Help Me Be Ok with This

Don't worry! This is more than most moms can do. When he is 30, he wont be thinking, i would be doing better in life if M. bf me for 3 more months. It's hard, but move along to watching him wave, stand etc......

I'm so sorry this is stressing you out. You have done awesome and can feed your baby.

My daughter is adopted and wasn't ever brestfed by the birth M.. I must say she is pretty darn brilliant at 18 and never gets sick.

Be proud you made it 9 months!!!! :) That is awesome!! So many women cannot even do it for that long. You have done a GREAT job. Your baby is almost ready for regular food! And whole milk............... you were only 3 months short. Be proud of your accomplishment! Also I heard if you are stressed out the milk can go away? If that is true, it is probably doing more harm than good of you getting so upset about it.

Totally had the same issue with my son! I was SOOOOO devestated (especially since I nursed his older sister to about 15 months). He was so ravenous that I just could not keep up with him. I continued to pump at work and he got one or two bottles of milk from me, formula for his other needs and a pre-bedtime nursing session with me.

What helped me accept what was occurring was that I could beat myself up about it and be miserable and therefore make him (and his older sister) miserable or I could be happy that I had done (and was doing) all I could and be content. There is a saying on here that I have seen many times: "Happy Mommy, happy Baby." Be happy, you have done well and are soooo obviously a caring Mama.

Best of luck!
~C.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had all these happy visions of breastfeeding my first baby for at least a year and at about 4 months, she decided she wanted nothing to do with my breasts and I mean NOTHING. She was very small and I was horrified she wasn't getting enough nutrition and one day after being engorged and trying to pump and just begging her to nurse, I gave her some formula and that was the end of that.
She liked the bottle, she liked the formula. She was a happy camper.
I felt so bad. I had been so careful about what I ate in case it made my milk taste funny, etc.
I had to just resign myself to the fact that she was not a boobie baby and at least 4 months was better than nothing. She was perfectly healthy.
My son was a completely different story and my boobs were the center of his universe. I breastfed him for 15 months.

Please don't be so h*** o* yourself. You've done a great job! One of the hardest things about being a M. is that things don't always work out how we plan or envision them and it really is okay.

You and your little one will be fine.

Best wishes.

My DD did this at 9 mos. too. My boobs got tiny but I just kept offering and kept offering. It took almost a month, but she finally went back to nursing and we finished out the year. It is very common for this to happen at this age for some reason. The babies are a bit distracted b/c they are learning so much and finally being mobile, they just want to go, go, go!
If it fails though, it's ok. I had to give up with my first baby b/c of an infection when she was 3 mos. old. She is perfectly fine! Smart little 11 year old! You did SOOOOO good getting as far as you did! Go mama! :)

I had to deal with this with my first daughter. She just would not latch on. One kind nurse finally told me that not nursing her wasn't going to affect her one way of the other. She wasn't not going to go to college because I didn't nurse her. I could still bond with her. With my son I only got him to nurse for 3 days. With my 6 month old, we managed for a month. Each time I had some guilt, but they are very healthy and did fine with formula. You can feed your baby- just not with breast milk. You got 9 months in, you did a great job.

I totally agree with Lynn L. Breastfeeding for 9 months is a HUGE accomplishment. I only made it 2 months with my first baby, and like you I was pretty upset. I felt like I was a bad M. because I just wasn't producing enough milk for her no matter how hard I tried. (She is now a very smart and healthy 11 year old) I think you should be really proud of yourself for making it this long. Your baby will be just fine with formula. You have done an AWESOME job!!

Just enjoy your baby- a happy M. is really the most important thing you can give him :)

When my youngest was one month old we found out that as he ate, most of it was going into his lungs. He had a swallow study, and we found out he had to be bottle fed and his milk thickened. I tried to pump, but I just couldn't keep up (didn't help that I had a 2 1/2 year old that needed my attention). I only lasted 3 1/2 months.

It was hard. I felt like a really let him down. I know that formula is still food and that lots of babies get formula and that it's not the end of the world, but I still felt like I let him down.

I was talking to a friend of mine who nursed3 of her girls for at least 2 years each. I wasn't really sure what she would think, and she really surprised me when she said, "I was a formula baby, and I like to think I turned out just fine!" She just gave me a whole new perspective!

I have never thought less of any M. who used formula, but somehow I thought less of myself.

