Having Trouble Falling Asleep......

I have an older brother and a younger brother and when we were kids I always wanted to sleep in their room. I remember being scared of what was under the bed (if I had to go to the bathroom, I would jump off my bed so the monsters couldn't grab my ankles). I just wanted to someone with me. Maybe it's something as simple as that, if it is, she'll outgrow it. Whatever the reason, I would definitely get her to open up and talk about it honestly. Get her to try to explain to you why she needs someone there... Is she scared by herself? Is she lonely? etc... Good luck, my kids are still little, I'm still at the scared of the dark phase with my 3 year old (he sleeps with the bedroom light on!).

My kids still need a "routine." You could try to develop one
with a radio set on timer. My 15-yr old still uses that trick.

It's probably just a phase. My niece did the same thing. She had the hardest time sleeping when nobody was with her and she also hated having lights turned off. Fortunately for my sister, her youngest would only go to bed if the oldest put her to bed. So for about 3 years, they shared a full sized bed. They both grew out of it eventually, but it might not be a bad idea to let the 2 year old sleep with her for awhile. It has created a good bond between both of my nieces.

Is this a recent development? Has she put herself to bed in the past? Has anything "big" happened in her life lately? I would wonder if something is going on in her life that is causing her some anxiety. If you can rule out any major cause for this behavior, then maybe she just needs help falling asleep...
Maybe get her one of those projectors that puts stars and constellations of the ceiling of her room--that way she has something to occupy her as she lays in bed. Or an MP3 player/walkman so she can listen to music through head phones.

I think I can help in two ways... this sounds like me as a child, and like my daughter as a child! For me, I simply slept better with another person. I slept with my little brother, 8 years younger, from the time he was 2 until I left for college. :) I could sleep alone, but awakened frequently. When I slept with him, I slept soundly all night. Go figure. I was fine when I went to college. As for my daughter, she shared a room with her little brother for a while, then when sibling #3 came to share a room, she moved to her own room. She kept her things in her room, but didn't like to sleep there. So we set up camp on the floor of the boys room with a foam pad and blankets etc., and she slept on their floor for about two years! Then one day, a couple months after turning 12, I saw her cleaning up the bed. I asked her why, and she announced she was ready to sleep in her own room. The end! So, I guess my thoughts for you are just to follow her lead, whether or not you ever figure out why. She is bound to grow out of it sooner or later. How wonderful that she can sleep with him and not with you if you go to bed at the same time!

M.,
I love a lot of the suggestions you've got so far :) The pet,the stars on the ceiling, body pillow extra.. You also may consider a dim night light. (to much light is bad for there eyes, but not being comfortable sleeping is hard too) My kids slept in the same room most of their lives until last year, they are now 9,12. They just were more comfortable that way, and still do camp on each others floors from time to time. (I think when something is bothering one of them)So what we did that worked out great when they were young is one of their rooms was the "sleeping room" and the other was the "play room". Which was cool for them too! But definitely talk to her and make sure its not something serious bothering her... something bad that happened to her.. or just that she needs more time with you.. or trouble at school.. maybe starting her period.. anything that could be bothering her.
Good Luck :)
S.

It may be time to get a little more structured at night with your 11 year old. You may want to read some of the advice on getting the 2-4 year olds to sleep, and you may see yourself in a similar boat. Your daughter is fully capable of getting herself to sleep, but she hasn't had to yet. And you have been such a sweet soft hearted mom that you haven't gotten any tougher about it. It really doesn't have to be a rough battle. Just start with some knew sleep rules. She WILL be resistant at first, but she will get there. There are lots of ways to go about it. Sleep rules, night time passes (so many reasons she can have you come in there) goals to reach if she does it on her own, love and logic (just making her tough it out), having you stay in there for a few minutes at night until she relaxes. Maybe just try some family quiet time together at night also, spend some time mellowing out together at night, and then lights out. She is also old enough to talk about a routine that will work for her, but emphasize she can do this on her own. She just knows right now she doesn't have to go to sleep alone. Also if you keep letting the two year old fall asleep with her, that is going to be a whole new battle when he has to learn to sleep on his own too. May be a good time to get everyone sleeping on their own.

How about a big stuffed animal, or a body pillow? Maybe she just needs to feel weight next to her. She may be one who
needs a lot of contact comfort. Also, how long has this been going on? Is it a new situation, or something that has been going on for her whole life? If it's new, I would look at any changes that have been happening with her. New move? Your job? School? Playmates? If there HAVE been major changes, spend more time with her after work and reassure her that she is still as loved as always. I know that my kids loved it when I would lay down next to them and just chat a bit before they went to sleep. That seemed the time when they were most willing to open up and tell me what was on their minds, or any upsets that were bothering them. It, too, may just be a phase she's going through. Good luck!

i dont know if this will help, but have you asked her if she is afraid to be alone, or afraid that she will be left out of family. you know, kindof like seperation axiety.

