Need Ideas, Frustrated Rant

Is there any way you could you drive your husband to school a few days a week. That way you could have the car some of the time. Maybe stop off at a city park on these mornings or in the afternoons on your way to pick him up?

Could you at least drive him to a bus stop that will take him the rest of the way to school?

This will be good for all of you, a few more minutes with dad in the mornings and the afternoon.

Maybe see if there are any mom groups that meet in public places.

Maybe some other families of pharmacy students?

Maybe start your own group for families that are in the same sort of situation.

Also if you are going to welcome some of these other children you need to come up with some of your own rules. I always had rules of the house when others came over to play.. And our daughters friends also always had kstated expectations about behaviors.

Here are some suggestions. Respect our home. If you all make the mess, no one can leave until the mess is cleaned up. Proper language.
No fighting or you will be sent home.

No eating out of the kitchen unless I have given you permission.

Agreed time for visits, or the child will not be allowed back.

Make them what ever you need them to be.

Find out what the financial penalty is for moving out and start looking for a new place. Like Jo W said... lemonade is tasty... lemon juice is sour! You may have to forfeit your security deposit, so start scrimping now. There is NO HARM is looking online for other rental options or in taking a Saturday to go look at other options. If you find something that you can afford and that better suits your needs... pay the $$$ and get the hell out of Dodge!

Laurie A gave you some great advice. Esp to drive your husband to school so you will have a car. Try to do this at LEAST two days a week. And then drive up to the nicer area-go the their parks, library, etc. Pick your husband up when he is done with class.
Also figure out if there is any way that you can get out of the lease. Maybe you can explain to the landlord the concern you have with the fans and your son. Make it a safety/legal issue.

My son just graduated from Pharmacy school. She found herself in a similar situation. My DIL moved into A. apartment with a coin operated washer and dryer. It was her husbands responsibility to either do the washing of the clothes or to bring home a roll of quarters each week. He only forgot once or twice. Then he went out to a grocery store and got quarters. She got a van and became mobile. She found a church and became part of the congregation. She didn't have friends near her so she went to church and made friends. When she wasn't met with enough greetings and her kids didn't have enough kids to play with, she invited the mom's of the kids her kids ages over for lunch and play dates.

Don't be stuck or attached at the hip to your mom. Take the initiative, and be proactive. To have a friend, be a friend. You probably have a lot to share. Find someone with similar interests and become a friend.

Just a thought . . . My son got A. annual (paid to him in 6 month segments) student loan to cover his living expenses. He paid his rent for 6 months at a time. He never caused his landlord any problems and he did minor repairs on his own. As a result, his rent was never raised for the three years he was there. However, his neighbors had their rent raised every year.

Good luck to you and yours.

When is your lease up? Moving should be the light at the end of your tunnel.

I know some people say when life hands you lemons make lemon aid. That just doesn't work if you have no access to sugar.

I am sure your husband does understand how hard it is but like you he sees no way out, no solution. You can't expect him to see what just isn't there.

So when can you move, what can make that move easier.......

What about buying A. old jalopy car for the time being? No family or friends to lend you car for a few months? What about a local church group? Lots of churches have MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) and often there's a mom who would be willing to pick you up? Invite family from out of town to visit (parents? siblings?) that will break things up and help provide a way to get out of the apartment.

Pick a few days a week where you and the kids drop hubby off for his classes and pick him up. This way you get the car for a few days and can get out of the house. Begin searching for new areas where you may want to live when your lease is up. Begin aggressively saving for making your move to the new area. You may consider talking to your landlord who may or may not let you out of your lease with little costs to you.

As a landlord I did have to do this for one of my tenants. I'm just of the mind I don't want someone or anyone living on my property that doesn't want to be there.

You're locked into your lease so you have no choice in moving right now. The good news is you know what to look for next time you move since you know what you DONT like now.

I would do everything you could to make it nice where you live. We have been in the same rental house for 5 years. I HATE this house! Its too small, horrible tiles, outdated appliances, etc. BUT, we know the landlord and she won't foreclose on us...and I hate to move. So I have gotten some new furniture, moved things around, downsized, etc. To make it "feel" better and new. So get some things for your kids to play with, either inside or outside. You can't change your house or neighbors but you can do things to chage your attitude and that may make a world of difference. Good luck!

I have been there. We rented A. apartment for my husband when we were transferred and we hadn't sold our home in Houston yet. We didn't know Bowling Green so since it was just him, we picked the cheapest crappiest place. Guess what? The ink on the lease wasn't even dry and we sold the house! Yep, we all moved into the cheap crappy apartment. I was miserable! It was disgusting. But we saved our money, I got to know where we wanted to live and we did it on our time line. Thank goodness the lease was 6 months!!!

You need to just buck it up for the next year. It is what it is. Go outside and be with your kids. At least you know this is temporary!