Just love him! Love him with all your heart, and try and take comfort in knowing that you are doing all you can for him. He's going to be just fine.

It's ok for your heart to hurt a little. You really wanted to do this for him, and you kind of have to "grieve" the loss of not being able to do this. You will. And then you'll look at him and know that, ok, maybe you couldn't do this exactly like you planned, but you guys are doing pretty good anyway.

Just keep loving him :-)

You are not alone! I felt like this too, and much much earlier than you. When my son was born, not only did he refuse the breast, he also refused the bottle and would not eat ANYTHING! While at the hospital, I had to feed him with a dropper like a baby bird. I was pumping, but nothing gets the milk going like a baby, and my milk never came in well. I worked with numerous lactation consultants and nothing worked ever. One thing that I did not do, but now wish I had, was go to a la leche meeting. I am sure there are some in your area and they can really help. Stress also really affects milk supply, as mine went down when I had to move cross country with a 4 week old. I pumped until my son was about 6.5 months old, weaning when I was no longer able to pump any milk. I had gone down to 2 ounces of milk pumped for the entire day (1 ounce from each breast). And this was pumping up to 12 times a day. I was devastated, just as you are, but in my book you are a super woman for being able to nurse so long!

I don't know how to help you not feel guilty, except to tell you that there are so many women who haven't been able to breast feed for as long as you have, so please look at it as a blessing that you had 9 months worth, rather than feeling guilty. Just think about how they feel!

So that it's easier for the baby to go to formula, make sure to mix your breast milk and formula before you run out. Add an ounce of formula to the bottle at a time until it's all formula. That way you won't have to be crying about the baby not taking formula. Then, at the point you go to milk, make the formula cooler than it used to be until it's refrigerator temp, adding an ounce of milk at a time into the formula until it's all milk.

At 11 months, introduce a cup so that he gets used to it. After a year, and after you've gotten him on milk, transition to the cup.

I promise you will get to the point that this doesn't bother you anymore. Give yourself a break and don't feel bad - it really isn't your fault and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.

Dawn

It is natural to feel that way, but it will be ok. You have given him 9 mos already and the standard is 6weeks. He is almost ready for solids, so he might be trying to wean himself. Don't get frustrated or feel guilty. Hug him close to you for that bonding you crave and remember your goal was 1yr and 3mos away isn't so bad.

You've clearly given it your best and that's better than a lot of people do. Seriously , I know you want to breastfeed more but it seems the odds are stacked against you. Why don't you rewire your focus now on perfect nutrition by eating for him. Your efforts are not in vain.

Maybe keep in mind that formula is not poison?

And remember that what's important is THAT you feed your baby, not HOW you feed your baby?

Give yourself a break!

Yes I felt like this with both my kids. I felt like my heart was broken both times...both times I did not have much breastmilk. Yes, I saw many people - the best of the best. Nothing worked for me. It made me so sad. My youngest is 2 and a half now and I still get very sad about it every time I'm around other M.'s who are talking about breastfeeding. I also felt judged. I also felt like no one really understood. I know it mostly was my own sadness and insecurities though. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

If you need to supplement, then supplement, but in the meantime you can do things like nurse morning and night (when you likely have more because of a break in nursing) or nurse when he's tired and less fussy and only supplement during the day. If you have a stash, stretch it out with formula so he's still getting as much of your milk as you can supply. I will also say that when my DD got older and ate more solids, my supply went down and by the time I stopped giving her bottles during the day (work) she MIGHT haven take 3 oz. You got past the 6 mo. growth spurt and he's well on the way to a year old. I would do what you can when you can and nurse as much as you can, but do not feel guilty.

Kellymom.com has some tips you might try. In the meantime, go find someone to give you a hug. You sound like you need it.

You have done great. Continue to pump and give him any milk you can get and for the rest, just use formula. Really, he will be fine. I would continue to offer your breast when he is tired for a bit and see if he will nurse. But he may be ready to wean, some babies are at this stage.

I think a lot of your upset is that you have been trying to be the "perfect parent" and sooner or later those unrealistic expectations are thwarted. How you get over being sad is to focus on your little one, love and enjoy him. Go for a walk and see things through his eyes. You will bond with him on a different level and find your place as a great M. without feeling you have to be perfect.

