How Many Others Are Going Through This Too?

belt!? yikes! no way!!!!! Respect does not equal Fear!

As for bedtime, we are TOTALLY in the same boat as you! My 2yr old is always coming up with things she "needs" right before bed. drink of water, pee-pee, read a book... We try to review what's going to happen and make her repeat them back to us (Like "book, brush teeth, jammies" OR we're going to read one more book, then it's bedtime; what are we doing after this book? "bedtime"). Stay firm, like you said. That seems to work for us too. The more you give in to those "requests", the more they'll do it.

Best of luck!

All kids push back at bedtime--it's my sons fav. time to clean up his room!

As for the boyfriend, I'm a single mom and I would never have a man come into my life and tell me I'm parenting wrong. I would personally tell him that you are going to parent the way you parent. You are not going to change and suddenly start hitting you're boys. This is the last time you are having this conversation with him and if he can't accept the way you want to raise you're boys and parent the way you would like to parent them then you are going to have to totally end this relationship. I would fear for my children if they ever had to be left alone with him and did something bad. I would not want anyone to hit my child with me around or not. I want to be able to count on the person I marry to help me raise my child, my way. Maybe it's why I'm still single 7 years later but I am comfortable in my decisions.

Think about the world from a kid's point of view. There is this absolute plethora of fascinating things to do and see and experience. Many of them are new, and what isn't new is often engrossing in the extreme. Plus, you know, it's always awesome to feel like you got away with a little something by pushing on some boundaries.

That's where they are when bedtime rolls around. It is normal to have them push at the boundaries. My expeirence is that most go through stages of this repeatedly in their lives.

As for the ex boyfriend, I STRONGLY suggest you tell him that you will consider working it out with him only if he can let go of his ideas about how you parent your children. Tell him that you would be happy to go see a counselor WITH HIM, but that you feel no need to see one alone and what you're doing is working for you.

Or really, better yet, tell him that you think his discipline methods are cruel and you want no part of being in his life, thank you.

The belt teaches a child fear, but it does nothing to teach him confidence or self respect. And that is clear from his own behavior on the subject as well. He is too busy being that angry child and lashing out at you on the phone to be that self respecting adult. He can't see his own damage.

Don't take him back into your home as long as he's attached to the method that didn't work for him. If you love him and want to see if you can get a counselor to work on him, you can go to counseling with him and let the counselor poke at his broken and see if he changes. But chances are he won't. Most people aren't ready to see themselves in the mirror.

I'm a single mom, and I can't be with anyone who harps on me for my parenting/discipline style. It is not their place. Sounds to me like he is the one who needs some counseling. He may be an otherwise good man, but not good enough for you and your boys. I say move on, the stress that it's causing you is not worth it.

The bedtime thing, my daughter is ten and still does this. Only now she decides to wait until I've turned out the lights to discuss serious things that I wish she would tell me earlier in the day.

I think all kids try to push back at bedtime. Sounds like you have it under control. Sometimes I start saying "bathtime!" about 10 mins early. LOL

As for the boyfriend situation, sounds like nothing has really changed to be able to 'work out" since you ended the relationship over this disagreement. Your kids are your kids. You are putting them first. If a man, ANY man ever even suggested taking a belt to my son, he would be at the curb so fast his head would spin. And he would be permanently at the CURB.
You may have feelings for him and he may love you but that doesn't mean he is the right man for you. We can love many people throughout our lives but this sounds like a recipe for disaster. Move on.

Yes -- Kids will fight against bedtime. Start the routine earlier. For example, start with PJs-brush teeth-read at 8:00 and then when they try to stretch it out...Let 'em.You both win. They feel like they got an extra 30 minutes but you know your goal was 8:30.

No -- Your boyfirend does not sound like awesome father material. Kids will test the patience of a saint and that boyfriend sounds very far from sainthood.

If I'm doing bedtime things with my daughter, I simply don't answer the phone. She is more important than whoever is calling at the moment. I just wouldn't have answered. (And judging from your description of him, I don't think I'd answer his calls EVER AGAIN.) Kids do like to stretch out bedtimes. It's what they do-- stretch the rules. Your kids sound normal, and they sound like good kids. I would keep the monster-of-a-boyfriend away from them. He sounds dangerous actually. You'll never change him or his attitude, so get rid of him now before he does real harm to you or your precious children.

There has been lots of research about physical punishment and its adverse effects on children. So NO belt. The text he talks about has been misquoted and misused. Who is the one who wrote that text? King Solomon. He may be the wisest man at that time but who had some of the worst kids in the bible? Also King Solomon. So people who quote the bible really need to know the contexts of certain texts and know why that text is in the bible. You can't just take a sentence and say that's the law.
You separated because of the fighting and you separated for a good reason.
The problem is not your kids and their bedtime. He is not a good man. He is a coward using bible verses to justify his behavior. Christians know that they need grace just as much as the next person and nobody should use bible verses to condemn another person.
On the other hand, counseling is not a bad idea. It will give you strength and the ability to gain good insight about your situation. If he can go WITH you, that will be great too. Maybe he will gain some insight about his behavior as well. If he doesn't think he has a problem and doesn't want to go with you, then he is definitely just judging you and is not worth keeping a relationship with.

