not agree w/them or worse yet our parents wouldn't approve, I've never had to go to my parents on anything.
Just out of curiousity, what kind of music is it?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.C.

answers from Sioux City on

Wow, this is a tough one. I've never been in your situation, since my brother, sister, and I are so close in age, but I could very well be in your parents' situation some day - my oldest is 15 and 18 years older than my other two.

My first reaction was that no adult should be going behind my back and encouraging my child to break my rules. Especially in a case like yours - you know their rules better than anyone.

But then I seriously tried to put myself in that situation - ten or twelve years from now, my oldest son burns a cd with lyrics I don't want the other two listening to. And I'm like, "Oh, come on! If I haven't taught them my values by now, it's way too late." You've supported your parents just by expressing your concern to your brother.

It's very important and very hard to have a close relationship between siblings with a big age or experience gap. Be there for your brother and remain a safety net. Your parents may have cause to thank you some day.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would absolutely burn the cd for your brother. He is asking you a favor, and I bet he didn't even question the lyrics to the songs, he probably just likes the music. I bet it would have been nice for you to have an older sibling to lean on when you were that age. You yourself think that your parents are very strict, so I would give him a break and burn it for him. Don't violate the trust that he has for you. Guarantee that if you do, he will never trust you again.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.S.

answers from Sheboygan on

I guess keep in mind your brother is a minor. Would you want someone, even a sibling, going behind your back and giving something to your kids without your permission?

If it were me (and I was in a similar situation when my BIL was 16 only it was about "girl" issues) I would talk to him and let him know where you stand and the turmoil you are feeling about this. And that even though you don't like it you need to talk to your parents about it. I would then go to them and say that your brother asked you to make this CD for him and you have listened to the music on it and have talked to him about it. That way both sides know where you stand and neither can play it against you. (For example- your brother if he were to get in trouble with the CD and says "J. made if for me" and your parents getting made at you for making it.)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.F.

answers from Des Moines on

My thought is that if the video games are HIS, then he's already got access to some of the music....if your parents allow him to have the games, then I'd say burning the CD would be OK.
Keep the trust between you and your brother. Hopefully he will continue to come to you with other things as he grows up.

D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Me personally, I'd do it as a favor for my brother. Siblings have to stick together...and you don't want that bridge burned. He is 16 and if you don't do it for him, chances are, he'd be able to get it from someone else...but he is trusting you. Don't violate that trust by snitching on him.

From Parent to Parent...you could mention to your mom or dad that you burned a CD for him and questioned the content of the CD after listening to it but I'd be careful about him finding out that you snitched...or it'll hurt your relationship with your brother. Just because you and your parents have something in common (parenthood) doesn't mean that you were not his sister before you had "Parenting Eyes".

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions