Is This Normal? Is It Normal for Me to Feel the Way I Do?

run far and fast!! the kind of behavior you describe is not how a NORMAL husband treats his wife! if you have needs and have no money to get those needs met- it is his responsibility to do that for you!

As for the lack of washing... THATS JUST NASTY!

get out now- sounds like you have lingered too long, like his odor.

you would be better off on welfare- i was.

There seems to be more to this than meets the eye. First off the bad body care is not a good thing, no woman I know of wants to snuggle up with a stinky man. As for the lying well that just deludes any faith or trust we have in a person. Have you told him that? Without faith and trust I have never seen a relationship survive.
Now to the money issue if you have a "need" and he has the money to help being your partner in all things he should. There are loads of men that "rat hole" a bit of money they never tell us about. Who knows what all they spend it on but it seems to help their self esteem a bit to know that they aren't "completely broke".
My husband and I have been married 19 years and there have been loads of times when there wasn't enough pennies to pave the path to the end of the month and loads of stressful times when some needs had to wait to be taken care of.The one thing we have never done is fuss over money because neither of us see any sense in fighting over something we didn't have and if we did have it there was always a waiting bill to take it away.
What you really need to ask yourself is do you still love the man you married all those years ago. You have children what kind of father is he? Is he still your "best friend"?
Does he support your going to school, or is he sulking because your now spending time with others? Men are strange creatures I will admit but sometimes there worth the knowing.
Both of you have gone through changes over the years and your social circles have changed as well and your also mid way in the stream of life. Sometimes when we get there we tend to look back and wonder if all the bumps in the road are worth it and you are the only one that can answer that.
BBlessed always in all things

This is not good, but don't give up. He sounds like he takes you for granted, and doesn't care much about himself. You need a marriage counselor. If he won't go, tell him you'll go by yourself. Pray. Don't talk about him behind his back to your friends. It is disrespectful to him, and it will come thru in your attitude, even if you don't think it will. He will balk if he feels belittled. Don't be confrontational when you speak to him, but let him know he hurts your feelings.

The hiding money part is natural. (for both men and women) He may be selfish with it more so now because you have lost your job. I have found that men tend to feel if they earned it, the extra should be "theirs" to keep. Women tend to "rathole" for emergencies.
As far as the stay or go part. I cannot comment too much. One never wants to see a marriage break apart. Maybe talk with a counselor. But no matter what advise you are given, ultimately the decision is yours to make, as you have to live with the consequences. I wish you the best with this, and God bless.

Yes, it is normal to feel the way you do. So it is back to the question ANN LANDERS used to ask, "I am better off with him or without him?" I feel for you. I lived in a marriage much like you describ for 27 years. When my last child finished high school, we divorced. I have never been happier in my life. I wasn't looking to find anyone else but he walked into my life and treats me like a queen. You are on the right track getting your college education. Hang in there and finish that at all costs.

The lack of cleanliness sounds like depression to me. A lot of ppl stop caring about their hygeine when they are depressed. But the lying, just sounds like lying. Either way, something is not right and no it is not normal what you are going through. I hope you will seek help in your relationship and for your spouse.

