I'm SO Done with Doing Everything Myself!!

I can really relate to you as I have 5 children, and one due in 3 weeks. Repeat after me, y ou are not going to get everything done, ever while they are little. Some ideas to keeep you sane-
1. Reduce the amount of toys, clutter in their rooms to start with, throw out broken ones, donate others, then with what is left bag up half and store somewhere out of sight (closet, shed, basment) YOu can bring in these "new toys" every 6 months or so and they will think it is great.
2.Make sure you have easy bins, containers,shelves, or bins so they can put their toys away easier on their own. Try to make toy cleaning a game. Set a timer for a race, or give little treats if they pick up fast!
3. Same with laundry, as you do it, make sure you sort things that do not fit, are torn ect.. less outfits mean, less laundry to pile up or for the kids to get into in their dresser, closet ect. to make a mess with. Each of my kids have a certain color of socks to help me sort, for your twins I would pick the same as long as they are the same gender. For instance Hanes have white socks with diff colored Hanes writing on the toe (pink, blue, green). I do not match socks either- as I am folding out of the dryer- I lay their socks in their pile, they just grab two out of their drawer, because they are all the same, when they are getting dressed.
4. Some other simple ideas, buy a crockpot, make simple meals, one dish casseroles, alum foil packet meals in the oven- for less dishes.
5. Splurge on paper products when they are on sale-less dishes. Use them when you need a break.
6.If you can afford it, hire someone to deep clean for you once a week, floors, bathrooms ect. I have someone come over about twice a month for 2-3 hours each time and she charges $10 hour. It is worth it to me-even if I have to be careful in other areas of my budget. It is worth it to my husband to have a relaxed wife and a clean home.
7. See if you have any friends who will help you with bigger projects. The benefit of this is you get to visit with another adult, get something done ect.. You can go to her house and return the favor. Maybe you could do this 1-2 months.
The main point is to make your life easier. Label spots for them to hang their own coats up at the door, shoes ect.
They are little, but it will get better as they get older and are able to do more of the heavy duty chores like mopping,dishes ect. Like my 7, 10 and 13 year old do.
Good Luck!

Okay A., I feel your pain.

I have 3 kids four and under (twins too!). Your husband works full time and helps around the house sometimes? Count your blessings. Mine helps with NOTHING around the house and I don't ask him too either, and never criticize your husband's work around the house or I guarantee he will start doing less.

YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A CLEAN HOUSE at this stage!!! Don't stay up late to clean. It's not worth it and will just get trashed again in two seconds. You will be a better mom if you stop stressing about the house. I know it looks foul and you are constantly cleaning. I am the same way, but wait because it gets cleaner as they get older. They need to see you happy and as a teacher/nurturer rather than constantly annoyed about the house.

Just enjoy your kids. Clean the kitchen daily and maybe go through all your stuff and put what you don't constantly use in boxes in your basement. Who cares that it is dirty down there?

I have friends with lots of little kids and clean houses, and guess what? They don't pay attention to their kids!!! And I don't feel comfortable in their immaculate home.

Go buy a plastic wheelbarrow and shovel, and have the two-year-olds shovel up all their toys into the wheelbarrow and them dump them into a large toy bin.

Go be happy, I think you are an awesome mom!

Marci

www.flylady.net and www.housefairy.com

good luck!

I recommend the book Mrs.Clean-Jeans Housekeeping with Kids. I was given a copy when my oldest was 5, and it is terrific. It talks about chores for each age group, all the way down to giving the littlest one a rag to wipe baseboards. It also has some great advice for de-cluttering and organizing so housework isn't as overwhelming. We went with a chore chart in the early years that had pictures on it...that way the non-reader could use it as well as his big sister. Good luck. And remember, anyone expecting your house to look perfect obviously hasn't raised children.

okay, so when I "layed it out" for my hubby that if I could just have help with the dishes each day, that would be soooo wonderful. He said "sure"... then he bought me a dishwasher (I as doing them by hand)!!!! I laugh now, but then it wasn't so funny.

I feel your pain. I seem to feel like I do it all too and that it is more hassle to get the kids to do it. My kids are a little older so the older ones should be able to do more and will if I push them, but with a husband who works a lot of overtime it is sometimes just easier to let them go do their thing while I clean up.