Every time I finished breastfeeding I felt a bit sad, like we were losing a bit of a close bonding, special time. But I got over it. You've done a great job, and formula is great. By now your baby will be getting a lot of his nutrients from solids also.

I had the same issue. After four months of complete frustration and worry I gave up. However, I was working at the time so I had to pump pretty much exclusively. I hated doing it at work, so there was a little joy handing in that stupid pump. :) What you can tell yourself is this. I did everything possible, however this is not my fault. I can not control what my body does. My daughter stopped being breast fed at eight months, and she is one of the healthiest kids I know.

Don't feel bad at all!!! You are doing great. It does not have to be all or nothing- keep pumping if you can. If it's not working for you, breastfeed a little and do formula the rest of the time. Any breastmilk that he gets is great. And that includes everything you have given him so far!!!

I also wanted to mention to you that I had a couple of weeks of depression when my first started on solids (regular meals) around 10 months. When my milk supply dropped, I had a hormone shift that led to some delayed "baby blues." I have talked to a lot of other women who have had a similar experience when weaning or reducing demand on breastmilk after exclusively breastfeeding. What you are feeling is totally justifiable either way, but the ever-popular hormones may have a role in your guilt/sadness.

Nursing exclusively for 9 months is such a great start for him. If it turns out you are done and you have tried your best then why feel bad. I really wanted to nurse but it never quite worked out with my kids. Both were NICU babies. My first was on an IV and a respirator at first and I never had a good milk supply pumping exclusively. By the time he was ready to nurse the hospital had him used to the bottle and the transition to breast feeding didn't work. My second one was healthy except for the tiny opening between the sinuses and throat was too small for her to breathe and nurse at the same time. She turned blue and needed oxygen the first time I tried to nurse! I pumped for 10 months (even if she only got 1 bottle of breastmilk a day) but she never really nursed directly. Sometimes you do your best and circumstance are beyond your control. If you have done your best and it doesn't work out then what else can you do? Stressing over it won't help you or the baby. My kids did fine on mostly formula and even if you only get one bottle per day of breast milk it helps. I think at the end my daughter got less than an ounce a day and I still believe the immunities helped her not catch stuff. "Do your best and don't beat yourself up over what you couldn't do." is a good lesson for many parenting situations. Also there is a breastfeeding doctor in Westchester, NY if you want the contact info. (Dr. Gabbay if you do a web search).

You did great!

To tell you the truth, I was in almost the same state. Had planned to nurse DD till 1 yr. When she was 9 mos old, my supply started reducing, even for pumping. And she wouldn't get her milk fast enough. She'd start crying, and I'd jump and get her some formula. After 2 days, she refused to nurse, would push me away, look towards the bottle and cry.
I felt sssooo bad for a week! Afterwards, I just told myself that I did my best, and this is a sign of progress. Tell yourself that too...you'd feel a lot better! :))

I had to switch to formula after developing mastitis that was MRSA. My daughter was 1 month old and refused to nurse and refused the milk I so painfully pumped for her. The infection killed my supply. I was also on some very strong medications, and I didn't want to pass that on to her. I stressed and stressed about it. Finally, I just said screw it! It's really not worth getting so upset over. With all the other pressures in life, who needs more guilt? We switched over to formula. She was happy and thriving on it, and I could finally heal. BTW- it took FOUR months of strong antibiotics to clear the MRSA infection!

My daughter was jaundice at birth so I had no option. I had to give half breast and half bottle. And my body got use to that. Im sorry you are sad about it. Maybe you can find something else special you two can do together for mommy and me time. Try just sitting with him onthe rocker and reading to him with those mushy picture books?

I had the goal to nurse for a year. By the time my daughter was 8 months old "we" (both of us) became involved in other things and drifted away from nursing. It was bittersweet but we just ended it on our own terms. So somtimes the best plans go astray.

Know that you did your best and don't beat yourself up over it. You gave him 9 good months of nurishment.

The other S.

You did AWESOME! It will be okay (less stressful for you and him) if you decide to start supplementing with formula. Most moms don't make it as long as you did - he's off to a great start, and you've been a great M.. Don't beat yourself up over it.