About the hygeine, yes, guys will be guys and they can be a little gross...but any guy in a relationship should care enough to make the effort to spruce himself up a bit for his wife, or at least clean himself up! If he doesn't work on the hygeine a little after you have told him that it bothers you, then that would show that he doesn't care about making you happy, and that doesn't seem right in a marriage. About the money, I can't believe he lied about not having any money for something necessary like that!! Don't feel bad about looking in his wallet, obviously you had reason not to trust him. And, any guy who tells you how wrong you are in an argument has some problems! That is totally the wrong way to argue! He should listen to your side, in ANY argument, and tell you he UNDERSTANDS how you FEEL, even if he doesn't AGREE with your side, rather than not caring about your concerns in the matter, only his concerns and that his side is right and yours is wrong. At least he should validate how you are feeling, not dismiss your feelings and opinion. Obviously I don't know anything else about your relationship other than what you wrote, but it sounds to me, as an outsider, that he is not doing his part to be a good husband. Also, listen to your friends about this, they have a good picture of the situation that you may not see. If this were me in this situation, I can tell you that I would not put up with such behavior. Now, I am a SAHM so I don't have a job, but I don't have to "ask" my husband for money. We have a joint checking account and we both use it and keep it balanced, and we have equal say in what we spend money on. We also have good communication about our finances, all the time, so we know if we are spending too much and need to cut back, etc. He does not have more control over what is spent because he makes the money; I work hard too, I just don't get paid! It was the same way when I quit my job to focus on college full-time for the last year of school, before we had a baby. You are equal partners in this marriage. Why not suggest getting a joint checking account to him and see what he says. If he resists tell him it would be easier because you wouldn't have to ask him for money when you need to go shopping, and volunteer to be the one who balances the checkbook. And if he still resists, that is a warning right there that there may be other things he is hiding. I don't know how much it costs, but marriage counseling would be a good idea. A lot of people say they can't afford it, but there is always money and it is just a matter of putting your priorities in order. But, don't feel guilty if you decide it is better to part. Sounds like he has a lot of changing to do if this marriage is going to work. If my husband ever told me how wrong I was about anything, I would not put up with that. That is just inconsiderate. Even if he thinks you were wrong, even if you WERE wrong, he should never say that to you, that is hurtful. GOOD LUCK!

Hi S.. I am also 32-I'm an Army wife & a mother of two. I'd like to start first by saying every man, marriage & situation is different. My husband is the spender in my situation. My sister is the spender in hers. We keep our $ together/they keep theirs separately. Everyone does what they feel works best for them. I'd say it's completely normal to fuss over money. BUT what is so disturbing, is that you NEEDED money! this wasn't a want-it was a must. to me, that is beyond ridiculous! No matter how you guys manage the money if you can't count on him to provide your 'necessitites' then who can you count on. ? hopefully you have several takers..=) & then to lie about it-how childish-sounds to me like there are some serious underlying issues here(no pun intended). I'd suggest counseling for sure! So, the other issue. same deal really. every individual is different. You've got your men who bathe, shave, gel, spray etc on a daily basis & those who don't. I'd say it's fairly normal for men(& women) to let themselves go a little when they're married-especially as long as you guys have been. BUT the issue is-you are bothered by it. When you don't want to be intimate w/your spouse because of hygiene-it seems it has gone way past the 'norm'. What's upsetting to me is that NONE of your needs are being met! Physically, financially or emotionally. No man is wired like a woman. We are going to put ourselves behind our husband & children-it's just how we are. If there is only one left of something-we're going to make sure no one else wants it before we take it. So you can't expect him to think like you & get mad when he doesn't, SO tell him. everything you just told all of us and then if nothing changes-figure out if this marriage is worth fighting for or not. because the way I see it is-if he knows all this & still doesn't 'try' to change some things, then he is consciously choosing himself over you. & to me that says all it needs to--he should be by himself! real quick-2 more things. My ex step-dad has serious depression issues & he bathes & brushes every single day! he is overweight but he isn't unkempt. lastly-I'd like to know how the comment/ opinion about "rednecks" was even formed. ? what is a proper definition for redneck? I'll say this..I was born, raised & still reside in the South(Alabama) & I too bathe every single day! ???
God Bless You S.!! you & the kids will be in my prayers!
~take care & message me anytime! ~L. C.

ps how would he feel if a 'man' did this to one of your daughters? or when they 'start'-will he still w/hold $ ?

listen to your friends advice

My father did this to my mother. Get your degree and take the kids and move on. That's no way for your children to see their father treat their mother and no way for you to be treated. My mom put up with it for 22 years before she left. Ok, so he's not hitting you with fists, but he's treating you with massive disrespect and your kids are growing up thinking this is normal. I'm a bit screwed up where my relationships are concerned and so are my brothers. Thank god for therapy, but it was a long hard road I would rather my parent's hadn't dragged me down in the first place.

