I Need Advice

Updated on August 07, 2009
A.S. asks from Houston, TX
7 answers

I need some advice, but please advice dont be hard on me. I have a two year old baby girl who is my world. I am happily married to my husband for 4 years already. I work full time out of the house and have terrible allergies. When I get my allergies which is almost everyday I get so frustrated and tired. I feel terrible and I take meds for it, but they dont always do the trick. I did not have allergies until I moved here to Houston. I need to know what can I do to help me and my family when I dont feel too good. My husband does not have set hours at work so he can be home by 7 or by 9 at night. With housework, the baby and cooking I get so stressed out that I start to lose my patience with my daughter. I do not hit her or anything like that, I just lose my patience and I feel so bab when I do. Cause I feel like Im a terrible mom and since she spends her days at daycare away from me, I want to be spend the time we are together at home with her, but when my allergies hit me, I just cannot seem to function right. What can I do, is there anything that someone has done that has helped with your patience and your allergies. Please advise as I do not know what to do about this situation and I often just cry myself to sleep. I am always asking God to help me out and lend me a hand, but I need to knw what else can I do. Help!

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

Oh, Honey, you've got to stop being so hard on yourself. First of all, it's not difficult at all to lose patience with a child, especially a 2yo. (Strap on your seatbelt, 'cause this will be a long ride.) It's how you handle it that makes the difference. You learn as you go, balancing hard and fast rules with flexibility, based on the needs of your family, which are constantly changing.... (That was a mouthful right there, and it can feel ten times that while you're living through those changes. It's not always easy rolling with the changes, and you have to cut yourself some slack for not being what you think is perfect.) Secondly, I know many people who are allergic to Houston. I get very bent out of shape just to have any kinda sinus reaction though they are rare. I feel bad for people who have to live with it.

I can't advise on which drugs to take, but I will say that I think that you just need a friend. I think that you need to find somebody to vent to (like you did here), so you don't keep all that inside and let it loose when you don't want to. Just the stress of life--marriage, parenthood, making ends meet, relocating.... You have all the ingredients for an explosion there. Part of managing your load is to be able to release it. Be kind to yourself.

PS. I wrote a bit of prose a couple of years ago about my childhood with my father. I'd like to share this in the hopes that you will go easy on yourself. Here's an excerpt:

Had I been "perfectly" loved, there would be no reason for self-reflection and self-realization. I wouldn't know to set goals and work hard...and be tolerant of others and patient with the processes of life. I'd never know the pleasure of growth, the kind that comes from saying, "I'm sorry." I wouldn't know how to shut up and just listen...to EVERYTHING, including silence. I wouldn't see how the trials of loving and hating and losing have brought me right to the face of my husband--not just the man whom I would marry, but my husband, the one whom my soul loves. I wouldn't know how to survive devastation and use it to strengthen my heart for future use. I wouldn't know to pray for guidance and wisdom in my smallest daily decisions. I wouldn't have the resolve that taught me not to look for a father figure or a saviour in my life mate, but to seek someone who would lead me into being exactly who my God says I am by loving and nurturing my soul.

He wanted me to be practical and realistic, but he urged me not to give up on my dreams. The fact that I walked away from my childhood with this awareness makes our love perfect by definition. None could serve me better. What more appropriate place to have a fit and act a fool than in the safety of a parent's unconditional love?

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K.K.

answers from Portland on

A., the reason your allergies weren't bad until you moved here is because Central Texas has this HATEFUL "tree" (really more of a tall bush shaped like a tree - I am from the PNW and trees touch god, sorry folks) called a mountain Cedar. When it pollinates (which has been exceptionally high this year) it can cause all sorts of problems for allergy sufferers, even those on medications.

My son suffers so badly that his face swells and people often don't recognize him...and that is WITH medication...Once this happens we have to put him on inhalers and nebulizers and he has to stay inside as much as possible, no open windows, etc...

Talk to your PCM and see if he has any suggestions. Sometimes switching up your allergy meds helps as long term use can cause one med to become less effective. Also, my allergist has me on a nose spray as well as an allergy med to help me...It flushes all of those nasty particles out of my nose every day so that I get some extra relief from my allergies.

Good Luck... ;-)

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M.S.

answers from College Station on

Everyone gets frustrated w/their kids w/ or w/o allergies!!!

There are a couple of things that you can do to help out w/your allergies. Do you know what is aggravating them? That would be a good place to start. I would go to a natural dr, not an allergist. There is a really great one that I go to in Houston called Heights of Health. They can tell you what you are allergic to non-invasively and give you a treatment that ACTUALLY works!!! (with only 1 treatment and it is non-invasive too.) You may be allergic to some foods that you are eating too.

Also, making your environment (home, etc.) free of chemicals/toxins can help too. If you want more info about how to do this, I would be glad to help you. You may be surprised how they are in almost all your daily products that you use. When you reduce this load on your body, you may have less of reaction to other things you used to have a reaction to.

Hope you feel better!
~M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
http://www.4MyChildrenSake.com

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

My heart goes out to you. You are tired and you don't feel well and are obviously overwhelmed.

First of all, see a doctor...allergies can make you feel SO bad. Once you feel well, you will be amazed. I, too, was confronted with these Texas allergens after moving here. I honestly thought I was suffering from depression! Once you feel better, you will have more patience with your daughter. Remember that a two year old can be a handful...especially when you are tired from work, those crazy allergies, etc. Hang in htere..you are NOT alone. The guilt is the absolute worst part. The next time you feel like you are about to lose it with your child, just stand back...really look at her and remind yourself that she is only two years old and how much you love her. The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears is wonderful...hope this helps a little bit. Hugs to you...

