How Long After Someone Passes Away Is a Good Time to Call ....

I think you're kind to think of him. I know you're not close to the husband but he's no doubt grieving. I would still drop off something to eat. He, no doubt, is not thinking of what to make to eat. Also, the daughters will be distraught, will need to eat/feed their father and won't want to have to worry about what to make. How about dropping off a note on his front door with some kind words of comfort and solace and some food: a casserole to freeze when his daughters come over, a rotisserie chicken to eat now with a store bought potatoe salad and some rolls to make chicken sandwich later.

Yes, I would definitely cook a meal or two or three for him. I would not ask IF I could cook a meal but acually give him a date and a time when you would like to do a meal. I might wait until a few days after the service because chances are, someone he is close to has already started caring for him with meals, etc. Usually after a loss, the toughest time for most people tends to be after the service is over and when most people have gotten back to their daily schedules. That's when the mourning really begins because that person is usaully by himself and feeling lonely. So, I would certainly try to make the wake and/or funeral or service and then 4-6 days later drop a meal off.

i think you should send a card or something and inform him you will stop by later in the week to see how he is right now he has support he is going to really need it when things calm down maybe make him some food and go over for a conversation or invite him over for a meal

You've been given some great advice. Allow me to add one more thing. As you said, people pulled away from the family, which often happens during long illnesses. It's not even so much right now, when those people might come and rally around the husband, but in the coming months that you may really be needed. It's a sad fact that people go on with their lives and forget the pain of others when it's not immediate. But it's so terrible to find yourself completely alone months from now because your crisis isn't on anyone's radar. It's fresh to you every day. I know you're the busy mom of two little ones, but if you remember this man even once a month by baking an extra batch of cookies or by doubling your casserole recipe, it would mean the world to him. (Even if he's unable to express it.) You are a very kind soul.

.

I tell you this so you can experience one person's grief style in case it is similar to his: I have been widowed before and in my case, I didn't pick up the phone so much when it rang (as it usually made me cry, especially if they asked the dreaded question: "How ARE you?" (You really want to know? I'd think)

So, I'd listen to the friendly message and smile. Then forget it within a short time but I remembered for a week or so that they called.

I saved cards but mostly loved the ones that told me something funny or memorable or sweet about him. I'll read them in a year or two again. My kids can read them. They will probably inherit them when it's my time to go.

His mind is thinking: how could she help me. the only help I want is to bring back my wife or help me stop this horrible pain I'm feeling. So, don't ask how you can help.

What did I appreciate? Casseroles were great. Leave them at the door with them. If they invite you in, fine. Don't expect it. A basket with a variety of cookies was great for all visitors to the home and me. (they were from Mrs. Field's) Fruit baskets were great. Get a basket, make your own, put in some snacking nuts and perhaps fudge. Flowers for the home -- or a plant that flowers at this time of year that is a perennial. (He could plant and it would flower at this time each year. Perhaps the plant card would say that so you don't have to.) Someone came by a few weeks before Christmas noticing that I hadn't hung any Christmas lights. He offered to do that for me -- or anything else. I had the lights handy and knew my daughter would appreciate it when she came to visit. I did too. Still do to this day. We didn't even know him well but that act was almost heroic to me. He came back before January to offer to take them down.

In my experience, when people die, depending on how close you are you either bring food or send a card. Since you werent close to the husband or daughters, I would send a card.

I would definately send a meal, lunch meat platter, etc and a card. Even if it's just him now, he will probably have many guests, and not feel up to having to prepare himself a meal right now. My husband and i ALWAYS do that for family of someone who has just passed, and they are always very grateful. It's a sweet gesture, and it takes some burden off of them at such a tough time. I would maybe wait until later this evening and drop off the meal/card. Just so he knows that you are thinking of him, and sad for her passing. It's such a hard time for him, and those around to know what to say and do. But warm thoughts are always welcome I'm sure :)

I think it would be a nice gesture to take something to eat.
I've had so many people in my family pass away and believe me, the food is really appreciated because no one feels like cooking, no one feels like going to a restaurant. It's nice to have some things on hand that were lovingly prepared. One person might feel hungry and need something to eat while another might only be able to manage a few bites of things here and there. It's really hard to think of something that even sounds good to eat so something someone else brings might look really delicious.
A casserole is nice, a potato or macaroni salad, even a veggie or deli tray with some bread for them to make sandwiches....In my experience, food is always appreciated. I wasn't usually able to eat much, but the kids got hungry and it was so nice not to have to worry about cooking anything for them.

Since she's still there, I wouldn't go over just yet. Even though you didn't feel close to her husband, I'm sure he's very, very aware that you offered your friendship and sent her cards.
I think it would be okay to call and say, "This is Amy. I'm so sorry to hear of her passing. She was a wonderful person. I was hoping you could let me know when might be a good time to drop over either later tonight or tomorrow to offer my condolences."

That way, you might be able to kind of get a feel for the situation and an idea of what they're comfortable with and where they are with their arrangements for a service etc. By saying "maybe later tonight", it implies you understand that before then wouldn't be comfortable for anyone, including yourself.
People who have lost a loved one are very understanding and very appreciative of expressed sentiments. Take your cues from the family.

I'm very sorry you lost your friend.

I would call the husband very soon. It seems you were fairly close and although it will be hard, you should do it. I would say go over there in person but since you feel uncomfortable that her body is still there, don't do that. I also think you should send a card to the daughters with a nice note about how you spent time with her. My father passed away a few years ago and the most cherished notes my brother and I recieved were from people he touched in some way. Some of the people we knew and some we didn't, but it really made a big impact on me. I think her daughters would like to have that as a keepsake to know that someone else looked out for their mother and that she touched your life in a positive way. I'm sorry for your loss.

Having lost a spouse, I understand. The best thing you could do for him is to be there for him... maybe to help him organize things or something like that. When I lost my husband, there was a lot of loose ends to be tied up and since it caused my brain to go on hiatus, I couldn't find things or get organized or anything. I would be going through papers and find something important and set it down and then would search for hours for that paper. I finally learned to put all the important stuff in one spot. Anything help you can give her husband now will be greatly appreciated.

Also, a meal or an invite with your family would be a nice gesture.

I see you posted 'what happened'. I haven't read all the responses below, but I agree with Julianne. Keep reaching out to him. Some years ago, we befriended a man who lost his wife. He was a pastor and knew many people in town, but for whatever reason, he was still very alone after his wife died. He came to our home for dinner many nights, and over time, he became like a grandfather to our children. I wouldn't expect that to happen in your case of course, but I'm just sharing that because our friendship meant a LOT to our friend in that difficult time and after. You never know - you might be the only ones reaching out to your neighbor. Your kindness is definitely something to share, not stifle.

her brother is picking up the deceased body??? that is strange! I would wait a few days and go over to offer my condolences.

I think you could stop by tomorrow with a meal and a card, its easier to put your condolences in a well thought out note instead of off the top of your head, if you're like me and forget what you were going to say in person. And food is always appreciated, I know each time I had a baby I greatly appreciated people who brought food over. Since he is just one person you could just do something small. I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is but today seems too soon, he is probably still in shock.

the meal and card are both good. If it is just the husband at home now he may be totally lost as to what he needs help with. Maybe you could offer to help pick out something to send to the funeral home. do they have animals that need care? does he drive? does he need errands run. offer to help with anything you can. and your good to wonder and to try to help.