GO!!!! I was in LMOST IDENTICAL SITUATION W/ MY SON'S FATHER FOR 3 YEARS---EXCEPT HE WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, TOO. hE LIED ABPUT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING MINOR THINGS LIKE THST. THE LIES WILL GET WORSE!!!! And when ol boy gets caught, he'll lie to make up a point so you look stupid, and tell u how wrong you are when you know without a doubt you are right!!!! be careful-- watch your back and your wallet

As far as his behavior goes, has he always been this way, ever since you married? Or is it a relatively recent change? If it's a recent thing, he may need to look into counseling (like for depression) or possibly see if his body hormones are out of whack (some illnesses like hypothyroidism can cause depression and weird behavior). If he's depressed, nagging him to change won't really fix the problem - it will just make him feel worse and all alone. If, however, he's always behaved like this, then you both may need to reevaluate how you treat each other, and not take each other for granted. As far as who you go to for advice, I'd recommend a counselor who is pro-marriage, instead of one who supports individual happiness at all costs. Your decisions will have an impact on his life and your children's lives, and divorce won't mean you don't have to deal with them again - he will be a part of your life as long as your children are. If he is abusive, you will need to consider whether you and the children are safer apart; but if it's just an accumulation of annoyances.... how would you feel if someone divorced you for being annoying?

One more thing: To quote from "The Women" (1939), "Don't confide in your girlfriends! If you let them advise you, they'll see to it, in the name of friendship, that you lose your husband and your home." Your girlfriends will not bear the brunt of your difficulties, and they do not know everything that goes on in your relationship. Seek out someone, like a pastor or a counselor, who is trained to help people through challenging life situations, with a regard for all parties involved.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry that your husband makes you question your self confidence to the point where you aren't sure if it's "normal" to be upset by his selfish, controlling behavior. Yes, it's normal! Please see a counselor. Many health insurance plans help cover the costs of counseling and many churches offer it for free. If your husband won't go, go without him. A professional can give you an objective opinion and help you to decide to stay or go. They might also help you and your husband discuss your issues with control and mediation. Your husband may be behaving the way many men do but that doesn't mean its Ok. Marriage is a partnership and he should respect his partner enough to listen, stay calm and help you meet your needs. Be strong and good luck!

I was in the same situation and I am a 25 year old woman with 3 kids also. Boy 6, and 2 girls 2 year old and 10 month old I feel that he didn't care anymore rather that be about my feelings or the kids. Sometimes the relationship goes sore like that and i could not put up with the stinky feet, and rite to this day he realized what he had and how i treated him and wants me back it has only been 2 years. I am happy staying alone with my three kids, I do not date because I am working at a better life for me and my kids. My friends, sisters, and mother had my back the entire time I was going through this, and the lying is unnessary either way you look at that, but if you feel like you are giving your all and putting all that you can (mind, body, and soul) into this marriage, and you are not getting any feed back then maybe it is time for you to GO! cause he is not trying to change even though you are not happy anymore.I hate to throw the word CHEATING into this but if you feel that he is sweetheart don't just sit there CHECK INTO THAT.

You should seek marriage counseling immediately. No, these things are not normal. No one should ever lie to their husband/wife about things. He is not treating you with respect and showing your son how to treat his future wife. You are also modeling your relationship for your daughters and you don't want them to be drawn to men that lie to them and can't carry on a conversation about how something is bothering them. Seek counseling!

