My in Laws Keep Arguing with Me About Silly Things Such As...

Aaah family! I find it helpful to simply play cheerful and ditsy - so it's not you're wrong, I'm right - when neither side is going to budge. "I know, we're the hippy family!" smile and change the subject to something you are both interested in - the Yankees, perhaps?

Every kid has to learn to follow their own family rules regardless of what the other kids are doing. It just takes a while to sink in for most kids. My kids go barefoot a lot when it is good weather--but not where the ground has hazards like glass, gravel, animal poop, etc. My mom just said if it is any time between April and October I can use my own judgment. It is one of numerous parenting judgment calls.

Every parent has a right to make his/her own parenting choices. But it's possible that your sis-in-law was making the request simply because she wanted her child to be more agreeable to the rule.

For example, I have a very strick rule about holding my kids' hands in parking lots. They are never allowed to go off by themselves (at 3 and 4 years old, anyway). But my SIL is a lot more lax about that rule and lets her three year old run free, though she does try to keep her close.

I can totally respect that. I really can. Not every parent is cautious about the exact same things and I would never lecture my SIL about it or ask her to start enforcing MY rules on her child.

BUT....is it harder for me to get MY kids to follow MY rules when they see their cousin running free?

Absolutely.

So maybe your SIL isn't trying to push her rules on you so much as she is trying to get her own kid to cooperate. I don't know, just a thought...

Life is so short and why petty things such as this have to even occur amazes me. Shoes on, shoes off. I agree if they arent walking in stickers and broken glass there should be no worries. Germaphobes will argue tho. All you can do is smile and do what you think is ultimately correct. If your SIL has a fear of her kid being barefoot you could have sympathized with her and put your daughters shoes on while telling her "You can take them off when you get home but right now it isnt fair that you get to do it and your cousin cant, okay?" That would have put you on the high ground and taught your daughter a little bit about sympathy.

It takes two to "argue' so when your SIL or MIL or FIL says something that you don't agree with just smile sweetly and say something like "Thanks for mentioning that "....or "I will keep that in mind" or something else non-confrontaiional and then just drop it.. If you want to have any sort of relationship with these people then you are going to have to learn to just let it go and not stew over it. The only person really being hurt is you...they don't know or care that the things they are saying are upsetting you.
I can still remember...YEARS ago (the child in question at the time is now grown, a Mother herself and a lawyer!) I sent my little one out to play in the back yard, in the late fall in Oklahoma where we were stationed at the time. I was talking to my Mother on the phone and she said something to the effect of "You did put an undershirt on the child didn't you..it's cold outside!"...I laughed and said "No Mom I sent her out there naked"...she realized how silly she sounded...we both still got a chuckle out of it years later. The point is....RELAX....don't go into these situations, looking for something to be upset about or you will always find it!!!

My mother is a total control freak. I have learned to just say to her "this is the way we do it." Or "thanks for sharing your way, but I do it this way, and that is OK." It cuts off all discussion and let's you carry on.

We don't wear shoes around our house and yard...so the other day, we take my 2.5 year old to the mall. She took her shoes off when we went in and left them on the "carpet" near the door. It was so funny!

i think that with people who think they are always right (my father-in-law is usually one of those people, especially towards my husband) you have to learn to just shrug it off, at least while you're in their home.
They have every right (as long as its not harming your children) to set their own house rules. If they were in your home demanding the same things you'd have every right to tell them, "thank you for the suggestion, but in our home we allow that". But you would want them to respect the rules in your home, so you should really to do the same.
I understand how difficult it can be, trust me!! especially when they are trying to prove you wrong when you know beyond a doubt that you are right (and usually everyone in the room knows you're right too)! but we've learned with my FIL that until you give in and "smile and nod" he won't relent. So its way easier to just swallow your pride, say "ok" and let it roll off your back, rather than argue with someone you know will never give in.
I know its easier said than done, but try not to sweat the small stuff and just allow your children to enjoy their time with their grandparents, even if they have strange thoughts on things! Good luck :)

