Is Your SO a Smoker and You're Not or the Opposite?

Updated on August 02, 2011
J.N. asks from Doylestown, PA
10 answers

The previous smoking question got me thinking. I really hate smoke, my lungs start to close up and I get light headed, ever since I was little, I would wake up coughing if my parents were smking in the house or even outside with a window open. I always swore I'd never date a I was wrong. So to play off the other question. Does it annoy you that your SO smokes if not how do you handle it? The things that drive me crazy are, the time spent apart...smokers tend to find every reason to smoke so either you go and hang with them outside and get lightheaded or do something else, but that accumulates to a lot of time, not that I need to be entertained constantly, but if you go out to eat, and you're sitting alone for ten minutes, because smokers always find other smokers to talk to (which i would to if I was going out), or if you're out with your kids and then they seperate to smoke every once in a while, and have to find a place they can if you're in a kid friendly place, then smoke and come all the way back sometimes it accumlattes to longer than the actual time spent together...and my biggest pet peeve is right after getting it none of these things bother me so much that it affects the relationship, I always find people to talk to that arent smoking or enjoy my alone time...but it still drives me if you date a smoker and you arent one, does it drive you crazy? if so what bothers you most, if not how do you handle it so you're not annoyed? My mom smokes and she warned me when she found out my bf smoked that this would be the reason I get annoyed, not from their personal choice of smoking but because it really does become a way of life, and there is a lot of time spent waiting for the other person to get back to unpause the movie, or continue a conversation...

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I never ask him to quit, mostly because I wouldn't want to be resented, he has said he would like to try soon, but I don't complain about the smoke, the only time I did say anything was that I didn't like how he left after diong the deed.....even though he still does on ocassion....for non smkers its hard to imagine the urge to HAVE to do it, or want to so bad

Featured Answers


answers from Spokane on

My husband is a smoker and like you I said I would never date a smoker. For us i guess I have gotten used to it. He can wait until after a meal or after a movie and he doesn't have to smoke a whole cigarette each time J. enough to get his fix then he is done. Most of the time I can be around him but like I won't let him smoke in the car so quite often once I am in the car he will start one take a few puffs then he is done and on his way. Makes the cigs last longer too. Don't get M. wrong I would rather he didn't for his own health but for now I don't force the issue as that usually backfires.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Norfolk on

I was a smoker when my adamantly non-smoking husband married M.. Both of his parents are smokers and he's always hated it. It is a testament to how much he loves M. that he married M. when I was a smoker.

I tried very hard to be a conscientious smoker, though. If I was visiting friends who were non-smokers, or trying to quit, I would J. wait. I refused to ever be a slave to cigarettes. I was upfront with my husband that I would quit before we started trying to have kids, and I did.

I think many smokers become defiant when people say, "I hate that you smoke!" I always responded better to the other things.... "I hate the way it makes your breath smell." I would keep a pack of Altoids on M.. "I hate the way it separates us after meals." I would wait until we were home and he was vegging in front of the television and have a cigarette while walking the dogs. When someone is a smoker, saying you hate that they smoke is not helpful. It's like saying you hate part of who they are. Instead, address the specific issues and try to come to some sort of compromise/solution. Pushing someone to quit is never helpful. Anyone who will quit successfully will come to it on their own for their own reasons.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

When I first met my husband to be... he smoked. We loosely were dating friends (mainly a movie at my house then he went home - no kissing, J. a hug goodbye) for about 2 years. Then suddenly after my asking him for sex (I was going thru a lonely point in my Single Mommy life) we went from casual dating friend to seriously dating. I had not know he was a smoker this whole time... but when I did, I told him I didn't like it - that was it. He quit within the month and hasn't gone back to it since. We've been dating since 2007 and got married 2010.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I have friends that dont smoke and are married to someone who does. I can't imagine laying down next to a smoker, kissing a smoker, if you aren't. I would think 2 smokers cancel each other out, but I can't understand how a nonsmoker wouldn't be bothered by the smell, the taste, and the cost. But, hey love is blind. Maybe it also has no sense of taste or smell.

i think my husband may smoke occasionally when I'm not around. I found a pack of cigarettes once. I didn't think he was addicted yet, so I was sure to tell him not to bother getting addicted! I don't have any sympathy for an adult that picks up a cigarette for the 1st time in 2011, after all we know about it. It's one thing for people like my mom that started back in the day when drs smoked in thier offices and health risks weren't known. That I can empathize with. Deciding to become a smoker as an adult in todays day and age when everyone else is trying to quit, seems pretty irresponsible. But, I've never tasted it pr smelled it on him, so, for now, it's a nonissue for us.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Both of us used to smoke... then I got preg with # 1 and I quit - he swore he quit! Baby was born and within a week hubby was enticing M. with cigs so he didn't have to sneak around anymore. I caved and became a smoker again. Then within 5 mos was pregnant again and I had to quit. He swore again he quit - till baby # 2 came and within 2 days he was enticing M. with cigs. We both FINALLY quit together this time when baby # 2 was 5 mos old. We realized cost of smoking was WAY too expensive and we could buy a bigger car with the money we spent on cigs. I still secretly think he smokes occasionally - which drives M. crazy b/c if I could be one of them people who could socially smoke... I would so be one! I miss smoking. I miss socializing with other smokings after eating a meal. I really really enjoyed it and miss it alot. But I also know I can't be a smoker b/c I want to be alive for my kids!

So to answer your question having one spouse smoke and the other not did not work for us. We either both had to smoke or both be non smokers. We chose non smokers.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

My husband smokes, i quit three years ago. yeah smoking bothers M., but not enough to not understand because ive been there myself. What really bugs M. is the health issue behind it. I love my husband and want him around for a good long while. I will stick by him no matter what, i married a smoker, too late to change it now. But i would do ANYTHING to help him quit.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Austin on

My husband and I are both non-smokers. Before we got married, we (kind of jokingly) agreed that if either of us ever started smoking, we'd get a divorce.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Redding on

I smoke, my husband doesnt. He complains all the time about it. I dont hear him :)



answers from Harrisburg on

My finace smokes and I don't. The only things that really bug M. are that I know it's hurting his body and how he smells afterwards. If we go out to eat he doesn't leave M. inside alone or with our daughter he waits until were ready to leave to go out and smoke one. And he doesn't smoke in the house or in the cars, So our daughter isn't around it. He did try the patch and he quit for a maybe a month or so and then started back up. But, I'm hoping he'll at least slow down with it a little bit more and then eventually be done with it.



answers from Los Angeles on

My husband is smoker, has been since we started dating 15 years ago. I was also a smoker until I got pregnant with my oldest son, then I quit and never started again, that was almost 6 years ago. We've had many conversations about him quitting, tried the patch, etc. He's still smoking. The only thing that bothers M. is the smell when he's done. He's not allowed to smoke in the house so it's not around the kids, and he doesn't smoke in the car when we are with him. Our oldest son even asked him to quit a few times, but...still smoking LOL.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions