How to Connect with My 8 Yr Old...?

I think you have the right idea in doing an activity together. It's ok for there to be some moments of silence, but then you should also talk about the activity. Don't try to force meaningful conversations; they will come on their own with time.
Consider playing board games, as they tend to be more interactive than parallel crafts. Go see a movie and then talk about it on the way home. Go bowling. Take her to a play or kids comedy show.
Just have fun and don't overthink it.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao

Go to a movie, or watch one at home; go bowling; play cards, or take turns reading a book together, you read a chapter, she reads a chapter- if she has not done Harry Potter yet, your will both have a good time. Last, tell her how much you enjoy just being with her, and that it is a special time when you can be yourself, someone who does not need to talk all the time. She may be wondering if it is OK that she is like she is, and you are the perfect person to show her how true that is!

M.

I don't think either of you should need to be any different than you are!!! That's what make you special. If neither of you are big talkers, then don't talk and find something else that draws you together. I imagine that just spending time with her speaks volumes more than any conversation you could ever have!

I agree with Rebecca...take her out on a weekly/monthly "date night" and I think you will have things to talk about then...even if the conversation is short...and do things that don't require a lot of conversation...pedicures, ice cream, movie, gaming area, putt-putt, crafts (I took a stained glass class with my mom...I loved it!)...and let the conversation go where it may! You might even find out what books she is reading (for school or pleasure) and read them too...and then talk over what it's about. Or watch a movie that she would watch, but you aren't super excited about and then make up a "date night" around the theme of the movie. If quiet in the car bothers you, then have a CD made up of good singing music that she knows too and when the conversation dwindles, turn up the tunes and sing together!

I am looking forward to being able to take my boys out on individual "mommy dates" each month when they get older (though my 2-year-old is VERY talkative and so my house is NEVER quiet anymore :-D)! Maybe we should trade for a night...lol! Have fun with your kiddos!

S.

Well, since you are the parent, you need to take the lead in it.
Your daughter is just the way she is....there is nothing wrong with that.
But as her mom being the same way... it makes you uncomfortable because your feel you "have to" say something and talk away.
Maybe you don't 'have to.'
If you and she "connect" on another level.... then that is great! Not everyone connects, by talking. They connect in other ways.
So maybe that is her personality.

So you feel she is distant from you? Or do you think you and she have a good relationship??? Because, THAT to me, is the main issue..... do you and she have a good-positive relationship?
It doesn't matter how much or little chit-chat you make. It is the relationship you have with her... that she KNOWS she can trust you, that she can always come to you with any problems, that she knows she can come to you for a hug or encouragement, that she can come to you when or if she is scared or feeling down, that she can come to you for ANY reason under the sun, and that you WILL be there no matter what... without judgment. Just unconditional love.

THAT is the point.
Not how often you chit-chat or that you have to chit-chat every minute.

Or just ask her. That is what I would do. You are the parent, and she is only 8, and that is what Mom's do.
My daughter, can be like that sometimes... in certain moods... so I understand. But I can read her well... and I will just ask her stuff. I don't "fear" making her feel probed. If she feels that way she tells me. And then I say "I'm your Mom... I just care." Then she opens up.

And, being happy in silence is okay too. Not everyone can do that.

Maybe on your part, you can take classes or something... to develop your talking ability and comfort level. I know a woman is like how you describe yourself... but she made herself take "Toastmasters" classes and joined the club... just to improve herself. She has fun with her club.

All the best,
Susan

I don't see a reason not to enjoy the silence! Connecting with a person doesn't mean you have to talk to them! If you're doing an activity you both enjoy, then just being in each other's company is connecting. If you have awkward silence then play some music you both enjoy. I'm sure conversation will just "happen" when there's something to talk about!

Since you girls seem to be into craft projects, why not take a class somewhere? Then even if you are quiet and focusing on your projects you can talk on the way home, or tell stories to everyone else about how class was. You will still get your quality time in, and maybe taking a variety of classes will help her find something she is totally in to!

Hi A.,

Forcing conversations does not work, but when I've wanted to talk to the school age kids in my life I take them on "Date Night" where we go shopping, for ice cream, even to get our nails done. No errands, calls or other kids. This works great, because the focus is on them, and when kids have the floor they will spill their guts.

You can find a lot to talk about when you're talking over ice cream, because the conversation starts with favorite flavor and ends at, "I want to join soccer".

Good Luck

R. Magby

I was always really comfortable with silence when I was little - I'd say to just relax and enjoy being together in silence if it is comfortable for both of you (not an awkward silence). Keep doing side-by-side activities, go for walks, bike rides, or canoeing together. I liked the idea of taking a craft class together - that may spur some conversation. Just knowing you're there will do a lot. Then you'll be surprised and someday out of the blue (and out of the silence) she'll tell you some very personal story about something going on in her life, or she'll ask you a really deep question. Don't force it!

my daughter is very quiet as well and can enjoy silence just as i can. but what we do is just be in the same room together. we hug each other and even still give smooches and just out of the blue i always say hey little girl come give your mommy some love!!! i try to be close to her even if we are not talking, i think thats the key. meaningful time together leads to meaningful talks together. it very very important for u to build up that comfortability bc as our girls grow into teens, young women and then adults they will be bombarded with horrible advice and examples from their peers and society in general and they need to not only be able to talk to us but to VALUE our advice and opinions. so start w/physical closeness letting her know that you just love being around her and let it grow from there. god bless!

If theat is the type of girl she is, don't worry about it. Just do things the two of you enjoy doing together. My daughter is the same age. If I want to know how her day went I ask her open ended questions like, "what was the funniest thing that happened today?" or "what did you play in gym class. Tell me how you did it." Stuff like that. We really enjoy going hiking together, decorating t-shirts with puff paints, singing together, and bicycling. More than just casual banter, I think just being there and making memories in the little things are the most important.

take her out on date night (just the 2 of you). She'll ove it. Take her to the movies, mini golfing, go-cart racing. There is so much you can do and by doing them, you will find that you will have more to talk about than you realize.

Good luck.
~C.

One idea you might want to try is to start a "journal" with your daughter, which would be a special book that is just for you and your daughter. The idea is that each of you will take turns writing questions/ comments/ stories/ etc. to each other, and you will designate a place to put it when you're done (like under each other's pillow or nightstand). You could get just a regular notebook or journal, and write instructions on the first page, so she'll know what to do. This type of interaction can be really helpful for kids who are more quiet in person, and many times will allow the child to express him/herself in ways they wouldn't otherwise. You could adapt it to be whatever you think would be most helpful to you and your daughter.

Blessings to you!!

Do you spend time with her out on a date with just the two of you? My husband and I take turns having date days with our two kids. We love it, and the kids love it! It's funny too, how loving the kids are when they're out with just one of us. My 7 year old daughter will sit beside me at the restaurant and tell me things like "this is so nice, isn't it?" or put her head on my shoulder and say "I love you mommy". Conversation usually flows while we're out. If it isn't flowing, I'll ask her questions that don't involve a yes or no answer, like "so, what do you usually do at recess?" "what are you making in art class?" "who's your favorite friend at school right now?" things like that...

My oldest son is like that, but really apparently has lots on his mind. He just doesn't feel like talking. And as I get older I am the same way. But probably for her, as for him, when they do want to say something so they do. If she appears angry or depressed then of course try to connect again. But I remember my son once telling me that he just doesn't like all that mumbo jumbo and like you I do not really either. Talking that is. But i love to write. So perhaps she will be a musician, or an artist or a writer and just wait to see what she can do! You will connect. I promise. Do not worry. You are a kind and caring mom and it will be fine.