Help with Roommate Issue

I would give her no less then 30 days to get out. She is taking advantage of you and you are letting her. Don't let her make you feel badly or guilty, you have done more then enough for her (it may also be a reason her husband left).

Be polite and firm and just tell her she HAS to find somewhere else to live. Since the kids are with their dad it is easier for you to stay firm. If she doesn't take her stuff tell her you will have it removed, don't store it or you will have it forever.

Also, sometimes we need to be B****es and give freeloader friends a kick in the butt.

I would ask her to get her things and find a new place. Learning to say no and make the right decisions for you will be amazing.

Often times when we think we are helping people, we are enabling them to continue their bad behaviors. You had great intentions, and she took advantage of you. I'm sorry.

I think I would serve her with an eviction notice and when the time comes, pack up her stuff and store it and move on with my life. If she's behind in the rent, you can serve her with a three day notice; you don't have to give 30 days if rent is in arrears.

I swear I've read this one before....

welcome to mamapedia...

Change the locks. You never know what's happening while you are out of the house.

Ask the police about the abandoned car - do you need to report it or can you claim it and sell it??

talk to a lawyer about abandoning property in your home. Make sure you follow the letter of the law so she can't turn around and sue you for something.

I'm sorry you are going through this. If you have someone move in in the future? Friend or not - contract with clear expectations.

Time to give her a timeframe to pack the rest of her things and let her go. If she really doesn't want to be there, doesn't seem to want your help, and doesn't respect you or your agreement, then why keep putting yourself out to be used and hurt? Rather than wonder, take charge. Anything she leaves after your end-date is yours to sell (or your problem to dispose of - try charities, GotJunk and freecycle). At this point, stop wondering what her plan is and make some decisions about your property. And when she moves - change the locks.

Give her notice. Sell anything she doesn't pick up. If needed, change the locks. She is completely taking advantage of you. You probably won't get the back rent if nothing is in writing. Cut your losses, don't enable her any more, and move on.

You tried to help, are being used and the people you are "helping" do not respect you or have boundaries.

Give them a formal eviction notice, have a lawyer draft it if needed and get them out.

Don't forget to change ALL of your locks and security codes. You might want a police officer there as well.

sweetie, you're a lovely person, but you can't be a doormat unless you lie down.
instead of laying down ground rules, you 'tried' to explain your 'hurt feelings.'
how very floppy.
if you put up a huge flashing neon sign blaring 'please take advantage of me early and often' you'll find 'friends' willing to do it.
of course she's going to disappear and leave you in the lurch. her husband (and i assume the kids?) have already done so. and she's already turned your house into sanford and sons.
so i guess you get decide if you want to continue to be 'nice' and helpless, or grow a pair.
khairete
S.

You got me on the two kids. Where are they?

Okay, be aware that this person is no longer a 'friend' and should be considered a tenant. She was renting and paying you money, so you need to look at this from a legal angle. Find out what you can do, what is incumbent upon you to do, what is legally considered 'abandoned property' and go from there.

TV daytime court shows are full of cases like this. Document every speck of their property that they have left and if you choose to move it, be clear that these people may try to come back and get money for their property through small claims court. As someone else stated, change the locks. You may need to get a notice of eviction through the courts, because even if someone isn't physically there, if they were renting and their property is still there, they may be considered a renter. Sorry this sounds like a terrible situation and it sounds like you have bent over backwards to make things work (which I wouldn't have recommended, but what's done is done)... now you need to work on protecting yourself legally.

Well, why don't you ask her these questions? Like "What is your plan to get caught up and be in a position to move out?"

Do you not have a way to communicate with her other than her being at your house? Does she not own a phone?

You're essentially a landlord here. No idea what your original agreement was but all sounds much too loose.

Bottom line, clearly this isn't working for you. Nothing about this post sounds like this is a good situation for you to be in. Just tell them. Why are these people your responsibility?

They're not.

You've gone out of your way (to point of being a doormat) for some reason to accommodate all their nonsense. Look after yourself. If it were me, I'd say "Sorry, but enough is enough - this is not working for me. I wish you well but you can't stay here any more, and you need to collect your things. I've been more than accommodating, you're not holding up your end of the agreement, and you're not my responsibility."

To me the friendship seems to be non existent at this point anyhow. A friend doesn't do that - no matter what her marital situation is.

You have good advice already. The only thing I would add is to take pictures(that show the current date) of what they've left in your home, garage, etc. If they do come back for anything within the deadline date you've given them, take pictures of those items also. Mainly for your protection so they csn't come back and say you kept, sold, or donated something of great value.

She's moved out so change the locks. Text her and tell her she has until 3/1 to pick up her stuff or it's being donated. Take back your life. Good luck.

You are not being a b****, but you may have to become one to solve this problem. Because you charged rent (even if they didn't pay it), in the eyes of the law you may be their landlord. Please consider checking with the laws in your state regarding eviction and storing goods for tenants before just calling "get junk" like the other posters suggested. You may need to follow the letter of the law in order to get these people out of your life.

Good luck.

Boy, no good deed goes unpunished, does it?

I'd give a quick call to my lawyer if I were you, but it seems to me that you should be able to sell the abandoned property and apply the proceeds to the unpaid rent. Double check to see if you are required to put a public notice in the paper (which is not expensive). Have a massive yard sale for whatever you can't sell on Craig's List. Donate the rest to charity or "Freecycle" . People come and pick up - you can't charge them, but they take what they want (and you'd be amazed at what people will take!), then the rest can go to the dump or the 1-8000 Junk people (but you will be charged).

Change your locks. Clear your conscience.

