Infants and Visitation

i live in indiana so i'm sure our situation is different. but we started visitation with me present before the court ever saw our case. then after a month or two he pushed for visitation without me (well i'm pretty sure it was his parents, because he would not come see her without them). and then once everything was in court we started overnight every other weekend. all of this was h*** o* my daughter. she would cry to the point of throwing up everytime she saw her father. she got used to going to see him so now, normally, unless she's super tired, she's fine going to him. no more throwing up or tears. she looks forward to seeing her dad and his family now. she talks about him throughout the weeks she's not with him. it just took her some time to adjust to the new schedule of doing things.

From experience, once a visitation case is taken to court, the judge is in control of the outcome. If the judge ordered the psychologist, then the judge will listen to their recommendations. If the psychologist was not ordered by the judge, it is unlikely that the judge will listen to any recommendations by the psychologist.

The psychologist may be able to make suggestions to your daughter to help the granddaughter adjust to being away. How your daughter is acting and feeling about the visitations will also affect how the granddaughter is feeling about the visitations.

I also hope your daughter has a competent, experienced, and realistic lawyer. Lawyers can be helpful or hurtful to how a visitation situation is resolved (again, from experience).

I also can't help but ask - how can 24 hour visitation be "supervised"?

I was thinking why is it weird that a father has his daughter overnight until I read the part about the domestic violence charge. Although it was violence against the baby, it would still worry me. Since it's only temporary, it can be changed but your daughter is going to have good reasons why, not just that her daughter is clingy. That should be expected at first. Even if the overnight visit don't start until she's older, she's still going to react like this b/c it's something out of the normal. She will adjust and stop the screaming and clinging. Speaking from experience with my daughter.

It is temporary so it may change. It is being "eased into" because it is once a week and only for one overnight not the whole weekend. Of course she is going to be upset leaving her mom for the first time. Completely normal.

It is heartbreaking, I understand that. But I would alos urge you to take a step back and try to get an objective view of this.
If this is the first time away from mom, your grandchild would cry and scream and be upset, no matter where she went. I mean at that age my daughter would make a fuss if I left her with anyone, even her dad and we are married and live together!
It will take a few weeks, even months for your grandbaby to adjust, but in the end it will probably be best for her to have a relationship with both mom and dad.
Good luck!

I will give my two-cents worth here: after doing my own research on the topic of what is best for the child. BEST for the child. She needs a relationship with both parents, regardless of the issues between father and mother. That is separate from his bond with the child, however, judge's are not child psychologists. And yes, if a child were away from mom overnight for the first time, then of course she would be screaming and clingy. However, I think that if whomever you had chosen to leave the child with would call the mother and say "hey, your daughter is having a really hard time adjusting being away from you...want to come get her or have me bring her back?" That is what is best for the child. She should have been eased into this huge transition. He should want what is best for his daughter...as her father...and the simple fact is this: she isn't ready and doesn't understand at this age that the primary caretaker isn't coming back. They have no sense of permanence. I would feel this was, too, if the father had taken care of her since birth...it is about stability for young children and if we really want what is best for the child, whoever the co-parent is in the situation should just come for regular visitations and gradually easing into overnights and if ever the child is having a hard time...bring her back...for the child's sake.

when my parents divorced, i HATED goin to go visit my dad. i would get very bad stomach aches and have panic attacks, and i always cried at bed time. it was nothing dad did, i just missed my mommy. it took a LONG LONG LONG time to be ok with going over there. they seperated when i was in fourth grade and i didnt like going over there till oooh, probably 7th grade. mom brought this up in court, and the judge said that i didnt HAVE to go, it was an OPTION. but i had to be the one to tell my dad that i didnt want to go. neither one forced me into doing anything. i know it hurt my dads feelings, but he didnt ever guilt me or make me feel bad for my decisions. he would give me a hug and a kiss and tell me he loved me. Me and my dad have a great relationship now, and i visit him ALOT! he is very involved with my son and he watches him alot for me.

who is doing the supervised visits? How can it be supervised if its a 24 hr visit I'm sure who ever is supervising must sleep at some point during the visit. If she has never been away from her mom it should have been a slow transition starting with only a few hours not right into overnights of course she is being clingy :( Its only temporary so it can be changed but the judge could always find in favor of the ex and not your daughter I think I would rather leave it as is then if anything comes up ex. whoever is supposed to supervise is not supervising she can go file contempt and maybe get it changed in her favor. Your grandaughter crying and being clingy when returning home from a visit is not going to be enough reason for a judge to change the visits. The judge will simply tell you she will get used to it.
edited: my friend is in a similar situation only the supervised visits actually take place at a center and the judge appointed a special lawyer for the baby. that might be something you can ask for.

I see that you are in Alabama, I have a 6 month old and my baby's father did not get over nights until he is one. That is becuase that is what WE together settled on without going to court. It was my understanding through my lawyer that IF we had went in front of the judge it would have depended on WHO we got as to what form of visitation we got. They apparently have different variations in each city and state that they can pick from. That is why I decided it would be best to try to settle with him outside of court. So at least we had some say so.

I am nervous also about letting my little one go at 12 months to his dad's overnight but at least right now he keeps him until 8pm and then he comes home.

I am so sorry for your grandbaby, I hope things get better for her soon....