Is It NORMAL to Be EXHAUSTED at the End of Every DAY as a Mom?

I completely understand where you are coming from. You need to take care of you for once. If you do NOOO housework for one day... Yes I said it None. I know it is hard for us woman to not have the "perfect" house/kids/hobbies etc. I had to take a step back myself and say if I let one day go where I do nothing but be a mom. I have to say it has definantely helped me. You have it much harder than myself (twins, acres, animals ) hang in there at the end of the day if you answer yes to these 3 questions Did I love my children? Did I supply a warm home for my children? Did I feed my children healthy foods? Than you are doing ok. So take care of mommy sometimes.

L. - You have twin toddlers. It would be entirely abnormal if you were NOT exhausted at the end of the night. Where can help be added? I cleaning person? Someone to come out & tend to the animals? Perhaps it's time to think about preschool a few mornings a week? You need a break. Also - If possible, I would say date night should be monthly. I know funds are tight for most of us, but any relief at this point would probably help you immensely. Take care! C.

Okay, I'm tired at 8 and I only have one child and not nearly the property you are caring for. While my son naps, I rest. When my husband gets home he takes over with my son. I agree with the other poster. You do not have to do it all.

Gadfreys! I'm exhausted by 7pm & I have ONE 2.5 yr old boy, stay at home, & have little to no stress to speak of. We have a cat, a small home & hubbs works less than 15 minutes away, so he's home by 5:00 to help out every day. You definitely have a full plate just with your property & animal responsibilities, let alone with raising TWINS of any age.

One thing I stopped doing after about a year was "working" while my little guy was napping. I, too, was trying to get cleaning & whatever done during that time, but realized that I was getting no rest whatsoever during the day. And rest is ESSENTIAL for our well-being, our SANITY. So, as difficult as it would be, maybe try to just make yourself lay on the couch, eat a healthy lunch & do whatever is restful for you during the twins' quiet time. Yes, things won't get done, but really, they won't get done if you end up having a nervous breakdown or stressing out so much that you land in a depression or something either.

Take just a small amount of time for YOU a few times a week & see if that helps to change things after a month or so. And I agree with another poster, that your husband needs to be involved (if he isn't already) in helping to maintain the responsibilities of the home, especially the more labor-intensive tasks. Yes, you're home during the day, but that doesn't mean you've got loads of extra time on your hands, at least not until your kids are in school part-time.

Good luck! Sounds like you're doing a WONDERFUL job already. And don't forget to stop & enjoy your toddlers - that's another thing I made myself do, was just not "care" so much about how clean the house is or isn't, especially if it was taking too much time away from enjoying my son!

Hi L.,

You have no idea just how normal it is! I too am a SAHM and I too am completely exhausted at the end of the day. There are several things that I've found to help. First, I joined a gym that offers childcare and work out at least 3x's a week. This endorphin boost helps me tremendously! It gives me the extra kick that somehow coffee can't.

Also, if you can somehow up your date nights to once a week, it will benefit both you and your hubby. It's not just HIM that needs that alone time. And it's funny how we have to schedule it in after we have kids, huh? But we do, and it's important to do it as often as possible.

These are just a few things that have helped me. Good luck!

You have every right to be exhausted with your schedule, however, I would have your iron level checked. I find I'm not as tired when I take my supplements. Best of luck!

You should not be so h*** o* your self sound like you really do a lot and it would be natural to be tired at 8pm. YOU may also need to take vitamins this has helped me not to be as tried. you may try a 30 min rest period while the childeren rest a little time for your self may help you to feel refreshed. good S..

Wow, with all you have on your plate, you'd HAVE to be exhausted every day! That's a lot of responsibility, without downtime. Any chance of finding a mother's helper--even a 10 year old, who can help keep an eye on the girls while you're home for a couple of hours a few times a week, so you can slow down and take a well deserved nap?!! She'd be getting babysitting training, while you'd be training a future sitter for yourself, in addition to help now. I'm sure your husband would feel it's well worth it, too!