I felt deflated by that stage but thats because my son would empty me out and he was eating more food at that age like three little meals a day. At that age they can't be totally dependant on bm. It will help relieve some of the pressure.
Good luck

Have you gotten enough sleep? Sleep plays a part in milk production...also need to drink alot. Are you still taking prenatal vitamins? Certain foods may also decrease it. What kind of teas are you drinking? Make sure no green tea or any that has caffeine. I think it might be natural progression for milk production also. I recall starting to go down around 10th or 11th month. But I didn't sweat it since he started having solid food as well as formula. I still nursed him anyway...I believe that some is better than none!
And don't be upset! Be glad that you have done so well for so long already! :)
I

I'm interested to know what the lactation consultant had to say. You say, "to no avail". Does that mean that the advice didn't work or that you were told to just give up? The only advice that I have on that is what I said in your original post. Did you try it? Did you try anything different, or did you just keep doing all that you had been doing, in a state of panic? (Not a criticism, just wondering what the hell is going on.)

This whole nursing thing can break you down and make you feel so insecure. How do you not take it personally? I can't tell you how to deal with this part because the way that I dealt with it was to push through until it got better. I didn't accept it because I did not believe it. I knew that I was not done, even when my mother was telling me that I might need to just give up. I shut everybody else out (except the LC), and I just got alone with my baby and worked it out. I guess that's not the solution for everybody. I realize that there is a fine line between denial and hopefulness. I'm sorry that this is so painful for you.

Oh, and I started supplementing with formula early on, too. More milk than formula, but it was there.

First - stop stressing about it... this can actually decrease your supply even more.

Second - remember you have given him 9 months of breastmilk... you did great momma!!!

Third - if you want to keep trying you can... sometimes they really don't need a lot at a time. I had a time with my now 4 year old - he would only nurse for about 5 min at a time, but was getting enough eventhuogh I thought he wasn't, he was about 8-9 months old... but we stopped nursing around 10-11 months because of work issues (which he ended up being the one that nursed the longest out of 6 kids).

Forth - and most important... sometimes our bodies have different plans then we do. If your body is telling you it's time to stop, maybe it is. - but don't beat yourself up about it.

My littlest is 5 1/2 months old and saddly I was only able to nurse her for about 10 days... she was also my best at latching out of 6 babies. But I had a few mini-strokes which started when she was 10 days old & while trying to get medical help I fell in a parking-lot. When I fell I hit my head, causing my brain to bleed & I ended up in ICU for a few days, but in the hospital away from her for 3 weeks. I did pump & dump (or got help doing it since my right side was effected and I am right handed) but the meds I was on tanted the mil so she couldn't drink it. After I finaly got out of the hospital and off the meds... it was to late, I couldn't keep up with her and the stress I was under trying to heal & keep up with her nursing was to much for me. So, we had to keep her on formula - yes it broke my heart... I had nursed the last 4 and she is my last little one, I really wanted to nurse her.

I still cuddled her close while giving her a bottle, at first I used a smaller bottle so that I could turn her more twards me so that it kinda still seemed like I was nursing her. Then slowly I turned her a little more up, so that I could look at her pretty face more. She now looks me in the eyes most of the time when I give her a bottle, unless her brothers & sister are playing around the room & making a lot of noise.

I did what was best for both of us... I did give her the best start by giving her my antibodies before my milk came in. But when my body told me no more I listened and took care of us both by giving her a bottle... actually sometimes she still tries to nuzzle in to nurse - those are the times it still bothers me, but I know there is nothing I can do.

Oh, if you still want to try... oatmeal always helped me when they seemed to need more then I had - it usually helped me to produce more. I like hot oatmeal (instant packs) and oatmeal bars or cookies, so it didn't bother me to eat it.

Good luck - either way you baby will be ok & you have already done really good making it to 9 months - don't beat yourself up about not making it to a year if you can't!!!

are you particularly stressed at the moment? could that be it?
why don't you try to feed him less times a day (maybe more in the morning when you have more milk?!) and just make that time about special time together and supplement with organic formula? he will still get the benefits of the breastmilk and the benefit of cuddling with his M. while drinking but will get enough calories and won't feel so very frustrated. neither will you if he's not starving and needs less?!
see if you can let go of "what you wanted/were meant to do" and can enjoy the moment ....good luck!
oh, and breathe! the most important thing for him is a happy, balanced mommy, don't beat yourself up!!

Yes, I've been there. But however it turns out it will be ok. I gave 3 of my 5 kids formula and they're just fine. For the other two, I drank ensure protein drinks a couple times a day and it did the trick. Milk supply noticeably increased within 1-2 days.