Husband as Primary Caregiver

Updated on March 26, 2008
G.G. asks from Plano, TX
5 answers

Hi moms and dads: I'm thinking about going back to work and my husband has decided that he would like to stay at home with our daughter. Financially it makes sense. My request is multi-level as I would like to know if there are any dads out there who are the primary caregivers and if so, how do you feel about it, what would make things easier for you, what do you wish you had known before or if you left your job to stay at home, what things helped make the transition easier for you. And moms, if you made the switch to primary breadwinner, what helped make the transition easier for you.

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K.H.

answers from Dallas on

well i am not sure that i have the answers you need, but i will share. when we became pregnant with our first we decided together that we wanted one of us to be at home with our child. at the time my dh was making more money but he was laid off before i gave birth, so when we had our daughter, i continued to work & he stayed at home. for us it was wonderful, & the right decision, although there were plenty of people that wanted to voice their two cents. but aside from that it worked well for us. i think that my (our) biggest challenge was that i really had to lay out what it was that was expected of him (hubby) if he were going to be the one staying home. bc there is a difference in being a stay at home mom/dad & being a babysitter. i fully expected him to be responsible for the everyday cleaning & household chores. as well as most of the grocery & household shopping, & also things like routine dr. visits & such. of course i had my hand in it all too (i think being a woman it is natural) but i expect him to be the main force behind it all. it worked well for us as long as we both knew what was expected of us.
now we have switched roles, & i am a sahm & hubby works but at that time in our life, it worked well for us.
good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful
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L.L.

answers from Dallas on

I know a few stay at home dads and its working out well for them. Two of them work at home and one doesnt work at all. Just be sure to remember that he's home with the kids all day and probably needs a break when you get home in the evening. Be sure and do/say things to remind him that he is still 'The Man' of the house, as this will be important to him - some men find it imasculating when the woman is the bread winner so you need to be sure to do what you can to let him feel masculine as often as possible.

1 mom found this helpful

T.T.

answers from Dallas on

When I had my son a year ago, there was no question as to who would stay home. At the time, he worked nights and I worked days and I made twice as much as he did.

He has stayed home with our son since his birth.

He tells me that probably the hardest thing about being at home is nap time and trying to get a routine down for our son. Also, matching clothes are an issue as he has no fashion sense at all. We remedied the clothes situation by me laying out outfits and things (in case of accidents) for him the night before. Also, keeping a notebook on the days events helps him as well as you keep track of things during the day. (Ate at 830, nap from this time to this time, runny poop at 4...clapped his hands today, etc). It will also allow you to keep the lines of communication open with your husband. With my other half, I can write notes about Dr's apts and food to lay out and I can also tell him how much I appreciate him staying at home (which lets face it, is always a good way to start the day for daddy's or mommy's).

I will be honest. With my other two children (ages 19 and 15) I stayed home most of the time occassionally working part time to make extra money and harder for ME...going to work every day than it is for him to stay home with our son.

I also think that if you have one of those redneck macho husbands (NOTHING against redneck or macho) it may be harder for him to stay home due to being rediculed by friends...(something to consider).

Contact me if you'd like to talk more.

Smiles to you and yours.

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K.A.

answers from Dallas on

We have two daughters, 4 and 7 months. I work outside the home. My husband works at home. Because he is at home, he watches our daughters during the day. He does real estate, so he does a lot of his work after I get home. It has worked out well for us and the girls are very close to their daddy. I can go to work knowing that my daughters are with someone who loves them as much as I do and they always have one of their parents around. My mother in law lives nearby, which really helps when my husband has to work during the day.

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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

My husband did that was 6 month because he had lost his job and I was a stay at home mom for 7 years and had to go to work full time, but in my experience is that the men make more money and are able to get the good jobs. so what i was quiet my job and stay home with my babies what I enjoy doing didn't want to be at work. And now I have a home daycare. If her husband has a good job and is making it but you would like a little extra money then just a little maybe helpful information. Is maybe you could watch one or two kids at home or fine a church that has a mother's day out program or preschool and work their part time and in those places you are able to take your child with you. Find something that allows your child to come with you so that you can help out with money. That is what I do it does work with everyone.

B.

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