Helpppppp

Sounds like a job for Super Nanny! I love watching that show. I have a 9 year old daughther that has been a handful at times too. I have watched that show and gotten many good ideas I was able to implement at home and save a bit of tension in the household.

Hello S.,

It is very difficult for 4 yr olds to sit for any great length of time. So 15 minutes is like eternity to them. I agree with the gentle reminders, along with letting them know that if they behave during that time they will get a reward of some kind. You can use stickers etc. Something to motivate them comply. While you are in the store shopping allow your 4 yr old to be a part of it. Let them help you , by putting things in the basket etc. I have had moments in the stores where my children just wouldn't listen. I have put them in time out right there and then. Then I would ask them if they do not listen we will not do something once we leave the store. That there will be consequences due to there behaviors. I give them 2 choices. They can either listen to me now and be able to do something later, or we leave and things are taken away.. Here is a example, Your 4 yr old is acting up in the store. Get down to their level and tell them this is not acceptable behavior and it needs to stop. This is your warning one more time we will leave and go home. Which if you are not done you will not be able to get the things you need. Then we will have to come back again and you will not be able to go outside like you wanted, or watch that movie you wanted.

I have left stores many times. Be consistant, and follow through with what you say. Give it time, it will get better.

You know I have four small children (8,5,3,&2) and while I am not a single mom sometimes I feel that way since my husband works second shift. My five year old boy has just been diagnosed with a severe case of ADHD. I am not sure if this applies to you but after talking with his therapist we have found a solution that is ok for him. While in places that I need good behavior at I have purchased him a little game boy. He loves it and he is focused enough so I don't have to go back and put things back on shelves or have people look at me like I am a bad mother. Now he does not get this just any old time. It is only given as a reward for good behavior and as an activity for him while we are out in public. Any bad behavior results in the loss of his video games which is a big loss to him. But I would highly recommend to limit his time with video games. They do calm them down that is for sure...but long term it is just a sedative rather than a solution.

www.loveandlogic.com
Good luck,
C.

S. I sympathize with you I also have a 4 and 3yr old and they are not so great in Church or the store either. They are getting better and it really depends on the day and time of day. I would highly recommend the book or video 1-2-3 Magic it's wonderful and it really does work we just really starting trying it with our kids. I rented the DVD from the library and it was awesome. Good luck.
C.

Hi S...I am a mom, but my son is 31. He has a 3 year old. What i have experienced is...it's a way to get more attention.I also listen to a christian talk radio station and they have questions on family behavior. The pastor is a doctor. Anyways they have said the same thing...Attention. They also said to tell the child that is acting up that if he wants to not behave then you all will have to leave...then do it. After a few times he will then learn that mom is in control...not him. Hope it helps...I know different things work for our childern...good luck!!! cindy...Ionia, Mich.

Four year olds aren't known for their impulse control. :-)

What really really helps with my four year old boy is to tell him exactly what I expect of him before entering a building (like in the car on the way there). Reminding him as we are walking to the building, and quietly reminding him if he starts acting up.

I also use "fun" ways of saying it. Like "C, when we get to the store we are going to walk very slowly like a turtle, do you know how slowly a turtle walks?" Or "C, We are going to be very quite like little mice, have you ever heard a mouse"

Good luck!!
you're not alone

Hi S.,
I agree with the other two responses. Consistancy is the key. I have a three year old and he knows when I say something I mean it. I'm sure if they mentioned this but always remain calm and don't raise your voice. I always give my son a warning very calmly and then if we do have to leave the store he gets his favorite toy at the time (a train set right now) taken away for the day. Yelling never helps anyone. It can be very hard not raise your voice but I find my son responds better by calm talking. Good luck and your not alone.
Chris

I have a 10 year old that does the same....I tried even rewarding him....Like if you are good while we do this I will give you 50 cents for instants...It worked a little...then I broke down and went to the doctor...Told her what he was doing...I did not want meds at all because I did not want to change him....I wanted my son..just a good son...well...I did it...she strongly suggested meds....I felt horriable...I am suppust to be able to control my son....And I cant....but I ended up doing it...It has been the best....He is still the same loving fun kid but is alot calmer....more patients...Fun..doesnt yell or scream at anyone....I take him everywhere with me now....He can handle himself much better...I would suggest talking with a doctor...If they dont want to help go to a councler...they will help you too...

Wish you luck....

I have some of the same issues actually My daughter is 22 months and it is like a horrible experience to take her just about anywhere in public lately. I have been told and heard that for a couple years its just better to leave them at home with their stuff. I too am single and try to do things all at once when I can get that sitter. Otherwise its just a total stressful situation for everyone. Now for the church thing Ihave a seperate bag of church day toys which Ionly bring out on Sunday morning thats it so she excited cause she only sees them once a week :) feels all brand new to her. I have things like hot wheels and farm animals a special coloring book and crayons. You want to make it a special event make it sound like aspecial day with my little girl she gets so exited cause she gets to get all prettied up and we sing special joy songs on the way

Good Luck
www.M..fourpointmoms.com
M.

S.,
I have three children 15, 6 and 4. I am not a single mother but i am home with them most of the time. I have this problem with my 6 year old and my 4 year old. It started to get worse once my 6 year old started school. I thought he was just looking for attention or having problems adjusting. Things continued to get worse and when he started first grade things didnt change. I took him to the doctor and he has recently been diagnosed with A D H D. Now i am not saying that your child has this but this was my situation. I thought that i was a bad mother or was doing something wrong, turns out i was wrong. Your child could be looking for attention. I have found that kids will really test you to see how far they can go, especially with MOM. Does he see his father, or have male role models? If not i would suggest to try to get him involved in an activity to teach him some control. I am going to put my 6 year old in Karate.Maybe try some one on one time with him, I know this is hard being a single parent, ive been there.I might check with the doctor if this continues for a long time without any changes. I say this because things might get tough when he starts school. There are many things doctors can suggest. I tried every option before turning to medication.I hope this might help a little

Hi S. I have the same promblems that you have with my 6 year old boy and I'm not really sure what to do with him except that I'm going to take him to the doctor and get him tested for A.D.H.D. I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. when I was younger and I'm sure that I see it in him but I'm not to sure and it's really hard for me to take him to the doctor when I work to jobs. I've tried grounding him and taking away his toys but that does no good so don't try that one. What you can do is start a sticker program. When he can be good all day then give him a sticker. I have a chart on my fridge and it has 10 squares on it and as soon as the chart gets filled up then he gets $5.00 to do what he wants to do with. The only bad thing id that he only has two stickers and he thinks that the sticker game is fun and games. The time that he actually is good is when he's watching Dora with his sister or when their playing but most of the time they argue even about that. He even acts up in school. He'll throw a temper tantrum if he doesn't get gis way in school. The other thing that I want to do is I want to get him enrolled in counseling and see if that will do any good. That's another thing that you might want to do with him. Sorry but I'm not sure how to post something and I'm new to this site.