HAHAHAHA, Irene, my inlaws are exactly the same! Their kids are dressed like it's 20 below zero when it's 60 or 70 degrees! They nagged and picked and harassed their kids for the dumbest little things! Then, when intervention was CLEARLY needed, they had nothing to say! Then they were always shocked at how MY kids were very well behaved at church, restaurants and such. Well duh, cause when they get the chance to run around like, uh, kids, barefoot in the grass I let them! I even (gasp) let them have pretzels for breakfast, and the inlaws are in awe of how little stress we have in the morning before school. When I was nursing a baby, I just picked up said baby and nursed it when it was fussy, but it's only been 2 hours since the last time you fed him! Who cares, kid needs comfort, give it to them! A lot of people make parenting A LOT harder than it actually is. Catch a cold from barefeet?! Honestly, what century is this?! You just smile and humor them and keep doing exactly what comes natural, your kids are very lucky!! Great post!

As your SIL demonstrated, it's possible to argue endlessly about beliefs and "facts." It is much harder to argue with someones's feelings and needs.

You might have better luck keeping it on a feeling level, such as "I hear that you're WORRIED that going barefoot isn't healthy. My kids FEEL HAPPY going barefoot, and have never had any bad effects. The weather will be changing soon, so I'M TICKLED they can ENJOY this freedom while it's still warm enough. I FEEL SAD your daughter can't join them, but I understand you are WORRIED.."

Put yourself in your SIL's position and figure out how to argue with that!

Since you say keeps arguing I suspect this really has nothing to do with shoes. Although in her defense I will say I have a 9 year old right now who was outside without shoes and as been to the doctor twice and going again tomorrow for another cauterization for his hematoma after stepping on a rock, but that is beside the point. He's my kid. He's also still barefoot.
It probably has more to do with her seeing your parenting style as too free, or she is a control freak and feels the need to conrtrol everything around her.
What she needs to say to her kids is "this is mommy's rule". Since she won't and will needle you about it you can either laugh it off, or say they're fine., or have your kiids always follow Auntie's tules whenever she is around. .

Irene,
I'm a barefoot person. As a young adult I used to keep a pair of shoes in the car but I didn't wear them even to the store. (Grew up in a beach town, no one enforced the shoe/shirt policy).

It's sounds like your MIL likes to argue but could it be that she didn't want dirty feet in her house? My neighbor is a lovely person but a bit of a clean freak. She has been know to take a wet wipe and clean the bottom of her 8yr old son's and my 8yr old son's feet before they can play upstairs. Just a thought.

You could as "KansasMom" suggested, joke with your MIL. "Grammy, the kids are up to date with their vaccinations against yucky kooties."

Good luck.
~K.

Let it go - they are the ones being silly, don't get caught up in it.

There are things that can be an issue if kids are running around barefoot but usually are not a problem if they have healthy immune systems and you practice common sense hygiene It's not like they are running barefoot in cow manure or a leach-infested swamp. My daughter runs around outside barefoot all the time - how else is she suppposed to play in her kiddie swim pool and sandbox? She's 3 and she is fine.

If this is the sort of thing that happens on a regular basis, just say, "Thank you for your concern, I'll keep that in mind." and then go on your merry way.

How I would have responded to that would have been, "No, they are fine barefoot," in a light tone of voice. That way you are brushing them off but taking it in a light hearted manner, not trying to be rude or argumentative. If anything I am sarcastic in a joking kind of way. That way it makes people laugh but redirects the conversation.
I have never heard of kids getting sick from keeping their shoes off, I have heard of kids getting sick from going out in cold temps with wet hair, which is also an old wives tale. Some people truely believe in them though. When my FIL pops off with something strange from his "day and time," I just laugh and ask him which dinosaur was his pet. =) Good Luck.

I can understand if she had asked you because she wanted her child to listen and it would have been easier if they all had their shoes on. But, I imagine this is not the case since you didn't mention it. It seems you also weren't being told because they were afraid she would "dirty" the house. She was concerned about her own getting dirty or sick. Your SIL is just downright rude as far as I can tell from your last post as well. I agree with the responses you've gotten. I had a friend who didn't always agree with how I did things. But, she would discipline hers and I would discipline mine. I would simply tell her, "this is ok with me" or "this is how we do it, but you do whatever you think is right for YOUR child" She was probably seething inside, but didn't usually fuss about it out loud once I told her how it was. Stand up for yourself and don't let them make you second guess your choices. You are a wonderful mom, and they have way too many issues. Good Luck!