I have been slowly learning that you can't clean clutter. I subscribed to the Fly Lady website (which can be a little overwhelming with all the information, but I do like a lot of what she has to say, and it is free!!!!)

She talks about dividing up the chores that absoulutly need to be done each day or week and writing them down in a journal with sheet protectors so that you can check things off as they are done. THis kind of list would be good so your husband could see what needed to be done and then with a dry erase marker you just check it off and then erase it at the end of the week or day, so it is ready for the next week.

Check out the flylady.net and search control journal, baby steps or weekly home blessing hour. These are a couple of things that have helped me. I still feel like I do a lot but it is helpful to have some guidelines.

Oh she also has "Riley Challenges" for kids that are pretty easy there is an archive of those on her website too, things like pick up under your bed or throw away all the garbage in your room, or find things that are broken and throw them away. I find these are pretty good and only take a few minutes. They might not get the whole room done but at least one thing gets done each day.

You can also look at the house fairy website for help with kids rooms. There is a link at the bottom of the flylady's website.

Good Luck and remeber it didn't get dirty in a day so just take babysteps and do a little each day and you will get there eventually.

My son just turned 5 and he has had chores since he was 2. Sounds crazy I know. Anyway, at first he was to unload the silverware from the dishwasher. He wanted to do it, granted it wasn't perfect, but it got done. Then he was able to move the pots to the pot cupboard so he did the silverware and the pots. When he turned 4 I made up a chore chart for him. Used the words and found a picture of what I wanted done so he could see that. Each day he got a sticker and 5 cents for every chore he did that day. He was to make his bed every morning, pick up his toys every night, and feed the cat. If he did extra to help out I would give him an extra 5 cents that day. He now has to set the table on top of the other chores. It takes him about 10 minutes to do everything on his chore list during the day.

In order for me to stay sane and my house to stay clean I had to make a chore chart. One that said this is what is going to be done on this day. For example on Mondays it's vacuuming and moping, Tuesdays it's Laundry, etc. The dishes are done every day I put them in the dishwasher and my husband unloads the dishwasher. Once you have a chore list and you stick to it, it should only take you about 10-20 minutes a night to have your house clean, because you are picking up your things before bed, your husband is picking up his, and your kids are picking up theirs.

You may want to check out housefairy.net or it may be .com. It adresses chores and cleaning and is geared to younger children. It has teaching videos on how to clean and charts you can download. It has a small membership fee but it is good for two years. I think it is under $15.00.
As for your husband I don't know. Be grateful he will clean the kitchen;every little bit helps.

A.,
Hi, well lets start at the beginning. That would be to suggest you do follow-up with your husband and give him a chore chart. Then you have him help you train your kids what and how to do the chore chart. My little people can't read either (2&4) but we have taken the time (that's your clue to successful training) to teach them what we need done and how to do it. It will take you some time to train them but it will be soooo well worth it in the end. You will sigh with relief that you took the time/effort when you see them doing the work and you are able to enjoy them and know you and hubby did a good job and also have created productive people. If you don't follow up NOW you will always be doing it yourself and regretting every moment. If you'll just give it some thought I know you can come up with some chores that are age appropriate for each child. They will surprise you how capable they are and how much they WANT to help you. As an example: trash cans are usually easy to empty, beds can be made, silverware can be put away, tables can be set or cleared, floors can be swept, toys can be picked up (if they're old enough to get them out, they're old enough to pick them up!)Animals can be fed, even food preparation can be tackled. This is just a sample of the things my little ones do everyday because we have taken the time to teach/train them. It is a joy to watch them and I know that I have helped them and helped myself. God Bless, L.