You said 'he says he still loves me.' i am wondering do you love him? why are you on the phone when it's twins' bedtime? call afterwards and say i was busy. plain and simple.
no my kids don't fight bedtime. they're 5, they're twins, i have never deviated from the bedtime process, 6:30 bath, 7 healthy snack 7:15 story reading, 7:30 bedtime. it's been like this for over a year now. i used to put them to bed at 8. it was too late for them to stay happy all day.
to answer your questions simply: dump the bible-quoting boyfriend, and concentrate on your kids.
good luck

He isn't sounding like a good man to me. He is sounding selfish and crossing some boundaries. Keep in mind that if you do continue a relationship with this man that these beliefs aren't going to go away. If he becomes the step father to these boys, are you going to let him have a say in how they are raised? Do you see him changing his mind at all, or forcing his ideas? You are the parent and need to focus on your children. If he is demanding that everything be about him, I don't see this developing into a healthy relationship. Sorry.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

The rod is symbolic for the word of God, not a stick. There is a time and place for words and spanking. You don't want to swat flies with a sledge hammer, nor do you want to go after a grizzly bear with a feather.

Sounds like its a good thing your boyfriend is in another state. It may be time to move with no forwarding address and a new unlisted phone number.

Good luck to you and yours and congratulations on finding a new boyfriend.

Yes it is quite normal for them to try and stretch bedtime out , stick to your guns on this one. As for the BF , I take it he is not the twins father? Sorry but he sounds like an a**hole and you split up because you argued all the time , sounds like your still doing it to me. I wouldn't even go there , concentrate on your kids and the right man for you will come along one day.

First- bedtime routine. Kids push back, they are testing you. Of course they are going to see what they can get away with. You are doing a good job of not letting them get away with it. Since you say they need about 10 mins of "testing you" time, try to find a different 10 minute transition into bedtime. It sounds like they just need that little bit of wind down before they give it. So try some other things. If they routinely ask for a drink, a snack, a song, whatever, incorporate that. Move up bedtime routine start time by 10 minutes, and start with a nibble of something to eat, then a drink, then share something funny about the day, then teeth brushing. If it wouldn't hype them up, end the night with a family wiggle dance or something like that. Whatever you think will work. Then they have no more requests.

As for boyfriend, I think you know he is not right for you or your kids. I won't even make the no-belt arguement, you already know it isn't what you want to do. So there is no room for compromise on that. Unless he is willing to make ALL the concessions, what is the point of continuing on? You said it will either break you guys up or break you. Do you really want him to break you? Or your kids's spirit? You don't go into any of his good qualities, so I can't see anything redeeming about the boyfriend. A good man wouldn't call you fighting at bedtime about how you should take a belt to your children. My husband works out of state, and he knows not to call at bedtime. Period. I don't answer. How can we have any kind of conversation when I need to be dealing with kiddo? Of course I want to talk to him, but it is not a competition. There are specific times for the needs of the men in my life. Bedtime is my son's time to come first. Part of the bedtime chaos is bound to come from the fact that you will interrupt it to do things like answer the phone. What are you getting out of this relationship? It doesn't sound to me like there is anything to work out if he will not respect the fact that you are the boys' mother. He is the one that doesn't respect you. I would be grateful that you found this out. What if you hadn't known his opinions on discipline and married and had children with him? Lots of marriages have broken up for that exact reason. My son would absolutely come before the boyfriend. It would not even be a question.

S.,
Children often resist bedtime until it becomes a pleasant experience for them. Inother words, don't make it 'you have to go to bed now' try instead OK Lets go get a book and let mommy read to you for a few minutes - you guys get your pj's on and teeth brushed so we can pick out a fun book! Establishing a fun routine makes them willing and ready.

My advice for the BF - you may not like - but dump him! He sounds immature and demanding and not very smart when it comes to child rearing. There are really good guys out there - hanging on to past problem people will not make you happy in the long run. You and your children deserve the best - wait till he shows up - and he will if you start looking for him! Don't let fear paralyze you - trust your instincts and life will be good!

ok, get off the phone with your bf and tell him you don't want him around. If you go to a good counselor together, they will only tell him that his methods are not going to be effective. The bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, but I think the belt is an extreme. I think they just meant that you can't spoil your children, or turn your head when they do something wrong.

At night we do scriptures, prayers, brush teeth, etc., then we go to bed. My 5 and 2 year olds inevitably want water and we let them get some. I lay down with them in my own bed (king size), and sometimes we read stories together. I massage their legs, feet, back, whatever until they fall asleep, first one and then the other. This usually takes 15 minutes to half an hour. At first they didn't know what I was doing and they were confused and my younger son giggled like I was tickling him. Now they really enjoy it. They will grab my hand and put it back on their back, head, etc. if I stop too soon. Otherwise we just snuggle, we lay there for half an hour. If after 45 minutes they can not sleep, I let them get up again. It's not so much what time bedtime is for us, it changes every night, but once we get going it is a process. Last night both boys were asleep within ten minutes. If you want them to crash quickly keep them up a little later. Best of luck.

Kids vs boyfriend? If it were me I'd ditch the bf in favor of my kids every time. If you can't be on the same page discipline wise, you are going to set yourself up for a lot of misery for yourself and your boys. Bedtimes get stretched sometimes. If we can't get story time and bed routine done by a certain time, then next night we try story time a half hour earlier so lights out happens at a reasonable time. You raise them with love and with some firm boundaries, and maybe a spanking or two might be in order from time to time, but any guy who comes up to me with a 'spare the rod spoil the child' chip on his shoulder is no good man in my book. I think you need to try and think through why you feel you need a man. When you get to the point where you don't need one, the right one will come along who will appreciate you for your strength and style and won't try to shove his method of parenting down your throat as a condition of your accepting him.