MIL Needs Spirits Lifted - Life Ins. Question

I would stay as active with her as I could. She admits she's not doing well - or depressed. If you can take her to her doctor and let him or her know what is going on - that would be good. But spending time with her - I think that would be nice!!!

I would also spend time with her and see if she will tell you some stories of her life - then either record them or write them down and compile them for her so she can see what a rich life she has led.

Have her call her life insurance company and ask the question. If you are the beneficiary - you might be able to call yourself and find out.

My grandmother is 96. I doubt very seriously she has a life insurance policy anymore. She is going down hill fast. She had a new pace maker put in earlier this year. it's not working right.

My dad has been losing friends in his life lately - he's 77 - and it's been h*** o* him. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life - you can't out of it alive. People die. And it sucks. Do I want it to happen? Nope. But I don't want to wallow in the when it will happen. I want to be able to smile and when I die - I hope that people will be laughing and recalling funny memories or the jokes I told....

Once you call the insurance company, it will give her peace of mind. She will know the answer to her worries. Reassure her youall do not care about her money, you just want her to not worry.

As a family we all 100% gave up all of our inheritance so that our grandfather could stay in his own home.

He lived to be 103!

Who could have planned for that? He watched all of his friends, nieces and nephews die before him.

He did become depressed, that he outlived all of them, but also that it was becoming harder for him to be independent. He had worked and cared for his family for so long, to lose his independence was frustrating.

He had known his wife since they were 2 years old. He out lived her by 10 years. he had always been very active and taken care of everyone else. On his 90 thbirthday, his daughter called to wish him Happy Birthdayand grandmother told her, "hold on, I need to go outside and get him, he is on the roof clearing off the leaves!"

The doctors did prescribe anti anxiety medications for about 6 years before he died, hospice said this was not unusual.

Speak with her physician about her emotional changes.

She needs to talk to her doctor about anti-depressants. It is very common for our bodies to not produce enough dopamine as we age. And, who wouldn't be effected by a constant funeral procession of our friends? Maybe her friend luncheon can be replaced by a family luncheon.
It sounds like she has a term policy with an expiration date (these are sold in yearly blocks, i.e. 10 years, 20 years). The estate tax exemption for 2013 is over $5,000,000, so unless her estate is over this, you don't have to worry about it. NOW for 2013, we don't know what will happen when the Bush tax cuts expire - it will drop back down to $1,000,000, but that isn't likely to happen, even if Obama gets re-elected. Maybe a 30 minute discussion with a tax attorney or a financial planner would make her feel more secure?
Good luck to everyone. Death is seldom a welcome visitor, but we can welcome him more easily once our mind is at easy. You are a good DIL to be taking these things seriously.

I would call the insurance company. She might be able to cash out the policy of its about to expire.

It really depends on if her policy is a term or whole life policy...sounds like it is a term policy and is only good for a certain number of years. A whole life policy would have been much more expensive.

Unless she has lots of debt or minor children (obviously not the case since she is 90), then why does she really need a life insurance policy? I am sure that even if you extend her policy, it would probably be cost prohibitive to do so. Insurance is a business...they are betting odds that they will NOT have to pay out on the policy. At 90, she is towards the end of her lifetime and thus they would not consider her to be a good risk.

Other than burial insurance, I don't see the need for anything else unless she has lots of debt. Her kids are likely self-sufficient by now and shouldn't need the money as much...

A long time ago when she got those policies, people didn't live into their 90's as often as they do now. It is pretty normal for those policies to expire close to 100. It is what it is.

If she owns her home free and clear, than THAT can be her life insurance policy to whoever she wanted to leave the money to. The value of the home is determined on the date of death, so taxes only have to be paid when the house is sold over and beyond that date's worth.

Whatever you do, don't let her handle this by herself. An elderly woman in our extended family let an insurance agent talk her into changing her existing policy with Mutual of Omaha. She trusted that agent to do a good job for her (she was trying to get more insurance - in her mid-60's.) She had had that existing policy for YEARS, and had paid on it faithfully. They not only didn't give her more insurance, they dropped her. The guy had cleverly gotten her to sign something that allowed them to drop her, without her knowing it. You don't want something like THAT to happen to your grandmother. Don't muck with her existing policy.

Life insurance is supposed to take care of your kids, traditionally. A person close to her 100's has kids who are in their 70's and 80's. They are already taken care of. The grandkids will have their parents' insurance. Tell her to stop worrying about taking care of everyone else. The thing that would make everyone the MOST happy is for her to grace you all with her presence.

I hope that this realization, that SHE is loved more than her money, will bring some joy back to her life.