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J.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Have you considered working at home? I've done it for years and love helping other moms get that kind of freedom. I can also help you with your allergies.......let me know if you want more info.
http://jenniferbaird.blogspot.com

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Girl I know how you feel. I hate it when I feel that my son is catching the brunt of my feeling bad or being stressed. But you know what, it just happens, you are not a bad mom, just a normal one:) Your little girl knows you love her unconditionally and is not expecting perfection:) Now about those allergies, man that is rough. I say talk to your dr and if he/she can't the help you need get a referral to an allergy specialist to find out what is going on. I hope as the season changes it will help you:) Do everything you can to get in a more positive mind frame to help stop the crying to sleep at night. Nothing makes you wake up feeling crappy like crying before bed;) It is a great source for headaches and tension and getting poor sleep. Every night when my son goes down I just pray for him in my heart and ask God to cause him to always know how deeply he is loved by us and by Him, then I sleep like a baby:) Hang in there!

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C.S.

answers from Victoria on

Okay, First things first. Welcome to motherhood and being a wife and a bread winner! :) What you got is stress showing up as allergies. So, you got to find peace in all that you do. Don't judge yourself, be sure others will do that for you and besides you will always be your worse critic! With that said, he are some things that I have done. I am a wife and handle all the housely duties. I am a mom or two kids ages 3 & 4. I am co-owner of two businesses and I do all the paperwork for both businesses. No help from anyone. Hubby co-owns with me and handles all the manual labor involved. He works usually from 6:00 am to 7:00 pm. So I know all about balance. This is what I have found that works for me and mine. First I tell my husband plain out when I need help. By calling and saying supper is on you tonight. He through communication that we have had previously knows this means I can't do no more I need your help partner please don't let me down. I use a calendar and I sit and plan out my week or my day. You will be surprised how much u can do with a little organization. When I schedule kid time, I let them know that I have 30 minutes, and I ask them what they want to do. Color, books, romping onthe floor, games and they know for that time I am all theirs and I am I give them my full attention. No phone, tv, computer. nothing. They are it. Then when i am working from home, I tell them that I have to work and they have to play on their own. I do let them help me with chores. They know I am busy and their isn't alot of time for me in there, but I do get sunday afternoons. That is the day the kids go to granny's and husband is required to go somewhere and I am off duty. From 11:30 to 5:00 it is all me time. This is what recharges my batteries and allows me to have something to give to them during the week. I also usually schedule 30 minutes at night for me to catch up with friends & family through emails & Facebook. So talk with hubby about taking some responsibilities until you get on your feet and then you should be home free. Now about allergies, well they are bad down here. My family had a bad spell with them for about 2 years. Kids lived on Zyrtec as did we, but drugs get old and body seems to develop a tolerance. I found out about something called a Netti pot. This is basically a little pot that you fill with salt and water. You then pour the saline solution into one nostril and it flushes out the sinus cavity and drains out the other nostril. I know this sounds weird! This is what they used before all the drugs were invented and guess what. It works. You basically are washing out all the pollen etc. from the nasal and sinus cavity and then your body doesn't have to react by swelling up and making mucus. You can find a kit at walmart for like $15.00. Jut keep it clean and follow the instructions. You will feel better soon especially if you get unstressed. Here is how I schedule my day. summer & fall.
6:00am get up shower & dress clean something in bathroom like toilet, next day mirrors, next day shower, floor
7:00am kids up breakfast, dishes & sweep & kids dressed
7:45am out the door and off to school. (in winter)(summer this is play time for kids at home)
8:10am at work either at home or office.
11:45am pick kids up, eat lunch one hour with kids doing school type learning. either painting, colors, worksheets, or games about letters, numbers etc... will do laundry in between or have them do a workshhet while I vacuum a room.
1:00pm At computer working from home till 4:30pm during this time, kids get to play till 2:00 then we have a snack, use the bathroom and then it is quiet time and then they go into rooms to play quietly alone or take a nap.
4:00pm kids are allowed to come out and I have them use the bathroom and watch a cartoon of their choice for 30 minutes
4:30-5:00 is their time where I put everything aside and read, or play with just them.
5:00 finish laundry, start supper, clean clutter.
6:30pm bathe kids clean something in their bathroom (see above)and change into pj's
7:00pm supper time & dishes
8:00-8:30 brush teeth collect sleepy toys, use bathroom, and tuck into bed.
8:45-9:45 Spend time with hubby, watching t.v. or talking, going oer paperwork.
10:00 he showers and gets clothes ready for next day while I check my emails and catch up w/family & friends.
Trips to stores throw my whole day off and I just punt. Usually do evenings or saturdays. Which is also when I mow and cleanout cars. I have a 13 year old that I have come over and play with kids for 2 hours and I pay her 10 bucks. That gets me time to mow & do cars. Then take kids shooping with me if hubby needs down time or we go together, or sometimes, I leave them with him and go. Hope this helps, but really talk with hubby and see if there is anything he can take onto his plate until you feel better. Hubby does that for me when I just fell overwhelmed and vice versa. Use resources around you and don't be afraid to ask for help. Good luck, it is hard.

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