Dear L.,
I think there would be something wrong with you if you WEREN'T exhausted at the end of the day with all that you juggle. As your kids get older, they can help you with things more. My only suggestion would be that while your kids are "pretending" to nap, you make yourself a cup of tea, get a book or magazine and just sit still for a little while. It can be rest time for all of you. Just giving yourself a break and getting off your feet for an hour or so could make a big difference.
Have your husband get the kids ready for bed at least a couple nights a week so you can take a nice bath or shower, moisturize your skin and put on a pretty nightgown. Believe it or not, taking the time to do things for yourself actually revamps you.
Give it a try and just hang in there. Anyone with two toddlers let alone anything else would be exhausted.
Best wishes!

L., my 2 1/2 year old twin grandchildren live with us, I work fulltime and I am exhausted by the time they go to bed. They are busy from the moment I get home --- sharing toys and books with me, talking, talking, talking (oh, the questions). They are well behaved, but, oh, by the time it's their bedtime I am worn out. Dishes and picking up are done after they are in bed. On the weekend, when I do laundry and housework --- ay!! So, yes, it is natural, especially with all you're doing, to feel tired at the end of the day. But, if you can, take a few minutes during the day to just sit and relax, clear your head of all you "still have to do". It may not be economically feasible for you to hire help for the property, so maybe you can talk to your husband about sharing some of those chores on the weekends. And, remember, as long as you're making it look easy, your husband may not realize how much trouble you're having. Plus, get your iron level checked. Most females in your age group are a little anemic. Amazing how that saps your stamina.

Okay, I'm tired just reading about it. I feel the same way. It maybe medical but look at all you are doing too. We sometimes think that because we stay home we should be all perky at the end of the day, ready and waiting. I mean really, you do a lot of physical work during the day, plus take care mentally and physically of two precious kiddos. I completely understand as we have 20 acres, 4 horses,and two kids 8 & 7, plus I've gone back to my profession of teaching (only subbing at my kids' school for now, but I work a lot for being at one school. A lot of times chores fall on you because you are the only one home during daylight, especially in the winter time with so few daylight hours.

So...Give yourself a break. I'm sure if your husband stayed with the kids and did all you did for a few days he'd understand.

If it isn't normal, then I don't know what is. I did the SAHM thing for the first 14 mos and recently went back to work. So much easier even if I do miss my little guy.

Your life sounds lovely, but like it is a lot of work.

If your husband is ever around during nap time, try surprising him then. Or quickies in the shower. It just may not be possible at the end of the day.

It isn't a long term solution, but once your kids are a little older maybe you will have more energy. And be able to return to regular leisurely intimacy without interrupting it with snoring.

Also, advice my grandmother (mother of 6, each one year apart, before automatic washers and dryers and pampers--just stop and think about that for a moment) told me: There is always more housework tomorrow, so is there really a difference between doing it today and doing it tomorrow?

When something has to give, don't let it be your sanity.

Yes, I think it's totally normal. The fact that you have twins AND a large property to maintain is a huge amount of work. I also find that my level of fatigue at the end of the day depends on where my daughter is at developmentally. During really trying times, my level of fatigue is much higher because I expend so much mental energy taking care of her spiritedness. But getting a thyroid check certainly couldn't hurt. You are a superhero!

L.,

I am exhausted just reading about the life you describe. That's a lot of work. If you can't get some help or a sitter more often, you are bound to be exhausted. You are working your rear off!

L.

I think that it is totally normal. I felt the same way as you and I asked my Dr. about it, and he just kinda laughed at me and said "Of course you are!" LOL - so I wouldn't be too worried about it - and maybe you could try to catch a nap a couple days a week while your girls nap - I used to do that on the weekends, and it really helped! Good Luck!

YES, it's normal.....bless you...

