Non Stop Crying, Needy, Nervous, Can't Sleep on Own, Etc at 12 M

Sounds challenging. I would work with the parents on one thing at a time. He seems sensitive (and whatever it is or you label it), take it slow. Each child is different. Could be separation anxiety? Work with him on feeding himself first. Make it a game? Also play with him and work on his walking too. Make that a game? If he is that scared I would be concerned as the parent. What do they say? What did the doc say? Good luck. If only they could tell us!!!!

I'm sure the constant neediness is hard for you. And you're an adult. Imagine how hard it is for that little guy who doesn't understand why the adults in his life want to break his feelings.

He's a baby. He doesn't know why he's so anxious; he just is. And separation anxiety is common at his age: when his people are out of his sight, he doesn't know they still exist or that they will come back. He's just frightened and abandoned during those periods.

Telling him he's okay or leaving him to deal with his feelings himself don't help at his age. He needs reassurance, touch, comforting. He needs his adults to play peek-a-boo and "Be Right Back" games to help him understand he won't be alone. Not meeting his basic emotional needs will not help him be more emotionally healthy as he grows up. But it could increase his needy behavior. Or it could teach him to shut it inside and stop trying to communicate. That's a tragedy in the making.

J., please do some reading on child development phases. This baby may be "not normal" in some way, but he could be a normal if tender child who's expressing normal needs for his age.

Stop trying to "break" this baby of his anxiety and crying. Yes some babies are anxious and have more separation anxiety. But as a nanny/babysitter etc, its not your job to do this. Your job is to protect him and make him feel safe. Some babies are more high needs or spirited than others---doesn't make it wrong or anything wrong with them. They will grow out of it. If you worked for me and did that to my child, you would be fired. Please just love on this baby and create a calm environment. It may perpetuate the anxiety if you are constantly saying "its ok,." Don't let him follow you around crying. Pick him up and tend to his needs. Good luck!

I am concerned by your statement, "If you asked me to do something for your child and I did, then that's on you. ". You can refuse to follow directions that may be harmful.

The books "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp will offer much better solutions than your cousin and their pediatrician. Babies need more than food, drink and clean diapers.

Poor kid. At 12 months he is still a baby and needs his needs met. You telling him that it's okay to calm down isn't really an age appropriate comfort. Pick him up and hold him until he feels secure.

Ok, your SWH actually made some sense - I couldn't tell from your original post whether this were two children with different needs. I do still stand by my answer: trying to "break" a child is NOT the right thing to do. If you have taken Psych and early development classes you should know that. I do not know of any physicians or child development experts that advocate letting your child scream for an hour and a half until they throw up! Even "crying it out" proponents would consider that just cruel.

If his pediatrician thinks that he needs early intervention he should prescribe occupational therapy for him and the therapist can teach you and his parents how to deal with these issues. What you are doing is very apparently not working and you need help... I would suggest that that should be professional help.
Good luck!

So just so I get this right: you are a nanny or a sitter for 2 toddlers: one is 12 months old and one is 20 months old?! Right?
And you have trouble with BOTH of them?

If your tried to "break" my baby and let him cry for an hour and a half I would fire you! Immediately! Do your job and care for this child - this means rocking them to sleep if you have to, that's what you are being paid for!

If you are truly concerned, you have an open conversation with both sets of parents about your observations. The 20 months old may need to be evaluated for sensory issues or other developmental needs.

The 12 months old sounds normal. Many babies go through a phase of separation anxiety at that age and letting them cry until they throw up is NOT going to help!

If you cannot handle the responsibility of caring for two toddlers please quit and let them have a nanny who can. Childcare is not for everyone - I mean I couldn't do it... there is no shame in recognizing that a certain job just isn'y for you. If you do really want to continue please take a childcare or early childhood development class! You will get better insight in what is normal and what is not and you will learn techniques how to deal with challenging behaviors.
Good luck.

Wow, that's a tough one. Have his parents taken him to the pediatrician? It sounds like there's more to it than just being spoiled. What do his parents think? For as much effort as you're putting into training him, if the parents aren't following through at home, your efforts are wasted.

You cannot spoil a child of this age. He has needs that are not being met. You need to figure put what his needs are and work better / harder to meet them. Suggest looking into the Circle of Security model (http://circleofsecurity.net/about-us/). It will likely help with this little guy. Best wishes.

