My Step- Son Would like to Move to His Our House, but Is Scared to Tell His Mom.

Often boys get to a certain age when they need more time with their dad.
Seems to me that if dad wants custody then his lawyer should be talking to her lawyer and the kid is old enough to make his preferences known and they might (or might not) be taken into consideration.
The son should not be the one to have to initiate this.
The parents need to work out a new custody agreement.

bear in mind that the mother might actually have some useful insight into the situation, as she's currently the custodial parent. maybe your stepson is chafing against house rules, and yours is more 'fun.'

this rarely lasts when it becomes permanent.

if you and your husband really want this to happen, it's on your husband to open the communication with his ex. if she's utterly resistant, well, that's what attorneys are for.

but be sure what you're stepping into before you encourage him to force the issue.

as far as the boy goes, your role is simple. you're not his parent. 'i understand you want this, simon, and at your age you do get to have a say. but your parents need to work this out.'

not yours to fix or manage.

khairete
S.

Well, in many states, he is of the age where a court would strongly consider his preferences. This sounds like it will require going back to court to redo the custody and parenting agreements, which in turn will require child support to changed as well. If your husband is serious about this, and the child is able to give well-thought out reasons for why he would like the change (i.e. not just that it's more fun at your house), then consulting an attorney would be the way to go.

This is so hard. There's no easy way to do it. Kids sometimes have their reasons all in order, and sometimes they have their reasons all mixed up. The "weekend" house is often the "grass is greener" house. Sometimes kids rebel against Parent 1's discipline and choose Parent 2. Then they move in and it's a whole new adjustment to a whole new life, and it's not so simple.

Sometimes kids need their other parent, particularly the same sex parent. It's really, really hard for the main custodial parent to let go too.

My stepdaghters were unhappy with their mother - lots of problems, from Mom's low-life boyfriends and nights out at rock concerts, to neglected medical needs, to substandard schools. The younger one was spoiled and the older resented it, and wanted to move in with her father and me. When it came down to it, she couldn't go through with it because her mom guilt-tripped her. The mom said she wouldn't visit her, and the kid said to my husband, "She's not like you. I'll see you no matter where I live. But I won't see her because she won't care enough to drive." The torture was too much for the poor kid.

So it's impossible to advise you without knowing all the background. I do think it's worth a series of discussions between Mom and Dad. Maybe there are some changes that can be made to meet everyone's needs. My advice to you as the stepmother is to stay out of the discussions entirely. Leave the room, saying, "I love you, kiddo, but this is between you and your dad and your mom." It will not go well if you appear to be going up against the mom.

I seriously question your hidden agenda and motives here. The amount of work this child would add to your life begs me to question why you would be on board with this....unless their was a financial incentive for you.

Let’s face it, the majority of fathers and stepmothers try to get custody to decrease or stop paying childsupport. Stepchildren equal money in your pocket, regardless if it’s in thr child’s best interest.

The question you should ask yourself is if your husband could actually care for his own child by himself without you around to do the work for him.

If money weren’t involved and you assumed full cost and responsibilities, would you want this transaction to occur?

Ask yourself this: would you want your own 13 years child to go live with another women?

If so, then why don’t you put this in writing so that you’d husband can use this against you one day to take your child from you.
I’m sure the boys own mother would also appreciate this.

If she won't listen to your husband, then how else does he communicate with her? I mean that's pretty sad. You don't include any details here, but I have friends where the teens went to live with my friend at a certain age (primary custody switched) because it worked better for all - and the parents sorted it out. If they're not communicating - I guess you'd go through your lawyers or mediators or however else they communicate. Pretty sad really. I can see why the son doesn't want to live there if she's unwilling to listen.

This is one side of the story obviously - but maybe have the son see a counselor. Having someone advocate for him - not just his father - would be a good start. Then with that, maybe it would be easier to change primary custody.

I know you're a regular here - but I don't get this.

Three years ago he was 11 years old - so now he's 13 - shouldn't he be 14?
WHY is she still THREE HOURS away - did the court allow this??

WHAT do you want out of this? What is YOUR motivation behind this change?
Why is your husband NOT going to court and petitioning the court for this change? He's a teenager - and most courts will LISTEN to the desires of a teenager.

If the mom is "guilting" him? He needs to record her manipulation for the courts to hear. That's NOT parenting.

I would back my husband and my step-child. I would ensure I am not unduly influencing him and making him want this. I would ensure he is supported and listened to.

This is something you will need to stay out of as his step-mother. Your husband and his son will have to work things out, you can be supportive but neutral.