I'm Pretty Sure This Is Normal But...

Welcome to the toddler years my dear! It is normal.... they are learning new emotions and new ways of expression. My son will be 2 next week and with him I have seen positive results in implementing the naughty chair. the temper tantrums have calmed down a bit, but there have been times when I have simply had to hold his arms down, him in my lap, facing away from him and just rock with him while he screamed.

Unfortunately, we had the same problem with both kids around this age. They seem to be understanding the effectiveness all of a sudden.

The advice we got from our pediatrician was to divert their attention elsewhere. Doesn't work so well. So, with our daughter, if we're home, she gets to throw the tantrum and gets NO attention and certainly not what she wants. She seems to realize very quickly it doesn't work.
If we're out publicly, one of us takes her to a place that isn't as crowded so she doesn't bother other people.

I agree that you can't reason or do time outs with a child this age - they just don't understand it.

Ahhh... toddlerdom... when kids switch from knowing what they NEED to knowing what they WANT.

My son threw terrific tantrums starting from shortly after his 1st b-day (lasted for about 6 months... and then he was a LOVE, absolute love until he was 3, and we had the terrible 3s in our house.

We too, used the crib as a timeout spot, and for us it was ideal for several reasons:

- He couldn't get out, so we weren't adding a battle of will in with him learning to cope with emotions, so the timeouts stayed specific to the problem.

- He was SAFE. I mentioned those terrific all body tantrums, yes?

- His crib became a place of comfort for him, because he calmed DOWN in it. (We didn't ever follow the 1 minute per year rule, we waited until he was calmed and we'd been able to talk and smile and hug... aka the problem was resolved... before TimeOut was over. (We didn't upgrade until he was almost too LONG for the crib... at 3.5, and he cried and cried because it was his special place.)

It took several months for kiddo to get a grasp on rules & emotions when he was 1ish. Some days it was in and out of timeout like it was a carnival ride, & I collapsed at the end of the day to sleep. Gradually though he got the drift. The single most important thing I was ever warned about was to "pick your battles, and then NEVER give in". Aka consistancy. Apparently there's a psychological truth with primates... if something happens even once, we try again and again to make it happen. So picking battles is uber important, as is not caving for any reason... unless one wants to teach that SOMETIMES we cave. That promotes allllllll kinds of experiments to see how that person can be made to cave again.

Our absolutes were "hurting someone = instant timeout" and "you throw a fit you don't get what you want, period, even after you've calmed down AND timeout". We gradually added rules over time, as he got older.

Obviously, once kids start entering the age of reason (aka not toddlers) certain rules can be relaxed or changed for certain reasons, but the child has to really understand and be able to understand the difference. As an example, our "no hitting/hurting rule" changed to "When is it okay to hurt someone? When you're protecting yourself, someone else, or you're learning how to fight."

Best of Luck and big hugs... this is a hard age.

R

The other comments are good. I only put my son in the crib for sleeping so there was no negative connotation to it. I have a time out chair where he sits when he doesn't listen or starts to throw a fit.

The other thing I found (my son is 28 months now) is that they understand a lot more than you might think. If you tell - in a calm way at their level - them that they will loose a privilege if they don't listen/be good/act like a big kid, etc. they understand especially when you follow through a couple times. I try not to bribe, but that has it's advantages at times. I usually will take away tv time (elmo), or a treat that I was planning on giving, no balloon in the store that they give away free anyway, toys if they are thrown, drive through vs. going home to eat left overs, less time at the park ... Since we have moved my son in a bed in the last week. I rely a lot on time out and his understanding of the fact that a privilege (not that he knows that word) can be given and taken away. Since the tantrums started I have learned to stick to my guns - which is easier said - and most the time it works and my son is well behaved for his age.

Time outs aren't affective on children under three. They don't understand it properly. This is from my sister-in-law who runs the infant toddler room at her daycare and is well educated in childcare. Tantrums are a part of life for toddlers (although it is certainly not enjoyed by parents). That being said the crib is a great place if you are feeling stress or frustrated by the tantrums. It is perfectly fine for you to take a breather and calm down because tantrum are not fun! At only 19 months old you really just have to wait for your child to grow out of it a bit. Disciplining a 19 month old is useless.

Hi L., I just read your question as I was about to ask a similar one about MY 19-month-old!
When she doesn't get what she wants, she screams at the top of her lungs and turns bright pink. Often at this point, she throws up, because she is screaming and crying ("disembowling" is a good descriptor). Tooth brushing and hair washing are the worst.
Not helping you . . .just commiserating. :)
-R.

hi L., I wouldn't say it's normal although many children throw tantrums. So the first thing you do is have a no tantrum policy in your home and in force it. When she screams or is throwing a tantrum but her in the crib like you have been doing, I liked a playpen better for that, so the crib doesn't become a bad thing but anyway make her stay there till she stops, then take her out, each time do the same thing. I have a 10 month old in my daycare that has been throwing tantrums since she was 8 months old, I had never seen a child that young throw a tantrum, so when she does i put her in her play pen and when she calms down I take her out, I give her a hug and a kiss, until the next time, and even at 10 months she's learning the longest she has thrown a screaming tantrum was 20 minutes, it was while her mom was there. Hope this helps. Good Luck. J.