Okay,overall I truly feel that I'm a great parent. I read a lot of books, my kids and I have a lot of fun, and they're disciplined and very well behaved. BUT, I have a REALLY hard time staying patient sometimes! My kids are 5 and 3, only 15 months apart. They're very talkative and very active, and I'm one who is a "busy bee". I do a lot of projects and invest daily in the stock market, which takes a lot of time for research. I know a lot of you can relate to hearing "MOM!" about once every 10-15 minutes somedays. Well, on those days, is there anything in particular you do that helps you keep from answering "WHAT!!!!!!" I hate making my kids feel like they're bothering me, but the truth is, THEY REALLY ARE BOTHERING ME! I've tried to explain to them that I need a few minutes, but you know how kids are, they think that a few minutes is standing there for 5 seconds and then trying again. And when you say "sssh" they just tone it down to a whisper "mom...". I love them to death of course, but it's hard when you're trying to get things done and they keep calling and calling for you. I've read a book before that asks "when did I start trying to not be a mommy anymore?" It talks about how it's "expected" to have kids hounding you all the time, and so when you're making it seem like what you're doing is more important, and that you're being interrupted, you're basically trying to not being a mommy to them. It's not saying that you should drop things everytime your child wants something, but rather is referring to those days when we all spend a huge amount of time doing something and then wonder why our kids start bothering us, even though we've been cleaning for 2 hours. Well, I tried to think of it that way, but it doesn't help. For instance, since I've started typing this, I've been interrupted 4 times. Any tips?? Anyone?? Before I start walking around with headphones on all day pumped up to full volume???? (just joking), and there's the 5th interruption.....HELP!
Hey everyone! Thanks for all of the responses so far! It's so nice to know that I'm not alone. I knew that everyone has had the same feelings at times, but it's still nice to hear the support from moms who know EXACTLY what it's like. I've been trying something new lately that seems to be working pretty well. I have been sitting down with the kids and either coloring or reading to them for a while BEFORE I begin doing my own work. It seems to be working quite well so far. I explain to them after I'm done reading "okay, now I have some things I need to work on, so why don't you guys either play in your rooms or watch tv in my bedroom" and they're happy to do it. I think it's one of those "give and you shall receive" moments. I also have been stopping what I'm doing when I'm interrupted, then asking them what they need, getting it for them, asking if there's anything else, and then getting back to work. I'm finding out that a couple of minutes of concentrating on them and meeting their needs, even if it's just a story they wanted to tell me, is buying me longer periods of peace and quiet while I'm getting my own things done.
My daughter is young enough I havn't had to deal with that yet.. but I wonder if maybe getting a kitchen timer and setting it to 10 or 15 minutes and giving it to them. Explain that you need a time out and that when the timer goes off then you will come back and play with them.. maybe being able to watch the count down and see that its almost time with help them a little more with waiting..
hahahaha We laugh as we are shaking our heads and thinking "boy, do we know what she's going through or what?????"!! I suggest you set an appropriate time to take care of your research or whatever you need to do. At this time, if no one is there to help with your kids needs, make this there time to read quietly, do an art project, nap time or whatever. Have a timer that they can see. Set the timer, letting them know that until it goes off they cannot stray from what they are doing, can not interrupt you etc. Most importantly, don't answer them..lol When they are in school, they don't sound off and interrupt the teacher. They learn to sit there and do what they are suppose to do, and then ask questions or whatever at the appropriate times. It might help you to talk to one of their teachers and ask how they take care of the problem....as I'm possitive they deal with this on a daily basis. Sometimes if you apply some of the same rules at home, as they have at school, it makes it a lot easier. I used to tell my kids, as long as they aren't bleeding, or the house isn't on fire, they can not disturb!!! LOL Your younger children with follow suit when they see the actions of your older child. I hope you get a minute to breath!!! Good luck!
Julie...I hear you girl! First of all, I completely understand you. I have worked with my girls from early on, their 4 and 8, to go play in their rooms without me! My niece is very much like you describe..but moreso...she can not do anything without my attention and I am like "just GO and play" So, tips...find a good moms morning out program..I am not sure where you are...but anything a few days a week they get to go play with other kids...so much fun...and you get to do those things that need full attention, then when they are home, it's not such a big deal to do a few things and then play with them. What's wrong with a babysitter a few hours here and there....again, a school age kid, 13 and up can play with them, in the other part of the house while you work..money well spent in my mind. Also, a timer works great....to get them used to it, set it for 5 minutes, tell them they have to play in their rooms till the timer rings, then they can come to you...then increase it. At 3 and 5, 30 minutes is not too long in my mind. and hopefully they will play together. Good luck!
I don't have experience with this age group yet but I just finished reading a book that has some good ideas. Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Nelson, Erwin and Duffy. I borrowed it for the Fort Branch Library if you live near there. Good Luck!!
Hi Julie,
Let me know what works!! :)
I have a 13 month old and a 7 week old.
Needless to say I look forward to a little independence for my oldest. I know it will happen soon enough, right now the arrival of the boy has made her much more clingy and whinney.
I have considered a mothers day out in the future ...
For now, my escape is the gym - the YMCA, the have 2 hrs a day of daycare included and I swim, go in the jacuzzi, shower, talk on my cell in the lobby for a bit then pick them up.
The best spent 70 bucks in my budget.
