Just Frustrated...

Updated on February 17, 2008
S.C. asks from Bartlesville, OK
33 answers

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to vent for the sake of venting. We've been trying to have a baby for a year now. For the first 6 months we actually tried tried...everything anyone suggested...the last 6 months we took the "It will happen when it happens" approach. Well, a year later...still not pregnant. How frustrating this is! I have a healthy five year old....it shouldn't be this hard. I'm going to blame the pill I believe, four years of being on it has just absolutely messed with my reproductive system....I have an appointment on the 5th of February to see someone, so maybe I will learn more then...

So, to anyone out there that's been trying for a year, and still not expecting...I feel your pain...it really just sucks. =) Best of luck!

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So What Happened?

I really appreciate the words of comfort that everyone shared. I especially feel for those of you that are in my shoes. It's a difficult thing to want something so badly and keep coming up empty handed.

To those of you that indicated that I "have plenty of time." Of course I do, I'm not even 30 yet, but it's not about my time...I wanted children that would enjoy each other's company, experience similiar milestones during relatively close amounts of time. I had a younger brother by 2 years, we were playmates. So to know that my children will be at least 6 years apart is acceptable, but not exactly what I'd hoped for.

A lot of Mom's out there commented on the birth control not causing my infertility. It's actually quite a bit of the cause unfortuanetly. I had secondary amenorrhea as a result of prolonged use of birth control. It caused highly irregular periods. We struggled with this for the first 6 or so months until I finally regulated around a 31 day cycle...much longer than my prepill cycles.

But, I'm hopeful. I'm not stressing, I'm enjoying my little girl and husband, and of course, it will happen when it happens. I just wanted to vent off my frustration on the one year milestone of trying to conceive...

Thanks all, and God Bless.

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P.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Limit caffeine intake. Caffeine is a vasoconstrictor, which limits the reproductive process for both women and men.

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C.T.

answers from Tulsa on

Hi S., I wanted to tell you that although many women think the pill is the reason for not getting pregnant, there has never been any proof of that. Many women are on the pill for years and get pregnant in the first month of trying. I know it is easier to deal with if there is a factor to blame, but I just want you to be careful in believing that is the one and only reason you aren't getting pregnant. There are many things that have to line up perfectly for life to be concieved. Good luck and don't lose hope!

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A.A.

answers from Kansas City on

I am so sorry to hear of your difficulty! I haven't experienced your pain firsthand but my sister-in-law who I adore has gone through so much to have her daughter and is working at number 2 now through In Vitro. Her regular ob/gyn continually told her the same things you are trying; drink a glass of wine, relax and it will happen. As it turns out she has many issues her regular gyn could not have predicted! I would seek out a specialist just to get checked out! If you start there, you can make an educated decision as to your next step! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

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B.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi S.-
I feel your pain. We started trying when my daughter was four. I got pregnant right away, and then suffered a miscarriage. It then took us over a year to get pregnant again. I was miserable. I just didn't understand why I couldn't make it happen. I did the ovulation tests, they showed I ovulated, and we just didn't conceive. My dr ran preliminary fertility tests that showed nothing. After about a year, I decided that the trying had become too much, and that I would just be happy with my one little girl, and wouldn't you know I got pregnant. Everyone tells you don't worry about it, it will happen when it happens, and it is really hard to do that, but I do believe that i was putting too much stress on my body regarding getting pregnant. Hope this makes you feel a little better... hang in there!

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M.L.

answers from Tulsa on

You absolutely need to be on fish oil in high doses. It needs to be pharmaceutical grade. ALso, if you haven't tried a healthy round of acupuncture then you haven't tried everything. Good luck and don't worry. If you go see someone, they'll reeeeeaaaaallly mess with your hormones!

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T.C.

answers from Springfield on

Hi S..
Oh do I feel your pain. My husband and I tried everything ~ ten years worth of everything. When the doc's said our only hope was adoption, we started that process. In the end, the birth father decided he wanted the baby. That was my breaking point. I told my husband I was done. Complete, finished, did not want to ever discuss having children again. Two weeks later the opportunity to adopt twin girls fell in our lap. They have been ours for two and a half years now. There are days I still feel the longing to be pregnant, but I know had I gotten pregnant, we would not have adopted the twins. I look into those big brown eyes and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were worth the years of infertility. I learned that God's timing is perfect. You will be in my prayers.
T.

