How to Help a Child with Anxiety

Updated on September 16, 2009
M.C. asks from Des Moines, IA
4 answers

I'm not sure how to help our daughter. For the past 5 years or so, we have noticed that she has anxiety issues. She has many physical symptoms, severe stomache pain, headaches, etc. We have taken her to many doctors to rule out medical conditions. Usually, the physical symptoms happen in response to nerves, something at school, spending the night at someone's house, etc. I've picked her up at school countless times because she's not feeling good, only to have her feeling great at home about an hour later. (However, I KNOW she really isn't feeling good when I pick her up.)

This week, the nurse called me b/c she was in the nurse's office b/c she didn't feel good. She was shaking, complaining of stomach pain..thought she needed to vomit, headache, hot/cold, etc. (The morning before school had been stressful. She had forgotten something so we went home to get it and she was worried she'd be late for class.)

I've been trying to do some reading and this last episode sounds like a "panic attack" or something similar. Again, once she was home...she felt much better.

I'm looking for any information I can get. What can I do to help her?

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

My oldest went through this last year when he started Kindergarten. He even threw up one day on the way to the bus stop because he was so anxious about riding.
I kept in close communication with his teacher about his issues and would call ahead of time to let her know if he was having an especially hard time that particular morning. For him, it was mostly the bus that was the problem, so his teacher had him meet with the school counselor and they talked about it and then he had a special helper that took him to the bus a few minutes early each day at the end of school and helped him get situated by the bus driver before the other kids got on. That helped tremendously.
We also would go over his class's calendar so he would know what to expect for the day. Even then, his teacher said he would have a hard time sometimes when they switched activities, but by the end of the year he was totally fine.
He grew up a lot over the Summer and had absolutely no problem starting first grade. He was a little bit emotional when we got to the bus stop the first day, but calmed down once he saw kids he knew.
Talk with your daughter's teacher. Ask her what resources are available through the school to help your daughter. Go over her daily schedule with her and explain to her that change is OK. Remind her of changes that she enjoyed. Challenge her to make a new friend on the bus. my husband told our son that he would get a dollar if he could make a new friend the next day and tell him the friend's name. (It worked!) Give her tips on what to do if she starts feeling anxious (i.e. close her eyes and think of her favorite song or story, take deep breaths, draw a picture in her head, etc.). ***Take time in the morning to help her relax and prepare for the day.*** Give her constant reassurance and help bolster her self-esteem.
My son was interested in chess and begged us to let him take an after-school weekly chess class, but then cried through them, said he felt sick, and wanted us to pick him up early. We explained that if he REALLY wanted to learn how to play chess, he was going to have to figure out a way to stay calm so he could have fun. We gave him all the advice we could think of, but it really came down to him. He finally figured it out and was able to enjoy himself. This year, he is super excited about starting karate and is showing no signs of the anxiety he had last year.
Your daughter will figure it out. Give her the tools and support and then let her work through it. Things will get better. Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Fargo on

Have you spoken to the school counselor/phsychologist about your concerns? This is something that they should be able to help out with.

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M.

answers from Omaha on

I would say try to work with your child's teacher and school counselor first. I was like that a little as a child too. I had stomach aches at night due to anxiety. I never really got over it 100% until college--I wish you better luck. It may not be for everyone, but I have heard that hypnosis can sometimes help with this kind of problem. Good luck.

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