New Mom Paranoia

I have a 8mo who is my 4th child, and I am still paranoid about certain situations. That is perfectly normal. Better safe than sorry. As he gets older and you begin to realize that he's gonna be fine, the paranoia will ease up, but I don't think it'll ever completely go away. That's part of being a mommy.

Were you a worrier before your son was born? Is this "paranoia" preventing you from doing things like leaving the house? Is your partner (if there is one) noticing these changes in you? If so, please go and see your doctor. Lots of women experience anxiety as a manifestation of post-partum depression, and, if that is what you are going through, you should have your doctor's assistance.

Good luck! I think that a little bit of irrational worrying is part of being a mom, but it sounds like your worrying is really making you miserable.

Here's my honest advice... laugh at yourself! As a mom of 4 little ones, I laughed at your post because you are worried that your worrying will harm him. Hopefully that makes you laugh!
But besides that, no, your worrying won't directly harm him right now, but may be harming you if it prevents you from sleeping or prevents you from getting out of the house. We all want our children to be safe and happy, but there needs to be a happy medium between living in a bubble / watching him breathe when sleeping and being neglectful and not caring. And while living in a bubble may not directly harm your son at 3 months old, I feel it might if it continues for a long period of time. I think we all worry and it's perfectly normal to be nervous with your first child, but if you feel that you are on the edge of living in a bubble, it might be helpful to talk to someone about it. (do you just worry about going in public with him, or do you actually not go in public with him / do you just worry that you won't wake up or do you actually stay awake watching him sleep) We go through so much when we have a baby and our hormones are all out of whack. If you are just worrying, you are fine... if it's more than that, ask for help! Good luck and know that all of your mommy instincts are there, you are doing a great job and it's really hard for a baby to break!

This is normal! Every mom feels anxiety like this. "He's been sleeping so long, is he breathing?" "Will I wake up if he cries?" Don't worry. You will hear him crying...your motherly instincts will make you hear him. Sometimes I wake up at night for no reason...then 5 minutes later my baby starts crying. I think I just "knew" she was going to get up. It is very intimidating & scary taking a new baby out of the house. Your first grocery trip or trip to the mall is a big, big deal. However, you will do it, it will be successful, all will be fine. I'd recommend joining a mom's group to share these thoughts/concerns with other new moms. Try meetup.com. I belong to a wonderful moms group on it & have made many friends through it. Congrats!

For a minute there, after reading your post, I thought it was something I wrote and just forgot that I wrote it! You just described me too! I also am a first time mom and have a 3 month old son and I am the same way. I wouldn't label yourself as paranoid, thats a little harsh. All moms have different parenting types. I am the "keep my son attached to me at all times" type:-) My son sleeps in a co-sleeper right next to my bed so I hear him at night, and he is right in arms reach. He has not been out in public yet... only to small family gatherings. It is really hard to go from being pregnant and having your little bean attached to you at all times and not having to worry about the outside world... and then all of a sudden they are out here in this big world. Its hard to get used to the idea of them not being right by you every second! I think in time I will not be as "overly cautious" but as for now... this is my parenting type. Ultimately, though, I am realizing that I just have to trust the Lord, though, and know that He is the one caring for my little one no matter what I do. And as far as harming your son... I don't think you are harming him at all. I just read an article that said babies that are clingy and are "attached to their parents at the hip" grow up to have more self-esteem and are more confident. Just food for thought! God bless:-)

My advice is to seek advice from a doctor. Your feelings mahy be more than just new mom nerves and you may need medication for them. It may be a symptom of PPD.

Connor is lucky to have such a loving, caring mom. There's lots of good advice here - you are getting to know your baby. Just give yourself the time you need to do this within your comfort zone.
Have you thought of babywearing? Having him close to you in a sling will help you both to feel secure and give you a boost of 'feel good' hormones too.

Every mom has new-mommy nerves, but there are also a lot of hormonal changes going on in your body that could account for this anxiety. I was diagnosed with PPD after the birth of my son, and the anxiety and paranoia was unlike anything I had ever felt before. If your have always been a bit of a worrier, and this is just you being nervous about being a new mom, then it's normal. However, if it is unlike how you were before your son was born, if you find yourself occasionally nervous for no good reason or nervous about things that are illogical, or if your anxiety is preventing you from living normally, I would see your doctor about possible depression/anxiety issues. My husband (luckily) recognized that my behavior was more than just new-mommy nerves, and took me to the doctor, and I was able to get help. Good luck.

I felt the same way after my first child was born. My husband and I had to make sure he was breathing about 10 times every night. I,also, was completely paranoid about someone kidnapping him if we went anywhere. I have no idea why I thought these things, but I did. After some time had passed I relaxed and could actually sleep through the night and take my baby out without eyeing everyone suspisously. Your a new mom and I think it's normal. If you don't relax in the next few months then talk to your doctor. Congratulations!

