Hi ladies,
My husband and I originally wanted four children, but we have three beautiful kids, and are very happy with the size of our family the way it is now. We'd agreed that when we were done having children he would get a vasectomy, but I'm not sure if we should do that yet, or wait to see if we do, in fact, want a fourth.
If I had it my way, I'd have ten kids. I love being a mother, and both my husband and I come from very large extended families, and that's something we'd like to continue. I don't want finances to dictate when I bear my children, but I need to consider that as well. Also, my husband and I are still young (in our mid-20s), so I don't want to do anything as permanent as a vasectomy. How did you ladies know for sure when you were done having children? Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance!
J.
Thank you ladies! This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks for all your support. :)
I think mid-20's is too young for your husband to have a vasectomy. I would give it another 5 years before making that sort of leap.
I think if you both were ready to stop having kids, the decision would be pretty easy and you wouldn't be mulling over it. Perhaps just spacing out the next child to 2 to 3 years would be a good idea.
I thought for sure I was done after my second. My husband had a daughter from a previous marriage and we had one girl and one boy. I let myself get talked into having my tubes tied at 24 years old. Only to be seperated less than a year later and now that I'm with the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with, I'm unable to have the child we'd both love to have. My point is, even if the timing seems right to make a permanent decision, life can throw you a curve you never anticipated. You need to think long and hard before making the decision. If you're both happy with three, use some long term birth control until after you're both passed 30 and see how you feel then. Once they start getting older you may want more or decide you've got your perfect sized family. Good luck!
Well reading your email, I think you answered your own question. It doesn't sound like you're ready. That's a huge decision for someone to make so unless you are absolutely sure, then just wait. I used to assist Dr.s on a newer procedure for women, the Essure, which is permanent & we would run into women who just weren't sure. We of course would tell them not to do it unless they were 100% sure. Why put you or your husband through the guilt. What's the hurry! You could always go on OCP's to try & avoid a pregnancy if you're not ready at this time.
Good luck!
You just know when your really done. Being as young as you are, you could regret it. I had a tubal after my third in my twenties. As I got over thirty and my kids had gotten a little older I felt I wanted to add to our family more. Though I never wanted to be pregnant and have the weight gain again. I always wanted a large family anyway. My hubby was uptight in our early years and felt three was enough. His mind changed as well. It was a blessing anyway. We ended up adopting and looking forward to adopting two more. So, everything fell into place for us. To have more children doesn't mean you have to bare them. There are many that need a family and home.
Oh could I have written your post! I'm 26, have 3 beautiful little girls, and a 29 year old husband who says "That's it!" I also have always wanted 4 kids, so this is a tough situation for me. I know finances play a part in my husband's decision, and I'm sadden by that. I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but I've come to determine that our family size is in God's hands. I've begun to pray that if we were meant to have more kids, that He soften my husband's heart for another one. And if we were meant to have our 3, that He fill my heart with peace. (Sorry if you're not religious!) I would never let my husband get a vasectomy (even though sometimes they don't "work") because I don't know what our future holds. I hope you can come to a decision that suits both of you!! I too would love a big family... what a blessing!!!
Like the other posters said, if you were ready you wouldn't be doubting your decision. Men are funny in the way that they don't ever really know what they want :o) I would try the iud and see how you are both feeling in a few years. Financial situations change and it gets sad when there's no baby around :o) I would also like about 12 kids and DH said 4, now 5 and I'll bet he'll agree on 6 later when these ones are a little older. It's hard to imagine another baby when you have one already there. Our kids are all little because we are adopting a few, plus have 2 of our own so they are 5, almost 4, 3 and 1 and we are going to be getting baby #5 soon, hopefully.
Anyways, I would wait until you know for sure and are dreading the thought of having another child, then you're ready, LOL.
Best Wishes,
J.
I recommend thinking of something like an IUD. It's long term (I think some of them go up to 10 years, but the Mirena is up to 5) but you can take it out if you guys change your mind. There was a thread about those not too long ago. But, it seems like if you aren't quite sure you are done, that may be the way to go..
My ex-husband and I almost decided for him to have a vasectomy after our second child was born. We were both in our early twenties and had a boy and girl so we though we were finished. But luckily he did not go through it and a few years later we had two more children and I am so gratefull every day that he did not go through with it and I have four beautiful children.
Plus the older kids really help out with the younger ones. And made the second time around so much easier.
After my divorce I got an IUD and it is a wonderful thing. I have had no problems with it. And I don't have to worry about it daily. And it still leaves open up the possibilities of me having another child.
I think you have already answered your own question by posting about it. You yourself said you don't want to make that decision yet...have it simply put: then don't.
We are in the same boat, not sure and since we aren't sure then we aren't going through with anything permanent until we are actually ready to make the permanent decision.
Before we had kids, neither of us had a certain number that we wanted. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, I just knew that would be it. We just knew.
HI J., I know this reply is really late and you have a bunch of posts already, but I thought if you hadnt decided yet, I would give you my 2 cents! My husband and I decided we were done having kids and he had a vasectomy. I was looking forward to letting my body get back to normal-after kids and breastfeeding etc, with no birth control. But, once I finished breastfeeding, my periods came back so strong and heavy that I was boarderline anemic. So, I have decided to get the Mirena IUD. So far I am happy with it. The funny thing is that my husband never had to have the vasectomy because now I am on a pretty good and long lasting birth control! The other day we were talking about this fact and he told me that he would tell any man he met who wanted to have a vasectomy not to do it. Im sure he would not be happy if I shared this, but he said it has changed him, and how he feels during those intimate times :) I would recommend you go with an IUD, its totally reversable, and easily managed. And, its nothing so drastic. Good luck to you! Enjoy your kids!