Dawn

One of the greatest things a person can do to a elderly person is ask to see their pictures and photos. To ask them questions and appriciate their knowledge that life has given them. Animals bring joy as well. The purr of a little kitten or being useful helps alot! Ask what their favorite time of life was? where they were? what they were doing? their favorite recipe , what it was like when they were growing up? how many in her family? ? ,hobbies ,favorite foods,..secret recipes ..and perhaps a verse each day from the bible might help also.

A green bean plant or two might add " Something to do and look after". As the elderly feel they have no use left. Find flowers to set near them and read . I love the book: " Small miricles by " Yitta Helberstam and Judith Leventhal . Ask them if any phenominal things happened in their life that never were explained?

Being elderly brings the question of what the value of their entire life was and if it had any meaning at all ? So ask questions, ask advice and bring back her lifetime and learn from it. Simple questions like : " What was the soap like in your day? Did they have many varieties to chose from? and before you know it the smile will tell you you made her time come back to life if only for a while. Small trips to a lake to soke her feet or brook to sit by,..a picnic out of the house,..visit a near by tag sale,..it truely is easy. I love elderly people because they have so uch to teach and tell us.

As for life insurance, I have heard of it depreciating in amount,..but AARP is the place to ask the question about cancelation as if it is ill legal they can direct your steps to what to do .

Also go on the internet and ask present insurance companies : Does your policy expire after a certain age, Get an idea. Also find out if the policy has a cash value and if the policy is about to expire it may be wise to take the cash value for it instead.

One thing you can do to help her out is to call the insurance company and find out what the real deal is.
I have to do that for my mom, I'm the one that does most of her business phone calling because she often gets flustered or confused while on the phone.

My MIL is in her mid 80's and is starting to lose most friends too, and attending a lot of funerals. It's a sad time that most of us will reach as well. I hope I can do it with grace like the oldsters in my life seem to be doing.

Life insurance is a crazy thing and yes it can have a term on it. I am sure when it was written it was unheard of that someone live past 95. It is not actually something she should have just learned, perhaps something she knew but forgot about?

Sure she can get life insurance now but would be pretty much paying full for its value, not much use in that.

I have to ask, how much can she possibly have? The first million is exempt from taxes. Granted they want to change that but I believe even the proposed plans still keep it above a million.

I was speaking with an elderly woman a few months ago who took a class at a senior center about writing an autobiography, and that writing her life's story (so far) has brought a whole new dimension to her life. She's getting to share stories not only about herself, but also about her parents and grandparents that she hadn't thought about in years. Writing it (and ultimately sharing it with younger generations) is giving her something more to live for. Is this something you think your MIL would be interested in?
As for the life insurance issue - you might want to remind her that her father probably would have been thrilled for her to continue to live a long and vibrant life, even if that means she outlives her life insurance term and some of the money he worked for goes to the government. Moreover, if she has conserved enough of her father's money to still be worrying about the death tax, then she must have done an awesome job preserving his estate.

Good luck to you and your mother-in-law - she sounds like a very special person.

If you have some kids or a baby, let them play around her. Some thing about kids just light up a room at times. I know many elderly folks who get depressed over having to go to funerals over their friends dying out and I think it is only normal to feel down and out. So take her out on a lake, let some kids hang out with her and research her life insurance issue to set her mind at ease. I think term life expires depending on the one you get. Obviously she has outlived her terms. She may be able to renew for 10 more years, , I don't know...check into it.

I think if it was a term policy, then yes it might expire. Call to double check.
She probably outlived the policy. I wish I had some words of wisdom to help, but I do not. It is very difficult when you outlive everyone. I would try to get her out as much as possible. Fresh flowers are always a good pick me up.

Find out before telling her some options for life insurance that she might be able to switch too or just get an entire new policy. I have a step great grand mother who moved back to NY awesome lady. She will be 102 this year!!! She has out lived many ppl including some of her own children. I would send her a beautiful boquet of flowers and a pretty card. Its amazing what a simple arrangement of flowers will do for a persons spirit. Every time she sees it she will be reminded. Also get other family members to send her flowers. Make a schedule and remind family when its there turn to send some flowers. Every two weeks or so that way she has fresh flowers for months. Just rolling in to show her she is important and loved. Or each month of the year has a holiday(almost) send some then. I am betting she is a God fearing woman and reminding her that she was never in control that He has bigger and better plans for her , to put it in His hands and He will take care of it. Reminders like this are often important to everyone. Also telling her that she is still here for a reason...she still has Gods work to do. Hope these suggestions help. Its harder when someone we love is bummed.