My sense is that she cannot deal with anything in her life - you, her kids, her finances. That's why she bailed, because she can't confront it. I'm not sure how you know that she has "taken what she wants" except that she disappeared and hasn't come back, but ask the lawyer. Do, of your own protection, write up a ledger sheet with months and amounts of rent not paid, date of departure, and so on.

Simply change the locks then I bet you she will want to talk then when she can't come and go as she pleases.

I understand she may be going though a tough time but that shouldn't equal her taking you on the journey with her through that hell. Others have given you great suggestions on what to do with the things. Make a decision about what is best for you with the understanding this friendship may have outlived its usefulness for you. Some friendships last a long time before they end and some end very badly but this won't be your fault. It's not okay how she is treating you and your generous nature.

We, based on SWH, I don't think you are being a B***. However, before you change locks or sell/discard her things, check the laws in your state. Even a verbal arrangement is considered a contract, esp if she did pay you in the beginning. You became a landlord and she the tenant. I once had a tenant nightmare. I was actually able to get a little advice from the attorney general's office from a lawyer that represents low income tenants in disputes with landlords. You can see if CA has anything like that. They might be able to tell you what you are allowed to do so you do not open yourself to big trouble.

Updated

We, based on SWH, I don't think you are being a B***. However, before you change locks or sell/discard her things, check the laws in your state. Even a verbal arrangement is considered a contract, esp if she did pay you in the beginning. You became a landlord and she the tenant. I once had a tenant nightmare. I was actually able to get a little advice from the attorney general's office from a lawyer that represents low income tenants in disputes with landlords. You can see if CA has anything like that. They might be able to tell you what you are allowed to do so you do not open yourself to big trouble.

No good deed goes unpunished. Here is a good guideline for California. http://homeguides.sfgate.com/legally-evict-someone-house-...

It says to give 30 days notice since rent is paid months and then you can call the police and have them removed for trespassing. You do have to hold onto their stuff for a certain amount of time and I would require them to bring the police with them so there's no further issues.

Depending on the laws in her state, she can't simply change the locks and kick her out without notice, whether she's been paying or not. Notice must be given, usually in writing and usually with 30 days notice, again, the specifics are different depending on state laws... I'm not sure why you allowed yourself to get caught up in this mess, but I'd advise you to start getting out asap, as in, serve her with legal notice today.

.where are the kids durring all of this? from what i understand, the parents are never home. are the kids home with you all day?

I would sit her down and say hey, when you moved in, you made a deal with me. youre not paying the rent, youre not following the agreements we made, this needs to change if you want my help. tell her she needs to find a job. after all this time living with you, i dont see why she hasnt found one yet. the fact that she hasnt leads me to the idea that shes really not trying too hard. this is your house and you dont need to rent out your space if shes not going to follow the rules that were oriorigionally established. make sure she knows you are serious about this

I would suggest you stop worrying, or even thinking briefly, about whether she's going to get a job, or how she will get her act together. You gave her a hand up, when you let her move in for a very low monthly rate, but she didn't use that time to straighten things out.

So stop thinking about anything except the legal ramifications of having someone's stuff at your house, and a non-family member having access to your house.

Was there anything in writing? Or was it all just a handshake and a verbal agreement? And where are the children living/sleeping/eating? If they're at your house, and the parents are not, consider calling Child Protective Services.

Give her at least 30 days notice and then sell the car and the stuff, or take it to the landfill or a donation center (depending on whether it's usable or not). If it's not junky stuff, often a place like ARC or Salvation Army or Goodwill will come pick up a load with a truck. If it's trash, you may have to call a place like 1-800-GOT JUNK to come get it. Or you can put it all on the curb and advertise it on Craigslist under the "free" section. Just tell people to come get it and they will. You don't need to interact with them, just make sure what is to be given away is clearly marked and that none of your personal things are out there. Take the ad or post down when everything is gone.

The answer to your question about "how long to sit and wonder" is zero hours and zero minutes. Take action now. If there was a lease, consult an attorney about what to do. If there was a just a verbal agreement, give her a warning (in writing, and save copies) and then get rid of stuff, get the children into protective care, and change your locks. Don't let sympathy rule here. What you did was nice, but sadly, your generosity was ground into the dirt.

You've been more than gracious. It's time she leaves. Give her a date and let her know her things will be given to charity at that time. I understand people going through a hard time but she's not being a friend to you at all.

Let her move out without paying you rent and clear yourself of this situation. I wouldn't insist on getting the tent since you where trying to help her

You are not being a B. You stood by her and tried to help and she took advantage of you. Shame on her! If she is not coming home then she is staying somewhere. Pack her things and tell her she needs to go stay wherever it is that she runs off to all of the time permanently. You and your home deserve more respect. Also, I would give her a reasonable timeline (a couple of weeks to a month) to move the pool, bikes, etc. or you will assume ownership and begin selling them in lieu of unpaid back rent. Stay firm; you can't be friends with this person any longer. I'm just glad the kids are away from her.

I would pick a move-out date (April 1) and put it in writing. They have no respect and have totally taken advantage of you. Sorry--it sucks when you try to help and this happens!

Pack-up all the stuff left behind and deliver it to the husband's house. He and the kids were in on the roomie deal at the beginning so the stuff belongs to the family, not just her. Divorce takes longer than 4 months, obviously he's still the legal spouse. Give it all back and be done with the mess.

a car pool, bbq, bikes? I think the kids would want those things. Next time you see the mom let her know that on x date you are inviting her kids (teenager- with the dad if necessary) over to get these things if they want them (they are teenagers) otherwise they are going to x charity. Offer her a couch for occasional use and a little bin for storage if you still want to help her out but have her move out of the spare bedroom and don't expect her to pay any rent, that doesn't seem likely anymore. She sounds like she needs a little push to move her in the right direction.