I've Just Had It with Yelling ALL the Time!

I was at this point about a month ago and one day I told myself I would NOT yell at my toddler that day...all day....not matter what. Guess what? I didn't yell not once and she didn't give me anything to yell about. We had the best day we had had in a long time. It was like I changed my attitude and she changed hers and something just clicked. Now I can't say I (we) haven't slipped up since then but it has been waaaaay better than it was. Set a goal, like one day, and go from there. I know it's hard, but feeling remorse for yelling is hard too. Best of luck.

Once you feel truly empowered with a system that works, you will probably not have as much need to feel angry or yell. The fact that you're often angry suggests that you don't yet have the right set of tools to use with your boys.

My daughter's family almost never has to use any kind of force, not even a raised voice, with my grandson, aged 4.5, since incorporating techniques taught in the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The authors teach parents how children can participate in finding their own solutions to all sorts of classic problems, including attitude, cooperation, responsibility and trust issues. Then the kids "own" the solutions, invest in making them work, and get the satisfaction of a calmer family life.

Calm adults! Happy kid! Seldom anything like traditional punishments, beyond allowing natural consequences to happen. It's a win-win approach for all of us. And I know of several other young families who are thrilled with the changes this book has brought to their families, applying the easy, sensible principles with all kinds of kids.

Are you yelling to make them do something? Or yelling to make them STOP doing something?

I recommend you read 1-2-3 Magic and give it a try. I found, after reading it and implementing it myself, that most of the time the yelling is because I (ME) have lost control... not of my kids, but of my own emotions, and I am overwhelmed. 1-2-3 gives ME a plan and I don't have to figure out how to react. I just do it. I count. No emotion required. No guilt, no anger, no pleading or begging. Just count.

Even if it is not the solution for you, it has some GREAT insight about parent/child relationships, imho.

I used to be a parent educator prebaby and they have some great classes w/ great suggestions on dicipline. you should look and see if your town has some. I have been told that the classes really helped some parents w/ lots of diff. issues theirs and their childrens. it is great that you are ready to make a change, and it is easier to change what you are doing than what others are doing...and if you make a change then they will too! basically I am saying that if you learn how to discipline w/o yelling then over time things will get better and then you really wont even need to yell (well not never ever but a lot less!) xo good luck!

I just read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I would definitely recommend checking to see if the library has it. There are pages in there that the authors even suggest photo copying for quick reference. My sister read Scream Free Parenting and recommended it to me. She gave me the book and it is on my list of things to read. I have heard great things about Grace Based Parenting too and I ordered it through interlibrary loan. Parenting books seem to be my summer reading project. :)

I just noticed all my yelling at my little one and stopped to realize she is a bit over stimulated with all the swim classes, school, more swimming and staying up too late, so I set a goal to move up stairs for our slow down time at 8:30, moving into PJ's and a story. The evening went a lot smoother.

It's wonderful that you recognize that yelling isn't good and if your desire to stop is stronger than your will to continue you will do it! I used to yell more often when I was upset with the kids and I'm sure it always made me seem so out of control. My kids didn't respond well either. I wanted to change badly and honestly, I can't tell you the last time I raised my voice. I know you can do it too!! Just be persistent with your goal!!! Good luck!

What always helps with me when I'm feeling overwhelmed and ignored is to turn away or go into another room, close my eyes and breath slowly and deeply for a minute or two.
They are kids and really don't have the equipment to act the way we do, so that also helps me when I remind myself that. :)
Good luck, hang in there and just remember sometimes the best way to handle a situation is to remove yourself, calm down and relax and then approach again.
:)

I learned from kindergarten teachers that lowering your voice is the best way to get someone to listen. It really does help....I promise! Good luck.

OH, great book (shepherding). You might consider reading The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo. He has a great website with free mp3 downloads on a lot of topics, including parenting. It's here: http://www.loupriolo.com/catalog/
I used to yell. I seldom do anymore. One day it clicked with me that it wasn't about me. My children have their own sin natures and are at war against them. My job is to point them to scripture and teach them diligently to repent and obey. It's not about them trying to make me mad. They just can't help themselves but to disobey until they have a heart for obedience. It takes years sometimes. Be consistent in your training of your children. (I am assuming you are a Christian based on the books you mentioned.) Feel free to email me privately. I am a mother of 3 boys (and 3 girls). I know how hard these years can be.
Blessings!

Keep reading your books.
I think that you should put a video camera
up in your living room and film yourself for awhile.
Try to forget that you put the camera there.
Seeing yourself scream at them, it will change you.

Best of luck to you and your family.

I read "Have a New Kid By Friday" which is an interesting concept. You don't yell at them to do something. If they don't do it you don't force them to but when they next ask to do something or go somewhere just say "I don't feel like it because you didn't do what I asked you to earlier" and a parent has to stick to it. It is a hard one for me because I also want my boys to know I am not their maid. And you have to make sure it is something you can actually have them not do or miss(in case you have to turn the car around and go straight back home). I don't know how much of the relation between the crime and punishment my boys get at age 6 & 7.

Depending on what you're boys are doing to stress you out, I would like to suggest a book "Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul". It is a Christian book, but I loved it. I have two young boys and I always disliked people saying 'boys will be boys'. After reading this I realized that it's true. I still have ground rules like no running in the house or jumping on furniture, but for other things I've decided to choose my battles. They do need to release their engery and they need things to do to release that engery. I'm not saying that everything is now all peaches and cream, but I do understand my boys a lot better. Now if only they understood that I'm pregnant, hot and just want to sit infront of the fan all day.

The key for me was the basic concept in Back to Basics Discipline, check site out www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com.

To prevent anger and yelling, you act calmly RIGHT AWAY. Consequences not yelling. They soon learn you mean business the first time you talk. It has worked wonderfully in our home and I've never been mad at the kids.

You have to remember that you do have a choice. No one is making you angry and forcing you to yell. These are choices that you make. You CAN stop. I understand you get frustrated, but how is yelling about it helping?

Try the book, "Scream-free Parenting". You could probably find it at your local library.

Also, deep breaths. Maybe YOU need a time out. Maybe you should be counting to 10 before you open your mouth to yell. It takes effort to change our habits - how badly do you want to change?