Need Advice on Teenagers

I just wanted to tell you that i was pregnant in my senior year in highchool. We got married when i was 19, have been married for 12 years and have 4 beautiful daughters. Your son needs to understand that this is not time to play around. I got myself an apartment and did everything i could to make it work. I am sure if they truly care about each other and get serious everything will be ok. Just make sure he is using birth control after this!! I had another baby 14 months after my first!

Hi C.. I have a 16 year old boy myself, but fortunately (so far) we have not gotten to the fork in the road that you've reached.

One of the things I've noticed, and you've outright stated, is that there is an issue with reality. I agree that sitting down with the four parents and the teens would be a good idea. Talk to them seriously about their plans and how they think they will make it: living arrangements -- will they each stay with their parents or are they trying to live together? about how they plan to finish high school -- who will watch the baby? about their plans for college, and about how they are going to pay for everything. My guess is that they expect the parents to let them live together while paying for everything. Or your son will want to quit high school to get a job -- and you can probably help him figure out how that is only a short term solution to a long term issue. I don't know of any marriage that started so young (even up to getting married at 20) that lasted very long.

The teens may be feeling so happy about the baby that they are not thinking further than this weekend. And, now that this has happened and it's out in the open, they can have sex more often without worrying about the consequences -- they're already there.

You might also see if there is a counselor that can help; if not the teens, perhaps you and the other parents. A counselor may also be able to recommend other resources.

My heart goes out to you. I wish you a lot of luck.

Ok, C., first take a deep breathe and understand your son is not the first and won't be the last to have a teenage pregnancy. And you are doing the best you can with a difficult situation.

I do not have teenagers (yet) but I hope I might offer some suggestions for you to consider. About the driving to each other: evidently they both don't drive and you are not his personal chauffeur; if he can walk safely- let him walk with a prior discussion of curfew, if too far to walk find a bus route for him to take or a used bike for him to ride- again with discussing curfew and consequences,discuss his need for keeping his grades up and homework done and what consequences to expect if he is late, grades drop, or homework is missed. Keep him in school and make school as important as you can in his mind. Next about the cost & responsibility of having a baby; explain he will need a part-time job to help support the cost of a baby (this will cut into his girlfriend time), and take them both (yes both) to a birth center to see a video of a birth and discuss the needs during pregnancy, post-pregnancy, and child-raising. Watch the movie "Juno" with them. It gives a humor to a difficult situation. Most likely your son will not listen or appreciate your suggestions or advice, please don't take offense it is the age and not a slight on you, is their an older uncle or male friend you can have talk to him? And most of all, use reverse psychology, support him and his girlfriend even if your brain is screaming "no,no,no!" Talk about commitment, talk about raising your children, no sleep, no nights out, tight money, being pee'd -pooped- and spit-up on, no other girlfriends, no prom (who will be with the newborn). Essentially bombard them with information, "forewarned is forearmed". Maybe you could find a "teen pregnancy/ teen parent support group" to take them so they can hear their peers. And remember, you can be proud of your son for telling you about the pregnancy and wanting to be a part of raising the child. He didn't cut and run and leave his girlfriend in the lurch.
Also, don't forget yourself, your husband and your other children. Teenagers like to think and make everything about them and it isn't. Your son has siblings who still need parents to focus on them and your son has two parents who NEED to focus on each other and themselves. Sooner or later he will learn that others have lives around him as well.

But mostly, you just keep breathing!

I would make your son get a job. tell him he is responsible for diapers,wipes and formula to feed the baby.tell him and her that they made the baby together so they need to take care of it. it is not your responsibility or her mother's to support the baby.if he has a job and is told he needs to save money for the baby it will probably keep them from being together all of the time. may be find someone you know who has a baby and have them watch the baby for the entire weekend. he and she obviously need a dose of reality.

Hi C.,
I'm sorry to hear about the situation your son and girlfriend have gotten in.As a mother of a sixteen year old girl and fourteen year old boy and twin nine year old girls I'm trying to put myself into your shoes to help you out. I was eighteen when I had my daughter,my husband and I dropped out of school,got our GED's and found jobs. We lived with my Mom until we got married a couple months later and moved to an apartment.Our story is almost unherd of though. There aren't many teenage pregancy marrages or even relationships that work out today.
If I were put in your shoes now with one of my children I think I would have her parents over to my house and give the two of them a little reality check.Let them know and understand what is ahead of them and how hard there lives will be now because of there actions. Are you or her parents willing to raise this child or talk to them about adoption?