Mamas Boy

Of course he is having trouble b/c he's a mama's boy. You have set him up for failure or if anything, disappointment, in the real world, imo. All his life you have led him to believe his world is you and only you, and now you leave him w/a sitter and expect him to adjust well?

Ask your sitter if you can have a sort of "mid term" meeting. Let her know what your relationship is like w/your son. Be clear on how you treat him and then let her know you're finding out that you both (you and your son) are having a hard time adjusting to leaving him. If she is a good and wise sitter, she will know how to handle clingy mommies and kids w/love and concern and will find a way to help him adjust. But there is no way you can ask her to treat him the way you treat him.

To help your son balance 100% from you and not as much from the sitter, you are going to have to start letting him become moreindependent. Start letting him play more by himself - start w/5 mins a day. Leave some toys and books w/him and tell him to play while you go to another room. He'll whine and cry but after a week or so he should start getting used to being left alone. Then as he starts playing by himself for a certain length of time, add on a minute or two until you build up to him being able to play by himself for at least 15-20 mins. He's 3...he is well old enough to play by himself.

Do the same for when he goes to sleep, eating...anything. Let him start doing things on his own, like finding a toy or finding his shoes. Chances are the sitter expects him to do things independently and he doesn't like it, thus, the protests when you leave him.

You can teach your child independence while still being loving, caring and nurturing. gl

My best guess is that it is because all are in your home, but NOT you. Can you try at the babysitters house for a few weeks?

hi there--

i don't believe you've set your son up for failure, either. i think it is natural for kids that age (and older!) to miss their mamas! what really helped my daughter adjust from being home with me was the book "llama llama misses mama". i got it from the library for her about a month before she started a preschool program 2 mornings/week at 2.5 years old. it helped that the classroom had its own copy of the book, too. she loves the book, and when i come to pick her up, she says, "mama, you came back!" just like in the book. maybe the sitter can have a copy, too? it took about 3 weeks of crying before she started wanting to go to school. now she is excited to go!

i also agree that the "ripping off a bandaid" approach to leaving helped with the drop-off. fast and more pain-free. also, perhaps you can continue to talk about sundays with your son in advance and come up with a visual schedle of how the day will go: we wake up at 7, breakfast, go in the car at 8, go to sitter's house (use a picture of the sitter if you can) at 8:30, and see if the sitter can tell you the activities that she does with him throughout the day so you can add those to the schedule. a visual schedule at this age can be very reassuring. i use one every day with my daughter. she asks to see her schedule!

it's good that he has time at home to play by himself; my daughter has come to need down time by herself and can play/read for up to 30 minutes while i'm in another room.

also, kids can sense anxiety, so if you can be less stressed about sundays, that may help, too. i know it's hard to see your little one sad!

good luck!

How are you leaving him? Do you make a big deal at drop off? My son is almost 4 and I thnk we've gone through 3 or 4 seperate waves of seperation anxiety. What works the best is dropping him off EXTREMELY quickly! If there's something I need to tell the babysitter I either text her or write a note, so at the door I just hand him over with a quick kiss and a see you later.

You want to convey a confident "Of course you'll have fun" and "Of course you'll be fine until I'm back"

It's Friday and you're already worried-- I think he's picking up on it.

Oh, and I NEVER call t o check on him-- I find that just makes things a LOT worse for BOTH of us!

And on a weird note the advice and tactics I got when I had a DOG with seperation anxiety years ago work very well on the human kidlet!

I wish there was a "bump" feature on this site that would bring things up to the top. Sometimes posts just scroll by so fast thy get missed!

I'd recommend a repost!

Separation Anxiety (what this sounds like) is something most families go through a couple times. There are definite tips/ tricks/ and various ways to go about handling it; depending on personality.

I'm just up for a few minutes waiting for my headache (kick in, meds, kick in!) to go away / am not thinking super clearly. Or I'd get in some of the ones I learned with my own son. Hopefully will tomorrow!!!

Repost, repost!!!