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K.A.

answers from Kansas City on

In all honesty you just need to relax, it will happen when it happens. You guys are focusing too much on it and getting yourselves stressed over it. Just relax and enjoy lone time with your hubby. I know of a couple that had issues like you guys and did all the tests and such, in the end they decided to adopt..with the pressure off they ended up getting pregnant months after the adopted child arrived in their home. So as frustrating as it is just relax and let it happen when it is supposed to, God's timing is prefect even if we can't see it. God bless and good luck in the meantime love the little one you have right now they grow much to fast...

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J.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Hello, my name is Julia. My husband and I have been trying for 19 months to have another baby. I have a 2 year old. We wanted our children close. We both have issues and we are going to be starting In-vitro in March. I am scared and excited since it cost soo much. I know where you are coming from. I hear all the time about how young I am (23) and how I have plenty of time and how I have a daughter and I should just be happy with that. I am completely happy with my daughter but I just don't feel like my family is complete. Plus with the age thing, to me, that is not a factor. I want my children close.

If you ever need someone to talk to message me because I am going through the same thing. I am seeing a great fertility doctor, I don't know where you live but they are great. I went to my obgyn and got on clomid at first and didn't have luck (a lot of people do) then we started treatments. IVF is expensive but, we have a 70% chance of it working so my husband and I are staying positive about that. Most people don't have to go through IVf they get pregnant before. Anyways I know how you feel. It sucks and it is soo hard when everyone else around you is getting pregnant. Best of luck and baby dust to you!!!

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L.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I'm going to refer you to a site I found. It's great and has alot of areas for women. There is a area for women trying to get pregnant & lots of into to help & inform...

Good luck!
L.

http://www.themommyplaybook.com/forum/index.php?referreri...

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K.M.

answers from Springfield on

My husband and I tried for 8 years. I had 6 doctors tell me that it would never happen. Both my husband and I had problems. I finally found a Doctor who said that I needed surgery for Indometious and Then I had to take shots to send my body into minapoise. I did that for Leasions on my Utterus. I finally got Pregnant about 3 months after the last shot I had. I had our son and then about 18 months later I thought I had the flu. After the Doctor told me that I had my one and to be blessed that I got him. Needless to say after 9 months of the Flu Karson was born happy and health. Moral of the story. Had I done it in my time I would not be able to stay at home with them. But when God knew I was ready he gave them to us. It is all in Gods plan and he can't be rushed.

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B.P.

answers from St. Louis on

I also suffered from secondary infertility, but thankfully, I was able to have two more children. So, don't give up hope! Also, don't blame yourself, I've never heard any evidence that the pill impacts fertility. Many people have this problem and most of the time doctors don't know why. One thing that helped us was purchasing an ovulation monitor. I used Clear blue easy, which is behind the pharmacy counter. It tells you exactly what day you ovulate (and if you ovulate), so you have the best chance of getting pregnant. It won't help if you have a medical problem, but if your timing is off (you can only get pregnant in a short 48 hour window each cycle!) this may increase your odds.

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S.D.

answers from Topeka on

I'm sure you've tried everything going to the Doc is important,have you went for a preconception visit and started prenantal vitamins.Try this if you haven't done so already you on bottom pillow's under your rear and back and him on top then lift your leg's up as far as you can go reaching your head,Hey it sound's silly but some how it worked for me twice.Good Luck!!!
____@____.com mom of 2

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A.T.

answers from Tulsa on

The pill most likely has nothing to do with your problems. Stress can be a big factor in hindering pregnancy. I know you want another baby now, but be patient. One friend of mine had to wait 8 years for her first to finally come along. You are still young, so don't sweat it. I was 36 before I got pregnant with my first. You have plenty of time.

