Help with Nice and Helpful YET Nosy and Interfering Neighbours!

Do you invite them over for dinner every once in a while? Go out somewhere with them? If not, try that. Next time they come visit, tell them you are busy doing XYZ, but would they like to come over for dinner this weekend? If you aren't hosting them every once in a while, I'd say keep quiet if you still want babysitting services.

So you want them to babysit but otherwise leave you alone?

I mean seriously, you do see they do that for you because they see you as friends? You can either keep acting like you like then and get the babysitting or tell them the truth.

I know it sucks that they can't be helpful and less annoying but that is the deal you have. There is no way to keep the babysitting and set them straight.

W., here's what I think you should do. TRY (LOL!) to have a nice visit once a week. Ask them to sit down and have a soda and "chew the fat". That way, they get to be with you some. Then you don't hurt their feelings leaving them the rest of the time.

They aren't going away anytime soon, living next door. You never know if sickness or injury would have you needing them. You don't want them to think "We're good enough to babysit, but not good enough to talk to." You don't want to lose good neighbor relations.

I really think that this would help.

Good luck!
Dawn

Sounds like you need to plant some nice privacy trees :)

really tough situation. i'm a loner and this would make me nut right the heck up. since these are really nice people whom you are not wanting to alienate, you do have to handle it sensitively, but also be aware that when you place boundaries you have to enforce them if you want them to work, and that can cause some hurt feelings. so be prepared to do damage control.
first off, make sure that when it IS a good time to chat with them that you do. and invite 'em over from time to time. i'm going to go on the assumption that you're not just using them for babysitting purposes (cuz that would really suck) and that you do like them. so it's good to make sure that they know that.
but you can't be held prisoner in your own home. you should be allowed to putter around in your yard without having to 'visit'. and there's really no way to hint or hope that this will happen. even a passive-aggressive approach (which i hate and do not recommend) will probably not work with these nice folks. so you are going to have to be direct, but make sure to keep it very pleasant and friendly and non-offensive.
'hi george and jean, so nice to see you! yes, gorgeous day. we're planning to go for a walk in the park tomorrow afternoon, if you're free, come join us! i'm going to ask you to excuse us at the moment. i've been busy lately and really want to get in some one-on-one time with the boys. you know how it is for busy parents these days. have a great afternoon.'
even if they're a little hurt or taken aback, if you're determinedly pleasant to them AND firm in your boundaries, the relationship will become established in a pattern you can live with.
good luck!
khairete
S.

I'm going to watch your answers, because I have one of these, and I hide in the house WAY too much and now am dreaming of moving, because I just don't need my neighbor at my door, in my garage, in my yard, and talking to me SEVERAL TIMES A DAY AAARRRGGGGHH. Its like, there's a boundary issue to begin with which makes him so "ever present" (he has no boundaries-thus his nickname Mr. TMI) so nothing subtle or kind has worked.

I adore my neighbor across the street. Despite a 20 year age difference she is one of my closet friends and confidants. But, she is retired, I am a single parent to a teen, so I don't always have time to stop and talk.

When I am on the fly, I just holler across the street, wave and run. But, I make a point to find the time later on to pop in and chat for 10 minutes or so.

She helps me - drove my son to his job all summer - I help her - occasional doctors appointments - and we run errands together sometimes on weekends. And we hang out and just chat.

But, both she and I have established boundaries with each other - it took a while, with a couple of miscommunications along the way - but we got to a comfortable place where we can depend on each other, but not be offended when the other is just plain busy, or anti-social at the moment.

Keep working at it. I think neighbors like yours (and mine) are just wondermous.

I think you are lucky to have friendly, helpful neighbors.

I usually have an answer to all sorts of social questions, but this one is tough. They sound really lonely and rather clueless. Look up some good volunteer opportunities in your area, especially ones that relate to kids. Then invite them to come with you a few times to volunteer. Encourage them to get to know other volunteers and emphasize how much their time is helping these kids. Then start making some excuses about how your family schedule has gotten sooo busy/crazy that you will have to limit your hours, but you hope their schedule will allow them to continue to help a lot.

It would be simpler if it were kids rather than adults. My parents had a pool and the neighbors loved to come over to swim. My parents loved sharing the pool and loved if kids came as long as they were supervised and one of my folks was home. But sometimes they wanted time to themselves as well. So they had a special flag that they put on the mailbox when it was okay for people to come over to swim.

Maybe you can have a frank discussion with them about how much you enjoy their company, but the family has been needing some down time lately...and what would be a good way for you to communicate with them about when your family needs that time alone. They sound like people that would understand if you were kind but honest about needing some time alone with the kids.