The only thing I would worry about is that the kids would step on something. There are some bees that nest in the ground, but as long as your yard is free from bees, poop or sharp objects, you can't get sick from going barefoot. Getting sick is caused by bacteria and viruses that are spread by coughing, sneezing, drooling and touching other people's or animal's waste. They're less likely to get sick if they spend more time running around outdoors b/c they are not in close contact with sick people. They may get dirty feet, yes, but those are washable.

Is this the same SIL that corrects your children in front of you? She seems like a control freak or else very insecure. Next time suggest she learn to control HER child so that the child stops copying yours. Also you can google bare feet for children and see that doctors recommend letting them go barefoot. Instead of arguing with the witch tell her to do research and to raise HER family and not YOURS. You must put her in her place sweetly and without debate or she will never stop.

I'd tell them to piss off.

Your parenting style is different then theirs..and everyone else does things differently too. I still jump on the beds and roller skate in the house..and I'm 40!

Let them walk around barefoot. Why argue about stupid stuff and waste your energy? They have lost their childlike nature and are not letting their kids be kids. Don't give in to that mentality to appeases them.

Nanc

My answer to that would be, "The poor haven't worn shoes for centuries. There aren't any mass graves for barefoot people, not even barefoot kids."

"BTW, they make medicine to help you with your paranoia."

Good luck to you and yours.

Just tell them, "No, my children are allowed to... But of course you can have your child do whatever you think is right."
Simply expressing that you will parent your child while they parent theirs without arguing with them. There's no reason to make a big deal out of it. If they choose to be upset then oh well. But don't allow yourself or your children to be bullied just because they are a bit big-mouthed.

In Laws can be crazy. The best thing to do is not give in to that drama. I would even avoid answering the question, "can your kid out her shoes back on?" and just change the subject quickly.

By the way, I am a barefoot lover too, been that way since I was a little girl, and my parents did not encourage it -- in fact, they believed that myth too and discouraged it! Even today, in my thirties if my parents are at my house and see me barefoot, they will take the slippers off their own feet and give them to me. It's cute. But whatever, even in all my barefoot days I rarely was ill.

We grew up on the beach,,,,,,,shoes never, bare foot all the time. We were born bare foot! LOL!

First of all - my kids love being barefoot and I thinks it's great! I think I have been on the other side of this - kind of. My children are expected to follow our rules everywhere we go and my in-laws have different rules for their daughter. I don't let my kids do some of the things my niece does, but I would NEVER ask my sister-in-law to change their rule just for my kids. My kids are learning that people do things differently, and that is okay. For example, if my niece doesn't feel like eating dinner then she is allowed to go play instead. My kids have to sit with the family until everyone else is done eating - even if they say they are done. It causes problems sometimes because my kids don't understand why they can't go play too, but again, I would NEVER ask them to make their daughter stay at the table just because my son and daughter have to. I would be pissed if they did it to me. I respect their rules and parenting, and they respect mine.

I think you handled it appropriately. I wouldn't give to them, because I think it opens the door to criticize all sorts of things. Sorry for the long, personal answer, but NO I don't think it is appropriate on their part.

Is there poop in the yard? Was it a city park? If there isn't any poop or it is your own backyard, they are just being overly sensetive. I will make my kids keep their shoes on in the park though because you don't have control over what is on the ground, glass, dog poop, bottle caps etc. We also live in NYC and although parks are well cared for here I have found all kinds of questionable items hidden in the grass.
Even still, it may not be in your best interest to rock the boat. You can allow your kids to run around barefoot, but maybe it's not wise to push it on them.

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If your MIL has these issues, it's not surprising that your SIL believes the same things. I am a huge fan of being barefoot, that being said, there is a very slight chance of catching hookworms if the ground is contaminated with animal or human feces from someone with the intestinal worms.

Yes, their feet will get dirty - whether we had a bath at night in the summer or not, we had to wash our feet before getting into bed. (If anyone has white carpets, they might need to wash them before entering the house). Bare feet do track more dirt than shoes (generally speaking). So, if someone's house was "museum quality" it may be a good idea for everyone involved to wear shoes and remove them at the door, otherwise, enjoy the warm weather and agree to disagree. (although you are being a terrible influence on their darling perfect child)