I rarely share with my sis in law about my daughter ability. once awhile I would share with her what my daughter can do. such as potty training, etc. my husband sometimes share with his brother what my daughter can do. few weeks ago, my brother In Law told my husband that please don't tell his wife what my daughter can do because he doesn't want his wife become jealous and push his daughter who is the same age as mine too much. He said his wife would feel bad if his daughter delay than other. I start feeling don't good about his comments. We feel like if his wife jealous or etc, his wife should not invite to attend their daughter dancing performance or etc. My husband and I don't feel want to show off. we understand that kids' ability develolpe different. We often very happy to hear story about their daughter what she can do. such as Bike at 2 years old while my daughter cannot. or can walk at 9 mths while my daughter can walk later. we don't feel jealous..
I become feel don't comfortable with my in law family for what he mentioned. anyone has this feeling? and how can you come over this issue.? Am I too sensitive with his comment?
The people who are likely to be most receptive to you talking about your daughter are: your husband, your parents and your husband's parents. Not to mention praising your daughter directly for her accomplishments. Given the sensitivity, you should be able to hold off talking about your daughter's progress and accomplishments to your BIL and SIL. No need to worry about the comment beyond that.
Parenthood is not a race to the finish, but should be a journey of encouragement. In an effort to preserve the family, honor their wishes without harboring any resentment. Even if you don't believe you are bragging, it's being perceived that you are, so just let it go. Tactfully remind them when they go on about your niece's developmental milestones, that we're not supposed to be bragging about our children, right? And just enjoy your families.
My sil is like that too. She is my husband's sister and her son is 2 months older than our oldest son but our son has always been more advanced than hers in pretty much all areas of development. I have pretty much learned to downplay anything our son does when around her (thank God they live 3 horus away and we don't see them that often). And when her son does something 'new' I always praise him. It's sad that we're in that situation but I didn't create it and I can't fix it. My sil is very sensitive so I can't just talk to her about it and put an end to it. It becomes very obvious when we all get together but there's nothing I can do about it so I try to just not say anything.
Two of my brothers and I had children within a few months, so it's easy to compare developmental stages. And we all keep saying how "different children just have to do things in their own time." Some things we wish we could encourage more. For example, my niece is talking a lot. My son also did by the time he was my daughter's age. My daughter knows a lot, and sometimes she suprises us, but usually she doesn't speak clearly. She has to do it in her own time though. My niece and nephew aren't able to feed themselves yet-Lil has been doing that for several months. Lil and Nora haven't gained the weight that Nathaniel has. The point is, they all have areas where they are ahead of the others, and they all have areas where they are behind not only their cousins, but what most pediatric books say is normal. We constantly say that each is doing what is right for them, especially when we make comparisons, because we all know our kids are fine-they are just doing what they can as they are able. Maybe there's some way you can talk to the other mom about that, and say that you'd love to cheer for her child's good development, and you'd really like it if they can do the same. There's no reason to be jealous-children should be a source of joy, and that includes nieces and nephews. Good luck!
I do not think you or your husband are trying to boast about your daughter as a way to make her seem superior. It seems to me that this is an insecurity of the other moms. She maybe projecting her own failures or delays on to the daughter. I think you should try to avoid bringing things up about your daughter. The other husband asked and I do not think he was trying to be mean, just protect his daughter from what maybe an already overbearing mother. This is not to say you should lie if something comes up about your daughter but try to be sensitive to their situation. You are right in that all children develop a different stages, and with different abilities. The other girl has developed more in some areas than your daughter and vice versa.It will be possible to avoid talking about your children when you are together but try not to let her turn it into a who's child is better game. When she gets started on that talk about something neutral about your daughter. Maybe even try to point out in a casual way that all children develop differently and at different stages but they usually tend to level out at certain age. Be her friend and find out why it is so important to her, but don't say its because your insecure. Let her figure it out on her own. I hope this helps.
It's all silliness. Yes, don't don't be judgmental of their child, but don't feel bad about being proud of your own. You have to decide for yourself whether to honor this request. Perhaps his wife is having some emotional problems or is having problems wtth motherhood or maybe marriage problems? It might be respectful to just lay off the topic of parenting all together even if you distance yourself from the brother and his wife. But if it is just pettiness, then just keep doing as you want.
However, I strongly urge you to be a wonderful, loving, close aunt and uncle to your niece. This is NOT her fault. GO to her shows, call her on the phone, send her cards, everything you should do. Your relationship with her is independent of this silliness. Don't punish her, regardless of what her parents do. That is a relationship as niece and aunt/uncle you want to last until she is an adult. And you do NOT want to interfere with the cousin relationships. Your niece AND your daughter will resent you and suffer if you let the kids' relationship suffer. IF your brother and sister in law are being petty, don't retaliate, be the mature ones.
Did the BIL say that the mom WAS jealous, or MIGHT be. There's a difference.
Not mentioning your child's accomplishments at all for the rest of her life is impossible. But there are good/bad ways to do it. You might say, "Oh, wow, your daughter is bike riding at 2? That's amazing!" or say, "I know every kid is different, but it's so interesting to see that my daughter can do x." If your baby potty trains early, SIL is bound to notice the lack of diapering. But you don't have to say your kid is the greatest in the world because of it.
Both my daughers are adults and I still experience this problem with family members. People are going to have issues no matter what you do or don't say. It's hard not to be happy or proud when your child accomplishes something. The key is to also focus on the achievements of the other child. Try to ask about the other child and wait for the mother to ask about your child. This might help reduce some of the tension. Hope things work out so the children can be close.
It really made my day reading your story. I go thru a very similar situations too everytime they visit us or we visit them. Honestly, I am trying to ignore it and not think of it and don't really know if there is a solution for this sick jealosy that people have. I think is how people are made off and if it's not the child they are jealous of it will be the house, the car or something else. So, the only thing I do I simply try to minimize my conversations with her to bare minimum, but of course to this day, she still hasn't gotten the point, and still bla bla ...I don't really care!
Maybe your husband should sit down with his brother and give him a little talk about how you are a family. Everyone should celebrate every achievement for every child. Children develop in spurts and in different directions according to their own natures. There is no room for jealousy in a family, so this matter does need to be dealt with. Envy is one of the most corrosive emotions there is, so please, ask you husband to clear the air with his brother before it gets worse. If your BIL is worried about his wife pushing their daughter too hard, then that is something he needs to take up with her. He's handling this wrong by expecting everyone else to alter themselves in order to accomodate her issues. If she has issues, then SHE needs to deal with them. Expecting the world to change to suit your own particular sensibilities is wrong and they have no right to ask that of you.
