Mothers of Toddlers!

do you pick him up? can you give him a snack to eat in the car? www.snacktrap.com is great for times like this:-)

also maybe try a little table & chair at home for the snack- just put a little plate out w/ some apple slices/banana slices, cheese crackers, you get the idea...

this just solves the snack issue...

I'd say give him dinner and put him to bed at 7pm...

I also agree to go pop in at the daycare & see what's going on...

N.,

My favorite development book [i used to teach teachers], Touchpoints, by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.talks specifically about this in the 18-month-old section of the book on page 165, "Today, many parents of toddlers are away at work all day.When they return at night, they dream of a loving reunion.Often they don't get it.A healthy toddler will save up all her most intense feelings for them.Parents who are at work all day come home to--or pick up at child care--a baby who has been waiting all day to break down. When she sees them, the toddler may let it all go...Professional caregivers are rarely presented with the same passionate disintegration that parents are greeted with."

This is because your child feels safest with you and as such wants to meltdown with your love and support. I know it doesn't help with your dilemma but I thought it might console you a bit to know that this behavior is completely normal and appropriate for your child's age.

I too was going to suggest giving a snack in the car...if hunger is a component in the meltdown, a snack might help it be less dramatic. Another idea is to ask the child care facility to give him a snack late in the day...maybe you can provide the snack if they are resistant to the idea.

Another suggestion I have for you is to form a night time routine that is the same everyday from the time you pick him up until the time he goes to bed. For two to four weeks do it EXACTLY the same way, until you feel he gets it and knows what is coming next...do the routine in the same order each night, around the same time each night and start talking about what comes next a few minutes before you change gears. This will give your child a chance to anticipate what is coming next and prepare himself for it. After a few weeks you should notice an improvement in him. Once he understands the routine you will be able to deviate from it once in while and as long as you let him know 10-30 minutes in advance, he should be fine. At this age consistency is REALLY important. They need to feel in control of what is happening and by setting up a routine you can provide that sense of control for him.

I'm a stay at home mom so our night time routine starts when Daddy gets home from work...and on most days it's the same...play with and then go upstairs with daddy while he changes clothes [10-15 minutes], eat dinner together and talk about our day, play with daddy and mommy [5-15 minutes], bath, pj's, books, tv in mommy's bed [we tivo Wonder Pets and watch one episode every night] then time to sleep. my husband does the bath, pj's, and books alone, i usually come up and lay in bed with them for tv time and then i walk him to his room abd put him in the crib. my son is not quite 23 months old and he starts climbing off my bed to walk to his room as the episode of Wonder Pets is ending, without any prompting.

I tell my son the next three big things that will happen in our day, throughout the whole day in order to prepare him for transitions. So, when he wakes up I tell him we are going to have milk, then change diaper/get dressed, then go downstairs. While I am getting him dressed I tell him we are going downstairs next, we can play with toys for a few minutes then eat breakfast...during breakfast i tell him the three big things we will do between then and nap time...usually a class or errand, lunch and nap. During lunch I tell him what is going to happen after nap until Daddy gets home...you get the idea! Anything that is really different in the routine that day gets talked about a bunch throughout the day. It works well for us.

I know this is really long...hopefully you got something out of it! Good luck.

I could have written your post myself.

My son is 20 months and used to do all of the things you described.

First, now in daycare is your son down to 1 nap. Dropping the 2nd nap was very hard for my son b/c he like to sleep. I would pick him up at 5:30 and he'd have a meltdown every day. Also, the last snack is at 2:30 so he'd be starving. Try to give your little one a small snack when you pick him up. That will help. Eventually he'll get used to the 1 nap, it will just take time.

When you get home, offer the snack and try to distract him - play with him, put on Barney (if that helps). This is what I had/have to do with mine to get everything in order, be able to cook or heat up dinner and tend to my 4 month old daughter too.

Your son is transitioning - it will get better. Plus, he's in the middle of the "terrible twos" so he's frustrated and not sure how to handle it. Don't panic, this too shall pass. Like I said before, snack, soft play, dinner and bed time routine should work.

HTH

(sorry if I rambled, I'm at work but wanted to write b/c I sympathized :))
C.

Hi N.,

I have to tell you that I realize not ALL daycares are bad but the girl that watches my son 2x's per week used to work at one and she said it was HORRIBLE.... It's supposed to be one teacher to 4 infants and she said she would have 7,8,9 sometimes. The crib sheets were supposed to be washed daily and they weren't, only one child per crib and if they didn't have enough cribs they would double sometimes TRIPLE up children in the cribs, she said the teachers would "say" to the parents that they will follow the childs schedule and NEVER follow it. She said you HIGHLY need to research, go in unannounced and watch, always check the bathrooms for sanitary reasons, and do background checks with the state to make sure no complaints were put against them...Again, not all are bad but the one that she worked at is a popular daycare and a chain, so beaware where your child is at......
Good luck!!!

read "Tears and Tantrums" by Aletha Solter. She also has a website called: www.awareparenting.com.

