My Husband Needs a Life. Help.

As much as I hate them myself, video games. My husband is in the army and he has no real life outside of home either. all his buddies go out and drink and he feels since I am pregnant and I can't drink then he shouldn't either. I can't even go to the store with out him wanting to be there. Sometimes I feel clustered but his gameboy advance gives me piece of mind when I want to go and do things. Other then that tell him to try this website PlentOfFish.com yes it is a dating website but it's also there to make friends. There are lots of couples on there wanting to find and makes friends. It's free. Other then that I got no other advice. good luck. :)

The YMCA is always looking for men to teach sports there or help out with the kids teams they have there. Not for certain if you have to be member but worth the try. Or maybe get him a gym membership to get out that way. Or if he ever wanted to learn how to play the guitar they have some classes at community colleges..and ones for art classes to or maybe to weld. Maybe if he became a Big Brother...it would be a little friend for him but would still get out for awhile. Don't know if this was any help but good luck.

I understand how you feel. My husband also does not seem to have the same amount of friends as I do and I think it is important for adults to maintain friendships outside just being a husband and father. I would suggest that you introduce him to some of your friends. Do any of them have husbands/boyfriends he could get to know? Also my husband is not into sports or bars so that can make it tougher for him to meet new guys to hang out with. Are there any volunteer opportunities you could look into? Maybe that would get him out of the house for awhile and involved in something--a good way to meet new people. Can you check out meetup.com for groups in your area? I'm sure there are dad's groups. I would organize some couples get togethers if you can so your husband can have a chance at meeting some new guys. Best of luck---definitely don't give up your friends, try and find a compromise so you can all feel happy and fulfilled.

Any chance your son is in Boy Scouts? If so, he could become a den leader. It's pretty time consuming and is a great way for him to meet other men his age.

I agree with Anne, volunteer opportunities would also get him out of the house and benefit others, too. Good luck!

Have a party! Not a girls party. Invite your friends with their husbands and play games........preferably a game your husband likes. Charades, poker, Moods, bananagrams........whatever works. I am leaning towards teams and making it men against the women. Perfect chance to bond. Then if he meets anyone of interest suggest a men's group. Dinner one night a month, or a movie. Whatever is his thing. Slow process but you can get there. Men are terrible about this. Sports seems to be the only way they relate, but some men like movies or books or something in common. They just need their wives to push things along.

And.......get him a hobby

You've gotten a lot of great responses. Joining a fitness center is a good idea as is volunteering. If you go to church, that's also a great way to make connections. If you have kids in school sign him up to help at school functions (my husband didn't like the idea of this at first but he actually enjoys it now, it's nice for dads to get together the way moms do, they don't have to become "friends" but it is a way to enjoy some male companionship.)
I feel for both of you. It is much more difficult for adults to make new friends than kids, especially men because they're not usually as good at reaching out the way women are. I also think it's important to socialize with other couples. Are any of your friends married? Do you have other mommy friends that you could invite over with their spouses and kids for a family bbq? I think if you socialize more as a couple he will naturally meet other men and possibly find someone to do guy stuff with, go to a ball game or out for drinks, etc. My husband also spends time playing video games on line with some guys he met playing golf.
Keep trying, you'll both be happier in the long run. Good luck!

Tell him to bring over a buddy from work. Perhaps someone that is either single/married. If married then have his wife come along and you can all get together. There has to be something he is interested in. Computer games etc. Its not good for a relationship when you go out and he questions your every move, its like he's trying to control you. Do you have neighbours' or anyone in the family close by who would be happy to spend time with him, go somewhere. It almost seems like hes' afraid of losing you because you are going out and you might meet up with someone. If you have to get together and get some councelling I think it would be a good idea. Maybe if he hasn't met your friends this is why he is feeling so upset.
Invite them to your place, let him meet them and he'll realize that there is no need for questioning your every move while out. This is not fair to you, he has to want to make friends, you can't make them for him. There also has to be something that interests him beyond you. Even a Playstation or something along that route, something that he can focus on rather than focusing on how long your gone out. Good luck, hope all turns out well for you.

Get him of facebook and let him " cyber hang out" with his old friends. Then maybe he can use Skype to chat with them as well. Also, you might consider suggesting he sign up for some classes at the local college to get him something to do outside the house so he can find some new friends and enjoyment

Look for dad groups in your area, there are many out there!
Since he doesn't seem too outgoing you'll probably have to sign him up for these groups, and maybe even go with him to the first few until he meets other men and feels comfortable.
Trust me though (my husband was the same way), once you get over the initial rough spot with forcing him to go to these groups or meetings (lol), he'll love it!
Good luck, it's hard but I know you can do it!
:)

I'm a guy (kinda unique in this network...) so here's my suggestion for a SF based activity... I would encourage him to join a "boot-camp"... Check out Koi Fitness.

