Need Advice About a Serious Problem

You said doctors...maybe she is being double medicated. Is she using only 1 pharmacy. If it is a good one, I would call them up and ask if you could set up an appointment for a drug utilization review. Take all of her medications and have them go over what they are for. They will be able to tell you if she is taking more than one drug to treat the same symptom or if any of the drugs can cause side effects that she is experiencing. She could also be experiencing the beginning stages of Alzheimer (dementia being one of the first stages).

Have your boyfriend call the local Senior Center. They can arrange for an automated macine to dispense her correct meds, and a home health nurse will fill it. They can sign up to have a home health nurse come to the house to monitor her, help her bathe, etc. This help would truely be a Godsend for everyone; your boyfriend, his mother, and you! Once her meds are straightened out, I'll bet she will be much easier to be around, and she will be more mentally equipped to handle visits from you and your daughter.
Hope this helps, and take care!

K.,
You might start by writing down all the medications and dosages and having a pharmacist review it. She could tell you if they may be interacting negatively.
Also make sure every doctor knows about every prescription.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

The first thing that needs to be done is to make a list of every medication in the house that she is taking. If she isn't taking the med then it needs to be tossed out.

Then your boyfriend needs to take her to see her primary care doctor. He/she needs to review the list of meds. They will probably order blood work and a urinalysis as well. There can be a lot of causes for confusion. Unfortunately because you are just the girlfriend the doctor's office really isn't allowed to give you any information. Your boyfriend needs to get her an appointment asap. And he needs to go in with her during the visit so he can explain to the doc what has been going on.

If she was Baker Acted something serious must be going on.

I used to work in home health and nursing homes for many years so I'll offer some insight into that. As far as home health is concerned-in order to qualify and have insurance pay for it, she needs to have a qualifying diagnosis, it needs to be ordered by her doctor and she needs to be home bound-meaning it is almost impossible for her to get out except for doctor visits or church visits. And while the nurse will set up the meds your boyfriend would have to be there for teaching as the nurse can not come indefinitely to dispense meds. She might get a home health aide to help with her bath a couple of times a week while the nurse is coming but that is short lived as well. And they do not come and just stay with the patient. They come, do their job and leave. If she needs sitters that has to be arranged privately. If she is falling due to a medical reason she might also qualify for physical therapy. But at age 60 she may or may not have the insurance to cover these services.

With behavior like that it's pointing to one of two things - either her medication levels need to be re-evaluated because she may be getting too much of something OR they are all not interacting with each other correctly. The second thing is a sadder problem and that's dementia. I've been in both these situations and if it IS dementia, she will need 24 hour care and as hard as that is for any family to deal with, it's important to realize that she is a danger to herself even in subtle ways. You need to get your boyfriend to talk to the doctor and his siblings if there are any as soon as possible. A tragic accident from her wandering away, taking too much medication, leaving the stove on, etc is imminent and will be harder to deal with than knowing that she is in a place where she can be well taken care of an safe. Good luck. It's hard - it's really hard but being selfish about keeping her home is never an option.

My grandmother had hallucinations with a particular medication - it was not listed as a possible side-affect, but for her it was. They went away when the medication stopped. It is very important to get clear info on the medication and side affects, and how often to take. The advice to see a pharmacist was good.

Wow - ok all I can advise is that someone get a hold of her pills in a secure place and make sure they are all in the correct bottles. I know it's hard but if you love this man and plan a long lasting relationship he needs your help.

Can you get a home care helper again for her?

Also her immune system is messed up with all these different medications.

She needs the right supplements to fight off disease.

Getting the control over the medication is a good place to start.

We are here for you!

A.

You have gotten lots of answers already and some seem like great advice. I wasn't able to read most of them, so I'm not sure if I am repeating what another person posted...

If you are worried about your daughter being with the mother, but still want your daughter to see the mother - go over to the house with your daughter and stay with them. You can leave at any time you want, when you feel it is necessary. If she was over at your house, it would be harder to have the mother leave. I hope that makes sense.

I believe your fears about her medication has a basis. I would have your boyfriend look into taking out a court order for his mother's mind - it's a specific order that her son can get so he can make decisions for her. I think it would be great to get her in a nursing home / assisted living. It's for her health and the health of others. Have him look into the order first, so he has that ability and he feels like it's his idea.