I am a first time mom to a 5 and a half month old and had similiar feelings!!! I was nervous about everything but my best friend (also a mom but of a 2 year old) made sure I did something every day out of my comfort zone. Walk around the block, was a good thing to do just to get out of the house-for both of you!!! You will always wake up when your little one cries-rest assured. You will become more and more comfortable and less paranoid. I did and couldn't believe it!! Good luck-

totally normal...we all worry. You will wake up if your baby cries. I was nervous about even taking my son into my back yard to sit in the shade with me..it passes..dont stress over it and enjoy your baby !

Every new mother worrie.s. Trust me if he cries you will hear him. My
babies went from hospital to their own crib. Never a problem. Take him
out in the fresh air the more you do it the more comfortable you will be.
What you are going thru is perfectly normal. In a few months you won't
believe that you were so nervous. Catch your breath and enjoy your
new little guy.

Talk to your OB/GYN. I know I was worried about so much as a first time Mom and now that I'm on #3 I am sooooo much more relaxed but the fact that you used the word "paranoid" makes me think you really stress so talk to your doctor and get some counseling if it is affecting your life negatively. You want to be able to enjoy this time because you will never get it back. We all are more worried about doing things right with the first child but it shouldn't keep you from doing things ie: going out, sleeping, etc. A.

Relax and take a few deep breaths. Children are surprisingly resilient and so are babies. My 4 year old son is very active (seems like he is bouncing off the walls in the winter) and we have had plenty of minor cuts, scrapes and bruises but then only "emergency" doctor visit was for an ear infection. Even my 1 year old daughter who spent months on an Apnea Monitor when sleeping is doing great. Most of the time she laughs at her brother's rough housing.

A 3 month old should be fine in a crib with no loose stuff (stuffed animals, blankets, etc). A baby that young isn't going anywhere. If you don't hear him cry at first he will either settle down on his own or keep crying until you hear him. If he is in his own room use a baby monitor (a basic one is fine).

I think it's totally normal. O. thing that was VERY worth the money when my son was a newborn was a video monitor. It reassured me when I could glance at him in his crib at any time. Good luck and Congrats!

the first time my dd slept through the night, i was sure she had died and ran into her room and woke her up. She was perfectly fine, and most likely your son will be too. We keep the doors slightly ajar between our room and hers and have not had a problem with not hearing her cry.

I wouldnt worry about your paranoia unless it keeps you from doing normal, every day things. I also would recommend free range parenting, which helps me realize that the world isnt quite as dangerous as the media/parenting books would have you believe. http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

To some extent it's very very normal. If it prevents you from doing other things, or from sleeping, or is all consuming then you may want to talk to someone.
With my first son, i could not sleep if he wasn't next to me. I'd try laying him in a bassinet by the bed but as soon as i'd feel myself start to nod off i'd check on him "just one more time." So we co-slept 100%. It took a couple of years before I didn't check on him for almost every nap, or even if I just woke up during the night.
With my 2nd i still checked a lot (he's 2.5y, I just checked on him last night :), but i was able to tell myself that he's fine and get some sleep with him in the crib. Although that was next to our bed, and I had to check on the video monitor alot when we moved him to his own room at 13 months.
I've also been a worrier, I can make up random dangers with the best of 'em! lol And while i'm very overprotective in some ways, I can talk myself out of it for other things. I just make conscious decisions about what is really important. I don't interfere if I think my ds' might stumble, or lose their balance or something, and i'll be very close by if it's a bit more dangerous but I also try to show them how to be safe (now that they're old enough of course).

Enjoy its natural you will get threw it.

Every mom has had those kinds of concerns.

For the sleeping in the crib, try placing him in the crib for his naps, while you are awake. That way he can get used to it before nighttime. Also buy a monitor, with or without a tv screen. When he's in his crib, keep the monitor with you. They pick up EVERY little sound, and you will be able to hear and know when he needs you. You will even laugh when you awake to him babbling to himself :-)

As for taking him places, I'm not sure I understand the issue. When I had my kids in the infant carrier, I would always use the stroller, or placed the seat in the basket of the cart and pulled another cart behind me. I've mastered the art of pushing and pulling while shopping!

As always, you can call you OB dr and ask for a consult. You should also look and see if the local hospital has a new mom's group.That is what they are there for.
Good luck
M.

Dear Connor's mom, First, Congratulations on your new baby boy. Please try to relax. Yes every thing is new to you . If you have read some books or know some other moms, you should be ok. Most of mothering is instinct. Yes we have heard some things about how baby sleeps etc... worrying won't help any of this. If you are nursing, your anxiety can harm your baby. If you are a stay-at-home mom, try to enjoy your baby. they are not as fragile as we think. Please do not transfer these feelings to him as he may grow up afraid of everything. my best, Grandma Mary (mom of 5)

Worrying is totally normal. If it gets so bad though that you are not living your life because of it though, then I'd say you might want to speak to a professional but trust me - you worry and you will always, but the more you experience the more you'll lighten up!