Holiday Show Dilemma - What to Do?

Updated on December 19, 2014
N.K. asks from Miami Beach, FL
7 answers

Yesterday was our school's holiday show. There were 2 performances, one for the school itself in the morning, and the other one was for the aftercare program in the afternoon. I attended both to see my daughter and was speaking to a fellow 3rd grade mother, whose daughter is also in the aftercare program, about them. Before we could get too deep in the conversation, she asked if I attended both shows and recorded the performances. I said yes. Then, she admitted that she was unable to attend and would appreciate it if I could email her a copy of the recorded videos. I told her the files would be too large to email (which is true), and she offered to bring her laptop tomorrow so we can put my camera's memory card on her laptop and transfer the videos. She said considering it's the last day of school tomorrow, she would not hold me liable if I forgot to bring my camera.

She did disclose that she asked other parents for a copy, but I was about to voluntarily copy the files over to a CD to bring to her this afternoon. I figured it'd be a kind gesture, until I remembered not seeing her daughter in the last performance and played back the video to check myself. There were a total of 3 performances (one for the 3rd grade morning show, and 2 for the aftercare afternoon show), and although her daughter was next to mine for 2 of the performances, she was toward the back for the 3rd performance. As a proud parent (and not considering the fact someone may want a copy of my recording), I focused on my own child while recording the last performance. On the other 2 performances, since her daughter was next to mine, she shows up, close-up.

What would you do in my situation? Would you copy the 2 performances and apologize about the 3rd performance not including her daughter, copy all 3 while still apologizing, or would you just wait to see if another parent can provide her with a copy of the performances that hopefully does not focus/zoom in on their own child? This is pretty much the only parent in the school that I speak to, and I don't know the etiquette regarding such things as I never share my recordings with anyone but family, who request close-up footage of my child. Thanks and happy holidays!

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So What Happened?

Thanks for your advice! I decided to make 2 DVDs: one that had both performances that included her daughter, and the other one where her daughter is visible for maybe 20 seconds and the rest focuses on my own child. I figured even if it's 20 seconds, she may think it's better than nothing, assuming the other parents with footage don't come through for her. I will let her know that because that performance focused mostly on my child, I decided to separate it on another DVD just in case she didn't want to keep it. If that's the case, I'll tell her she can destroy that DVD, but at least this lets her decide if she wants to keep that 2nd DVD, or not.

UPDATE: I gave her the 2 DVDs yesterday and she hugged me and was so thankful! She said she understood about me focusing on my child during that last performance, and even if her daughter is on that recording for a few seconds, for her, it's better than nothing, because she did not even know what song was performed. So, she will be keeping both DVDs.

More Answers

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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Just give her all three. Yes, you can mention a quick, Here they are. Of course I focused on Sara, so you might not see much of Jane, but I hope you enjoy the shows.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of this. Even if she doesn't see her child, it will be nice for her to see how the show went. It's certainly better than nothing for her, and what you did, focusing on your own child, is totally natural.

On the other hand, if for privacy reasons you feel weird giving someone else a video that is mostly of your child, it's also OK to say "you know what, I looked at the videos and I really just taped Sarah, so I don't think these would be interesting to you and I didn't bring them." She might be a little disappointed, but I don't think it's a big deal.

9 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

First of all, you stop apologizing for anything. You have done nothing wrong!

Next, you pat yourself on the back for being willing to do all this file duplicating and taking the time to let her download the files to her computer, let alone making a DVD for her!

Third, you transfer only what showcases her daughter, since that's what she'll be the most interested in. She will (or should be) grateful for any glimpse she can get of her child, and she can't possibly fault you for not being the official videographer with equal views of all children. There is no "etiquette" that requires you to film everyone just in case their parents can't come or their cameras don't work!

You're very nice to give her anything you have that features her child. Simply mention (without apologizing) that her daughter isn't in the 3rd performance footage that you have.

8 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Copy what you have and let her sort it out. She was unable to attend, so any footage she gets is a bonus. I would not worry about it, since she asked you after the fact. Were it me, I would just be happy to have any copy.

7 moms found this helpful
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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Most people zoom in on their own child. ;)

Give her anything that shows her daughter. No need to apologize. You are being nice to make a copy for her.

6 moms found this helpful
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R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I agree with the other posters. You are being kind by doing it for her give her what you can and if the 3rd focuses mostly on your child I wouldn't give her that copy but be upfront about it and just tell her why.

6 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I think you are bring very kind to offer anything to her. I prefer your choice of giving her copies on DVD.

I would not use any media device hooked up to my camera or laptop unless it was my own.

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

apologize for what? i'm genuinely puzzled about that part.
i'd make her a copy on a cd. it's probably safe enough for her to hook into your computer, but i'm such a dinosaur that it would make me nervous.
khairete
S.

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