Good luck and God bless :)

you need to see a doc about possible alheimzer diagnosis. i have worked in nursing homes for years and that's what it sounds like along with a little demetia. also talk to her pharmacists and ask him/her are any of her drugs counter-acting eaqch other. that can also cause outrageous behaviors. don't stop searching for an answer! something must be done. good luck and you are in my prayers

This really sounds like Alheimzer Dementia/Lewy Body Dementia to me. Messing up the pills, seeing things, confusion and falling down are all part of Lewy Body Dementia. With dementia, you get confused about what pills to take and a person can spend hours looking at them/messing with them. They no longer have the capasity to understand what pills do what and when to take them. Reading the bottles will not help someone with dementia. Please get medicine divider and make her pills up for her. This will help alot. There are pills that can help with memory improvement. These have worked wonders for my dad. But I still have to label things and make up his pills for him. Or you can take the pills away and only leave a set amount for what she needs til you go back. You will have to go back often but this way she can't take too many. Good luck with everything.

Next do neighbors mother inlaw is by-polor and on many meds herself..she lives at a nursing home but visits her and family often..myneighbor has to get all her meds from her and go by the schedule the nursing home gose by.., at all times they have to be given to her, she can not take them on her own for that just reason..if she did she would be in the same state..hope this helps, Just tell the kiddos she is playing make believe, as to not scare them or be afraid of her...

He needs to step in and take control of her meds and possibly help manage finances. My MIL was ill for the last 7 years of her life and at times was on serious pain medicine for different medical issues. They doped her up so much that she couldn't remember if she had taken her pills for the day or not, nor could she remember if she had ordered refills. At the time her insurance provider (I won't say names) would just send her more and at one point she ended up with like a 6 month supply of Norco, you just don't need that much. We sat down with her (I was a girlfriend at that point) and discussed our concerns with her on a day she was coherent. She was very reluctant to accept our help/management and control of the meds but she knew we were doing it for her safety, not to be controlling. She was a very independent woman and this was hard for her. We bought a pill container that covered a week of medicine for up to 4 time slots a day. She was on 10-15 pills a day plus vitamins. We would give her the weekly supply and we kept the rest. We lived with her for 3 years, got married and then his dad needed help so we moved out and he moved in and took over the meds. He passed less than a year after moving in with her. We lived a mile away so we called and visited the house regularly and we tought her how to set up her pills and she took over. This was after a major pain patch was elimated from her list of prescriptions and she tuned back in as a person again. She lived by herself for about 4 years with only a couple of minor issues until the end when she had cancer and was very ill and needed 24 hour care.

We also had to call the pharmacy of her medical provider and insist a block be put on to not allow her to order more until enough time had gone by from her previous prescription. She was told she had to wait a few times and was not happy, but sure enough if we looked around the house we found what she had already ordered and misplaced.

By you stepping in and helping monitor her meds she will get back to a better more coherent state and she won't run out. We put them all on a spreadsheet so it was easy to fill the pill box without having to read the bottles every time. You also knew a week in advance what you needed to reorder. You might also want to double check with the pharmacist if there are any bad reactions from the combination of medicine she is on. She could be having a bad reaction. If you can get to know the home health nurses it will help both you two and his mom. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you can get involved and help get her back on track.

I see you have gotten a lot of good answer. It does sound a lot like Alheimzer Dementia. I just went throught that with my mom. We had to put her in an assisted living which was the best thing for her. My grandmother also had it and my uncle took care of her. It got to the point where he could not go anywhere or leave here alone. You never know she may need 24 hour care. Your boyfriend my not want to consider it but he really should be checking with the doctors and look into. For her own safety. You really need to do a lot of reseach. If you are near tamarac I know a really good facialty if he ever considers to put her in somewhere. They took the best care of my mom. It is not all Alheimzer and Dementia people in there. I hope I made a little sense to you.

Is she terminally ill? Is she also suffering from dementia?
If you are with your child each time you visit, and unless she is doing something to physically harm your child, I wouldn't worry about her harming your child.
My father in law had severe dementia but he never would have harmed the kids for anything. He adored them.
You might want to look into getting resources for groups of people that deal with this type of thing so you don't feel alone and you can also get some tips.
This poor woman sounds like she's having a tough time. If you feel that she's being over medicated, then your boyfriend can hopefully speak with her doctor about it.

I hope you find a solution.
My kids just knew Grandpa was "special" and elderly. They were very ginger with him on his bad days. They loved him very much.