New at This Frien Thing, Help Please

I TOTALLY agree with you and not letting her travel to friend's houses. These days you can't be too safe. I panic when my kids go to the fair alone and they are 17 and 13 yrs old! I would continue letting the friends come to your house if you can. There's nothing wrong with that, and you feel safe and she will be safe. Just set up some rules and if she can't follow them then punish her by taking away the time she's getting to spend with those friends at her house I guess. You're a good mother! Enjoy them now, they grow up WAY TO FAST!!! Mine Did!!

I am a psycho-overprotective mom and proud of it! My three are 12(B), 7(G), 5(B). I live in the country and my 12 yr old is not allowed to leave the driveway without certain things happening. I bought him walkie-talkies(he thought just for fun!) If he wants to visit a neighbor friend or ride his bike, he has to take the walkie talkie with him. We have an established code word that he is to say if something is wrong. I know to come running! The other 2, forget it! They are too young to be out of my sight. Not every mom feels this way, and I have had young ones just show up at my house to play with mom nowhere in sight. I always let these kids stay and play, and when I think they have been here way too long without anyone checking on them, I have no qualms about going to "meet" mom and dad just to say hi! I had one little boy(9)who spent alot of time here over a summer. Finally, after showing up on an 80 degree day with sweatpants and a longsleeve shirt, and staying until after dark, I took him and his bike home about 9:30 at night. I wanted to meet the parents to introduce myself and see why no one was checking on him. It turned out he was not in a very good living situation. By all means, you do not have to allow your daughter to roam the neighborhood like these other kids, but don't turn your back on the others. They may not be yours, but it wouldn't hurt anything for you to show those kids love and concern also. Who knows, maybe you will be the one person who makes a differnce in their lives just by showing a little compassion and concern.

Hi L.,
I TOTALLY understand your situation, my house seems to always be the one everyone else comes to, because I too don't allow my children to just go around the neighborhood. And it is very hard. I struggle with the EXACT same issues as you. I often have wondered if it would be different having girls coming over to play instead of boys. We have 2 neighborhood boys who want to be at our house every day, and with my boys...that makes 6 boys total running around the house, inside and out. Total chaos. And then they want to help themselves to food and drink without asking and I don't understand. I tell my boys that I better not ever find out they behave like that at someone else's house, I try really hard to work with them on their manners and respect every day. I speak with the friends about our rules or what is acceptable and sometimes we have to send them home for the day. I also have issues of things with my own children getting out of hand because of the influence, but if my boys know right from wrong and make a poor choice, then there is a consequence regardless.
Anyway, this is a hot topic for me lately here in my home that I share with my husband, so thank you for your post. I would love to chat more about it another time maybe, but need to go for now.
Good luck!

Hi
I have a 10 yr old girl. She didn't start going to the neighbors till she was 6. She would go next door and see her best friend. Her mom would call and say can she stay for lunch or whatever. The lady on the other side of the strip of grass had a little girl she would go and play at her house but always outside.
At 9 she was allowed to go through our housing complex. She wasn't allowed to enter a house without my permission and the parents. She knew I needed all phone numbers and I usally called ahead of time. She was allowed to go across the street to the 2 best friends house *both sisters*. But their older sister would walk her across the street. At 10 she thinks she can do it herself. Till she discovered that the other mother caught her with her bike in road. She road it both ways across street. So no bike for a week.
She has another close friend aroudn the corner. I call the mother several times to make sure she is ok and what she is doing. I don't just let her go. She knows she allowed like popsicles and stuff if offered. But no raiding the fridge or cupboards. The parents all know what she is allowed. they don't fill her with sugar and send her home.
She always has manners and they ask her to stay someitmes for dinner. Which she loves.She just has to call first and I make sure it is ok with the parent and the kid dind't invite her themself.
She knows when she leaves a friends house to come home or call so I know where she is. She still forgets. But normally she is one of 5 places. And I can find her within a few minutes.

Now my 4 yr old son. He can go to his friends house if I call and walk him there. But he gets outside to play at another friends house a few times. He is a runner so I have to be near him. But I have been told he has manners and is polite. He will eat for his one friend's mother better then me. LOL she said he eat 4 slices of pizza with toppings with her 6 kids. She was over joyed as was I. He usually eats the crust only of one slice.

my 2 yr old goes to that neighbor's house. Because she has 2 children 2 yr old as well. But when she goes I normally stay with her. Unless she is baby sitting. :) My youngest is the one you find helping with everything.

Always when my kids go to their friends houses they pick up after themself and their friend....and says please/thank you.

Letting children come to your home is great. It lets you see exactly what is going on. You don't need to feel that you would be 'stepping on toes' if you have to be the 'mother' in any situation. If your daughter begins acting out of line, it is time for the kids to go home

You might also consider having a get-together with the families. If you have the time or money, maybe you could walk with your daughter to the homes of her friends with plates of cookies just to say 'thanks' to the other parents for allowing their kids to come to your home for play dates.

But, if it gets to be too much or you don't like the behavior that is going on, it is totally fine to tell the kids that it is time for them to leave. They are at your home and need to treat you with respect.

Also, it might be a nice idea to call the parents of the other children to let them know that they are there playing with your daughter. Even though you've said they don't seem to care, you could simply say something like "Hi, is this Joey's mom? This is Sarah's mom. Our kids are in the same class. I just wanted to let you know that your son is here playing with my daughter. Is this alright with you? I know if my child were off playing at someone else's house, I'd appreciate a call too. I just didn't want you to worry and wanted to let you know that your son is just fine. Oh, hey, by the way, we'd love to have your family over for dinner or a play date sometime so we can get to know each other."

Saying something like that can take the pressure off and make the other parents feel more comfortable. And, if you like the family enough, you might be more willing to let your daughter go there for a play date occasionally. But, if this is something you're uncomfortable with, that's fine. She's your daughter. Simply tell the other parents that you are perfectly happy to have their children over to your home but you would prefer that your daughter stayed there and her friends come over until she is older. If they don't like it, that's just too bad, lol.

God bless,
A.