After having serious pelvic floor trauma after the birth of my first child, I've been going to physical therapy and the only one who knows is my husband. I had told my sister about some of my physical symptoms and that I had been to see a couple of doctors. So she recently asked me how an earlier doctor's appt had gone and when I told her I was going to physical therapy she chuckled. Since we were in a public place, I just looked away and changed the subject, but inside I was crushed. I'm obviously not going to talk to her about it again since she didn't take me seriously. I'm just so upset because she knew months back that I was having problems after the birth of my son and now she's playing it off like it's a joke. . . . and everyone wonders why I have trust issues.
@ Yuki and Jane M. - Thanks for the kick in the face at this difficult time in my life. Is this the response that you would give to a close friend? Really?
Since my sister knew my problems were of a private nature, I'm not sure why she asked the question in a public place anyway. I've spoken briefly with her since and she apologized, but it's clear she doesn't really care what I'm going through right now and her question was more of a nosey nature rather than true concern. In the future, I'll be sure not to show any real vulnerability or emotion when I post a question to mamapedia in order to avoid the "suck it up" responses. If I wanted a slap in the face, I can do that myself.
So I guess I am the only one who heard physical therapy for the pelvic floor and laughed? Sorry but the first thing that popped into my mind was sex and then okay sex is now physical therapy, *snicker*.
I know it is serious and traumatic but sometimes under stress and an attempt to visualize the physical therapy a mind can jump into some strange places.
Give you sister another chance. You need the support. I would bet she wasn't laugh at you, but at the ideal that they seem to have physical therapy for everything these days. She does care or she wouldn't of asked.
Some people laugh when nervous or unsure how to express themselves. Could that be it?
The 2 quickest ways to jeopardize any relationship are (1) to assume you know what people are feeling and (2) to refuse to communicate (both speaking and carefully listening) openly and caringly with those you love.
You should have asked her why she was chuckling. Never make assumptions.
If your heart is going to get crushed whenever someone, even someone you love, chuckles inappropriately, or brings up an uncomfortable subject in a public place, you might as well remove your heart and run it over with a truck right now.
I'm sorry that you were hurt, but this should be a minor, minor injury. I think you need to look at why you took this so personally.
I hope that you can get some help (physically and emotionally) so that you don't feel so wounded.
I do think that you need to talk to her about it again to get it out in the open. Just tell her that you couldn't stop thinking about her laughing at your goiung to PT and you just wanted to know why she thought it was funny. This way you can know for sure. If she really didn't mean anything by it do you really want to go to your grave thinking your sister crushed your heart? And if she did mean to make light of it THAT is something you guys need to clear up too. The only bad option is keeping quiet about this. You are hurting too much about it and it will just get worse over time.
are you sure she was being cavalier? she may well have been shocked and not known how to respond appropriately.
khairete
S.
We weren't there to hear how much detail you've given her or the quality of her chuckle, but unless you ask her about it, there's really no way of knowing what she meant by it.
But assume she meant to crush your heart (I doubt it, but let's take the worst-case scenario). That would say quite a lot about her character. Do you want to have your heart crushed by someone being deliberately cruel? That would simply give her a victory over you, and possible ammunition to use against you in the future.
Most of us don't know this, or find it extremely surprising when we learn it, but we don't HAVE to be victimized by external circumstances or other people's opinions of us. We don't HAVE to have other people's approval in order to have good, satisfying, and happy lives. If you need help getting to a place where you can shrug and let loose of YOUR trust issues, check out this website: www.TheWork.org. Watch some of the videos. Download the free materials, the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and the Four Questions, and get working. It's for your own good, your own freedom.
I'm sorry you're struggling physically. I know how difficult pelvic floor damage can be – I've lived with it myself for 40 years. I hope you get better!
i agree with jane... there is nothing wrong with having physical problems... nothing wrong with being sick.. do not expect people to have pity on you... there are lots of people with serious illnesses and yet they live life like normal human beings..
Has your sister always been this way? If so, I would not share as much personal things with her anymore. It is so hard to trust people, because of past betrayals. If you have someone else in your life who has more empathy than her, I would try to share with them, instead. Some people are just emotionally detached & no matter how hard you try, you can't get the support you need from them...
Sorry you are going through this. Hope you feel better!
God Bless!
She doesn't sound like a very sensitive person, but you really should try not to be crushed by this. Maybe she didn't know how to respond. Maybe she thought it odd you would be going to physical therapy for a "female problem". Some people think of physical therapy as being for after having a stroke or broken leg or back. Some people think chiropractors are quacks.
I'm not defending her by any means, but she didn't laugh in your face or say anything rude to you....she chuckled.
Since you haven't really talked to her about it, maybe she just honestly didn't know what to say.
I think you might be reading too much into it.
If not, and she really was being a jerk, it's still a waste of your energy to be crushed by her chuckle. And, you WERE in a public place so getting into depth about your pelvic issues wouldn't have been a good thing.
Like I said, it's my guess she really just didn't know what to say and you should try not to take it too personally.
Work on getting yourself better and try not to worry what anyone else thinks.
Best wishes.
Why are you so ashamed of this? I would not take your sisters reaction
to heart. Just let it go. I do not think she was playing it as a joke. I think you
are being too sensitive. Do what you have to do to get well.
E.,
I am so sorry your sister treated you in such an uncaring manner. Even worse, The responses you got here. I don't know why some people feel the need to be negative, criticizing, or rude on here. We are all moms, we all need support and this is supposed to be a place of caring support. There is enough negative energy in the world, there is no room or need for it here! Please don't let them keep you from the supportive community this site can be!
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I'm sorry your sister didn't show more care and sensitivity to your issue. I too had major pelvic floor trauma after my first child. I have to wear a pad all the time because I leak urine. It can be upsetting and traumatizing. Especially since it isn't really talked about. So in turn I felt and still feel alone with my issues. I tried Pilates which did help strengthen the muscles. I also did a lot of swiming which also helped strengthen the floor muscles. Is this the issue you are having? If it is there is also a surgery that can be performed to insert a sling to help hold up the bladder. Good Luck!
I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that you have to go through the embarassment of PT or that your sister, who should be a best friend to you, responded so inappropriately. As for those who say 'suck it up' and stop being so sensitive, perhaps you haven't experienced something that is so embarassing or you don't have that intimate sisterly relationship that sisters should have. Either way, shame on you for not being understanding or at least supportive.
My suggestion would be to speak candidly with your sister and let her know how you felt. She may not know how it affected you and she may not have known how to respond properly. It would be best if you had this conversation in private so you can freely share your feelings without fear of being overheard or interupted. No matter what the outcome, you will need to forgive and make a decision of what to share and what not to share in the future. I wish you the best
I'm sorry that your sister did not respond in the way that you had hoped.
I do have to agree with the moms who feel that she may not have known how to respond appropriately. Clearly she does not understand exactly what you are going through. I'd let her know how it seemed to you (without the dramatics of your heart being crushed over her inappropriate response) and that this is not a joke to you, it's a serious medical issue and if she cannot view/treat it as such, to please not ask about it anymore.
