How Often Do You Play with Your Kids?

Updated on June 19, 2012
D.J. asks from Northville, MI
8 answers

I'm just curious. My kids 9 and 5 expect me to play with them in some capacity every day, especially the 5-year-old. My 9-year-old loves to read, so she occupies herself a lot that way, but my 5-year-old will lay on the floor until I force her to do something. (She's been doing it now for the last 30 minutes as I type and answer emails.) I aim to do at least one activity with them every day, but as soon as that is done, even if it takes up the whole day, they just want to know what's next.

Since the kids got out of school, I'm noticing this more and more and struggling to find a balance for the summer that includes fun for all, balancing my chores, work, and school (summer class for me) and not the hours of TV, DS, and Wii that they'd love to do every day. When the 5-year-old plays on her own, she plays beautifully, she just prefers me to constantly do things and take her places and I'm just now sure what is realistic anymore.

What can I do next?

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T.M.

answers from Redding on

Mine are in their 30's and I still play with them :)

ETA: Tell the kids "Go Play." when you need a break from them. They will figure it out. Necessity is the mother of invention... let their imagination be their guide.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

when we were out of school for the summer my parents would leave us a list of chores that had to be done before they got home from work. These things included mowing the grass, cleaning the windows, weeding the garden, do the dishes, putting our laundry away and so forth (obviously age appropriate) I grew up only being allowed to wathc one hour of TV a day so I remember all kinds or role play games we used to play as kids. Now as an adult I have the TV on ALOT but not shows that my kids like so we call it "walk through" TV. But I think it would be a good idea to give your kids an agenda of things that need to get done before a certain time of the day and when they are done you can reward them by doing a fun activity. My mom used to take us out to lunch and a fun activity like mini golf, movie, or the park once a week on her day off as a reward. You can also find kid friendly web-sites that your kids can play on and learn at the same time. My kids are one and three so I am always "playing with them ( and yes my house is always a mess) I am looking forward to the age they can occupy themselves so I can FINALLY have my house back.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

OMG I have a 5 & 9 year old.
They play great together and get along. So I am lucky.
I also play with them, but they KNOW that I have things to do too.... ie: chores. Aside from what they do in the house.

My kids are really great though, at being self-reliant and can always think of things to do. They are usually so busy.
And we also do "homework" to keep their school academic knowledge, remembered.

They play outside, inside, read, play games, we go to the park, watch movies. Right now.. both my kids are outside playing and are in a good mood. LOL

Make a "list" of activities.
So YOU have an idea of what they can do, and for them too.
Put it up on a wall.

BUT... being "bored" is also a GREAT thing for kids. Because, it makes them have to think and act. Not just being passive nor doing passive entertainment. ie: looking at a tv.
Tell them to think of things... that is non-tv or on a screen.
Once my kids got some old boxes and made a whole city in our living room. They had a ton of fun. And I let them... go at it.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I would say that I spend a lot of time with my son. One-on-one sit-down playing, maybe once a day. Then there are other days like today, when we had an adventure-- we were out of the house from 10-3 and he got all of my attention (public transit conversations, zoo, hanging around the farmer's market - coffee for me and raspberries for him, more public transit...) .

We do end up doing a lot of side-by-side stuff, esp outdoors and in the garden. We also have a magical time most days called Quiet Play Time. This is usually a routine we have in the afternoon- a Snack Story Time (he eats, I read and make a cup of coffee or tea) so we get to connect, and then he plays alone in his room for 45-55 minutes or so while I sip my beverage and read. It's a nice break before I need to think about making dinner and usually pretty necessary.

I think it is very realistic to have both of your children play alone for about an hour. I also think that about 45 minutes of sit-down playtime with them is fine. Kids do well when we aren't constantly entertaining them-- or they have a hard time entertaining themselves! Boredom is FINE. It helps kids to find what they *really* want to be doing, all on their own. I could site quite a few blogposts in praise of boredom and what results from it!