I think I can relate to your desperation. I am the only female in the house. My husband, my 3 boys ( all under 6) and 2 giant dogs are all in the house all day. Well, for years I have to pick up and clean up not mentioning working from my home office, cook, clean, yard work, toys pick up, laundry...etc, etc. Well, here are my short cut for survival that might give you some ideas. I joined a cooking club around the neighborhood. All of us 12 moms swap 12 meals a month. Yes, its only 12 meals but any ready food is great.This cut my kitchen time by a bunch believe it or not. Then I swap days with my neighbor 2 days a week ( this happend when I had 2 kids) 2-3 hours each so I can do ( clean bathrooms,kitchen, make caseroles, yard work and maybe bills if I can squeeze it). As for toys, I put age appropriate toys in 6 different clear bins then I rotate them and hide the rest. I don't really care if I just scoop everything and dump them in the bins at the end of the night. As long as I don't slip and break any part of my body over a hotwheels or Thomas the trains...I am happy. Now that I have 3 boys..I invested a part of my paycheck for a lady to come in 1 day a week to do hard clean up for 4 hours and I do the rest. I don't do folding anymore...my laundry never finish. We just wear wrinkle free clothes with wrinkles. At your kids age its very hard to strive for perfection. I really think your oldest is fabulous to even let you lecture her to do chores. I am amazed that she actually does something. I don't lecture mine. I just let them pick what they like most of the many chores available to them.My 1st boy loves yard work, 2nd one loves to vacuum and 3rd thinks he is a helper. But really...they all didn't do everything I want them to do. At the end of the day I thank God for them, we pray, read books and sleep in our messy house. Please don't feel guilty about anything...as moms I think we all felt like you at times. Relax...on a hard day just sleep early and on a great day enjoy it. As for the hubby..the greatest advice I ever receive from was from my mom. "If he helps...great but if he doesn't and you feel stress...don't fight just hire someone and get it over with...and move on. its just chores" I don't know about you but my game plan is to survive each day gracefully. Cheer up buttercup! You got lots of great advices on this site. Hope mine help you too.

God Bless

I read once that the mom just didn't do any thing one day, she let everything just be. It was a funny story, however I don't know that it would work in real life. My husband and I have been married for 19 years and When his job ended in November, I said you need to do the work around the house, I didn't do anything I will help but with kids beeing older I usually end up doing stuff with them. The kids still have to help I turned the girls laundry over to my them, I help my boys with there's I do my husband & I and the house hold stuff. They all have nights to do dish time. But if they want to have friends over the need to pitch in. ( My girls are 17 and 18 the boys are 11 & 5) Good luck Hope I gave you some ideas.

make it into a game and even have your hubby play along (with or without you) tell them that they can help you make cookies or they can have a special breakfast if they can all help eachother clean the house(or just rooms), I have a game with my son we sing and dance around the room while picking up the toys. But I make sure that the toys he plays with most get put up in a high place while cleaning so that he just doesn't take them and start playing again when its clean. He's two and that seems to be working.

First thing...don't do it all by yourself. Starting with the younger ones...make it a game. Don't make them do everything but just small things that they can handle. And for the first few days of getting them involved you will have to show them and remind them of how you want things. And a picture chart would help for your older one. But remember you will have to show them first...the only reason I am stressing this point is because their view of clean and your view of clean will always be different. My dad and step mom are dealing with that issue...their 16 year old and 14 year old will go "clean" their rooms and when my dad or stepmom goes and checks it...its not up to their standard...but that is because my step mom never took the time to show them what she wanted...(those are my dads words not me being critical of my stepmom. And as for your husband...make the list for your kids and put a few things on there that you know they won't get to in the day..then suggest that he do the things that they didn't get done for the day...and don't set him up for failure..cuz then you both will be frustrated. Also follow the other advice you have gotten...fewer toys, personal crates,etc. all very good advice. Hang in there...find your routine and you will feel better!

I don't have as many little ones under 5 as you do, but I have 6 kids and I too have felt this way before. I start small. Teach them how to do the chores that they can do. I have my kids making their own beds, picking up laundry in their rooms and bringing that to the laundry room, the older ones fold their own clothes after they are washed, and other such things. For a while you might have to be in the room as they do the chores, but soon you should be able to say "do this" and they will know what to expect and how to do it. The first step is to teach them how to do the things that they can do. If you want laundry done, they could even be right there helping as it is being done. The best thing to do is take a step back and evaluate what you are doing and what needs to be done---and realize that not everything is going to get done everyday. Make up a list of what absolutely needs to be done everyday and what can be spread out over the course of a week or the month. Tackle little chuncks at a time and when time allows deep clean a small bit. I also like to think about the future---would I rather the kids remember (after I am dead) that mom had a spotless kitchen, or that mom would always read us the story and play the games with us. (that comes from recently attending my grandmother's funeral). Good luck.
J.---SAHM of 6

