My dad is 65 yrs old and a widower of 5 yrs. My brother, sister and I have been growing more and more concerned about him. We have been talking about approaching him here soon, to let him know how we feel and ask that he start making some changes. Knowing him, if we want to even have a chance of him changing, we need to go to him with some ideas for him to pursue. (We are well aware that this is going to have to be something that he wants to do and that we can't make him do anything.) I have some ideas, but want to know what all of you think.
Our biggest concern right now is his health. He is obese and has high blood pressure and diabetes. He doesn't eat very well and what he does eat is usually not very healthy. The two biggest obstacles here are (1) he doesn't want to cook, especially not just for one, so he eats out OFTEN, and (2) given a choice, he goes for the meat (beef) and potatoes. He will occasionally eat fresh fruit, and less frequently fresh veggies. An obvious suggestion would to be to increase these. However, what other ideas do you have? One thought would be to suggest the frozen meals, but they are high in sodium and many are too "gourmet" for his taste. So, basically what we need is someplace where you can find healthy meals for one,which require little to no cooking, and aren't to fancy or gourmet. :-p
The other thing with his health is his lack of exercise. He already belongs to the Silver Sneakers program at a local gym, but how do we get him to go more often? (Right now he can only do cardio, such as treadmill or stationary bike, due to a recent shoulder surgery.) We do plan on suggesting that he start taking his dog for a walk instead of just letting her out the back door. What other ideas do you have for him? What would get him moving, without him really realizing that he is exercising?
It was shortly after our mom died that he retired. He had a knee replacement and just could not continue working. (His primary job was driving a truck for a food service company, but he was also a firefighter.) He has too much time on his hands, and we think it is really getting to him, but he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. In addition, it seems to be giving him too much time to think about what ails him, rather than going out and living life. Do you have any ideas on how to keep him busy? Suggestions for a part-time/volunteer job or hobbies? (A little about him...He does not do computers what-so-ever. I don't think he would go for anything that requires a lot of standing. He does not like to read. He used to enjoy working on cars, but finds it too difficult to get down under them and such. He has a motor-home and enjoys "camping" several weekends each year.)
I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to read this. I know it is kind of long, but I felt you needed some details so that you would be able to help.
p.s. My brother, sister and I are all realizing that we are on a similar path and that we need to lose weight as well. If you have any great ideas on how we could make changes as a family, please let me know. If it helps... my brother lives within minutes of our dad and I live about 30 minutes away. My sister on the other hand live in a totally different state (North Carolina).
Could you stop by a couple mornings or evenings a week and invite him to walk his dog with you? Do you know any nice women he might like? Maybe you could "set him up"? Like, invite him and a woman he might like out for dinner or lunch one day. Plan a camping weekend together? I think you'd see more change if you're inviting and helping, rather than if you try to sit him down and tell him he needs to change.
A suggestion for the meals is to subscribe him to a delivery service. Not sure what is available in your area specifically, but I think Seattle Sutton is national. They make the meals and deliver them to you, and you just heat them up. They are healthy, portion-controlled, balanced meals, and they can be tailored to fit his needs (diabetes, weight loss).
If he will agree to meet with a dietitian, that might help as well. The problem you are going to run into is resistance to change, which I have observed to be worst in men of retirement age, especially those living alone. But at least he could get some ideas and suggestions from a professional.
As far as exercise, walking the dog is a good idea. Maybe your brother can make it a point to do a daily 1/2 hour walk with him and the dog, since he lives so close.
It's great that you all want to join your dad on a journey to better health. It might make it a little easier on him knowing that he isn't the only one making changes. Good luck!
I love the idea of you making food for him and taking it over (with the grandkids) once per week. You can make him extra food from what you are serving, freeze and give to him for the following week's meals. Also include a basket of fresh fruit/veggies, maybe some yogurt, mixed nuts, healthy ceral/oatmeal, etc.
Does HE have any siblings that are around? If so, ask them what his interest were when he was a young man. Maybe he could spend some extra time driving his RV on a tour to see extended family around the country? And lots of fishing.
The one thing that would make him want to take better care of himself would be another woman.... He's a grown man, I doubt you will be able to change him at all.
Too bad he's not into computers, my 72 yr old dad loves his and it keeps him very occupied. Maybe you should try to get him involved with a computer. He's probably just afraid of being "stupid", but with some proper training it would open up a lot more doors for him.
Maybe you guys could take him on some outings with your kids, like the zoo and such.
