Keep Trying with Them or Stop

I agree dont be the one who shuts the door, be the bigger person. I have the same problems !!! at least I go to bed knowing my side of the street is clean !!

Always keep the door open. You don't be the one at fault. Don't invest too much, and you won't get hurt too much. BUT, keep that door open. Have a good conscience yourself and don't expect anything from them in return. You'll be the happier.

I've been married for 22 yrs. I can count the times my SIL's and MIL have been to my house and we live in the same town!!! I too used to be so upset about this, fuss at my husband, etc. I don't know what I did but they always thought I married him for his money (not much-just a little more than average). But it's been 22 yrs and 2 kids!!!
I finally figured out it was their problem-they have to answer to God not me. I have not done anything wrong to be disrespected and my husband can't do anything about it. He has told them how I feel.
It is up to them to change and all I can do is change how I react to it-I am chosing to be happy with him and my girls. Friends are now extended family.

I would suggest to concentrate on your own family and friends. Find a local mommy group or other hobbies to meet people and stay busy. I agree that you may be taking things a bit too personally. To me this is not something to pick fights with your husband about. You can't control other peoples behavior and unfortunately we don't pick our family. I'm sure there are plenty of other things you can put your energy into! You don't need to write them off, but I would suggest to not take it personally.

You are taking it way too personally and adding undue stress to your life over something that you can't be sure about. Sometimes people are just that busy. Sometimes people want to set boundaries so as not to encourage certain e-mails. (Face it, we all know who will be receptive to certain types of messages based on what they send us and how they respond to what we send.)

Now, that said--I've been married to my husband for over three years, and I am now learning to master the fine art of not caring what the in-laws think. There are women over there who send e-mails to him (jokes, family pictures, invitations, etc.) and ever include me. What they don't realize is that he doesn't care about that kind of stuff and usually deletes it without ever reading it. He counts on me to keep our calendar and keep us all in touch. I tell him when I feel diserspected and what happens, and he just keeps us away from them. They've never accepted any invitation that I've extended, though we have attended just about every party they've had. They walked into my house for the first time and did not speak to me right away. They sought him out and only spoke to me when I approached them. It was my husband's birthday, and I didn't make a scene, but I did tell him that they will not be invited ever again.

My point is that you can't make somebody like you or want to spend time with you. In fact, the harder you try, the more desperate you seem and the more you turn them off. Just be yourself. If it is your nature to send e-mails, then send them, but don't expect something in return. Take that approach with everything, and you'll find that it really doesn't affect you the same. Your life will be so full of your own life that you won't have the energy or desire to focus on why somebody doesn't like you.

I know that it's hard. I grew up in a family that didn't acknowledge "sides"--mother's side, father's side. We were all just "family", supporting each other, fighting, etc. I expected the same when I got married, since they appeared to welcome me in. I learned that they are very welcoming on their own turf but won't venture out to mine. I learned that when tragedy struck in my family and stress pervaded my marriage...and my mood changed, they decided that they didn't like me, after all. Seriously, that's what did it. I wasn't mean or rude to them, but I didn't smile so much anymore. They were uncomfortable with that and started being ugly to me. Maybe you have unwittingly shown them something that they've perceived as undesirable.

Whatever your case, do not beat yourself up over this. Talk it out with your girlfriends or write about it, so you can get it out of your system. Then, live your life--love your family! As you know, it's more than just a feeling, so put your energy into actively loving them, and you will be too busy to care so much.

Don't ever give up being nice and keeping in contact with family. Here is a verse in the bible that I think on when I get frustrated with my loved ones.

Galatians 6:9
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

God bless and have a wonderful Mother's Day!