First of all, DON'T micromanage. it's a bigger headache than it's worth.
Do the kids have toyboxes in their rooms.Do any of them share rooms?? For the littlest ones (who ARE old enough to understand that if you want a new toy to play with the other one goes BACK where it belongs)put stickers where each toy belongs..truck sticker where the toy truck goes....bookcases will be pretty self explanatory. Big toy boxes for big toys....and smaller roller shelves for little toys...hot wheels...army guys..stuff like that.
A chore chart would also be perfect. There is a saying I heard a while back & my hubby agrees wholeheartedly.....You can ask a man to do something....or you can tell him how you want it done.....but NEVER both. Although..you can show your hubby EVERYTHING in the kitchen that will need to be cleaned, or put in on the chore chart. I'm a HUGE packrat, but some of the tips that work for me are to start with one room, and ONLY do that room on that day. the next day move to a different room. Most of all....focus on the fact that the kids need to learn how to help.it WILL take them some time....Just be glad the they are making the attempt.

I have a 2.5 year old, and to be honest she helps me with everything--even though she is not very helpful. :-) When I mop, she has a swiffer that I attach a wet rag to and remove most of the handle from, and she mops with me. She has a little broom to sweep with. She can pick things up and put them in baskets, or at the bottom of the stairs to be carried upstairs. She helps me cook by stirring or dumping ingredients into bowls. I think at these young ages, you are encouraging a habit in them more than actually getting help!

As far as the hubby goes, my dh and I talked recently, as I was feeling overwhelmed. He asked for a list of things that we could do every evening before bed to help me from being so overwhelmed. So, before bed, he and by dd sweep the kitchen and play room (wood floors) and pick up her toys before heading to bed. I do dishes during this time. This way, we start the next day with a fairly clean, picked up house. Maybe a list to do before bed would be a help? And he could have the kids "help" him with these tasks.

Good luck--it is overwhelming to have little ones and keep things clean, in my opinion!

I dont want to sound superior because we all deal with the same things! Something that has helped me is laying it out for my husband (because men and women communicate differently) what needs done. I know that seems a little like babying (believe me I feel that way sometimes) but he gets more accomplished when I dont assume that he knows what needs done. With the kids, one word, Patience. This is not something that I am good at, but I am trying. My kids are 5 and 7. There is nothing wrong with giving then chores that are on their level. My 5 year old cleans his room on his own, but that is because he is a neat freak. My 7 year old still has a hard time cleaning her room on her own, so one of us usually sits in with her directing her. Both my kids have other chores, one empties the dishwasher, and the other loads it. One separates the clothes out of the dryer and the other lines the trash can. Chores are good for kids, they are part of the family and should have responsibility as long it is something that is age appropriate. I would suggest involving the other children in cleaning your daughters room. If they can make the mess, they can certainly clean it up. Also, realize that your kids are really young. My father always treated us like small adults and could not fathom why we couldnt do what he wanted us to do or behave the way he thought we should. Kids are not small adults. Give them jobs they can do, but be prepared to monitor for a while longer. It wont be long before your kids wont want your help, let alone need it.

One last thing, please, please, take time for yourself. Go to a movie with a friend, read a book, take a bubble bath. You will be more patient and happy when you take care of yourself. Moms take care of everyone else, but forget about themselves. Good Luck! and remember we have all been there!

I have 3 kids (2mons, 3 and 12), my teenage sis in law lives with us and I run an in home daycare. Here are a few things we did that really helped my sanity.

We put two of the kids together and made a playroom in the empty room. That is where the toys live. The kids can bring a few out at a time, but they have to go back when they are done.(everytime no exceptions and it will get easier to enforce after a few days) After a little while they started to prefer to play in that room because their were less rules in there. Make sure that you have different types of toys stored in different containers. That way they do not have to dump everything out to get to the toy they want and they will learn more if they have to sort things to put them away. In addition, you can assign each kid a specific type of toy to put away...ie Kelly does the Barbies, Anna does the dolls and Sara does the trucks.