Listen to your friends. They have an objective view on your relationship and can see things that you can't. I messaged you privately with the more detailed response to this.

guys like him are not as smart as they like u to believe! i don't even think he can help it when he lies! he is smart but says the dumbest things?! honey you have to train him. he lies about money yet he leaves his evidence in front of u? he wants to be caught and repromanded. he is very easy to control! tell him he stinks flat out, don't lie! tell him to see how he likes it if you do't bathe for weeks, or shave, and if he doesn't care find something that does matter to him! tell him only rednecks don't bathe and tell him how turned on by good smelling guys and maybe even buy him a new cologne.

first of all, he shouldn't gross you out..he needs to do something about that! and you shouldn't have to "borrow" money from your husband! when you're married, you are one, and all the money is both of yours. i kind of think since you were so young when you got married, he thinks you're not going anywhere, you wouldn't know how to make it without him, so he is being controlling over you. if you want it to work, you guys should talk about it, maybe try counseling, but if you don't want it to work, you should move on. Don't stay with him just for the kids! The kids would rather you be happy and it sounds like you'd be happier without him. good luck, hope this atleast gives you something to think about!

It sounds terrible, but I have a feeling that if your husband were writing to a bunch of men, his side would sound different. If it's just as you say, you absolutely need counseling and work out these issues. Talk to your clergy and get some advice. Divorce should be the ABSOLUTELY LAST option. In spite of what Oprah preaches, making ourselves happy does not make our children happy. If they are not safe, you should get out, but if it's just incredibly annoying, work it out. Divorce devistates kids and when we have kids, we give up our right to put ourselves first. I'm sorry you're having so much trouble and I know it's hard and no fun, but your kids need an in-tact family. Studies show that kids are relatively content as long as the family is together, even if there is tension. Just try everything else first. He is not the worst man in the world, try to discover why you fell in love.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. What a horrible way to feel. The smells would gross me out too. And as for the money--it's not right for him to hide things and lie, and especially it's not right for him to say you can't get feminine products when you need them. But I don't really know what your money situation is so it's hard for me to make a judgment about it.

You say you've told him you don't like how he doesn't keep himself clean, but have you insisted and made it an absolute point? Sometimes I think men just think we're nagging or picking at them, so you really have to let them know how important something actually is sometimes. And you need to tell him that the money thing and the lying thing is important enough to affect your marriage (if you are indeed thinking about leaving).

But no one knows whether you should leave the marriage but you. My parents got divorced 5 yrs ago and my sister and I are grown up and it still affects us. Younger children are even more deeply affected by it. That is not to say that you shouldn't divorce, because sometimes the marriage can be even more unhealthy than the divorce for the children. But something obviously has to change. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful. I hope you find the answer you're looking for and hopefully you can reason with your husband.

Hello S.,

Your husband seems to be acting very selfishly. You certainly don't deserve to be yelled at for trying to talk to him. Plan a time that's good for the both of you to sit down and communicate and tell him exactly how you feel. You have a right to be respected in your marriage and let him know it.

K.:)
www.Health4URFamily.com

hi there S. :

What you are experiencing is mid marriage blahs! Focus on the good stuff before you exit. Or better the devil you know than the next one. You leave when he becomes physically abusive. You grew up together and probably have little knowledge of how men think. /take your time and don't forget that it takes two parents to raise children. Don't think that your parenting job is finished because they are teens or approching teen years. The biggest and most frustrating part of parenting has just begun. The next few years they can fall prey to drugs alcohol and other compulsive habits that are destructive. You need to pray for guidance and help particularly if your mate is self centered. Hugs

Gurlfriend can I tell ya.. his azz wouldn't get in my bed unless it was clean... and he would not be half assing nothing... and if dem teeth ain't clean...no kisses... honey...somewhere along the line he let himself go.. it seems as if he doesn't care anymore.. bout his self.. or you ..if you've mentioned it... there are some issues here.. it may not be to late thou...he can clean his act up if he really wants to.. and maybe yawl can work at working out family issues.. and from now on..all monies go in one bag.. bills off th top any extras would be divided accordingly.. Lying will not be tolerated.. U would be getting a divorce if u would of lied...
I wish u all th luck in the world..

o honey i am sorry for you... i do not know why he does not shower properly... but you have to take care of you and your 3 kids... i would tell him these things need to change. and if he does not these things are a deal breaker. you guys have been together a long time. and he needs to be a partner and treat you like he wants to be treated.. or you can treat him as he is treating you.. my husband has that bs "man" mentality and as soon as he starts acting like a caveman i start acting like i dont have time for him and dont want to be around him and he acts better by the next day.. we were young like you and your husband when we got together and we are still young but i have learned to not be a rug... GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