Hmm, that sounds like an incredible amount of work...LOL. But like I said, I am rather at a loss for an easy solution to this one.

Get a higher fence! Seriously... this is a tough one because you really can't ask them to back-off without sounding rude and ungrateful.

I would try just waving when they call over the fence and then going back to what you were doing really quickly. You know, "Oh hi!" and then back to digging in the dirt. See if they get the message...

Ugh, that's such a hard situation. And it's why I live on five acres!!

But... I think all you can do is set aside some time to hang out with them (and focus on them) every so often so that they know you care, and then politely create something else you need to do the other times. Ie - your child needs her diaper changed, or you need to wash the other child's hands, or you promised you mom you'd call her before five. They'll get the hint eventually, and if you are spending time with them when you choose, it won't seem like you're rejecting them all the time.

Seriously... can you send them my way? We're lucky if we even see our neighbors, let alone have them wave or talk to us. I am always envious of those with friendly, family-like neighbors that genuinely look out for each other.

We have neighbours like this, but we love them and genuinely enjoy their company. We just think of them as part of our family and include them if they happen to be around.

You must be awesome people to live next door to:) I don't think there is a whole lot you can do without creating hard feelings. Hopefully, they will get bored or get a clue and leave you alone. I have neighbors like yours and me personally, I would rather have nice neighbors than not-so-nice neighbors. Your other option is to move. Worse case scenario...everytime they annoy you, ask them to do something for you or ask them for money (just kidding).

Ugh. Tough situation. I'm not the "drop a hint and hope they'll get it" type of person. I believe in being direct, but in this case I wouldn't know what to do. The first thing I might do is stop asking them to babysit. This way, you won't feel obligated to indulge them so often. Could you possibly fake a cell call when you see them approaching? Something like - Yeah, Mom, I'd love to talk but we're right in the middle of our family time. You know how DH loves it when it's just the (fill in the blank as to how many in your family) of us.

How does hubby feel about this? Is he willing to take a fall on this one? Maybe confide in your neighbors that your husband has some kind of anxiety disorder and it helps when he reconnects with your immediate family at the end of the day? You could also throw in something about him having a terrible childhood and how he's determined to spend as much quality time with the kids and you as possible? Sounds crazy, but who knows? It might work.

It sounds entirely like they initiate the contact and you just tolerate it. Not a basis for friendship, but they clearly see you as friends and I'm not entirely sure why, if they are making all the effort. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but can you re-read your own post and see how it's written as if you are interested in them mainly because "they would do anything for us and love our two boys." You don't mention whether you and they have things in common, or share interesting conversations, or have the same values, or -- anything.

Assuming you don't really mean to give this impression of "we are really only interested in them entirely on our own terms and because they would do stuff for our kids," then start to initiate contact with them yourselves. Be the ones to holler over the fence. Be the ones to call and ask them over for a while, or to invite them to some local fair or event. If you initiate more contact, you then have more freedom to be busy and unable to chat when they casually stop you and expect you to have time to stop and visit.

If you think this over and decide you really don't want to spend time with them for their own sakes and for their company, then be too busy to stop. "Hey, good to see you. Glad to see you got X done to the house like you planned! But we're on the way out the door to Child's event--catch you later this week." Be sure the story is a true one. I dont' like the idea of lying that your husband has an anxiety disorder etc. as someone posted; the neighbors might actually be concerned for him and you'd worry them.

You are incredibly lucky to have neighbors who are around, who seem to like you and who are actually willing to help out. Our neighborhood is falling prey to developers buying up houses to tear down for new ones, and we're now surrounded with lots being built on or waiting (for years) to be built on. I hope we get some neighbors who take an interest. I know too many folks who have had serious problems with neighbors -- all-hours parties, crime, drug suspicions, etc. -- and your problem isn't really a problem compared to that.

lol, my husband wil purposesfully go out in the driveway when he thinks the old man neighbor next door is coming home from golfing and then chew his ear off for an hour. the guy doesn't seem to mind and if he is out when we are, he will stop by to say hello but the whole thing ( dh w-ait-ing for him and his popping by ) bugs the HECK out of me,
Neighbors are nice enough but they are the LAST people i want to see when i' m flying out of the driveway late, or trying to connect and enjoy mykids, or when dinner is ready and dh runs out to see what the golf score is.

sorry guess that was my vent, don't know what to tell you, go to a park to play?

OH!! suggest a hobby so they have something to do, chat up your gym or something