We also packed away some of the toys and rotated them out every few months, so we can have less of them out, but they always had something new to play with.

I hang a laundry bag in each room and the kids put their own dirty clothes in it at night. When it is full they bring it to me to wash. My 4 yr old son loves to do this as it makes him feel very grown up.

Finally we made our living room "the grown up room" and the kids are not allowed it unless they are watching a movie with us. If they come in they are told "that this is the quiet grown up room, if you want to play you need to go to your playroom" Usually they find our room boring and go play elsewhere. Put a gate up and concentrate on keeping that room clean. It will give you a santuary without driving yourself nuts by trying to keep the whole house clean all the time.

I hope that helps = )

Hi A.,

You got some great ideas already, so I won't add too much. I like the idea of putting all of the chores on "display" somehow- maybe making them look like flowers in a pot or something fun, and every week the kids get to pick one flower, and whatever that chore is is their chore for the week. You could put pictures that represent the chore since the kids don't read.

Mostly, I wanted to say that I grew up with a brother 1 1/2 years older and twin sisters 1 1/2 years younger than me. So my mom had four under four similar to you. Just had to tell you I LOVED it! We were all best friends and still are very close, my mom used to have to try to come up with social things that would get us used to other kids, because we always preferred the company of each other more! So yes it's possible to get a little organization in the house chores, but just wanted to say that from the kids' perspective, they will hopefully remember their wonderful childhood. And yes, my mom's a little nuts from us driving her crazy! But she did a great job, and I don't remember our house sparkling, but I do remember taking turns with chores.

Good luck!

Your husband has to help, your little ones can do a little bit but it will require you to manage it for a few more years. If the 4 year old isn't making the bulk of the mess in her room then you need to help, it isn't fair for her at that age to clean up after them.

Anyone with kids will tell you that a clean house is just not going to happen, a cleaner house....yes, but unless you are willing to "do it all" it just isn't in the cards.......yet!

Poor A.! I feel your pain!
I notice you are in Ogden. So am I. If you'd like the number of a professional organizer, Jen, who saved my sanity, message me. She is in South Ogden and will come to your home and do regular cleaning (it is AMAZING to have all bathrooms in my house sanitary at once!) and she will also help you organize and de-junk toys, closets, clutter, anything. You can point her at a junk drawer and it will be beautiful in 20 minutes. She will even haul your stuff away to the D.I. or wherever so once you sort it out it's really gone. Finally, I love Jen because she's a mom, too, and will help me teach my kids how to do chores. They are not in her way because she is cheerful about having them help her and shows them how to do things, just like I do (although I am often less cheerful, ha, ha.)
You could also consider hiring a teen-ager to help you juggle children and tidying, but be selective. It can be a great help or just adding another kid to the mix--I have found that many teen-agers don't know how to clean up any better than toddlers. Since you don't want YOUR kids to become that kind of teen, remember that this is a very messy and labor-intensive season of life, and you're trying to work yourself out of a job by teaching your children. The time you spend training your children how to help and do work will come back to you a thousand-fold.
There's a great book called "The Parenting Breakthrough" by Merilee Boyack about teaching kids to work around the house and getting people motivated beyond chore charts. It's written from an LDS perspective, which may or may not apply to you, but the general household ideas are universal for any homemaker.
I know it's discouraging to have people tell you to lower your standards or stop being uptight. . . I have a hard time feeling comfortabel in my own home if things are totally out of control. Choose what matters most to you and tackle that and don't stress about the other jobs that day. Remember people are more important than things, but having things in some order will help you love the people better. The organizer at www.motivatedmoms.com also helps me a lot, and may be a good way of helping your husband know what needs to be done. It's very specific and there's a list of daily chores as well as suggested tasks (changing lightbulbs, changing handtowels, restocking toilet paper in bathrooms, trimming children's fingernails, wipe out refrigerator, etc.) that rotate so you can feel like you're staying on top of things. It's $8 to download it and then I print it and put it in a binder in the kitchen for everyone to see. You can view a sample before you buy it so you can see if it looks good to you.
Let me know if you'd like Jen the Organizer's number. She can come regularly or just for a one-time event to get you back in control and feeling better about things so you can maintain instead of try to dig yourself out. I cut back on eating out so I could afford her once in awhile and I am a much nicer mom and wife for it.
Hang in there!
P.S. I love Marci's comments. The people I know with the cleanest houses also have children who are watching a lot of TV and not being read to and may remember their moms more like maids than as nurturers. Do your best but choose what matters most.