Amy
I know exactly how you feel. I'm taking classes online and when I sit down to check e-mails or graded assignments, I can't seem to get five minutes. I've tried to explain to my five year old that when mommy is on the phone or on the computer please don't ask questions unless it is an emergency. I also try really hard to do all my work during nap times and after they go to bed. But, sometimes you just can't do that. I'm all up for hearing about how other moms stay patient too!!
there is no one busier than a so-called stay-at-home mom. many seem to think that the term implies that the children ARE mom's job. well, yes and no. they are, but no more than they are for mom's who work outside the home as well. the only thing that varies is the amount of hours spent with them in the immediate vicinity. that is why the home-mom must be even more creative with her time than the executive working a deadline.
i can tell you're a great mom because you are working very hard to do all the right things. sometimes, because of the stigma attached to a mother who "doesn't work" (lol) causes a guilt thing which is totally unfounded. if mom is toying with that head trip AND trying to do the impossible as in doing everything and then some while lil people tug at your shorts and heartstrings, how effective can she really be?
now i am going to say something that will at first sound really redundant if not stupid. and that is, YOU ARE THE MOM.
what i mean is, home is your own lil company and you are the boss. your subordinates follow your lead, not the other way around. (with only occasional exceptions). consistency is key.
you mentioned you have many projects AND a regular routine of investing. i assume this is a daily commitment. lady, you need more hours, not more patience. so..
three and five year olds should be taking a nap. i do not care if they are "not nappers" they should still be put down to rest at the same time each day and made to understand that they are there to REST quietly. no toys. a lovey and maybe a book. they may not talk to each other or you. if this is not a routine for you, develop it. it is well worth the effort. sometimes a 'sleep fairy' may be called upon. (she places treats on pillows of people who really fall asleep. finding these goodies upon waking reinforces the benefit of being a good napper) this can be anything from an apple to a sucker to a cheap toy from one of those horrible machines at the doors of grocery stores.
there are now 2-3 hours of kidless mom time.
they should also be getting 12 hours of sleep at night. choose a bedtime that you like and stick with it. if you put them down for 7 or 8 you have more hours freed up between then and the time you yourself retire. if you prefer working on projects etc. in the morning, put them down for 9 or 10 and enjoy those quiet morning hours.
lol headphones. but you gave me an idea. for housework there are a few ways you could try. get them each a set of headphones as well. bop around while you do the chores and let them follow suit. when they try to interrupt you, smile brightly, point to the headphones to wordlessly remind them that you cannot work to music and talk at the same time. this is good for at least one chore. other housework is often a great time to spend with them "helping" directly or nearby and chatting while not actually stopping your work.
chores, just like nap and everything else in your day should have a designated time. if that time is up and there is still more to do, leave it. the world will not end.
set aside one of those designated times to take them outside and run their little legs off.
finally, designate a time for phone. turn off the ringer and set up an answering machine with a polite message to call back between the hours of such and such or request that you call them back during that same time. have the caller page you ONLY in case of emergency.
if you have relatives nearby, have the kids stay with them overnight once a month. playdates can also be fit into a schedule.
i know you asked for advice about staying patient and i apologize if my advice on time management is disappointing.
but i think a little work torward scheduling (ok a lot of work until you're in the groove) will make the patience a non-issue.
but frankly, with all you do, NO ONE IS THAT PATIENT!
will you still get impatient from time to time? heck yeah. moms ARE human you know. so don't be so h*** o* yourself. you can be a wonderful woman without being wonderwoman. really.
i wish you luck in all you do-kidwise, projectwise and otherwise.
Have you considered hiring a babysitter, maybe a neighbors kid or something, to play with them in the afternoon? Maybe they wouldn't call for you so much if they had a new person to play with?
i am not in your boat at all, i only have one little toddler and i'm not home enough-- but it sounds to me like you could use a mother's day out thing, or even have a sitter come to your house to occupy them for a few hours a couple of days a week. you need time for yourself to decompress every now and then to keep your sanity and patience. this doesn't mean you're a bad mom or don't love your kids-- just that you are human! good luck!
J.
Ask a friend, family member, or someone to watch your kids long enough for you to take a few minutes to yourself....When I'm getting to that point I ask for someone to watch the kids and I head out to a cemetery and walk for a bit...I know it's odd but it's quiet and I don't have to worry about a thing out there...
Oh my...I feel your pain Julie. My two lovely and adoreable little hellions get to me occaisonaly too. I have spent quite a bit of time thinking on the "why" of this issue, and the only conclusion that I have come to, is that it is simply the fact that I am "stuck" at home with them the entire day. Now, I don't feel "stuck" all the time....but there are those days where a mommy just needs a minute to herself. What I do with my kids (and usually works) is to tell them that "Mommy needs a time out for a few minutes. When she finishes this, I can come/listen/do/fix whatever it is that you are needing." Point out to them that the more times they interrupt you, the longer it will take you to get whatever it is done. It will take a few tries, but they should eventually get the trick. Another thing that I do with them, is that they know in the mornings, after I fix their breakfast, to give me a few minutes of "waking up time" to myself to drink my tea, check my e-mail and read the news. If I can start the day off in a nice un-interrupted way, I find that I don't have that "stuck" feeling so often.
ahhh yes i think we can safely say you are normal!! what i do when the kids are driving me up the wall is put the 3 year old on the compute with playhouse disney or nick jr or even disney.com and there are games on there. as for the little one get him involved in an activity, coloring painting ect. painting will keep him busy for a while just make sure its on an area you dont care if it gets messy... we love the color wonder stuff because we dont have to worry about where she colors... any way hope this helps... it may just get you 10 mins but still thats better than nothing!!