Until you move him into your own home with you, you cant really change anything he's currently doing.
i have a suggestion for the food. you mention frozen meals, could you make htem for him? maybe make an extra portion while you're cooking your family meals and take it to him once a month of something like taht, so he'd have plenty of food like that? its about the only option i can come up with for low sodium and not too gormet.
Maybe you and your brother could make small casseroles for your dad to put in the freezer until he wants to eat them. I know it's not easy or practical to bring your dad food every day, but if you prepare the food, you know it will be healthy. You could also invite your dad over for dinner or bring your family and a meal to him sometimes. This would give him something to do. If he eats healthier and is able to lose a little bit of weight, physical activity may become easier and he might be more willing to do it.
You are right, your father is going to have to change. Some things I suggest is maybe your brother could come over a couple times a week and the two of them go on a 30 minute walk. You could see how your dad feels about a dog too, they need to be walked every day or they too will be come fat. Plus it will give him a companion. But it also brings more responsibility, so that has to be totally agreed upon.
My dad is 60, and he loves facebook, especially farmville. He could get back in touch with people from high school the same age (if he's not on facebook now). Your sister could talk more easier with your dad on facebook too, of course your brother and you could too.
I'm assuming you are planning on coming to see him at least once a week. You could go grocery shopping with him during your visits and make sure he does buy fresh fruit and veggies... Maybe make up some meals for him too. Either bring them with you or make them at his house. Plan an activity even if it's just a walk around the park. I know my dad loves playing with the grad kids, baseball, going on adventures in the woods, you name it... You don't have to spend money to have fun either.
Just talk to your dad and let him know how important he is to you. I how much you love him. He's your only parent alive and you want to enjoy every minute you can with him and you don't want to lose him either. Dad's do understand, see where he's at and what he wants. You know your dad, maybe your brother and him can go fishing if that's their thing.
That is so sweet how much you all care about each other! I have a family like that too. It's a true blessing!
I would contact your local council on aging. Meals on Wheels may be available to him. Also, I came from a small town in Indiana with a small hospital, and one of the things they did for my uncle who was in a similar situation is make his meals at the hospital cafeteria. They were appropriate for his diabetic diet, and he could go pick them up for a reasonable cost. As for your family, I wonder about Wieght Watchers. I saw where Jennifer Hudson's family did this as a family - maybe yours could too.
This is just a suggestion; I realize it is a bit of work. Could you cook freezer meals for your dad? For example, whenever you cook for your family, you could double the batch or just reserve some of it and portion it out into "meals" like a frozen dinner. You can use the cheap ziplock containers (you can get a pack of 5 for less than $2.00) and label the lid using a permanent marker with the date and the contents. I do this all the time; my freezer is full of individual sized meals that I can pop in the microwave for a couple of minutes for lunch. I also label mine with how many calories each serving has; mine are like home made "Smart Ones". Some of the freezer meals I have are: Tuna Casserole (using the Weight Watcher's recipe), meatloaf & side of veggies, lasagna & side of veggies, stir fry, pasta & sauce, a variety of soups (chicken noodle, beef and barley, minestrone). You could deliver a box of frozen meals to your dad every 2 weeks maybe. I really like the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook (the red and white checked cover) because their recipes are easy and always turn out good and they also have nutritional info listed for each recipe. If you are choosing healthy recipes, and adding lots of sides of veggies, and keeping the portion sizes correct, you can keep your family healthy and lose weight.
If that does not work for you, can you start inviting your Dad over to dinner at least once a week, and make sure it is a healthy dinner? If your brother did this as well, your Dad would be eating at least 2 healthy meals a week instead of fast food. It is a start! You could also go for an after-dinner walk as a family and when your dad comes over, invite him to come along.
Is there a senior citizens center in his town? Many of them have classes, activities and healthy low-cost lunches. It would get him out of the house, meeting people and maybe he'll take a class and find or new interest. Our senior center also does meals on wheels for shut-ins, although your dad sounds like he would be happier if he started getting out more.
It's not easy changing old habits..that's for sure(especially for someone else!!) It's obvious how much you all love your dad..he's lucky to have all of you! The first thought that popped into my head is helping to give me a sense of purpose by have a greater role with your children perhaps? Are there some responsibilities with your family that you can pass on to him..would he be into that? What about encouraging involvement in an "RV" Club...I know there are groups for everything...! I wonder if he goes out to eat often, not just because he doesn't want to cook, but because he is lonely...there are so many great causes who would welcome him as a volunteer...what areas in life inspire him? Good luck!!