Hi A.,

I would try a laminated photos that could be turned over after the chore was done. The 4 1/2 year old can pick up dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket, sweep under the table with a hand held broom thing...

I would assign myself a different task each day example Mondays = bathrooms, Tuesday = vacuum 1st floor and dust family room, Wednesday = kitchen sink and vacuum 2nd floor, Thursday = vacuum 3rd floor and help kids p/u rooms and give them damp kitchen towels to dust their rooms, Friday = clean sheets and dust or clean foyer windows.....The big key is if you don't get a chore done on one day just let it go till next week (or least the thing you can let go, let it go).

To keep the kitchen floor clean I take the wet towels and dishcloth everynight and wipe it down before throwing it in the wash (if you don't wear shoes in the house this is probably okay). Plus don't worry too much they won't be this messy and unable to help forever!

2 to 3 year olds love to help clean, so use that to your advantage, they may not be able to do much now, but in a few months to a year they will be quite good with practice just make it fun turn on music or something and use 'green' cleaning products like damp towels or vinager water for windows etc. Oh, for the bath tub always rinse it after use, if you dry it as well it will stay really quite useable for quite a while. The kids can rinse it with their play cups. Oh and I dry the floor with the towel ('mopping' it) after their baths....Oh and when I am working outside the house I clean the the kids bathroom while they take a bath, you just have to watch you don't leave cleaning products out.

R.

I like the first thing Tricia F said. You alone will not ever get everything done. However, I do believe that during the week when your husband has to work, your job is at home taking care of the house and kids. It's what you signed up for when you became a SAHM. I don't think he should have to come home after working all day supporting his family, to do more "chores" that didn't get done during the day. My husband does play with the kids while I'm making dinner then sets the table and get the kids' milk poured and on the table when dinner is ready, and that is actually a HUGE help. Sometimes he gets the kids involved in setting the table which I really like. If your husband doesn't "realize" something like that needs to be done, just ask him nicely at the moment to do it. Example: "Hey Honey, when you get a sec, can you please set the table for dinner? It will be ready in 10 minutes." Guys are more likely to jump up and do what you need done if you ask sweetly. He can't read your mind, so don't get mad at him when he doesn't. It seems to me like you have the attitude that only you can do things fast enough or good enough. That is not a good way to look at things when you are asking for help. Just be happy that the family is doing their best to help out mom. We have a tradition that has really helped keep toy clutter down to a minimum. The day after Christmas we go through the toy bins (we have toys separated out into plastic bins and stored in a huge metal cabinet like one you find in office buildings)and fill two big black trash bags, one for broken toys to be thrown away, and one for good toys but not played with in a while to be donated. We also have a rule that the kids can only have one toy bin out at a time for play. If they want to play with something else, they have to clean up the mess they have already made first. This is a BIG help. Our kids are 6 and 4, and have always had to do this. Of course, when they were really young, we would have to help a little to get them started cleaning up. Our kids also help out by putting away their own laundry after I fold it. Their clothes may not make it into the drawers folded, but at least they try and feel good that they did it. Sounds like you have a fairly large house, so you may need to cut back somewhere to be able to afford someone to come in once a week to clean. Your 4 yr old can make her bed, it doesn't have to be perfect, but it should look like she tried. You can reward her in lots of ways for that. Allowance, stickers, treats etc. are all good ways to get her motivated to help out. She can also earn extras if she helps the little ones with their beds. It will give her a sense of responsibility, and lots of praise for helping will keep her doing it. As the kids get older, you can teach them that being part of the family means that everyone has a job to do to help out, and they may not need to be paid for making their beds. You can reserve that for special chores, like raking the yard. You have to actually ask for help instead of expecting everyone to know what you want done at any given moment. If you don't, you are going to turn into a bitchy martar(sp) of a wife and mom, and the love in your home will fade. Remember, it is more important that there is love in your home than having a spotless, perfect home.