Keep trying, but realize that they have lots on their plates. Develop a thicker skin and remember to "love thy neighbor as thyslf" especially when thy neighbor shares thy family tree! Being a SAHM can feel confining, but know that you are doing what's best for your baby boy. Empathize with the MIL who's doing double duty with the home school & a job.If you live in town, call your SIL, and MIL, to go to lunch with or without the kids. Also, remember that for us old ladies, frequent email isn't the same communications tool it is for you. Rambling, but hope this helps!

i always delete "fun" surveys, in fact i have created a rule in my email to delete them with out even looking at them, your mil may be the same.

i think what i would do, is sit down and send them all a long wonderfully newsy personal email, if they dont respond to that, then i would not bother with them any more.

you could also try calling, either around their house, or on the phone, you will be able to tell pretty quick if they like you from their reaction to your call

Wow! She's got grandkids, works full time and has a 17 year old home schooled child (probably close to graduation and has to be hauled around because she isn't driving). Your SIL is probably busy too, and yes I'm guilty of forwarding (only occasionally) a silly email, but I always delete surveys and anything too time consuming to read...don't know how I started mama sourcing...maybe its an addiction? :) They may not be checking their emails as much as you. My sister is in her 20's and seems to always be texting, another sister-in-law in early 30's is always blogging. I should probably connect this way but stealing a few minutes after everyone's in bed is the best I can do and this was easy to learn how...the others seem time consuming.

Maybe she thinks you will see the emails if she sends them to your husband...maybe you should ask her to send you a copy when she sends one to him. You really think your SIL has no friends? Have you ever hung out with her?

I know I sound negative, I'm sorry. I guess I tend to be sensitive when I feel put off and usually find out later that the situation that I've sensed as rejection from others is usually just life happening to others and interfering with how I feel I should be treated. If you really think they have a problem with you, why not ask, and tell them you wish it could be different and help them to see how.
From just the couple things you've shared, it doesn't sound like you have enough to give up on them. But maybe what you need to do is find different ways of showing that you care for them and not expect anything in return.

Family is a strong relationship and we cannot choose who is and who is not, they come with the package, so to say in your situation (by marriage).

I know how frustrating it can be when you put all the efforts in a relationship and it is not reciprocated, but the key is NEVER to give up because like it or not, your MIL is a big part of your husband and your son's lives, so are her other kids.

I will encourage you to keep on trying to reach out to them and maybe you can talk to your husband at a time when he is in a good mood as to how you would like it if his family would reciprocate your friendly gestures. He is the only one who can broach the subject with his mum without much drama.

Enjoy your baby, they grow so fast! It seemed like yesterday that I had my 6 year old.

You also posted about your in-laws not checking in on your child.

Don't push the relationship with your in-laws. From personal experience it sounds as if it will be a losing game - one that they will try their best to make you look foolish.

Don't buddy up with the SIL's either - they are not your friends and they are not your support system. Approach that relationship in the frame of mind that whatever you say will be discussed around the kitchen table with the MIL. Seek out and confide in your real friends for this.

Hopefully your husband is mature enough to have an open, honest conversation with you so that you can air your feelings - without being emotional. If he continues to ignore your feelings and concerns tell him he can go to family functions with your child but without you. This started to be the turning point with my hubby.

I did not turn my husband against his family, they turned against his wife and child. I wasn't the girl they wanted him to marry and they refuse to accept the fact we're still happily married after 10 years. His mother even went to far as to tell him not to have a vasectomy because he might want to have children with someone else. Our daughter has never been as good enough or smart enough as the other grandkids, although she is on the A-B honor roll every year, plays sports, has won various awards in various activities and the list goes on. My in-laws have refused to come to school plays or sports related games although they will spend a weekend at cheer compeitions. The list goes on but you can see it's a screwed up deal.

As I said before, my hubby knew they treated us this way but was embrassessed by their actions and extremely hurt. There was a situation that presented itself that acted as the proverbial last straw - they are basically out of our lives. Our daughter receives the annual bday card but that's it. We have to remind her as to who it came from.......

Good luck with this situation - it's not a good one to be in and it can be stressful if your husband is not 100% on your side (as he should be). Let me know if you need a support shoulder - trust me when I say I've been there........

It sounds like, from your 2 posts, that you are very lonely!

Being SAHM is very emotionally draining. Please give up on the ILs. You have made the effort and now that ball is in their court. Find some friends in your area.

Let up on the Hubs. He is in a bad situation and you putting him in the middle of it is not helping anyone.

Good Luck!