S.,

It is normal for you to feel the way you do. In my first marriage, I had one miscarriage about 6 months into the marriage. After seeing how the man I married acted...I decided right away that I did not want to have children with him unles he made some major changes. That marriage lasted 5 years...it took that long for me to figure out that I did not deserve to be treated the way I had been during that 5 years. In 6 months, I went from a size 18 to a size 9. That tells you how I was treated. Once I decided to file for divorce and move out, it was as if a huge weight was lifted. Now I have been married to the best thing that ever happened to me. I believe God had me go through my horrible marriage and my husband go through his horrible marriage for us to realize what we have. People can see how much we love each other. I would not trade him for anything. So, should you stay or should you go...pray about it and God will give you the answer. I can tell you that he never intended for us to be physicall or MENTALLY abused!!!! Good Luck in your decision. I will keep you in my prayers.

Girl, your life sounds so much like mine. Hang in there. Pray, and it'll come to you. I am in the same boat and can't decide if it's best to leave or stay. We fight so much. I have come to the conclusion that if he wants to lie and pay me no attention, etc..2 can play th is game. I know other people may disagree but you have to do what you have to do. I have gone through postpartum depression twice and he never comforts me, he is never strong for me..everything is on my back to fix and overcome. I have no partner. Sad part is that a good friend of his is now hitting on me.We'll both find our ways..I know we have to. If you want to talk more, respond and I will get you my email address.

S.- take heart! You are not alone...My husband doesn't stink- but he showers at night and thinks he doesn't need to wash his hair but every couple of days so sometimes he has that not fresh smell. He sometimes "forgets" to brush his teeth and if he has already laid down, I will make a big deal about I brushed my teeth and the kids did too, so he says, "Oh, I need to do that too." He NEVER, and I mean NEVER flosses. He never has and has never had any teeth problems. Me on the other hand, have been in the dentist office all my life, so maybe he doesn't have as bad teeth as I do. Now, the $$ issue. Yes, he does the same thing and even if it means borrowing from my parents he won't give me $$. He says he doesn't have any $$, but when he says it he means in his wallet. ( It took me year of marriage to understand what he is really saying). I have to specifically ask him to write a check!!! One time, I had an overdraft on my checking account and he wouldn't even give me the money to cover it--I had to borrow it from my parents. And if I want to order school pictures, my mom will pay for them or at least half them with me, so I don't have to come up with so much of it. In that case, I have just started getting enough pics for me and my mom and not getting his mom any. I never thought about it as him "lying" just holding out on me. So, I hold out other things from him (especially sex). I know that is wrong- but we all need something and we all have to give a little. There is no advice in my response- just to let you know that I am in the same boat as you. My hubby thinks since he pays all the bills- house, electric, etc. that his money is always spent.

I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. When people that we love treat us in an unfavorable manor we will naturally feel betrayed. Is your husband willing to talk to you about the family finances? Maybe since you lost your job he has been feeling a little out of control and being "the man of the family" may be causing extra pressure on him. However, that does not give him an excuse to withhold money from you and the family. I believe that communication is the key to any successful marriage, you really need to sit down with him and talk. You said that you are back in college, you should check with the University and see if they offer counseling. My husband and I went to marriage counseling while we were students (for free) and it helped to build a great foundation for our relationship!
I don't have a real response for his personal hygiene issues. You should talk to him and express your concern for his personal health as well as setting a good example for your children. Let him know that you are not happy with the situation that you are in and that you want your children to grow up in a happy and healthy environment. Hopefully he will understand and things will get better. If this is something that you think you can both work together to get through then you have to give it a try, especially if you still love each other.
Sometimes when men feel out of control, or extra stress they will become depressed and they need for us to let them know that everything will be alright. When my husband gets really stressed and is away from his family because he has to work all the time he will get depressed. I just remind him that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and that I love him and that our children love him and he usually snaps out of it. He just needs some encouragement.
God Bless you and your family, I wish you the best....