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E.B.

answers from Seattle on

My kids are 7, 5 and 4.

I work from home. Doing several different things. Artist by trade and profession. Activist by nature and profession(I am learning the ropes to one day enter into some form of Politics whether it be to stay in Political Activism or run for some sort of office).

All of this while balancing three busy busy boys. One with multiple behavioral and health disorders.........

Then there is the ever growing neighborhood of children that are constantly at my door from the time school gets out....until the end of September........we are at 27 kids now and growing....We had a new house move in two house's up that have more I am just not sure how many....

Long story short of it.......I have to spend a part of my day with my kids to keep them happy.....Or getting any work done would never happen.

My routine is a hour or so in the morning of us hanging out....whether it be watching a movie....playing out back or doing something with our hands artsy.

Then mommy gets an hour before lunch to work. Normally email and a little mampedia.

Then Since school is still in I get my youngest off to school. And have two and a half hours where I either have meetings or I am drawing.......My five year old is not in school yet(he has a Jan birthday so he is old for going into kinder)....He loves to play by himself so what he normally does is gets his stuff and will be next to me and we rock out to music and talk about stuff.....Or he ignores me totally and is in Gieger world.

Once kids are home from school I am normally done for the day. I have to tend to the masses outside in the yard...tend to hurt knees and make sure that the kids are safe riding bikes and what not.

That is just life here....In the summer I will take a week or so to figure out a schedule that works. I know though not too much of my work will be done...unless it is on the weekends....

I am actually going to miss having at least someone home during the day starting this fall......Everyone will be in school for some portion of the day and I will be able to work without having to stop every now and then......I can only imagine how much art work I would be able to get done........It may be amazing.......Or not:(

I kinda have figured out that being around for the kids, whether they be mine or someone else's is kinda what I am here on the planet for. I tend to draw everyone to me......and I become mom. Old and young a like. So spending time with kids(in any form of the word) is sorta my thing....

Lord I rambled:) This question just reminded me of alot of things though that make me happy......I need that tonight:)

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

my dd is an only child so I spend lots of time playing, reading etc. But anymore I have her invite a friend over. I just don't play Barbies like the kids do! She has more fun with a friend. She has a few friends in the neighborhood, and sometimes I'll run and pick up a friend who lives a little further.

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My kids had each other to play with, which was great (most of the time!) They did a lot of pretend play (store, cooking, house/babies, Barbies, superheroes, etc.) They also played outside a lot, riding bikes/scooters, skating, jumping rope, etc.)
When they played on their own they did things like legos, play doh, painting, beading, crafts, computer/video games, that kind of thing.
I never really sat down and played with them.
I read to them and snuggled with them, and they often helped me around the house, with cooking especially, or in the yard.
I think your kids expect you to play with them because that's just what they're used to.
If (like me) you don't live in a neighborhood full of kids, then try to get them out a bit a few times a week, to the neighborhood park and/or pool, so they have a chance to run around and play, while you sit in the shade and read/study.
And encourage them to invite school friends over to play, get on the phone and set up some play dates! Even though my kids played pretty well together they still got sick of each other after a while, especially in the summer. When they have friends over they are busy and happy and out of your hair, and that's what every mother wants, right?

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J.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Oh man, this has been a constant and ongoing struggle for me as well. My kids are 5 and 2, and naturally it's the little one who wants me all the time. She is actually much easier overall than my older one and super self-sufficient whenever we are out and about. But when we are home, she is constantly calling for me to do things for and with her. My older one would also prefer to have me constantly playing with him, but at least he is old enough to understand when I tell him I have to do things on my own, even if he isn't happy about it.

I've actually posted about this dilemma a few times on this board, and I always get advice like, "Have them do chores with you. Make it a game!" That has never worked for me, but maybe it will work for you? I expect that things will get much easier as my daughter gets older and the kids are more able to play together. At 2, she is not as interesting a playmate to her brother as I am sure she will grow to be.

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