Is Something Wrong W/ Me Sexually?

I can completly understand where you are coming from. I must say though the only way to know and not to wonder if your husband is comparing is to ask. Personally I would want to know if I'm pleasing my husband or not so I would just ask and hope that he is giving me a honest answer. And if the answer is no ask him what does he want you to do differently. There is nothing wrong with a husband and wife discussing their sexual desires and wants. If you don't know how to do something learn how to do it or if he wants something that is just far from what you are willing to do let him know and ya'll discuss what could be done to help that issue or to work around that thing he wants. If you are took embarrassed to ask him or to do hands on excercises with him read about it and find out what's good for you. I think that for the most part the thing that is holding you up is this is something new for you since you had never done it before and you have to find out what you like and what you want done before you can be happy with your sex life. Good luck!

Hi D.,
I noticed that you said in your responce to the advice given that you have trouble actually "talking" about it with your husband. There are things I have trouble verbalizing to my hubby also. I may have the perfect solution for you. We just celebrated our first anniversary and threw a big party. Some of our friends and family brought gifts which was very nice, but the best one of all was also the simplest. My husbands boss took me aside and handed me two journals tied up with a ribbon. He told me that the most important thing in a relationship is communication. He said, there will sometimes be things that you want to say but aren't sure quite how. That's what the journals are for. When you need to talk, you write our your thoughts in the journal and then leave it for your hubby where you're sure he will find it. (mine works best in the bathroom, lol) Then he can think about what you've written and write back to you. I tried this for the first time last week when I wanted to bring up having another child but knew it was a touchy subject. After he read it and understood my feelings, he wrote back and I was able to understand his feelings. Then the ice was broken and we were able to discuss it openly. He even told me he liked the journal because it gave you the chance to get your whole "side" of the conversation out without fear of interuption or getting tongue tied or whatever. I think this tool is going to be very useful for us and I definitely recommend it for anyone having trouble getting their feelings out in the open. This was by far my favorite anniversary gift. Hang in there and Good luck!
~C.~

Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him. I can't say that enough. There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about talking about it to him, and I have a feeling you're crying in part because you feel so closed off from him emotionally and sexually. Lovemaking should be something that makes you feel even more close to him, and not something that should leave you crying. I'm sure he'd absolutely want to know what you're going through, because men are wired to want to fix what's wrong.

I know talking is easier said than done, especially with your different backgrounds. When I first met my guy, I was apprehensive about talking to him about it because I felt like if I admitted it wasn't all spectacular for me I'd be disappointing him. Well, he finally pulled it out of me, and I can't tell you the relief I felt once I really opened up to him and asked for what I wanted. He has not once thought less of me, and has said to me several times that he gets the most joy out of it when he knows that I'm truly enjoying it.

If you want the Christian aspect of this issue, pull out your bible and read Song of Solomon. God made us specifically to be able to enjoy the act, and it's discussed in great detail in that book. My favorite pastor calls it God's erotic book - one big love poem about the holiness of sex.

Above all, I would encourage you to ask yourself why you don't like it. What does he do or not do that turns you off? What's playing through your head as you do it? Are you telling yourself that you're not good enough, or not pretty enough? Are you wondering about the other women in his life? If you can pinpoint what it is that turned you off in the beginning and work on that, I think you'd have a much better chance of getting past what's really stopping you from letting go and plugging back into your husband on an emotional level so that you can connect on a physical level and both enjoy it.

Good luck to you,
E.

Hi D., Talking is definitely necessary, reading material that can help with these issues is also helpful. Don't worry about him comparing you to the others. I'd assume that he's thinking how special you are for saving yourself for him! You may be different from his previous relationships, but it's not a question of better or worse.

I do have to ask a hard question, as you said you feel disgusted and cry but don't know why - were you molested or abused as a child? Even a "minor" incident can have far reaching consequences. In this case, therapy can help A LOT! It takes some work, but you can find joy in sex. Just keep communicating.

Good luck!

The only thing i can say is have you talked to your doctor about it. And even before that does your husband know whats going on. Let him know for a while i would cry after sex and my husband asked me one time why i was crying and i told him that sometimes after i felt like i was not myself. Well we talked and found the problem.

Hi D.. I'm sorry you are having so many issues. I would definitely recommend Intimate Issues to you. It is a great book. Talks a lot about preparing our hearts and minds for sex and for wanting it, feeling good about our bodies, etc. It is written by Christian ladies and helped me a lot when I was having many of the same issues you were. If you have more questions, please let me know.
- P.

I was the same way when I was married... I thought there was something wrong with me because of this... but it turned out that I was unhappy in my marriage, nothing was wrong with me 'in that way'.. I've been divorced for 5 years now... I have a boyfriend I've been dating for almost 3 years now and let me tell you, I've not ONCE felt the way I did before.. sex is great - every time..

Make sure you are talking this same thing out with your husband. Are you on birth control? Sometimes different birth control can decrese your libido. Try KY Warming Gel.
Is there something you would rather your spouse do? or not do? Talk that over with each other.
There is a good book out there, "the Act of Marriage" that is a good basic read.
Is it normal not to enjoy sex, well no, It is a beautiful, fun part of marriage, and something God made for man and woman to enjoy in marriage. It can be wonderful when you are both on the same page. This is of course not an excuse for your husband to "look elsewhere", but sex is such an important part of being a man, and a woman, that the two of you need to figure this out. Try to initiate, set the mood, go to a hotel, on vacation, something different, and try to spark the mood. Maybe go see a counselor about crying. Did something happen to you regarding sex as a child, or adolescent that was uncomfortable, and this brings up bad feelings, memories, thoughts?
No matter what, keep talking it out with each other, Don't hide in your marriage. It will keep you two together through this difficult time.
good luck.

You might look into the book Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. It is from a Christian prespective and goes into some of the issues women have about sex. It has been awhile since I read it, but I think it might be very beneficial to you.