Nanny/Au Pair Issues

Hi, sorry if this is direct, but you don't sound very experienced to me.
For the hours, it's time to renegotiate your contract! You SHOULD, as their employee, EXPECT them to keep track of how many hrs your are working. That's their job. You should be paid for what you're working, and I guarantee you that they are very aware of how much they are asking you to work. We have a nanny for our son, and we are hyper aware of when she works, and how much we are expected to pay her. And she lets us know when something is out of whack. She's our employee, we, her employer, and at the end of the day, that's how the "relationship" should work. It's professional, not personal.

The baby crying at that age is normal separation anxiety. It has nothing to do with you. All kids go through it. And it will get worse before it gets better! Your job is to distract the baby and comfort him. Make sure that he feels loved and cuddled, and try to divert his attention elsewhere - toy, cartoon, book, etc... They say that it's better (as a parent) to tell kids that you're leaving and will be back, rather than just sneaking out. So I would have mom kiss him goodbye and say she'll be home later, and then leave. When she hands him to you, you start the distractions.

You will probably be doing these children a favor if you encourage adherence to your agreement (5 hours 5-6 days per week). They need a relationship with their parents, and the one year old REALLY needs his mommy! No wonder he is crying!

Good luck to you and hopefully you will get this worked out in an amicable and expedited fashion.

I agree, keep track of the hours. Be sure to record what was going on so no one can say that you are not correct......so you can put that she went to the store and was gone so long......etc.....don't be super picky, just show why you were expected to work longer.........also, you might start making plans, even if it is just a lie and you leave the house..........tell them, I have plans, so I can't work any longer today........unless you are willing to pay me extra for the time........You are being cheated, and if this was a real company job, you'd get over time at some point......so you need to make them aware of the issue......

As for the baby, I would just distract him, take him somewhere else, find someplace to play ect........you might even want to start working on words with flash cards you make on your own.......

Good luck and take care.

Just let them know you would like to schedule your "free time" and ask if they could make a schedule with you. Like 2 day a week you have mornings off and the other 3 you have evenings. Also schedule one weekend a month off.

I used to work for a family that had an Au Pair (see she also needed a nanny becasue the Au Pair couldn't work as many hours as she wanted for her children- whole other issue ) Are you contracted through a company? Find an au pair group so you can make some friends to get together with when you do have time off.

Hi R.;
I agree w/the ladies. U need to talk to the family and as far as the baby. he could be crying for HER attention as weel as the serperation.
I got 2 question for u?..... Do u get pay ot pay afer hrs?... If not maybe ask for it.. And on ur days off, do u leave on do other things with friends and family? Make SURE you DO this because if u DON'T it will BURN u OUT quick!!

I would definitly bring up the hourly schedule, maybe by asking for a simple meeting, and explaining that youo have no problem working the extra hours, but if the longer days persist, you will expect monetary compensation for it.

As far as the baby, that is just a baby wanting it's mother. Doesn't mean you arent doing a good job, just means that the baby may be having some small seperation anxiety problems. If he is easily distracted and seems happy after a few minutes of her leaving, it is perfectly normal.

Good luck and good standing up for yourself!

well I would suggest asking them to go over your contract with you so you can make any changes for anything that has kind of gotten outdated. That way you can bring up well I've noticed lately that we have been going over the 5 hour days often so how about we change that so that nobody can say its a contract violation. Then go over what your comfortable with. I certainly know if I had a nanny I would want them to keep me informed and on track since I tend to forget things easy.

No its called the mom has spoiled him! Sounds to me like she holds him all the time when your not around and he is going through a bit of seperation anxiety. Its normal around that age. distraction may or may not work but taking him back to mom would only make it worse.

Oh this is fun. I was an Au pair ten years ago and I see not much has changed since then. Most families (not all) that will hire an Aupair insteat of a Nanny do that because its cheaper and they will get away with it making them work more. You should have a coordinator that is responsable for you and your family. You talk to that person and see what you should do and he/she could also help you with talking to the family. They signed a contract and they need to stick with it.

I had no experience what so ever when I first started out as an Aupair but you will figure thinks out really fast. Its normal for a little child to cry. He knows that when you come his mommy will leave so he gets upset. Try to get him involved with something he ususally likes to play with and he evenually will get over it. Don't bring him to his mommy. He will only cry more.

Let me know if you have more questions. I could have needed somebody to talk to when i first started so I am happy to help. Good luck!!!

If you were hired through a reputable AuPair service like Interexchange or AuPair USA, then you should call the person you signed on with. Usually there is a local manager and it is HER job to help work these issues out, whichever side the problem or misunderstanding comes from.

All babies cry- some more than others. At age 1 a lot of kids are very 'clingy' to mom. I would say leave the room and distract him. If mom could/wanted to hold him just then, she would. But also, he will not learn to feel safe and play without mom unless he can get used to it. It will be tiring at first, but gradually he will get used to you and not want to be with mama all the time.

I have a good friend who taught ESL at a local university and I know how difficult it can be if you are from another country and having issues with your living conditions, etc. Especially if you are a student, there are some families that may take advantage of you, whether they mean to or not.