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J.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi. I understand what you are going through. We went through the same thing. We had one child, and then it took about a year for me to get pregnant with my second child. I saw my ob/gyn several times during that year. After trying some things we realized that I was not ovulating so she prescribed Clomid which can help you ovulate. I had to take something else which I do not remember the name of, but I took it along with the Clomid. It was all very scheduled and I had to go into the doctor's office once a month to have blood taken so that my hormone levels could be measured (this helped determine if I was on the right dosage of Clomid). But it all worked and we had a second child! It took awhile, and I would feel frustrated and upset but it did happen. I also think that being on the Pill messed up my system. Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

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K.J.

answers from Wichita on

I am glad you are going to see a doctor about this. I tried to get pregnant for 3 years and. After trying for one year we went to a fertility specialsist. They discovered my FSH (Folicle Stimulating Hormone) was elevated. Normal is 10 and under. Mine was at 12. My doctor said it will VERY difficult to get pregnant with my FSH level elevated. He was correct. We tried three rounds of injectable hormone drugs and nothing worked. It was VERY stressful. After the 3rd round of drugs, we checked my FSH level again and it had climbed to 64 which meant I was starting memopause. I was 39 years old. My doctor said I should throw in the towel and my only hope would be donor egg or adoption. We decided to do neither. He put me on estrogen and one year later I got pregnant and had a healthy baby boy. He is now 21 months old. He is a true miracle. I am glad you are seeking help in your journey to get pregnant. It will answer a lot of questions. I learned a tremdous amount from my experience. You should also visit this web site, www.fertileheart.com. It is a great web site that will help yo understand more about conceiving and infertility. My story is on there somewhere. I signed it K.. It may not be there because I put it on there about 2 years ago.

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M.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi S.-

I feel your pain! I waited until I hit the big 4-0 to try to start (which I know is a totally different situation from you), but based on my experience, I would encourage you to work with your ob and even think about starting to see a reproductive endocrinologist, since it's been a year, at least to get you and your husband tested. I already was older, then my ob told me to try for 6 months using the ovulation predictors, and then we did some blood tests on me and said everything looked pretty good, we could try IUIs if we wanted. As you know, the whole OK dear, it's time to make a baby thing, can be a little stressful, so we basically decided to adopt at that point and had a failed adoption, so now it was another year later, more testing, 3 sets of IUIs, and then finally the trip to the RE for more advanced testing. We went to Tony Pearlstone at St. Luke's, who I highly recommend. The guys at Wash U. at very very good but the distance coupled with the number of visits was going to make it a pain, and Pearlstone was very good anyway, although by the time I got in, my FSH levels were high enough that my odds of conceiving even with IVF with my own eggs were too low for the cost. Went back to the adoption route and got a wonderful baby boy last March, so it all worked out. Bottom line, don't wait, go get checked out right away. You are probably fine, it looks like maybe just a little busy ;), but better to know, and they have so much they can do to help so you can get your little family addition! Best of luck!

M.

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G.Z.

answers from Wichita on

S., I completely understand your situation. We have a 2 1/2 year old, and when he was 6 months old, we decided to start trying again (I had already been off the pill for 2 months). We tried for over a year-actively trying, and nothing. We went for fertiliy assistance, and there was nothing wrong with either one of us. We used fertility drugs to assist for 2 months and then took the summer off. Still nothing. Then we did 3 rounds of IUI (Intra-uterine insemination), and we are finally after 20 months of trying, pregnant! You are in that classification of "secondary infertility"-more common than primary infertility. I found good resources online at the American Fertility Association. I didn't find comfort much in those around us b/c it seemed like no one understood our feelings. And I felt bad discussing with friends who are struggling with primary infertility b/c at least we do have one child. This is a really difficult situation, and you'll find few who can understand. I'll send you my email privately if you ever need someone to "chat" with. I understand.

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S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

It took us 8 years to get pg. I went to a chiropractor the last 2 years & started getting massages about 6 months before I got pg. Get a reflexology foot massage & a full body hour massage. Let the masseuse know you are trying to get pg so she can focus on that. I have a name of a lady in Edmond who gives great massages. I can give you her info, if you want it. Our son is two & haven't ovulated since he was conceived. I got a couple massages in January & ovulated this month! It's worth a try. Schedule your first massage around day 5 of your cycle. Good luck & enjoy the massage.

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B.W.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I went on antibiotics twice and got pregnant. It changes the Ph just enough that it can
really help some women. The first time it was an accident, but after 3 years of no birth
control, I tried the antibiotics again and Whammo! I was pregnant within weeks.

