Memorial Etiquette

Maybe call the funeral home and ask if they have any info on donations? Around here, people don't give $ but I know that that's a common practice in other parts of the country. Around here, people just give a card and then a plant, flowers or food, or a donation in lieu of flowers.

My Mother's funeral cost $13,000, money is always welcome.

In Western WI we still put money in cards. People I know usually give $20-$40. Cash is preferred over checks. Most funeral homes will have a secure box for the cards to be dropped in.

It depends on whether the family needs help with burial expenses. It is common in our part of the country to include money in the card. Especially when someone dies unexpectedly leaving family unable to cover the cost of burial. We always include anywhere from $50 to $100 depending on what we can afford at the time. It is not tacky it is always appreciated. There are many costs with a funeral. And the actual burial its self is not the only one. there is food to prepare and serve, there are family members to contact and find lodging for. there are flowers, clothes to buy. things to print etc. if your family member dies without burial coverage the cost can be staggering. I very rarely buy flowers for funerals anymore. after my dad died I realized how hard it was to watch them die and to throw them away. now I give the card with money and know that it is used for what it needs to be used for.

It's all in what you want who you think it should go to. I would say if you are going to do a check write it to whom ever is going to be taking care of her kids or the funeral arrangements. I know when my dad passed away most checks went to my mom. But one of my friends gave me one. For me and my family instead of flowers.

Cash in the card would be most helpful. Its hard to remember checks----So sorry for your loss!

We still give money to the family here.
Most people are unaware of the unexpected cost of a death.
So if you can afford it--sure.
Sorry about your friend. :(

I've only been to a few funerals. Each funeral had a box for cards. I called the funeral home and they told me most families prefer cash. In all the chaos of dealing with the grief, plans, and murky future...many forget to deposit checks.

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like a difficult situation. Regarding your question, yes, money memorials are still common here and appreciated. It varies by region of the country I learned recently. I lost my mom last month and one of her cousins died in CA in May. I live near you and it is very common for the family of the deceased to receive money. My great aunt in CA said the only people who sent them money were her MN relatives. However, she found it touching and really appreciated it.

If you've already given a plant you don't need to also give money, but if you can afford it and if you were close to your friend it would be a nice gesture and would be appreciated. Contact the funeral home handling the arrangements as to who to make the check out to. I often write on the check "family wishes." We also received one check for my mom made out to "cash." The check should usually be made out to whomever is planning the services, whether that's her parents, fiance or children if they are old enough.

My parents had many friends and business associates and my mom was only 70. We received thousands of dollars in memorials. My dad didn't need the money for the funeral/burial or his own purposes so we are establishing some sort of permanent memorial for my mom at my parents' church and we are helping out several charities. She died of complications of scleroderma, a little known auto-immune disease that doesn't get much research money, so we are sending them a check. We donated to the beautiful hospice facility where she spent her final 24 hours and we donated to local food shelves in her name to feed the hungry for Thanksgiving. That made my dad very happy to be able to do that. I once gave a large check to a family that lost their dad/husband unexpectedly and I assumed they needed it for funeral and living expenses, which is what I had intended. So, every situation can be a little different.

Best wishes.

Money is not given here either. flowers, cards, donations are what is done.

I usually write a check with "family's wishes" in the memo field. A check will make it easier for them to send a thank you note back to you. I would send it to whoever you are closest to or the person paying for the funeral.

We've had several funerals in our family. People send plants or flowers to the mortuary or to the house afterwards but never have we received money. We have received cards both at the funeral home and then later sent to the house but never at a visitation. Of course, for us, it's been mostly family members in attendance.

To the one that I recently attended for a friend a memorial was held several weeks after the funeral. I didn't see anyone bringing anything. I don't think my friend received money earlier, either. There was not a funeral.

I suggest you have done the appropriate thing and do not need to give anything additional.

When my mom passed..I had no idea people gave money. It was a help...but in NO way would I ever expect it from anyone. You going to the memorial is worth more than money. If you can afford it, you make the decision to do it. But not based on etiquette .

I don't think a financial contribution is the proper etiquette. Flowers, plants, cards, food for the family yes, but not money.