I don't think this sounds like a case of you not being able to handle two toddlers. My oldest was always very high needs but this is extreme. So nervous he starts shaking? I have no idea what the situation is but I'd gently talk to the parents. Not much more you can do.

This looked interesting:

http://www.drgreene.com/qa/when-baby-wont-go-sleep-her-own

Maybe it would be a good time to wean him to a cup-if he is not interested in the bottle-also-does he have a safe place to play , with all his interesting toys? Some things that would catch and keep his attention that he could explore on his own? At the very least, I would consult the pediatrician.

So I read your "what happened" note and a few of the responses and it seems like people may just assume it is the parenting style that is causing the problems and it might be. I have a niece who was not happy with anyone but mommy or daddy until she was over 9mos. old and started daycare. And, it took several weeks at the daycare of crying for hours, for her to break the cycle. She (being the baby) was rarely put down and never learned to soothe herself/play by herself and only really responded to mom. She even cried for grandparents when they watched her and they saw her frequently. She wasn't really willing to go to others until about 16 mos. old. On the other hand, your case sounds like it could be different. You mention that Aspergers and Autism run in the family. I work with children who are on the Autism Spectrum, and there is often family history. He could very well have sensory processing difficulties and not be able to calm himself or he may have anxiety. Not babbling and motor delays can be a result of Autism Spectrum Disorders. He should be evaluated by Early Intervention. They will have insight into his delays and be able to recommend the appriate services to help him if it is more than just behavioral. It is a very simple and informative process and it can really benefit the child to get services early rather than waiting to see if he will grow out of it. Good Luck

Ok. It was a bad choice of words. Yes. Break habits. Now, I know children need to feel secure. When a child is scared there are serious tears. This child will stop crying as soon as you tell him "I'm right here you're okay". At 12 months old he should be able to sleep on his own. He will cry even if you try to put him down for a second. He wil not even try to feed himself. All babies are different and I have never seen this. Spoiled, yes, is nice when they are babies and you hold and play and love on them. But if you can't even brush your teeth no matter how much you do this, h less you are holding him, that is not right. Literally he wants to be held all day long. His parents hold him all the time too. If he had separation anxiety he would cry going from his parents to me and not want them to leave. This is not the case. He does not know his name or respond to his name. Another thing, I have spoken to a child's counselor/psychologist who agrees with EVERYTHING I have done. All 3 of us have attended a meeting and they are highly educated on the matter of him being overly "spoiled". He's never slept in his own bed because he cries the whole time and of you try to put him in there after he falls alseep, he wakes up as soon as he senses you aren't there. The counselor has even said there is something going on and it isn't just anxiety or security. I asked this question for helpful comments on the matter. The inappropriate responses our so absurd and uncalled for. Every single one of you have different methods. These are not what I would like to do but have been told by the parents and dr as well as psychologist on what type of measures to try. We've tried it all. I really don't appreciate the negativity. This is to help me not criticize. You know the saying "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. And FYI: for the mothers doubting and discriminating on what type of mother or person I am, I have been asked to sit by many parents because I am good at it. Nanny cam or no nanny cam. Their children are more secure and happy and educated than they were because I spend every second with them, hands on activities and all. None of you are perfect so do not dare judge me as a mother nor anyone else unless you know them honestly. I love this child a ton and there is something seriously not right. No amount of love makes him happy and no amount of closeness makes him relax... Even with his own parents. He acts EXACTLY this way with even his own parents. So don't comment with negative stuff. I will report you next time. That mess is immature. Now, everyone who has been constructively explaining their views and giving LOVING AND CARING AND GENUINE advice, thank you so much!

You are describing my nephew to a T!! His M. has to hold him all the time- or has to be right next to her. He doesn't crawl or walk. He scoots a little on his butt at most. I have a son who is 3 weeks older, who walks, plays on his own, feeds himself, holds his bottle, goes down in his crib awake- my son is a total opposite.
My nephew will start crying if he sees his M. (or my MIL) start to walk away- but can still see them. When he is in the high chair he just sits and screams if some one isn't sitting right next to him. Its very sad to see. At least these parents see that something is wrong. My SIL doesn't! And just thinks he wants mommy. Even though she sees my son acting completely different. And this is her 5th child= so she should know better. He can't sleep by himself, ever. And still nurses like 15 times a day- I am not exaggerating. Its almost like hes a new born the way he nurses. Not like he is 14 months old. I don't know what the answer is, but if you figure it out please share!