There are many good infertility specialists, but I know they can be expensive. Start with
your OB/GYN for some basic evaluation. Good luck! It is WORTH the effort!

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L.J.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi S., you should believe that you are already pregnant and think about how wonderful that would feel, feeling and talking about the negative will only get you more of the negative, I believe in the "law of attraction" believe me, it works in every aspect of your life, just try to see you can stay positive and "feel" good about being pregnant and then day in and day out think about that and focus on all the good things, if a negative thought comes,s simply turn it around and then let it go, pregnancy will come when the time is right. believe it!!

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D.G.

answers from St. Louis on

Hello S.,

I feel your pain. I was trying to get pregnant when my oldest turned 2. I took the pill for about a year and when I got off I felt that it would be really easy for me to get pregnant. Boy was I wrong. My husband and I tried for about 2 years and at that point I was ready to seek help. However, I talked to a co worker and she told me to get an ovulation kit. I did so and after just 2 months it worked. I got pregnant. Then just 3 weeks afer I found out I was pregnant I had a mis carriage. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go thru. I was at the point where I swore off ever wanting anymore kids because I couldn't take the heart ache of loosing another child. Just 2 months after my mis carriage I got preganant again without even trying. I had a baby girl and I was extremely happy with that. Since we had 2 girls I kept open the option of having another child and when my daughter was just 4 months old I got pregnant again. I now have 3 beautiful children ages 6, 19 months, and 7 months. I wanted to share my story with you to let you know there is hope.

Good Luck :)

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M.R.

answers from St. Louis on

i've been trying for a year now too. the first time around was a "surprise" so thought actually trying would be easy. my only child will be 10 later this year. time's a ticking and i'm really getting frustrated with waiting! i feel your pain.

i tried the "taking charge of your fertility" method. it obviously hasn't worked yet but my cycles are really irregular. however i learned a lot about fertility. the book is by Toni Weschler. http://www.tcoyf.com/ check it out if you haven't already.

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A.G.

answers from Kansas City on

Not sure if anyone has told you about a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". This book as been a miracle worker for myself and many of my friends. The book will tell you way more information about your body than you ever wanted to know but it is wonderful. By using the book you can also take the results to your doctor and they can use them to determine what exactly is going on. Like, if you are ovulating or not and when the optimal time is to conceive, etc. Hope this helps, it was the best advice when I was trying to get pregnant and having problems.

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B.K.

answers from St. Louis on

S.,
I can feel your pain. Before I had my daughter, my husband and I tried for a couple of years. My OB started me on Clomid and I did that for a few months and then I asked to be referred to a specialist. My husband and I went to Dr. Valerie Ratts. She is located out of Barnes in the Central West End. She increased my Clomid to 100 mg and said that if that wouldn't work we would try artificial insemination. My husband and I tried the insemination 2x, and the second time it worked!!!! We now have a beautiful 15 month old daughter. I hope this info helps. I know how difficult and upseting this can be, but it will all work out!!!

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Hang in there! I am 33 years old and have been married for 3 1/2 years. My husband and I have NEVER used birth control and I have never gotten that "surprise" pregnancy. I have had irregular periods since I was 15. About six months after we were married (we have know each other for almost 15 years,) I talked to my doctor about my horrible cycle. He informed me that he thought I wasn't releasing eggs. Anyway, He said if we ever wanted kids, we should start trying, because with infertility it can take a while to conceive. He put me on the lowest dose of Clomid, and one week later I was pregnant! I have a beautiful 21 month old son, and am trying to get pregnant again. I haven't gone back to the Clomid yet, because your chances of multiples are one in 10. There was a woman in my doctors office who took the same dose as me for the same amount of time and had QUADS! This is unlikely, but a possibility I think everone should be aware of. Supposedly after having a child, your body can regulate itself, but for me, no such luck as of yet. Just try to relax, look into your options, and just tell yourself that you will have another baby when the time is right! I believe we all get the babies we are supposed to have. They will join us when the time is right. Good luck!

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S.B.

answers from Wichita on

Hi S.,

My advice to you is to keep faith! My husband and I tried for almost 3 years before we got pregnant and then when we found out we were prego the first time, within a few weeks I had miscarried, but God promised us a baby and after miscarrying in July 05 I was devastated, but then I got prego in Dec 05 and we have a very handsome baby boy! Keep your head up. Right before my hubby and I started trying I was taking the pill too. I fully agree with you on the pill thing,cuz it messed me up. Dont stress that can hinder you getting pregnant. God always gives what we need when its time! Dont lose hope! I am praying for your blessing to come!