Her work focuses on meeting the emotional needs of children. It sounds like your son is stressed by the new daycare situation. Change is always stressful. The stress has to come out somehow. The above book will help you learn to deal with these intense emotions. Good luck.

I can't tell you for sure what to do. Many of the ladies here posted very good advise. All I can say is that by 4 or 5 they are very tired. He will be exhausted not only from the time, but from the new situation. Most daycares are fairly structured which helps in some ways, but it can also keep their day too bussy. Buy the end of a full structured day in a daycare, he could be completely wiped out and well over due for a huge meltdown.

At 2 yrs language can be hard, and when they are tired, upset, and frustrated, any language that exists may completely shutdown. I know my 2 yr old won't talk at all when he's like that, and it is very frustrating for both of us. I just try to go threw the motions, checking everything he might need, trying to ask him questions, trying different things, until he either calms down or I can't get anywhere. Then I let him go, explain that I can't help him if he can't tell me what's wrong, and I go about taking care of other things, doing the best I can to not let the screaming drive me bonkers. Sometimes I have to leave the room and go someplace a little quieter just to keep my head from exploding.

Mine is only in preschool until noon, unless I need to leave him there a little longer, then I pick him up around 2:30. Either way he is still quite tired when I get him, but he often goes to sleep. I think if it were 2 or 3 hours later he would be so tired that he wouldn't be able to sleep. You know how they fight sleep when they are so tired, so that could be part of it.

Good luck.

Dear N.,
First you must find out what schedule he is on at daycare. Their nap and feeding schedule might not jive with when you pick him up. My 24 mnth old has been acting like a toddler since he was 14 mnths. Not being able to be understood and not being able to communicate verbally is very difficult for them. After putting in a long day at work and then having to be soothing and patient with your little one is not an easy job. Sign language is also very beneficial. It's just another outlet for them to be able to express themselves. He could also be copying behavior he is seeing from other kids at daycare. In the end you set the boundaries. I find if I'm at all out of sorts emotionally or physically it affects my son very much and he then reacts. So when I come home from work I go into the bathroom, wash my face, take a deep breath, say a humble prayer and step out to attend him. When I approach him with solid, firm and loving actions he responds likewise. He then knows I'm in control, I love him, and mommy's going to make it all better. As hard as it might sound sometimes we have to look within. I know I did. You can't control how the kids in daycare behave but you have the power set the standard on how to behave in your household and it starts with you. This comes from experience. Best of luck!!!

My son just turned 2; he goes to a sitter one day a week and for the past few months has had a meltdown every time I bring him home. The sitter has taken care of children for over fifteen years and has two daughters in college...she put it this way for me...Her mother in law was visiting one season, her 3 year old daughter asks her one day "When is Grandma leaving, it's hard work being good" Children tend to be more controlled when without family members...I allow my 2 year old to "meltdown" for about 20 minutes, ask him if he wants me to hold him...which is usually how it all ends, sometimes I have to put him in a time out "relax" and that helps too. I know what you mean about a meltdown yourself, i've had several and if you've had a long day and want to get things done at home, it can be even more trying...I've found when I expect it, even plan for it by putting aside 10 - 20 min. to devote totally to my 2 year old's agenda and remain calm, it ends sooner and everyone is happier. Remember...THIS TOO SHALL PASS. God Bless you and your family. ~Suzanne

Hey N.,

I have a 17 mo old and yes, discipline can be hard to enforce at this age! What I have noticed though is that my little one really starts acting up when he is tired or I have been away from him for too long (he's not in daycare but he does have a sitter on Tuesdays and Friday evenings) He may be acting out just because he misses having your time and of course by the time you get him he is tired and in melt-down mode so you're getting the brunt of his frustration! I don't know what your financial situation is (some people put their kids in daycare for the social interaction) but perhaps if it is at all possible to stay home with him a couple of days a week that might make a huge difference in his behavior. I realize that may not be possible BUT I know that I see the difference in my son when I'm giving him that special time and attention! Othertimes, when he's acting up (in the afternon) it does work to say "time to go night night" and then lay him down in his crib. For evenings when that's not an option because he needs to have dinner, I will give him food that I know he'll like (breads, yogurt, pb&j, cereal, etc) and mix in a few peas or carrots when he's not looking. If that still doesn't work and he just refuses to eat, then I simply give him some warm milk and just put him to bed. It can be a tough age because of limited communication but you're right, it's a phase and it will pass (just in time for the next odd phase!!) Hope this helps!

I will try to not repeat what the others have said - all good advice! Definitely see what they are doing at daycare, schedule-wise and when he eats. A routine at home will help tons. As far as the language - we taught our son signs - basic ones like "more" "eat" "drink" and others like "dog" "sleep" and "book" - whatever you choose - there are books you can look at and dvd's (look up babysigns - i think the author is Acredolo) - this can help until he has words to use. It really helped our son with his frustration, and language development.
Good luck!

Hey N., do you think that maybe its the daycare that hes in? A friend of mine had a similar situation with her daughter and she switched childcare facilities and you would be amazed at the changes in just the first few days. How about maybe going in on your day off and keeping yourself in the backround so your little on doesnt know you are there and view his behavior and the others around you. Good luck