I know what you are talking about. I have 4 girls (11,8,3 1/2 year old twins) and one more on the way. I feel this way at the end of each day. I see my regular doctor and obgyn doctor regularly, and have regular tests done and nothing is wrong with me. Something I started doing when my twins were about 2, is when they nap, I stop all activity. I take time to read, watch TV or take a nap, but I will not do anything during the entire nap time. I also turn off the ringer on the phone during this time. It was hard at first, but I needed some down time before the older kids came home from school. It drastically helped and I still do it. Also, make time for yourself. I am not one that will say do it weekly, I cannot figure that into my schedule, but once a month is good for me. Just to set aside a few hours a month to do something by yourself or with friends, it will recharge you. Also, my husband and I have set aside Friday nights as our night. He tries his best to come home before 8pm, but often is a little later. We end up watching a movie and have dessert together. It ends up being only about 2 hours of our time, but it is something to look forward to. So usually on Fridays it is eating out for us, so that way we can have no clean up later that evening. Being a mom is a very hard job, and we are constantly meeting the needs of other people. We cannot forget to take some time and meet our needs.

It's so easy to feel so tired. I know it sounds weird, but if u start exercising regularly, u will naturally build up more energy. At first you may feel tired & sore but the more u do it, the better u feel. I started exercising and taking over the counter diet pills and it gave me a lot more energy. I always felt tired and hated it. Just try what works for u. Even though you're busy, do your best to squeeze in the time to exercise a little. good luck

L.,

I did a quick search and didn't find this, so here's hoping I'm not repeating someone else:

of course exhaustion is normal, but I have found that interest overcomes exhaustion. As (wannabe) orthodox Jews, my husband and I have to abstain from *any* physical relations - even sitting on the same couch or sleeping in the same bed - for the time of my period and the 7 days following that. I've heard that this has been recommended to couples having trouble, and I'm not surprised. The night after those 7 days is ridiculously exciting, with both of us feeling like giddy teens all day long in anticipation. While this giddiness wears off over the next few weeks, we soon have to "part" again. It's terribly hard the first few times (especially since I'm a very "touchy" person in general), but quite worth it.

If you have the time and want to learn more about the religious aspect of this, check out "The Secret of Jewish Femininity". However, like with many things in Judaism, this practice makes tremendous sense from social and psychological prespectives, religion aside.

Good luck!

Hi L.,

Sounds like you have your hands full.

Maybe a few vitamins would help?

My freind was really rundown because she had heavy periods and ended up with anemia (low iron)THe doctors had her take SLOWFE a slow release iron supplement. In the old days people cooked in cast iron, maybe that helped them!

B Vitamins are important for energy. A lack of B12 can cause unusual tiredness or weakness. So can a lack of b1, or zinc.

I think brown rice is a good recource for b vits. It wouldn't hurt to try it.

I would be exhausted keeping up with 6 acres and a house without children! I would say it's very normal to be exhausted at the end of the day especially after you've chased 2 toddlers around all day. Maybe you could let a few things go every now and then. Although the animals have to be attended to every day, your house doesn't have to be immaculate every day. Let a few things go - relax - enjoy your children, your acreage and your animals and conserve some of your energy for your husband. After all, when all is said and done, you don't want to look back and only see yourself cooking and cleaning, you want to see quality time with your children and remember quality/intimate time with your husband. Don't let that get lost in the shuffle - it's extremely important, much more so than an immaculate house.

(((L.))) Repeat after me, "I do not have to do it all!" Now I'm gonna repeat after you, "I do not have to do it all!" This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. We're in farming, have 40 acres, grow organic fruits and veggies, organic chickens, plus our own beef and pork. We also homeschool, and are volunteer firefighters. Add to this a variety of life happenings that come up and it all adds up to overload and stressed mommy. We have 9 children, 2 married, but they're still my kids, so often I'm stretched in that direction, 7 at home from 18 to 3.5 mths. I am the worst at giving myself time, and it has taken a few meltdowns for me, and my husband, to relize I can't do it all, and money spent on help is a great investment in the long run for us. Decide with your husband, what can be let go for this season of life, not forever, just for awhile. At 46, I've learned how very fast my children grow, and you know what? When they're grown, they won't care what "project" I was doing if it meant they were without a momy that was healthy and sane. do the girls work in the gardens with you? Ours do, and as long as I don't make it too long they actually enjoy it and we incorporate it into our classroom. You're doing a great job, and it's ok that you're tired, just find your limit so you're not burned out, thus you won't be so tired :) hugs~~K.