S.--Trust me, you are having perfectly normal feelings. I, too, was married at a young age and had 2 children with my ex-husband. We were together for 11 years. He would take my entire paycheck--he had control of all of the income (which most of it was mine), however, I cannot even begin to tell you all the times our utilities would be cut off, we would have to pick up insufficient funds checks from the DA's office, etc............so, what was he doing with all the money????????? I have no idea! He would give me $5 a week as an "allowance" and even at that there would be times that he would take that $5 out of my purse. So, I completely understand how you are feeling! My advice (exactly what I did) is get out!!! I stayed with my ex as long as I did because I wanted the perfect "Mom & Dad together forever" for my kids. But I have to tell you that the man I am married to now (9 years) has been more of a father to my kids financially & emotionally than the ex ever thought about being. Like so many other women, I thought it was right to stay with him "for the kids" but now I understand that if you are not happy in your relationship, the kids know it, whether you think they do or not. So, with the new marriage, came 2 step-sons and we have raised all 4, full custody. We have wonderful children; yes, the divorce was hard for all 4 kids, but it didn't take them long to mesh together & they all love each other. We are such a close knit family.
So, in essence, what I am trying to say is you deserve to be treated better by your husband and it should not be "his" money or "your" money--it should be "our" money--and why does he need to lie to you about not having money? In retrospect, I do believe that my ex was spending our money on gambling or other women. Not saying that is what your husband is doing, but you have every right to be upset and you deserve an explanation as to why he is lying to you about money. Or lying to you about anything, for that matter.

As for the improper hygiene, I've never had that problem with a man, so hopefully there is another Mom out there who can give you some advice in this area! You would think that you telling him about the "odor" would be enough...eh? I can't imagine. I'd tell him to get his stinky rear in the shower and scrub/and not let him in the bed with me until he did! Maybe you should tell him that you are sure that if you can smell him, everyone he gets around can smell him too!

I wish you the best of luck & let me know how everything works out for you.

God Bless,

S. Woodall

S.
It is not normal for a husband to lie to his wife about money. But it does happen, especially if he thinks he can get away with it. Question him about why he said he had no money and then think about what is best for you and your girls I know about all the money my husband has because I do all of our bills and money. But maybe he feels that if you are not working that you have no need for money. Does he give you money for groceries? I'm not taking his side but some husbands think this way.

Not brushing his teeth and not washing his arse is just plain nasty. And if he isn't doing anything about it even after you've told him that he smells, then he apparently just doesn't care. I would let him know that he was not sleeping next to me stinking.
As for lying about money, it sounds like there's a lack of trust on both sides there. He said he didn't have any meney when he did, although it could be that what was in his wallet was already allocated to something else, such as filling up the gas tank the next day. But what made you look in his wallet to begin with? I would never go into my husband's wallet, nor he into my purse. We know each other's email passwords, but neither of us goes into the other's account unless asked to find information there when the other can't get to a computer. Same with snail mail - neither of us opens things addressed to the other unless asked to.
Sounds like you both have some trust issues to deal with, and a counselor might be able to help with that.
Yelling and getting mad when you try to talk is certainly not productive. When you try to talk to him, are you broaching the subject calmly? I know that if I approach my husband about some issue that is bothering me, if I do it calmly, he listens and we can actually talk about it and resolve the situation. If I come at him with raised voice and smoke coming out my eats, he just gets defensive and closes up.

Only you know when you've had all you can take.
Do keep in mind that your kids are watching the two of you to see how a relationship is supposed to work. Your son will be dating in a few years, and you don't want him thinking this is how he's supposed to treat the girls he dates, or the one he eventually marries. Nor do you want your daughters to think this is how they are supposed to be treated. If they think this is the way it's supposed to be, they'll go looking for guys who behave badly.
If you can get your husband to go to a counselor with you, and they see both of you working to make things better, that would be a good thing. If they see only one of you making an effort, that's not so good, and it may be that it would be better for them to see that it's ok to not let yourself be bullied.

