I Need Some Advice Please!!!

I have a 4 year old also, and it takes so much time to break them back in to going to sleep in their own beds and staying there after sickness and such. I've been there, nothing that seems as severe as yours but similar. Anyways, I occassionally have to go on "monster hunts" and I crawl around the room looking for monsters and make it a HUGE game so that by the end he is laughing and things its funny instead of scary. Its really funny when he spends the WHOLE next day hunting for monsters and scarying them away! Does she have a night light or something in there? Maybe she is afraid of the dark through all of this somehow. We use a lap with a 15 watt light bulb in it for my son. It's a lot of light but he sleeps through it, won't go to sleep without it, and we taught him to make sure it gets turned off in the morning. Maybe use play to find out what it is she is afraid of. Ask her to put her baby doll to bed like you put her to bed, and listen to what she says and ask her how the baby doll feels and why. It could help you find out WHAT exactly she is afraid of instead of trying to guess and use tons of stuff. Or if she is a good drawer, ask her to draw a picture of what she is afraid of in her room, then have her explain the picture. I hope something here helps! Best wishes!

M.,

Since everything seemed to go downhill after the accident, is it possible that it happened differently than you were told? Or did your daughter start experiencing a new illness that caused the accident and now is feeling stomach pain, etc.

Try to figure out if you have one issue or more. Is there one cause for all of it or are there separate causes?

When my sister was little, she had problems sleeping in her own room aswell.
My mother put in baby monitors for her, but in reverse. The sound end was in my sisters room and the sending end was in my parents room, so that when she went to sleep, she could hear all the sleeping sounds my parents were making and it helped her stay asleep in her room.
((I called my mom to ask a silly question about this.. and she said that usually, they turned off their end of the monitor after they knew she was asleep .. if they wanted to do anything. lol))

You could also try alot of the "new baby" things... like a teadybear with a heartbeat sound, or nightlites.. things like that. anything to make her feel safe.

Have you tried using the "anti-monster" spray? (water with something to make it smell good or medicinie.. and glitter. or anything to make it look 'magic')
What about giving her a flashlight at night?

hi M., i'm very sorry to hear about your precious little girl's accident, and the trouble she's had since then. God bless her!! one of the first things that came to mind upon reading your request was; her tummy hurting all the time. could that be nerves? with you working full time and going to college full time, that doesn't leave much time for her. i realize you getting a college education will benefit your family. but is spending so much time away doing what's best for her? i believe children need their mommy's when they're little. and her coming into your room to sleep on the floor by your bed shows her desire to be around you. but not getting into bed with you keeps you from getting upset with her. she sounds like a wonderful little girl! maybe going to college part time would be beneficial to your daughters well-fare right now. even if her stomache aches and lack of weight gain are physical problems from her accident somehow, you'll never regret the time well spent with your daughter now, when she obviously needs you most. i pray God will give you wisdom in this situation on how to handle the difficult problem you find yourself in. God bless you and those you love! H. B.

My daughter is three and I used to wake up a lot of nights feeling breath on my face and there she would be, out of her bed and trying to climb into mine. We also had a really hard time getting her to fall asleep in her room.
We did a couple things lately that seemed to really help. We spent a while coloring pictures to hang up around her room. We also got her a small aquarium that we put on her dresser with two gold fish. This has been a huge help because we leave the aquarium light on at night and she can lay there and watch them swim around while she falls asleep. Also, if she leaves her room at night we tell her that her fishies miss her and they don't want to be in there by themselves.
We also have a bedtime routine that works out well for us. She has a snack, bath, brushes her teeth and goes to the bathroom. Then we sit in her room and read books. When its time to turn out the lights, we "sprinkle fairy dust" all over her room - she loves tinkerbell so we pretend she is tinkerbell and I hold her up and let her "fly" around the room and pretend she is sprinkling fairy dust everywhere that will help her sleep and have good dreams. We sprinkle it on all of her furniture, on her fish, on her bed, etc. She loves it and then she is usually ready to be tucked in. She has been sleeping much better and has been staying in her room most nights.
Oh, and she used to tell us she was afraid of her room too. I asked her why her room was scary and she said there might be monsters in it. I told her that monsters won't come to our house because we have a cat and they are afraid of cats and she doesn't seem to worry about them anymore. Maybe you could ask her specifically what she is afraid of and "fix" it by maybe getting a special doll or animal that will keep her safe and watch over her while she is sleeping.
As far as the tummy aches, maybe you could try feeding her very mild foods for a few days - maybe eliminate dairy and just feed her thinks like chicken and noodles or rice, toast, etc like you would feed someone with a stomach virus. If she seems to be feeling better then maybe slowely start adding back in other foods so you can watch to see what is causing the problem. Maybe try giving her some ginger ale or ginger tea - ginger is supposed to sooth stomache aches. Good luck! I hope she starts feeling better and sleeping better soon!

Dear M.,

Sometimes we treat the symptoms when we need to look deeper at the cause of the problem. What is really troubling your daughter? Ask her to draw pictures about what she feels at night. Ask, "What might be causing these feelings?" Then listen to her words and emotions. Ask, "What do you think will help make these feelings go away?" Let her think about some solutions to her problem and then try them.

I'm concerned you're working full time and going to college full time. How much time is left for mothering? Is she picking up on your stress or fears?

Being able to continually balance and being content as a mom is key to having well adjusted kids.

I know it's not easy -- Good luck!

Have you thought about it being some PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder.) Sounds like she has went through alot and could be scary for her, even still. The complaining of stomach pain and not gaining weight are typical signs of that as well. Shes afraid and wants to be with her mom. My son has went through alot of medical issues also his whole life and was ok until one particular event and he has not been the same since. I would talk to her doctor about that. Just imagine one fall led to all that for her. I would be a little scared to. Hope everything gets better for you and your family. Take care. T.