Yep - it is sooooo normal. And you keep up on everything??? I'm impressed. I long ago set my expectations down MANY notches after starting to have kids (I have 4). You simply cannot be everything to everyone. I rarely have a really clean house. I don't volunteer for very much outside of church and the occasional school class, and I try to get rid of as much STUFF as possible (to have less to take care of).

There are just a few things in life that are really important, and your relationship with your husband is one of them. I would say it is important enough to do whatever you have to, to keep up on that. Talk with your husband - does his work schedule prevent him from helping with dinner/dishes and putting the kids to bed? If evenings are not good for you, can you connect with your husband in the mornings?

Also - I always have a list of 4-6 babysitters (mostly teenagers ages 14-16) that I could call anytime in order to get out on a date - this is essential. Get to know your local teenagers, or ask a nearby church for referrals.

Having 2 kids at age 2 1/2 is exhausting even with a minimal schedule. The good news is this doesn't last very long. In another year or two they will be out of this demanding stage! Try not to do too much - right now you are raising small children. Take care of yourself, take care of your kids and take care of your husband - hopefully he is also taking care of you-! Good luck!

Yes, this is totally normal, especially with twins! It will get better as they get older...

Ahhhhhh --- L. please ask for help. It will only make you a better Mother. My twins are 6 years old and I finally decided that I needed to do a few things for myself and I began to ask the ex to take on more reasonability and I started going to gym and giving myself a weekend night to hangout with the girls. It has giving more confidence, energy and my sex drive is at an all time high at 45 years old. I remember the days when I couldn't wait for the kid’s bedtime because I was exhausted. I think as Mothers we feel guilty if we can't do it all.... Let it go and go have some fun!!! I promise you will be a better wife and mother if you do... Good Luck

T.

L., You have already received a lot of great advice to try... and I agree with everyone else that it wouldn't be normal with your schedule if you weren't exhausted by the end of the day.
One thing I don't believe anyone touched upon is have you discussed this with your hubby? Perhaps he can step up and take on some of your responsibilities in maintaining the property... or perhaps even hire someone to help with that part of your duties... so you can find the time to rest when your girls are down. And, I do recommend that be a relaxing time for you rather than you running around trying to catch up with everything else. People who work outside the home usually have an eight hour day with an hour lunch and two 10 to 15 minute breaks in which they can relax. Stay at home moms need to schedule their days so they can get breaks too.

I'm exhausted by 10 AM and have a 32 month old boy and 17 month old daughter! I am 40, almost 41, and they WEAR ME OUT! They are on the go constantly and all I do is pick up after them ALL DAY!! Plus do laundry, try to keep the house decent, take care of the dog, and work part-time in the evening at Starbucks. I have given up on our yards; my husband can hire someone when he decides it looks bad enough as I just don't have the time or energy for everything! Oh, and intimacy.........FORGET IT!!! Sure enough, as soon as we try to have a moment, here comes one of them jumping on the bed!!!!
Good luck and keep us all posted.

You have twins and you wonder if you should be feeling like that? You poor thing. I have one boy and I am exhausted by 8 pm...forget fooling around with hubbie!! Remember that as a mom you are "on" when they are up and about, which is really tiring. We don't realize we are doing it, but we are maintaining a happy mommy attitude for them all the time. It's a sneaky kind of tired.
I am h*** o* myself too, we just want to do a good job - you know?
Take time for yourself and take a nap...it is hard to let dirty dishes sit but they will be there after your nap or rest and it will be easier to do them.

