Here is the background:
My natural father & stepmother raised me. Birthmom has been out of the pic since I was about 4 years old. This past summer, I was found on facebook by my 16 year old 1/2 sister-I also found out I have a 12 year old 1/2 sister and 18 year old 1/2 brother (from my birthmother). They all live on the other side of the country. The 16 year old has been looking for me for about 3 years with very few details available about me. Long story short, birthmom walked out, leaving her dad with 6 kids (3 from previous marriage). Birthmom has lots of drug/alcohol/mental problems-lives in another state with 4th husband. My 16 year old newly found 1/2 sister says that she misses her mom-that a girl needs a mom-especially a teenager. She can't understand how a mother could leave her 3 little kids.
To top it off, we recently found out that birthmom has always been secretly keeping in contact with 12 year old, and is sending birthday and Christmas gifts now to 12 yr old, but not the others. A few weeks ago, 16 year old received a call from birthmom, just a general "how u doing" type of call. This gets 16 year old's hopes up of maybe possibly there being a relationship there and mom coming back into her life. (She has been in and out since she left. Each time, my sister has to go through the up & the "loss" all over again.
I was wondering if there were any books/resources I could give her (keeping in mind that she is a teenager), that would help her heal from being abandonded & rejected?
I don't know of any books right now, but I wanted to just comment and say that I am happy that your sister was able to finally find you. Your mom may have caused you guys pain, but at least you have each other because of her actions. Hugs!
Honestly, you never heal from being abandoned or rejected by parent. You just learn to live your daily life without that parent, and hopefully be able to forgive them one day when your older and wiser. I think a journal, for her to write down her feelings and thoughts, is a great idea. However, the best thing you can give her is your support and a listening ear. Sixteen is such a rough age, and she reached out to you. She entered your life for a reason. She needs a good example. You are a very good sister and person to have all this dropped on you, and still show compassion.
I don't know any books that will help her heal. My son (adopted from foster care) is dealing with the same issues (13 yo). For me as a parent and for people around him, I recommend Heather Forbes "Beyond Consequences" books. She also has a lot on her website www.beyondconsequences.com about helping them to heal.
My son was going through the loss over and over and over. I finally had to move him to a community where no unauthorized members of the birth family can contact him. This is to give him time to heal and to learn how to deal with the stress of these individuals. He will eventually go back and get to know his siblings again but hopefully as an adult who knows how to stand up for himself. But had to get him out of there in order for him to start being able to heal and move on.
A lot depends on what she is like. Would she like a realistic book about a teen dealing with similar issues? Or does she need to read one about a teen who is dealing with similar issues who goes on a magical quest?
I was the second type of kid. The opportunity to safely escape from my issues by immersing myself in fantasy was a life-saver. It sometimes still is.
If she's the same type of kids I was, you may just want to read the Harry Potter series at the same time, so you can talk about it. Seems silly, I know. But if she needs escape, it will provide that plus some opportunity to discuss her feelings as well (his parents died, but his care-givers were aawful and didn't want him around). If she's all ready read that, there are others.
If she's the first type of kid, well, I know there are such books. And my oldest boy may like them when he is older. But I haven't read them yet. Then it's a good idea to....ask a librarian (well, that's always a good idea).