Girl, GET OUT! Life is too short to be stuck in a marriage like that. I was in one for 13 years. There are still men out there that are good and kind to women. He would gross ME out!

Your husband may have problems with drugs and/or alcohol. No need for denial or evasion that there is not a problem that can and will be detrimental, not only to him, but you and the rest of the family. Both of you need counseling to get past this, if he is willing and you are supportive. I say this because I walked in those shoes, gave the support for counseling and rehab on 3 occasions. We were married for 20 years and have been divorced for 5 years and prior to the divorce separated for 3 years. I found out more when the bank called to say that money was running out of the account like water. He took his income tax, blew it and stayed gone for days. He wrecked my vehicle, got an injury settlement of 12 grand and left for 2 weeks and blew it. Yes, as you can see the issue became very chaotic to almost fatal, as he would be in and out of the house at night and began to get drugs on credit and almost lost his life when he could not pay them what he owed. Of course, his mother came through with the thousands because I definitely did not have it. If this is a drug problem and/or alcohol, lives can be in danger if ever it escalates to the issues I had. I finally had him to the leave the home because the children and I could not continue to be in danger of his self infliction that had a total hold on him. To this day, he is still battling the beast from time to time. We all pray that the desire and taste leaves him, because he is not the man that I first met and married and mothered his children.

Also, when this happens they are not concerned about their hygiene, just getting by day to day.

I do want to mention that their could be another path of illness, so see if he will consult a doctor. If he is adamant about not doing so, then definitely something is being hidden and needs to come out or you pray and make a sound decision and stick to it no fail.

Sounds like a "man" to me!! They are brain dead when it comes to needs of women, we are just blinded by our "feelings" and takes sometime to see their faults. Read "Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars." Then get it for him for Father's Day.

Yes it is "normal". Any relationships have its times where you go through a point where you cant stand to even be in the room with the person. To the point of staying or not that has to be a decision based on what your heart says and what is best for you and your children. I say first, i don't know what your beliefs are, but i believe if you are a christian, you should first start with prayer. Praying for guidance as to what is best for you and your kids. Then pray for god to make it plain. Sometimes he puts the answer right in your face and because it seems hard and uncomfortable for us we miss it and make the wrong decision. Counseling is also helpful if both parties are involved. Do what is best for you and your kids they matter the most.......

There is alot of good advice from alot of well meaning women here. I, however am going to play the devil's advocate.

I do admit the money thing could be a huge issue, but I don't know his reasoning behind it.. maybe that money was needed for gas or something.

But so far as the not showering properly and not brushing his teeth? He sounds like a little kid. If he was the same age as you when you got married, maybe he just never grew up totally. It happens... This could be worked out one way or another.

But.. what if you just want out? What if you already know you want to go sow some wild oats and just need an excuse to leave him? What if the problem isn't him at all. it's you? You have been with him since you were 17. You probably didn't get to date very much before settling on just one guy. What if this is just you getting restless, thinking somewhere deep in your subconcious, that "I can do alot better than this, there is someone a whole lot more exciting and perfect for me" kinda thing?

Marrage isn't easy. It has bumps and upsets and tears. Are you really willing to give up on your marrage just because of something that in the grand scheme of things, is actually fairly petty? Think about that.

It sounds like there is a whole lot more going on with you and your husband, that either you don't want to share (understandable) or don't realize exactly what the problem is.

Also take into account.. if you just want to test the fields out there because you missed out on them when you were younger.. the possibility of finding a GOOD man to take on not only you.. but your three children, and your (now hubby) ex, is very very slim. Chances are alot better that you will end up alone with your kids, or in a relationship that will make you miss his bad breath and smelly butt.

Think long and hard. If you are just annoyed, work it out. If there is something a whole lot deeper.. figure out what it is and try to work it out. Then figure out if your relationship is worth saving. But do not just give up because you are annoyed with his shower habits and a bit of money. Money is the #1 reason couples split up.. but it's not actually money that is the problem.. it's the trust over it that is.