By the way, have you heard of Stroller Friends of Lodi? We are a free mommy group who get together for playdates and such. Checkout our website, or go to meetup.com and see our upcoming dates. Maybe we can help you just feel better by letting you know you are not the only one feeling this way.

oh my god... are you super mom?

Good gosh, I'm exhausted just reading your post! Please, get some help around the house, with the animals, or landscaping, or babysitting! Sounds like you are doing a WONDERFUL job, but I'd say you certainly deserve a break! I have one 14.5 month old, no animals or property to maintain, and I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Keep up the good work, but if you can swing it, I'm sure you'd feel better delegating some of your tasks to someone else so you can save some time for yourself. It might be hard to let go of some things at the beginning, but I'm sure you'll feel better once you have a bit of room to breath.

Take care!

H.

Woah! you have alot on your plate!! It sounds about right to me that you are exhausted! My hubby and I like to start off with a shoulder and back massage. It helps the physical exhaustion a bit and is a nice way to start things off. Defiantly keep looking for additional people to babysit.

Well Hi L.,
Let me say I'M exhausted just reading your request.
It's no wonder your tired. I wish I had more to tell you but I think at this point the only solution would be to get more rest....I know LOL....
Maybe you could schedule a couple more days with the sitter??? Just for some rest time?? It seems indulgent but sounds like what you may need.
My husband & I just moved our son,his new bride & one month old grandson in our house with us. So lately I feel A LITTLE like you, but now that I have read your request I relize just how easy I have it...
God Bless....& next time the twins are down for a "NAP", lay down yourself to rest. If everything doesn't get done today it will tommrow, I promise it will still be there...it's not like someone else will get it done....lol
From another L.....P>S> You sound VERY NORMAL to me....just a woman with alot on her plate.

Sounds like you have your hands full, so it would be totally normal to feel exhausted! BUT, I recently had some blood work done and to my surprise I had an underactive thyroid (I'm thin, so I actually had them run the test twice!)....I thought I was just tired because I was a working mom, two kids, soccer coach, girl scout leader, etc... It's worth to get it checked!

Your life sounds busy, but it might be worth your while to have your thyroid hormone checked. It only takes a blood test. Low thyroid hormone is very common in women and can lead to exhaustion. I always thought my exhaustion was just part of life and that I was supposed to feel exhausted as a mom, until I had my hypothyroidism diagnosed. Once I went on replacement hormones a new world opened up to me.

Yes, it is normal to be exhausted with all of your responsibilities. I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 17-month-old son (not even close to your responsibilities) and I'm lifeless by the end of the day. Being intimate with my husband sometimes feels like a work these days. All I can say is try to get enough rest, exercise and eat right. I wish I had better advice. I'm right there with you girl.

I would be more surprised if you said you were still full of energy by 8PM. Maybe try other ways of being intimate that doesn't take as much energy but is still fulfilling. My husband and I play the "What I Love About You Is______" game which builds intimacy without being physically tiring or just snuggling and kissing.

Is there another sitter you could hire in between times? Once every few months is tough... It seems harder and harder these days with all our nuclear families and no real communities anymore. I keep hoping people will realize the insanity of what we are doing to ourselves and our families by being to separate and isolated... (Sorry for the soapbox, I'm actually looking to find a way to build my own little community.)

I'm exhausted just reading your post, so I'd say yes it's totally normal. I have just one child and am staying at home as well, and I find the mental/emotional toll of being constantly on call for a child's endless needs is enough to do it--and that doesn't include farmwork, husband's needs, physical excercise, or anything but being attentive to a young and needy person all day. Times two and farmwork, I don't know how you do it! Now go get some sleep!