When I joined Koi Fitness, I couldn't even run around the block so I was in REALLY BAD SHAPE (i.e. physical fitness is not a pre-req). That being said, I got into shape and built some great friendships with the people I worked out with. Interestingly, I got a social aspect out of the boot camp that I didn't expect. The group workouts are in the early morning so it doesn't impact the work day but it may impact morning duties with your son... that's a schedule thing you guys have to figure out.

I no longer do Koi because of my morning duties with my daughter... and I have to say I miss going to Koi in the mornings...

Hope that helps...

Don't forget to tell us what happened... I'm curious to see what he gets into.

Are any of your friends married? If so, maybe you can schedule some type of couples date and from that point he may find that he has something in common with some of their husbands and then hang out with them.
If none of your friends are married it would probably help to have a few friends who have husbands that way he can have an opportunity to connect withsomeone and still have a night out with you. Especially, if he has a hard time meeting people this might make it easier for him.
My husband also does not have alot of maile friends. I think he has two that he talks with regularly. But my husband works two jobs so that keeps him busy.LOL

How about becoming a volunteer or board member at a nonprofit (www.volunteerinfo.org or www.boardnetUSA.org) or joining a toastmasters club? Or sign up for a class if he has the energy. Another suggestion would be to encourage him to take one evening a week to network for future career development. He may actually find some friends that way.

I've met some great people (men and women) volunteering, and it feels good to be part of something constructive. Check out http://onebrick.org/ (where many organizations list across the country) to find a volunteer opportunity that he might be interested in. They have outdoor jobs, food bank shifts, working with kids, elders, all kinds of volunteering, and it's fun to do something new. The length ranges from a one-time thing to longer commitments. Good luck to you both.

check out www.meetup.com, its free. put in your zip code and husbands "interests" (poker, golf, eating, whatever) and it pulls up all the local groups that "meet" regarding these topics. Good luck!

Help him. Join a kids group such as boys scouts, soccer .......bowling! Introduce him to your friends husbands or boyfriends. Have a party and invite a bunch of people and he invite work friends. I find its a lot harder for men to just get a life when they really do not know anyone. Hes your husband and it seems you know people so go somewhere at night and make him feel included.

Sometimes it's hard for guys to just join up without "help". I've been working out at a local fitness center and liking it, and have JUST gotten him to join up to go with me as a "couples thing". But once he gets going on that, he'll be able to branch out and join up with some classes or raquetball, tennis, or basketball nights as he feels comfortable. I know you said he doesn't like sports, but you can use that idea for whatever he DOES like. Join something to do as a couple for quality time, and as he feels comfortable he could add stuff to do. Our community also has lots of clubs and teams (cooking, chess, bunko, gardening, tennis, swimming, etc) and maybe you could check to see if there's something your community offers that would be of interest to him, or both of you. We also got involved in church and after a few months, he started going to the occasional men's breakfasts. We also go to a small group at church for married couples and he gets a little social time with the men while we women socialize after the Bible study. If he has something he's interested in that he knows how to do, I'd suggest you ask him about it and show a little interest in it. An example of this is that I KNOW I hate tennis and will never be good but he played it a million years ago. I asked him about it and asked him to show me how to hit it a little, and after a couple weeks I suppose he mentioned it at work because now he does that with some guys from work one weekend a month and I don't have to go (whew!). It gets him remembering that he does have interests that he may have forgotten about, and gets the juices flowing again for that....and he can either seek out someone to do that with (meetup.com) or will talk about it in his circle and make a friend that way. Check online wherever you're from, for us it's fortworthchild.com for the calendar of events/activities to do as a parent. This is another way to get him out and having some fun: I've found things like father/son fishing day at the local park, Fossil Rim had some camping thing where they TEACH you how to camp with your kids, a guided canoe trip, stuff like that is what my husband has opted for. That way he's doing something in the name of being a good dad, but it's good for him too! And finally, along the same lines as joining the gym together, we also have taken classes (cooking classes, Spanish classes, toured the local theater and got season passes for that, scuba classes, and we will be taking latin dancing classes). It's fun to do together, as a date thing to improve yourselves, but it also leads to "REAL" dates (out dancing, getting scuba certified got us on a cruise shortly after, etc), but you can meet like-minded people in those classes. And finally, there's always SOMETHING to volunteer for.

small groups at church

What about striking up a conversation with a neighbor? Maybe you could help out by inviting the couple next door over for a bar-b-que or something of the sort. Do any of your girlfriends have husbands or boyfriends that you could double date with so your husband can make a friend? it is hard to make friends when you get older because you don't have the social networking of school. Hang in there. My heart goes out to your husband, it's no fun not to have friends!