HELP With TERRIBLE TWO'S

I, too, really struggled with spanking with my two year old. I read a book that really helped me see spanking in a positive way-- a way to really instruct my child and draw us closer to one another in the midst of misbehaving. The book is called Shepherding a Child's Heart. I was using a naughty chair prior to that-- she hated the chair, did not seem to connect what she was doing with it very well, and was always very angry when she got out. Behavior is better, and I think this book has helped. THe others' comments are great-- be consistent, and remember, you are not alone!
Good luck!
A.

Oh, honey, I feel for you! I have a 2 1/2 year boy, and he brings me to my knees daily! I work outside the home and have him in a great daycare - I totally use the teachers and the director for advice on how to deal - first, just know that the terrible two's are such because this is the age when they figure out they're autonomous - they are completely separate from you and this is both exciting and scary. And a 2 year old's main JOB is to figure out his boundaries - what they can and can't get away with. My best advice - (and this has worked more for my sanity as opposed to curing the behavior forever, which I think is futile at this age) is to sit down with your hubby and decide what battles to fight (throwing things - yes, repeatedly singing lalalala - no, etc.), then deciding on the correct punishment for each infraction. Some things only require redirection, others require timeouts, and yes, some things require spanking (in my house anyway - running into the street prompts and immediate spanking - but spanking is an individual family decision). Then just stick to your list. Your girl will eventually figure out the same thing happens everytime she does X. My son knows how to get into timeout, and he knows how long he's in for and that he has to apologize to get out. Once I set those rules up, I felt so much more in control, which allowed me to parent better, and then I APPEAR in control, and my son knows that and doesn't continue to antagonize. Because now, I don't fret about what to do when he disobeys - I know my course of action (which keeps me from wanting to drink heavily everyday, haha.

But then again, they're TWO, so nothing is going to totally work. Set your rules up and be consistent. And just remember, this is WAY easier than those teenage years are going to be. :)

Good luck -

S.

I would recommend a few books that are excellent.

Raising Great Kids or Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud and John Townsend & The Happiest Toddler on the Block.

Consistancy and eye contact are very important at this time.

From a mother of five.

I know where you are coming from. Read The Strong-Willed Child by Dobson. It contains the advice that helped me get through a very difficult period with my son. Good luck!

Something that has worked with me with slightly older kids is a token system. You may be able to simplify this for her. For instance, she gets smiley faces for good behavior and if she gets a whole row she gets something she wants (ie: go to the park, an apple, whatever). If she gets a certain number of frowny faces, she gets something taken away from her. It is best to have a pictoral representation of what she is getting or what is being taken away so that it is concrete. This way she will see that good behavior is rewarded and if she has bad behavior she loses something- it sorta helps her see she has control of what happens to her.

T.

Get the Book by Charles Fay called Parenting with Love and Logic. The longer the behavior goes on the harder it is to change it. You have to be consistent. If you break even once, you have to start all over and it will be even harder the next time. Their is also a Love and Logic Video called Parenting the Preschool years or something like that. www.loveandlogic.com

It works wonders!

I like the book Love and Logic-Magic for Early Childhood by Jim and Charles Fay. It tells you exactly what to say to your child. It gives examples of everyday life with a toddler. It's easy and fun to read. It explains that you can't tell a child what to do because they have learned you can't control their actions, but you can phrase sentences to get the same desired action. When my daughter was 2 she was heading down the same path you describe, I searched for parenting advice and saw this book. I found it at Half price books. I read it in one night. I truly believe it is a great book. Good luck.

Try this book: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish. I have read it and found it really works with my now 3 year old daughter. Good luck.

Accentuate the positive to eliminate the negative. Latch on to the affirmative and don't mess with mr. in-between.

Praise and reward good behavior. Be consistent. Don't give in or they don't trust you or believe you mean it.

They will go through the terrible two's and three's whether we like it or not. You can keep your sense of humor and help them through it or not. But, can you imagine a child who has not learned to be obedient during this period when she/he reaches the teen years? If they run the house at this age....they'll run it during their teen years, too. :o)

Good luck and God bless.

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