I have the same problem and I'm 25! My husband is in the Army and when he is gone for his 1 weekend a month i have the hardest time falling asleep. and when i was younger i never liked to sleep alone either. So things that help me sleep better may work for your daughter. When i was younger i would listen to the radio or a tape of just relaxing music it just comforted me to hear voices. Now I set the timer on my tv and fall asleep to it when my hubby is gone. It doesn't even have to be a show i like but just having some low voices in the background help. You could also get her one of those boyfriend pillows. They help take up space in the bed so you feel more cozy. If you want to try music i would get the Nora Jones cd. The whole cd is really mellow, relaxing music great for sleeping.

Aren't preteens something!? My girl(14) still does a variation of the same thing. I think it's because of the whole "growing up/soon to hit puberty thing. It's scary for them and they want extra attention. I usually try to make mother-daughter dates on the weekend or find some time where just the two of us can be alone and talk. There is so much drama for girls at this age and I my daughter is less clingy when we've been able to have some one on one time.

She also reads for about 20-30 minutes after I tuck her in....oh, I also caved and now let our dog sleep with her. So I don't know if that helps or not, but I guess we should be glad that they still want us around. (I also have a 16yr old son who is totally embarassed that he even has parents:)

Good Luck,
J. b

I actually did that when I was younger, which was many moons ago! I even didn't like to go to the bathroom by myself. I have always had a hard time relaxing and I always prefer to have people around. This may sound a little odd, but I had a really cool babysitter that told me to rub one of my feet back and fourth on the sheets. Still to this day I put myself to sleep by "flexing" my foot and rubbing it back and fourth on the sheets. I have actually noticed that my son does the same thing now. Who knows if that will help or not.

Have you had any major changes in you lives? When I was eleven, I expierenced the same thing, although mine was an inability to fall asleep. At the time my father had just been laid off, and living with an Aunt in another city looking for suitable jobs. He only came home on the weekends. I didn't understand this at the time, but it was just stress over the situation that I had no control over. Again, is there new stress or some recent change in your family that may be making her stressed. Good Luck

Does she have a pet she could sleep with? That might comfort her. She just wants a warm body next to her. I had a dog that slept with me everynight when I was a teenager. She was a great companion and friend. She was there to greet me after school and I loved her dearly.
C. B

maybe a stuffed animal might help. tell her it's her sleeping buddy or guardian angel

I am 50 years old and that exact thing happened to me at 11 years old. I would take my little sister to bed with me.And if my parents put her in her own bed, I would get up later and put her in with me. I never knew what it was, if I was scared or I was protecting her, but for about a year I did, and then just like that I didn't have to anymore. I don't know about advice, but I know for me, it was just something I had to do, and my parents finally just gave up, and like I said, after awhile, it was over.No harm no foul.

My DD's slept in the same bed up unitl about a year ago and they are almost 16 and 15 (this summer) even though they each had there own beds. My oldest was the worse, she would not go to bed in her room until her sister was with her, and forget the youngest getting to spend the night at anyones house often, otherwise my oldest would sleep in my room. She to wasn't afraid of the dark or anything like that, she just liked having someone there with her when she sleeps. The funny thing is I see it happening with 2 of my younger ones, they prefer to sleep on the floor in their room togather. If it isn't going to hurt the little one why not leave her in bed with sister? They might both sleep better that way, My oldest does this from time to time with her younger siblings if her sister is gone for the night. It is a phase that a lot of kids go through and she will eventually move on....although I am not so sure my oldest DD will she'll probably have to take a younger sibling to college with her :).

Hmm...
does she like stuffed animals?
If she does, get her a huge cozy beautiful Teddy-Bear,
make the toy magically alive together (nobody believes it this age, yet my children still (age 25,23,17) continue playing this our "all the toys are alive" game...
if she will like her teddy-bear, maybe she will be hugging IT and talking to It and it will calm her down and make her feel comfortable, safe and protected...

why did i think about such a peculiar solution (hopefully, solution), is this:
when I was growing, in our family we did not have toys, as my parents thought it is just a waste of money and toys are not a necessity. So, I got my VERY first little teddy-bear when i was in the 8th grade = count 13 years old. I was extremely happy, sewing him jeans, and every evening going to bed I hugged the little fellow, talking to him, telling to him all my secrets, thoughts and feelings, as I did no have an option to do it with my parents... they were rather different, and did not inspire soul-to-soul conversations.

I do not mean for you to replace all your loving attention with the teddy-bear: if you continue coming into her room in the evening, and having a nice little loving talk, this will help for years to come for you both to be close friends... but AFTER you spend some cozy loving time together, you wouldn't need to stay there for an hour and a half waiting when she will really fall asleep, but kind of pass the task of hugging and making the space cozy over the the teddy-bear... so that she feels not alone when you leave the room.

I hope all will be well soon, M.!
Thinking of you both,
M.