Have you looked online (Meetup.org and others) to see if there are any local Mom's groups? That would be a good resource. Church is another as others have said. I'm not religious so I know how hard it is to meet people outside of church. Any local, kid friendly events on the weekends when hubby is home and you can use the car? You might have to become "weekend warriors" with the kids - fill your weekends with outings. Look up cheap, at home projects you can do with the kiddos. Bubbles, sand, etc. Check out www.moneysavingmom.com - it's mainly about money saving but has lots of good, cheap project ideas/printables for the kiddos. Have you asked your property manager about putting in any kid friendly play equipment? Have you explained about your son being autistic and his fan obsession? They really need to know that this is a safety issue not just some random complaint. Look up groups in the area that work with autism and autistic children. See if they can offer any options for you - play groups, therapy sessions, etc. My friend's son is autistic and she got a waiver so they get A LOT of respite care (free babysitting with the aid working on social/life skills while they are there). #1 thing you need to do is find someone with a car that you can either borrow or get a ride from - your mom or maybe a neighbor who wouldn't mind a little extra gas $. Is it impossible to get a 2nd car - even a clunker - right now? What about taking your hubby to work/school and coming back with the car? Sucks but at least you could get out of the house. Lastly, maybe you guys could look into subletting your apartment until your lease is up. If that's not possible, see if they might let you out of your lease (I would bring up the fan/safety issue for your child). Good luck.

Also see if there is a Freecycle.org group nearby. Get on there and put up some posts explaining your situation and asking for things you need/want for the kiddos. People are pretty generous esp. when it's for a special needs child. You will probably be surprised at the stuff you will end up with. Esp now that summer is ending and people are ditching summer things (a kiddie pool makes a perfect sand box!).

Hi, C.:
You are there for a reason. Do you know if they have a bus? What precinct do you live in? What civic league is in your precinct? Go to your civic league and seek help.
Good luck.
D.

You have to rethink your attitude toward the move and the ghetto as you call it.

First off you moved from what you knew to a new city with all of its unknowns. Now look for the things you want to do and find out where they are on the internet. Then take hubby to school two to three times a week and do them. No need to have the car sit on campus while you could do something with the kids outside of the thouse.

Second make up rules for the neighborhood kids to follow when they do come to your house to play and enforce them. Go out and meet your neighbors they maybe better than you think. It is all about perception any place can be made into home sweet home but you have to look for the good in it.

Perhaps you are living there for a reason and that is for you to be grateful for what you have and what you are going through for your husband to be a pharmacist. Sacrifice now and know that there a light at the end of the tunnel and that you will not be living there the rest of your life.

Your husband is busy and focussing on his studies and he is not in the same world as you at home. He is doing all he can do to get that degree to make the money and get you all settled in a nice home.

I say this because of being a military wife and moving half way around the world. There were a few places that were less than desirable but I knew going in that it would be for a year or so and that I could live through this. Either I would be gone or the other people around would be gone. You can put up with a lot knowing that it is only temporary. Do your best to find the silver lining in where you are.

This is a small chapter in your life and marriage. When you move you will start another chapter.

The other S.

Hi C. - first of breathe . . . because well, you're freaking out. : )

breaking it down - you just moved to a new city, you have a special needs child, no car, and you're under a lot of stress. give yourself some time and look at the positive.

I encourage you to keep the kid thing in perspective . . . there is a middle ground. Our neighbor kids on our cul-de-sac would do exactly the same thing and I just had to set some boundaries like I wouldnt let them start a new activity before they cleaned up their last one and I asked them to be considerate of our space and how much time it takes to clean up after everyone. I've even had to tell them I needed a "time out" from kids playing inside - they understand. We've had kids, without asking, borrow bikes, scooters, etc out of our garage and even helping themselves to "snacks" from the fridge we keep in the garage. Really all it took was a simple calm conversation to say "here are our house rules" and for the most part, they follow them just fine. When certain kids come to play, I say yes my kids can play . . . outside.

It sounds like your neighbors are actually fairly friendly (and trusting) and they could be a nice outlet for you and your son. It sounds like you are the one who has closed your door to them. As far as safety issues like the air conditioners - that really is going to be a situation anywhere you live. There is always going to be a busy street, a cranky neighbor, A. open window well, a dog etc. etc. etc.

As far as the car situation goes. Ask your husband for the car a couple of times a week. Either take him to school and pick him up, see if he can find a carpool or take public transportation or even ride his bike.

Usually public transportation (bus) serves the underprivileged sections of towns (ghettos.) Get a schedule and venture out.

Also, sit out back with your kids and get to know the other kids and their parents.

Church is also a good way of meeting good people.

Finally, when hubby is home on the weekends, leave him there with the bored kids stuck in the house. It won't take him long to realize that it's a problem!

You are going to have to put yourself out there - it's the only way to meet people.

I'm sorry you are going through this-could you spend time with the children at your mom's to have a bit of a break? Perhaps you could talk to the landlord to see if the AC fans could at least be repaired and maybe some play items could be put in the yard. Best of luck.