I wish you all the best.

OMG I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAYBE SEEING MY HUSBAND ON THE SIDE ... GIRL MINE IS JUST LIKE YOURS ONLY WORSE , HE HAD 3000.00 IN HIS POCKET FROM HIS LAST PAY CHECK AND TOLD ME HE WAS WATCHING WHAT HE SPENT IT ON , I HAVE TO BEG FOR MONEY AND WORK ON THE SIDE TO HAVE WHAT LITTLE I CAN MAKE CLEANING HOUSES TO PAY FOR MY OWN PERSONAL THINGS .. hE IS SELFISH AND TELLS ME I AM GREEDY ... HE TELLS ME TO SHUT UP WHEN I ASK QUESTIONS THAT IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. oUR SEX LIFE IS ZERO BECAUSE HE HAS GROSED ME OUT TO THE MAX ... PEOPLE TELL ME TO LEAVE HIM ALL THE TIME BUT I DO NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF DIVORCE AGAIN .... MAYBE IT IS ME WHO HAS THE PROBLEM ?? THE ONLY TIME HE DOES NICE THINGS IS WHEN YOU GIVE IN TO HIS WANTS AND DESIRES... ECT. MY QUESTION IS WHY DO WE STAY ??? I THINK WE NEED A SHRINK ...MYSELF OR HELP FOR OUR OWN PROBLEMS SO THE MAN WE ARE WITH DOES NOT ALWAYS TURN OUT THEY WAY WE MAKE THEM ??? I DO NOT KNOW ANY MORE

Hi S.,
The fact that you wonder whether to stay or go disturbs me. Then you mention parting with $2 even if you had 'sodas planned'? Anyway, it's been a long bumpy marriage throughout, not just this one thing. Therefore, a serious confrontation is long overdue. If he complies, get help together. If he doesn't cooperate, leave.

You are not 18 anymore. Think of the alternative lifestyle you can have w/o him, what measures to take and family involvement. It can be done.

I pray you find the strength within yourself to leave. It would be better for your children not to have a dad at all than to have such a poor excuse for one.

You deserve better. Never settle for anything less. I wish you much luck and please keep us informed.

Maybe you are more focused on the hygiene issues since it seems like something he could fix or change but maybe you are just unhappy with your relationship in general.If he is not bathing and not wanting to have a sexual relationship with you I would think he is trying to push you away(thats something I would do as a woman who didnt want to be sexual with my partner).The money thing seems kinda normal especially if you arent working and he is the only one who is;he might be feeling extra pressure about the money and feels like he needs to guard it.Try to keep your own money somehow in case things dont work out with you two you will have a little bit of money to fall back on.

S., your hubby has some nasty habits and some clean body issues. As for him not brushing his teeth, one day he will be sorry for not taking care of his mouth health. Show him a picture of some that have lost their teeth due to poor habits. I for one would stop kissing him or being near him until he changes his ways.

As for money, I thought marriages were 50/50. I can see hiding money for special occasions but to lie and not give money for sanitary purchases, that is just wrong. Next time you see money in his wallet, take a 10 dollar bill and put it in a safe place. Just don't mention it to him. If he questions you, tell him "I don't know, you say we are always broke".

I know every penny my husband has, he never hides things from me. We combine our money and I pay the bills out of both so there can't be any hiding. My only problem with my hubby is when he cooks, he makes a mess all over the kithen and that drives me nuts. I'm the one that has to scrub down the stove and refrig. and floor LOL.

J. Proud Army Mom

He doesn't sound like anything to stick around for and your children need a much better role model. Seeing you in this type of relationship may not set a good example for your daughters either. Our children learn and copy so much of our behavior. Continue to be strong, finish your education or look for another stable job immediately. If he won't give you money that you need now, he will pay for it in the way of child support and you won't have to live under his roof and put up with an unclean man. It takes much more than love to make a marriage work.