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A.S.

answers from Springfield on

hi S.!
i feel your pain girl! i tried for a year with my first husband(blessing in disguise) and took a no trying approach with 2nd hubby for about 2 years and actively trying for 6 months when my doctor put me on low doses of clomid. we expected this approach to take 6 months, but we were pregnant byt he third round!!!! this treatment has a very low chance for multiples so if you think this might be for you you could mention it at your appointment! i wish you luck and look forward to hearing your good news!!!

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K.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi there! I'm so sorry you are going through infertility problems. I know how hard it is. It took us 2 years to conceive our son. Nothing anyone says makes you feel better, especially those who never experienced infertility or have never even tried to concieve.

My problem was also due to being on the pill for so long. It caused me to have very irregular cycles. After about a year of trying I went on Clomid. I didn't get pregnant on Clomid, but it did kick my cycles back into gear. After Clomid, my cycles were like clockwork.

After another 6 months of not getting pregnant though, I was still very frustrated. So, I finally went and got a HSG done. If you aren't familiar with a HSG, it is a test where they shoot iodine into your fallopian tubes to see if you have a blockage. Some say it is painful. That is why I put it off for so long, but I didn't think it was too bad. My OBGYN told me that it can raise your chances of conceiving for the next 3-6 months after the test. Well, maybe it was just a coincidence, but we conceived our son 2 cylces after I got the HSG.

Good luck! I really hope you get pregnant soon. You might want to check out www.thenestbaby.com. It is a website with a bunch of different chat boards. There is one called Trouble Trying to Conceive. You can talk to a bunch of other women who are going through the same thing you are. I know that is really the only thing that made me feel better was to talk to peole who were going through the same thing. No one else understood what I was going through, not even my best friend. Good luck!

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi S.,

After viewing the responses, I noticed that many agree that it may ne a hormone imbalance. Have you tried Natural Progesterone Cream? I have an acquaintance that was having problems conceiving and simply used this cream for 1 month and in addition to "balancing" her as a woman, she got pregnant. Call me if you are interested at ###-###-####. My company carries this product. It is $34 and lasts about 3 months.

Many Blessings

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L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I was infertile for 10 years and had several doctors treat me without aggressive effort. Nothing worked. I finally went to Eli Reshef at Integris Baptist. He specializes in fertility treatment and will be as aggressive as you want to be. Most testing was covered by insurance, and we discussed a game plan on treatment. Ultimately we decided to do IVF and got pregnant the first time. He was very professional and encouraging. Don't waste your time with just an OB/GYN who claims to also treat infertility. GO TO A SPECIALIST! It is well worth it. I highly recommend Dr. Reshef. L.

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B.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi S.,
My husband and I tried on-and-off for 2.5 years. I attribute that length of time to stress in our lives. We had job stress, then unemployment stress, then job stress again, etc. Anyway, we also thought we were doing everything right. We got an amazing book from amazon called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It really teaches you an amazing amount of things about your body, etc, etc. I highly recommend it for help in getting pregnant. Good luck!!

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A.S.

answers from Peoria on

I couldn't agree more! I also have a healthy 5 year old son, AKA "Our Weekend Project" kid. We were prego before we knew it with him. Here it is 5 1/2 years later and we're still without a 2nd child. I developed (or had all along and didn't know it) polycystic ovarian syndrome after having my son. Even with three rounds of Clomid, no luck.

Right now I'm focusing on my health as a way to possibly get my body to stop revolting. If you have any extra baby weight left to lose, think about making it your New Year's resolution (or revolution in my mind!!!) Also know that there are tons of happy families out there with 6, 7, 10, 15 years between their kids. I'm not giving up yet and hopefully we'll both have some luck.

Hoping things work out for you!
A.

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L.G.

answers from Topeka on

I was able to get pregnant without trying the first time but I had to take a fertility drug the second time because my ovaries didn't want to fire back up and my progestrone levels were low. I also know someone else who had the same problem. Keep your head up!

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