WOW, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Just maintaining a normal household is exhausting to me. I couldn't imagine doing it with twins and all that property to maintain. It sounds to me that you need a weekend away to rejuvinate yourself. My husband takes the kids for a weekend every few months and lets me go on a girls weekend. When I get back the house is a mess and he is exhausted. So he understands a little bit better what is going on during the week when I tell him I just too tired to do anything.

If you think your exhaustion is more than the normal mom, then you can always ask your doctor to check your thyroid. I also have hypothyroid disorder. I found out when my first was 6 months old. Now I take a pill every day. It took about 3 months for me to get energy back. But my exhaustion was all day every day not just when I had the down time to think about how tired I was after a days work. It is just a simple blood test to tell you if everything is normal.

Good luck!

I had such terrible exhuastion that it was a disease more than being just plain tired. It's taken me 4 kids(1-6) to learn that I need to take care of me first, otherwise I am no good to anyone. I saw a naturopath who help my adrenals so much that I could function. Rest when your girls rest. Age 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 is a busy, messy age. It gets better. Recognize that everything may not get done everyday. I'm okay as long as everything gets done in rotating order every few days. Also, it may seem like more work, but exercise will energize you.
Give yourself a break! It sounds like you expect too much of yourself!

L., it's not normal to do what you're doing w/o any help! No wonder you're so exhausted! :) You've stretched yourself thin and at the end of your day, you've got nothing left! When do you have time for yourself? I'm sure your husband helps, but w/ twins, property to maintain, and chores to do, you're running yourself ragged. Is it an option for you to hire help, even just once/week? Maybe that person can do the cleaning and cooking - freeze and re-heat during the week, and minor chores that can be done on a weekly basis? I have 1 5 y/o, but I remember when she was young - I can't imaging 2! :) Take care and good luck! You're amazing!

Have yr thyroid checked next visit, but yes it is normal. My baby is 16 now, I work outside the home now, but still WIPED by 8, sometimes by 6. I bet you did NOT sleep when the infants slept (me neither and it seems ridiculous to me even now)
That said: You can let some stuff pile up. Works always waits for you. It doesnt go away or get done by someone else (HA). I cant stanbd a messy kitchen or carpet but I have learned to tolerate dust and mess in rooms that are not exclusively MINE.
As women - we willingly give away little bits of ourselves for decades. Be careful, you can hit menopause and wonder where YOU went. For real. I am there.
About the intimacy...you have to make time for it (chip off another lil piece of yourself). I am at my best (disposition and energy)in the am, try it then. I find it easier (and quicker) to get in the mood without all the layers of the day's stress piled on me, y'know? If it is evening amor, he is gonna have to primer my pump-I am a cold start like an ole Jeep willies. :D
Calgon take me away! You may be too young to remember that commercial. Good luck, pace yourself.

Having read your post, I have to say I can't believe that you are even asking the question!!! Absolutely no offense intended, you are obviously some sort of superwoman, but I think the answer to your question is a resounding YES! Good luck with keeping up your hectic life, and bravo to you!

Hi L.,

Yes, you should be exhausted from being a SAHM for 2 1/2 yr old twins!!! But you have more than that on your plate.

As much as you love your life, you could burn out eventually. Please be careful. Reaching out to us other moms is a sign that perhaps it's a little too much.

L., don't forget to include your husband in on some of the chores. Sometimes (well, most of the time) husbands think we have it all under control......because we do :o) But they are more willing to help us if we ask them.

I would nap with your girls! A small little rest could be all you need. I know, I know...it's the only time you have to get "certain things" done, well, take it from me....it will get done anyway! Once I took the advice of laying down with my kids at their nap/rest time, I had to adjust my "guilt" of not accomplishing things as quickly, but I was a happier and well-rested mommy!

~N. :o)

Hi L.,

Are you taking supplements to replenish your body? How is your sleep? Do you wake up rested? Do you get a chance to workout? Your body needs balance.

I am a wellness consultant and help individuals that are intersted to set up a program to fit your needs.

If you would like more information check out www.nikken.com/ninamarie

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Have a wonderful holiday.

N. Marie