We once took a group of aupairs from several different countries for an outing to a local museum in Chicago. They were all nice young college-age girls, from 4 different countries. I was absolutely amazed, listening to them talk amongst themselves, the situations some of them were placed into!

One girl who was from Africa and spoke excellent English but was a little shy confided that this was the first 'field trip' she had had away from the house besides taking the kids to the local park in the months she had been there. The family didn't live near any public transportation and never had offered to take her anywhere. I am not saying they were legally obligated to do so, but it seemed very selfish to me!

All the aupairs I met did have one thing in common: even those who were frustrated with the parents or had difficult children to look after really seemed to love and care about the kids. I am sure you feel the same and it must be frustrating.

Call your aupair agency- they can keep it professional and hopefully there will not be any hurt feelings between you and your host family! Good luck!

You work for them. You both should be keeping track of your hours. You cannot work this much. Do you get paid for extra time?? Time for a sit down with your family. If you work over five hours then you need to be asked first off then paid if you agree to work. This should not offend them, maybe she is overlooking and does not realize your working to much. Keep a time chart for her to see. This all can be done nicely. You need to be assertive or people will take advantage of you. Good luck!

Definitely track your time. Maybe you write your hours for each day on a calendar where everyone can see it. Then if they need you extra one day you can work less another day. Are you new at the position? Maybe you haven't had enough time to bond with the baby. It will happen over time. That's a tricky age because they have separation anxiety already. If the mom is working try to make sure she doesn't have to hear the baby crying. Hearing your own baby cry is the most distracting and stressful thing in the world. Address any specific questions about the baby to the parents so you can learn likes and dislikes. Hope some of this helps.

hello
I think perhaps you need to have a conversation with this family. sounds to me like they are taking BIG advantage of you... I mean 8-11 hours.. they should know better.. Sad to say, that it's not uncommon for this to happen.. families taking advantage of their Au pair.... and or nanny...
You aren't by any means sounding ungrateful or selfish.. The mom ought to know better and knows full well she IS taking advantage as she herself is a mom, can probably relate to what a thankless job it might feel like at times..
I would speak up... think of it this way... shouldn't YOU be the one offended at the family's selfishness??? they are the ones taking advantage of YOU not the other way around..
I would track your hours on paper for a full week and then at week's end, show it to them. as an employee it IS your job to track your hours but as an EMPLOYER , it is also their job to track your hours and NOT take advantage..
best of luck

I was host mom for a year and recently my AP went on extension with a new family. As a host mom, I knew the rules of having an au pair. You work 45 hours, no more than 10 in a day. You should keep track of your hours. Approach your HF and show them your hours if they are over the 45. It may be that they do not realize it. If you feel the HF is not resolving it, contact your LCC to help you. I have heard stories of people taking advantage of AP. If it is happening, involve your LCC.

I was very firm with our AP that when she was off, she was off and not expected to work. But we had a great relationship and she became part of our family so she stuck around even when she was off and helped out. After dinner she would do dishes so that I could spend time with my kids. She started with us when the twins were 4 months and she loved those boys. We are still in contact with her.

In your example, if you are on, and if HM gives you the baby, you should take the baby and distract. I am sure you are infant qualified so you can play with the baby until HM is ready. When I was working from home on some days (I work outside of home usually) and the kids would see me and cry for me, but my AP was on duty so she would know to take the kids and distract them. She was really good about that.

Let me know if you have any more questions. I am familiar with the AP program and may be able to help. I am also in contact with LCC from two agencies so I can also ask if it is something I am not sure about. But you should also feel comfortable talking with your HF and LCC.

Not sure what your agency is but I was with CCAP and they have a forum for HF and AP. If you feel the LCC is not helping then you should be able to contact someone, maybe program director, who can help.

Listen, I, myself was looking for an Au Pair a while ago. It is very clear in the websites I run into that Au Pairs have a working schedule with task related to the kid (s) they will take care of. I do not know how long you've being working for this family. That is, this could be an issue with the young child getting use to being with just you. Additionally, you will have to talk to your employer and set you hours. Remember, you are paid for limited amount of time you designate to your client, regardless that you live in her/his house. It seems to me that this is your first job. It is O.K, but you need to learn a little bit of what you can and can not do.

The first one is a touchy one... I would talk with both parents and ask for time off. Point out that you have been going above and beyond the contract. If that does not work, go to the agency you worked with to get hired. They should be able to help you and that is what they are there for. But while you do not expect the family to faithfully keep track of your hours, you should. That will be your only ammo is needed.

On you second one, this is totally normal. As a former childcare provider, I would take the child out of the room and try my best to distract them. It is not a sign of a bad care provider, just a child who is very attached to mom.

Good Luck!

You must speak up if you don't want to be looked at as a toilet seat. Open communication is crucial. If they think you are ungrateful then it demonstrates that they are just abusing the situation. If I were you, I would want to know what they really think of you! If they are decent people, they would be horrified to know that you are working 15 - 36 extra hours a week.

The baby crying when the mom hands him off to you is a huge "red flag"! It means the baby wants his mommy not a paid substitute. Whoever decided way back when that a mom should not take care of their own child certainly did not ask the child.

Sounds like you're the mom and she's the nanny. I'd sit down and talk w/them honestly.